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Thread: Elvis please help!

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    Elvis please help!

    Since you're a man of Christ, and joined to our Lord in his magnificent display of wisdom and empathy I request your prayers and advice. I've got a problem. For many years, I have lived peacefully above a funeral home. Now, the ex residents feel the need to show themselves. I'm cool with that, we're just a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton, right? But it's seriously freaking the Lucy Cat right out.
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    Sounds like bad spirits...
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    Haha sometimes I forget your weekend starts way before the rest of us...
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    Quote Originally Posted by ELVIS View Post
    Sounds like bad spirits...
    nah, always happy. And I think I saw my old budgie!

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    I didn't mean you...

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    Yeah ya did. And there's ghosts at my house.

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    No I didn't...

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    look let's not argue semantics, how do I get this old Russian lady out of my house? I've no idea how to play chess.

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    Open the front door of your house and the back door at the same time ask the wind to move thru your house then determine the direction the wind is moving then ask the spirits to leave .

    I have secret knowledge that they are most distressed when you acknowledge them.

    My secret knowledge also works again later in the week if you do the same thing with windows some spirits prefer the windows...it's just a quirk some have makes them feel like you will never ask someone to leave from your window.

    Your fear is not knowing they must do what you say.

    go in peace my son (makes sign of the cross)

    Or hey it was all a joke clara now you have freeeked me the fuck out!!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashstralia View Post
    how do I get this old Russian lady out of my house?
    Find a local real man of God and ask him to come pray and he will command by the blood of Jesus Christ for the spirit to leave...

    And it will because it has to...

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    Elvis, look ye not towards another for thy salvation. Romans 3:22

    For they need cash. Romans 3:23

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    In the book of Clara

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    No, dork...

    Romans 3:22-23

    Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe, for there is no difference, for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God...

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    I lived over a funeral home back in 79/80... Had ghost and spirit visitors frequently. Always moving shit in the kitchen and messing with the drawers in one of the bathrooms. Didn't bother me much... but it freaked my girlfriend out especially when we kept finding silverware in the cabinet where we kept glasses & cups.

    I found when I blasted Hendrix music loud they'd become scarce for a few days. But they'd get all riled up when my girl friend and our female roommate would have their "girl nights" with a bunch of women over drunk on wine and doing sing-a longs to Fleetwood Mac and Carly Simon records... Then we'd get door slammings, glass breakage and mucking with the shower curtains... I figured it was the crappy music or some female ghost bitch that didn't like seeing them other bitches having a good time...

    I'd recommend the Hendrix Band of Gypsys live album or Electric Ladyland would be your best bet... Loud as you can get it!!
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    I think he wants them gone for longer than a few days...

    Voodoo music wont work...

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    Quote Originally Posted by ELVIS View Post
    No, dork...

    Romans 3:22-23

    Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe, for there is no difference, for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God...
    Yes my son that is what I wrote in my post about doors and windows and the wind .

    Go in peace my son..(makes sign of the cross)

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    You're Catholic ??

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    Amitabha

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    Quote Originally Posted by ELVIS View Post
    I think he wants them gone for longer than a few days...

    Voodoo music wont work...
    try "VH live at the Tokyo Dome" or anything they put out between 1986 and 2004
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    That might wake ALL the dead...

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