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Thread: EVH: Billboard Mag Cover Story Sneak Peek Via VHND

  1. #121
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    The opening match could be Valerie and Janie mud wrestling....
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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    The opening match could be Valerie and Janie mud wrestling....
    Does the National Mud Wrasslin Alliance allow Trannies to wrassle in the ladies division? Might need an official ruling on that...
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    Ooh, and the ring girl can be Sammy's hot ass wife! Hell we might need to print up some t shirts and open a web store before somebody steals this awesome idea!

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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    I can see it now...Michael Buffer announcing it...In this corner, wearing the red white and black striped trunks, weighing in at 165 pounds plus some cheap ass dentures, The King of Six Strings and Six Packs, Edward The Liar Van Halennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. And in this corner, wearing the red Sponge Bob shorts or whatever, weighing in at 210 pounds plus that stupid looking shit growing off his chin, The Cabo Cunt himself, Sammy The Salesman Hagarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    And now, for the dozens in attendance and the 15 guys or so watching the live stream from Charlotte, North Carolina, ladies and gentlemen....Leeeeeeet's get ready to rumbulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

    There, that looks better like that.
    We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
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  8. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    I'm so glad I never bought the Tokyo Dome cd and boycotted this tour!

    Any REAL fan of this band should never give ED another penny!

    Shitting all over Michael Anthony...

    He's the goddamn signature sound of the fucking band....

    A class act every time he gets interviewed about VH!!

    Guess what fucker?!

    There is NO Van Halen without MA!

    Boycott these pricks!

    Anyone who goes to see them live this tour doesn't deserve to own the first 6 albums...

    Fuck off!
    Good, we don't need people like you in the audience anyway.
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  9. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jetstream View Post
    We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
    Oh, and we must not forget Roth stopping the fight to tell them "stop fucking fighting, this ain't no mosh pit" and "turn the fucking blowers off"... "spotlight fucker!" a few times would be stellar too

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jetstream View Post
    We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
    I like it...that works...BUT! What if we change it up a little? Say...the fight before the Main Event is Mikey versus Wolfie and we have Wolfie go out like Apollo Creed did when Drago beat the dog shit out of him? I can see Ed now, but instead of a towel it's a two foot long sub sammich, ready to toss it into the ring to end the fight, and Val is screaming at Ed "Throw the sammich! Throw the damn sammich!!" And Wolfie, all battered and bloated, shakes his jowls at Ed and says "Ooh, lunch!" And then Mikey drops him like a hundred year old red wood. And then the camera cuts to the sammich dropping to the floor...


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  12. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by fraroc View Post
    Good, we don't need people like you in the audience anyway.
    Why don't you go get a JOB you F A T lazy fucker?

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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    Shut up, F A T boy!
    You better be wearing one of Al's Heavy Duty Neck Braces when you talk to him like that! Protect the neck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by VAiN View Post
    Whoa! Sam is pissed off... weird, but I actually agree.. Ed bagging on Mike is bullshit.
    That just moved Sam up a notch in my book. That puts him at notch number 1. Ed is a piece of shit. Great guitarist ?? Yep, but he needs to shut the fuck up !!! Ed's never happy unless he is unhappy. Who said that ? Couldn't be more true. Ed your kid isn't the second coming you little asshole !!
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    Quote Originally Posted by 78/84 guy View Post
    That just moved Sam up a notch in my book. That puts him at notch number 1. Ed is a piece of shit. Great guitarist ?? Yep, but he needs to shut the fuck up !!! Ed's never happy unless he is unhappy. Who said that ? Couldn't be more true. Ed your kid isn't the second coming you little asshole !!
    Don't you talk about Ed's "sexy cat" like that!! Wait, maybe Ed was really talking about a cat when he said that. I mean, he's got that dumb ass dog posting VH updates and everybody says "Awww...how cutesy wootsy is dat??"

    Van Halen - gayer than Richard Simmons wearing nothing but a cock ring on Freddie Mercury Nite at the bath house. Yay.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    I like it...that works...BUT! What if we change it up a little? Say...the fight before the Main Event is Mikey versus Wolfie and we have Wolfie go out like Apollo Creed did when Drago beat the dog shit out of him? I can see Ed now, but instead of a towel it's a two foot long sub sammich, ready to toss it into the ring to end the fight, and Val is screaming at Ed "Throw the sammich! Throw the damn sammich!!" And Wolfie, all battered and bloated, shakes his jowls at Ed and says "Ooh, lunch!" And then Mikey drops him like a hundred year old red wood. And then the camera cuts to the sammich dropping to the floor...

