Van Halen 2015 Tour Dates !!!

[ELVIS]

Yeah, look at that racist as all Hell avatar and keep telling yourself that

A bank is racist ??

[FORD]

Unlike your lungs, mine aren't full of dope smoke. Besides, if I pass out, you can give me mouth to mouth. Then we can hold hands and sing John Denver songs.

[Von Halen]

He should have stuck with the Porsche, huh Ford?

[DONNIEP]

One Canadian date? Its Toronto so it doesn't really count as Canadian.

They don't want to cross the border? Too much of a hassle?
Maybe its the recent drop in the Canadian dollar?

I blame you. See, Von heard from Sesh who heard from Von who heard from me that Warf heard from Von who heard from me that Sesh heard from Von that said that Warf heard VA who heard from me say that Sesh said to Rollo that YOU pissed them off so they ain't coming to the make believe country that you live in. And who can blame them? A leaf? Seriously? That's gayer than Freddie Mercury wearing Gucci sneaks! Plus they heard Canada's National Anthem. So they ain't coming up there.

[FORD]

He should have stuck with the Porsche, huh Ford?

Would have been safer than the home-made airplane, no doubt.

[BumBahDeeDah]

No MSG?!! No Barclays?!!! OH. There'll be a second, arena leg of this tour. They'll release the new studio album in between.

Right?

[Von Halen]

I blame you. See, Von heard from Sesh who heard from Von who heard from me that Warf heard from Von who heard from me that Sesh heard from Von that said that Warf heard VA who heard from me say that Sesh said to Rollo that YOU pissed them off so they ain't coming to the make believe country that you live in. And who can blame them? A leaf? Seriously? That's gayer than Freddie Mercury wearing Gucci sneaks! Plus they heard Canada's National Anthem. So they ain't coming up there.

Rollo? From Sanford and Son?

Now wait a minute. As shitty as Canada is, it doesn't get much better than hearing their National Anthem and ours, back to back in a hockey arena.

[Kristy]

It's shit like this that pisses me right the fuck off:


It's not funny, informative, or entertaining. Made by college grad fuckfaces from Texas, California and any doucheville east coast shithole. Lame F A T fucks - everyone of them. Can these idiots place any more stereotypes in? These are the Never was people I was talking about. "See how we roll."

Fuck off.

[DONNIEP]

I have found the Canadian National Anthem!

[Seshmeister]

It's shit like this that pisses me right the fuck off:

Would it not be quicker for you to just post what doesn't?

[DONNIEP]

Canada sucks. Why the fuck would anybody live there? Snow up the ass - caused by higher climate temperatures, which makes no fucking sense - and no industry or money. I'd rather live in Antartica. At least if you lived in Antartica you would know you were there because there was no other place on the planet for you.

[Kristy]

Would it not be quicker for you to just post what doesn't?

You a wine and cheese stoner too, Sesh?

[Von Halen]

Canada sucks. Why the fuck would anybody live there? Snow up the ass - caused by higher climate temperatures, which makes no fucking sense - and no industry or money. I'd rather live in Antartica. At least if you lived in Antartica you would know you were there because there was no other place on the planet for you.

90% of Canadians live along the border. It makes them feel safe to look out their windows and see the KINGS OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD right next door!

[Kristy]

I lived in Winnipeg for 8 months. Biggest god damn mistake in my life.


Well, apart from coming here.

[clarathecarrot]

gotta be better than NYC

[DONNIEP]

90% of Canadians live along the border. It makes them feel safe to look out their windows and see the KINGS OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD right next door!

We were...right up until Ubama pissed the country down the toilet. But that's just what the liberals want, and they got just what they wanted. Now we got a country full of privileged kids running around saying America is more dangerous to world safety than ISIL - mainly because they believe the beheading videos are make believe and think the dead fuckers are living in Happy Land and are enjoying themselves. And these kids will tell you that they hate anybody who makes money. Except for their parents who provide the living they enjoy by sucking the corporate cock!!

[Angel]

One Canadian date? Its Toronto so it doesn't really count as Canadian.

They don't want to cross the border? Too much of a hassle?
Maybe its the recent drop in the Canadian dollar?

Two Canadian dates...London. Still Ontario so it doesn't count. We're building a brand new fucking stadium....

[Kristy]

We're building a brand new fucking stadium....

Out of what? Ice?

[Von Halen]

Out of what? Ice?

Or frozen homeless people.

[Angel]

Why the fuck would anybody in their right mind live in Winnipeg? That place is worse than Regina and this place is a shithole...

[Kristy]

Again, with the language.

[Angel]

Or frozen homeless people.

That's not fucking funny...

But this is:

God Created Canada:

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."*God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."*"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"*"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

[Von Halen]

That place is worse than Vagina and this place is a shithole...

I thought you preferred vagina, Angel?

[DONNIEP]

That's not fucking funny...

