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The opening match could be Valerie and Janie mud wrestling....
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Ooh, and the ring girl can be Sammy's hot ass wife! Hell we might need to print up some t shirts and open a web store before somebody steals this awesome idea!American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
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We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
I got lost in the...Comment
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Oh, and we must not forget Roth stopping the fight to tell them "stop fucking fighting, this ain't no mosh pit" and "turn the fucking blowers off"... "spotlight fucker!" a few times would be stellar tooWe cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movieI got lost in the...Comment
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I like it...that works...BUT! What if we change it up a little? Say...the fight before the Main Event is Mikey versus Wolfie and we have Wolfie go out like Apollo Creed did when Drago beat the dog shit out of him? I can see Ed now, but instead of a towel it's a two foot long sub sammich, ready to toss it into the ring to end the fight, and Val is screaming at Ed "Throw the sammich! Throw the damn sammich!!" And Wolfie, all battered and bloated, shakes his jowls at Ed and says "Ooh, lunch!" And then Mikey drops him like a hundred year old red wood. And then the camera cuts to the sammich dropping to the floor...We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
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That just moved Sam up a notch in my book. That puts him at notch number 1. Ed is a piece of shit. Great guitarist ?? Yep, but he needs to shut the fuck up !!! Ed's never happy unless he is unhappy. Who said that ? Couldn't be more true. Ed your kid isn't the second coming you little asshole !!Comment
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Don't you talk about Ed's "sexy cat" like that!! Wait, maybe Ed was really talking about a cat when he said that. I mean, he's got that dumb ass dog posting VH updates and everybody says "Awww...how cutesy wootsy is dat??"
Van Halen - gayer than Richard Simmons wearing nothing but a cock ring on Freddie Mercury Nite at the bath house. Yay.American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
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The possibilities are endless. They could dust off the boxing ring from Dave's Skyscraper tour and lower it and make sure the canvas is Dave's slip and slide dance floor and then use all the ex wives as the ring girls... then they could have Eddie Trunk (always exaggerating Sam) and the guys from "That Metal Show" vote on the rounds with audience participation and at the end when they turn in the results, Dave can announce he forgot the fucking winner and there will have to be a rematch which can then be canceled assorted times due to addictions, hip replacements, new marriages and the inability to get a hold of each otherI like it...that works...BUT! What if we change it up a little? Say...the fight before the Main Event is Mikey versus Wolfie and we have Wolfie go out like Apollo Creed did when Drago beat the dog shit out of him? I can see Ed now, but instead of a towel it's a two foot long sub sammich, ready to toss it into the ring to end the fight, and Val is screaming at Ed "Throw the sammich! Throw the damn sammich!!" And Wolfie, all battered and bloated, shakes his jowls at Ed and says "Ooh, lunch!" And then Mikey drops him like a hundred year old red wood. And then the camera cuts to the sammich dropping to the floor...
I got lost in the...Comment
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BTW, the opening match would probably have to be something totally unrelated to the genre at hand in true Van Halen opening act tradition. It would have to be something like the Jamaica national cricket teamLast edited by Jetstream; 06-20-2015, 10:22 AM.I got lost in the...Comment
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Then, while Wolfie is laying on the mat, jerkin around like Michael J Fox without his meds, Mikey says (in his best Drago voice) "I defeat real champion. If he pukes...he pukes." And then Mike climbs out of the ring, stomps over to the stage adjacent to the ring, and him and Dave and Brian and Ray tear into Running With The Devil while Warf runs around the arena screaming "I built this place!!"
See, it almost writes itself....American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
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And then how all the sequels usually get worse, the last film in the production could be Eddie trying to teach Mark Stone how to fight with a video camera against Sam's son lolI got lost in the...Comment
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