    The possibilities are endless. They could dust off the boxing ring from Dave's Skyscraper tour and lower it and make sure the canvas is Dave's slip and slide dance floor and then use all the ex wives as the ring girls... then they could have Eddie Trunk (always exaggerating Sam) and the guys from "That Metal Show" vote on the rounds with audience participation and at the end when they turn in the results, Dave can announce he forgot the fucking winner and there will have to be a rematch which can then be canceled assorted times due to addictions, hip replacements, new marriages and the inability to get a hold of each other

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  19. #133
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    BTW, the opening match would probably have to be something totally unrelated to the genre at hand in true Van Halen opening act tradition. It would have to be something like the Jamaica national cricket team
    Last edited by Jetstream; 06-20-2015 at 10:22 AM.

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    Then, while Wolfie is laying on the mat, jerkin around like Michael J Fox without his meds, Mikey says (in his best Drago voice) "I defeat real champion. If he pukes...he pukes." And then Mike climbs out of the ring, stomps over to the stage adjacent to the ring, and him and Dave and Brian and Ray tear into Running With The Devil while Warf runs around the arena screaming "I built this place!!"

    See, it almost writes itself....

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  22. #135
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    And then how all the sequels usually get worse, the last film in the production could be Eddie trying to teach Mark Stone how to fight with a video camera against Sam's son lol

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    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a... http://t.co/xE8x69i9y9— Jason Bonham (@Jason_Bonham) June 20, 2015


    The full text....

    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a great bass player and a fantastic guy and flys the VH flag always !!!!
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    And, oh by the way, Happy 61st Birthday, Michael Anthony Sobolewski .....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Va Beach VH Fan View Post
    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a... http://t.co/xE8x69i9y9— Jason Bonham (@Jason_Bonham) June 20, 2015


    The full text....

    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a great bass player and a fantastic guy and flys the VH flag always !!!!
    Well Ed's just making all kinds of new friends...

    Come on Ed - release the video of you teaching Mike his bass lines! Wait, what's that? The tapes don't exist anymore or they were lost or they're too degraded? Ok, I'll buy that.

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  29. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Va Beach VH Fan View Post
    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a... http://t.co/xE8x69i9y9— Jason Bonham (@Jason_Bonham) June 20, 2015


    The full text....

    I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a great bass player and a fantastic guy and flys the VH flag always !!!!
    Cool, but dude needs to leave the last part out about flying the Van Halen flag because "The Circle" is not Van Halen. Jason saying that is like Wolf making a comment on Montrose lol

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    Just read that Mike will reply to this later today .
    Sammy has been spotted going to mikes with a camera to show him what to say .
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    Quote Originally Posted by vandeleur View Post
    Just read that Mike will reply to this later today .
    Sammy has been spotted going to mikes with a camera to show him what to say .
    This just in: Michael Anthony, former bass player for the once great rock band Van Halen, was spotted today reading the latest Eddie Van Halen interview and crying in public. Hang on a minute..What? Are you sure? Ok...Apparently those were tears of joy as he laughed all the way up the driveway of his multi million dollar mansion. Anthony was later spotted taking a giant shit on an EVH beach towel, setting it on fire, and then tossing it over the gate to Eddie Van Halen's run down old crappy smelly crack house he's occupied since forever. Film at 11...

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    'I don't know what @eddievanhalen talking about?'' @VanHalen http://t.co/jsmzRlnaa4 #VHIII #ClassOf79 pic.twitter.com/TFNL538mfy— gary cherone (@garycherone) June 20, 2015

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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    You wanna know what Mike did? You can listen to Ed bitch about it in that ancient recorded interview floating around. He no likey Mikey cause Mike was making the same amount of bread as he was and Mike didn't write no songs. It's simple as that.
    Did that ever make any sense?
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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    This just in: Michael Anthony, former bass player for the once great rock band Van Halen, was spotted today reading the latest Eddie Van Halen interview and crying in public. Hang on a minute..What? Are you sure? Ok...Apparently those were tears of joy as he laughed all the way up the driveway of his multi million dollar mansion. Anthony was later spotted taking a giant shit on an EVH beach towel, setting it on fire, and then tossing it over the gate to Eddie Van Halen's run down old crappy smelly crack house he's occupied since forever. Film at 11...
    Ed is the bionic man. He's like fucking Darth Vader. You know Roth ain't in the band. They hired him as an employee and Roth puts up with that shit because he wants something to retire on. Dave is like most us working stiffs. he sucks dick for a paycheck. The sad part is he's sucking Ed's nasty dick. Sam and Mike are laughing because they can tell EVH and his ding dong brother to go fuck themselves. They can afford to say that. Roth can't.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Va Beach VH Fan View Post
    'I don't know what @eddievanhalen talking about?'' @VanHalen http://t.co/jsmzRlnaa4 #VHIII #ClassOf79 pic.twitter.com/TFNL538mfy— gary cherone (@garycherone) June 20, 2015
    Damn. He even looked like a Studio 54 era faggot in high school.