But this is:

God Created Canada:

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."*God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."*"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"*"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

Too many words...

[Kristy]

That's not fucking funny...

But this is:

God Created Canada:

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."*God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."*"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"*"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

I like the Rodney Dangerfield line better

"Canada, some people decided to get together and form a country...and nobody bothered to show up."

[DONNIEP]

Out of what? Ice?

They have an abundance of it because the climate is getting hotter.

See, the planet is getting hot as shit. And the weather is getting colder, as a consequence. "Weather and climate are separate!!" So at some point the Earth will be a giant snow cone but the weather will be so hot that we can ski down the fuckin slopes naked.

[Angel]

They have an abundance of it because the climate is getting hotter.

See, the planet is getting hot as shit. And the weather is getting colder, as a consequence. "Weather and climate are separate!!" So at some point the Earth will be a giant snow cone but the weather will be so hot that we can ski down the fuckin slopes naked.

Actually, we DON'T have an abundance because the fucking glaciers are melting at astonishing rates. We do get more snow than we used to. It used to be too fucking cold for snow but not lately. Just got 1/2 foot today...and we were skiing naked in the 70's...

[Angel]

I thought you preferred vagina, Angel?

Well...Mick Jagger did call it the city that rhymes with fun...:p

[Angel]

The Robin Williams line is better...

[DONNIEP]

Actually, we DON'T have an abundance because the fucking glaciers are melting at astonishing rates. We do get more snow than we used to. It used to be too fucking cold for snow but not lately. Just got 1/2 foot today...and we were skiing naked in the 70's...

Too cold for snow? Really?

This is what I'm talking about. No offense to Angel, but it's too cold to snow? I can create snow all day long, so long as it's 36 or colder. So it's too cold on the planet for snow, but it's too goddamn hot at the same time?

I have no idea how we got on this topic - I blame myself - but seriously, the planet just got so hot that there is more snow coming down than in recent record? Are you shitting me? It's so hot that the climate has self corrected by dumping more snow? The East Coast of the US has been basically paralyzed by the snow and it's hotter? Hell yes Global Warming rules!! Because the hotter it gets then the colder it gets and eventually the planet will reach a sort of equilibrium.

[DONNIEP]

The Robin Williams line is better...

I watched Mork & Mindy every week. He was a cool dude, as far as the show went. Too bad he went out hanging from a door knob.

[Angel]

Too cold for snow? Really?

This is what I'm talking about. No offense to Angel, but it's too cold to snow? I can create snow all day long, so long as it's 36 or colder. So it's too cold on the planet for snow, but it's too goddamn hot at the same time?

I have no idea how we got on this topic - I blame myself - but seriously, the planet just got so hot that there is more snow coming down than in recent record? Are you shitting me? It's so hot that the climate has self corrected by dumping more snow? The East Coast of the US has been basically paralyzed by the snow and it's hotter? Hell yes Global Warming rules!! Because the hotter it gets then the colder it gets and eventually the planet will reach a sort of equilibrium.

It's been warmer than usual, that's why we just got dumped on, and 36 is not cold... -40 is cold, and when it's that cold it's dry...and there is no moisture in the clouds. Ergo, no precipitation.

Have you ever been outside when it's -40? You can actually hear the ice crystals in your eyeballs when you blink...It's pretty cool actually.

Now, back on topic...I won't be seeing this one either. No way I can afford a road trip after 30 years of university...

[DONNIEP]

Ah, I won't see this tour either. It's not worth a hun or more to see a make believe VH show. They had their chance two different times on two different tours and now they have the golden opportunity and they piss it away. I hope they make a ton of cash. But it won't be my money.

[SunisinuS]

I hope he just sings normal. I cannot take any more sifting through the youtubes for the over my range avoidance videos. Do 2007 and not 2013 please. Please I cannot really take that anymore.

[fryingdutchman]

I doubt I would be going...but did they fucking forget Philadelphia?

I guess the don't remember the fun they had filming the "Panama" video at The Spectrum....

[fryingdutchman]

What is everyone so excited about?

The majority hate the new live album....

The majority hate Wolfgang being in the band....

Why the hoopla over this tour?

[fryingdutchman]

I mean seriously....three tours and one new record in 8 years. OK, maybe two new records if you count the live Tokyo nonsense. For Van Halen, that's downright prolific.

But the last two tours were primarily "greatest hits" tours with a couple of ill-fated attempts at ADKOT songs thrown in, and they weren't necessarily a regular part of the setlist. I don't see this tour being any different.

I'm at the fucking point where I'd appreciate it if Eddie and Alex threw in a performance of "Respect The Wind" just for something different....

[ELVIS]

We're building a brand new fucking stadium....

What the hell is that ??

[ELVIS]

OK, maybe two new records if you count the live Tokyo nonsense.

Make that five...

[ELVIS]

Are those the corrected 2012 Dave scat lyrics on the sleeves ??