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  41. #147
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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    I'm so glad I never bought the Tokyo Dome cd and boycotted this tour!

    Any REAL fan of this band should never give ED another penny!

    Shitting all over Michael Anthony...

    He's the goddamn signature sound of the fucking band....

    A class act every time he gets interviewed about VH!!

    Guess what fucker?!

    There is NO Van Halen without MA!

    Boycott these pricks!

    Anyone who goes to see them live this tour doesn't deserve to own the first 6 albums...

    Fuck off!
    Here we go with the Real Van Halen fan BS...

    Look, Ed's interview seems way off and pretty messed up. Truth is he has always been insecure and probably shouldn't do interviews about anything other than boiling strings, etc.

    I honestly don't give a flying you know what about what adults can't work out amongst themselves.

    I don't go to a VH show to hear Mike scream in the high register. It would be better if he were there of course, but the bigger issue here is that Ed should stick with Guitar World interviews and actually sit down with the band with Dave once or twice a year. I couldn't care less about who is offended by this comment or that...this is kid's stuff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    This just in: Michael Anthony, former bass player for the once great rock band Van Halen, was spotted today reading the latest Eddie Van Halen interview and crying in public. Hang on a minute..What? Are you sure? Ok...Apparently those were tears of joy as he laughed all the way up the driveway of his multi million dollar mansion. Anthony was later spotted taking a giant shit on an EVH beach towel, setting it on fire, and then tossing it over the gate to Eddie Van Halen's run down old crappy smelly crack house he's occupied since forever. Film at 11...
    Too bad he needs to subsidize the Circle tour with that cash inflow...Perhaps he should flog some Mad Anthony sauce on Ebay? Have it made in China to increase profit margins?

  43. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by Romeo Delight View Post
    Did that ever make any sense?
    It makes all the sense in the world. They were a band - not some thrown together group of guys. Who contributed more - Mike or Al? Well, neither of them wrote songs. But Mike sang and Al didn't. Plus he had a cooler solo, and I don't care what any of you think - I like seein Mike jump around like a coked up monkey cause it makes me laugh. But if you wanna get all technical about it, maybe Dave and Ed should have gotten 40% shares each and Mike and Al could have split the remaining 20%.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Romeo Delight View Post
    I don't go to a VH show
    Me neither. Finally, something we can agree on.

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  46. #151
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    Where is VH management vetting the article before publication?

  47. #152
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    I never side with Sammy, but he's right about Eddie saying that crap about Mike. Ed's an azzhole. No question about that.

    Mike takes the high road AGAIN.
    Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Romeo Delight View Post
    Where is VH
    Most likely in The Fortress of Irrelevance, playing the same songs over and over again and telling each other just how damn awesome they are. Dave, he's probably at home dancing in front of a mirror and doing his best Liza/Garland impersonation and brushing up on old show tunes. And wondering why there ain't nobody there filming his every move. Oh wait a minute, that's right...

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    Haven't we seen all this bullshit before same story only the names are changed.
    You either buy into the soap or you ditch the bitch and listen to the music and pretend they died in a horrible accident in 1984.
    To be honest they are all cartoon characters who don't really exist in vandyland , but I would love it if some of you lot got ya panties in a bunch over these freaks

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    At the end of the day its pretty clear that Ed is bothered by something Mike did or didn't do...who knows. Maybe it is in the justification of not having him in the band?

    Sammy has his panties in a twist because he believes the world needs to hear Van Hagar...is aching for it...We know this isn't true.

    People do things that are not ok...take what happened on this site last year. There are posters here who will never garner a fraction of the respect they had before they crossed lines that shouldn't have. Maybe things happened between Mike and the band that we know partial truths to or not at all? Its their business...I don't care

    Who knows what happened or didn't happen in the world of VH. Did Mike and Sam continue drinking heavily on tour when Ed could have used a bit of support? Did they continue on with the Jimmy Buffet style cantina backstage when even just scaling it back would have been seen as a gesture of support?

    Who knows. Did Sam really screw the rest of the band with the Cabo venture? Did Mike still follow Sam like a lemming after this event? Doesn't really matter. These are all adults and they should handle their business. It looks bad to be slinging this stuff in public. Leave that to Sam...mind you is years of not reacting finally leaving them with no choice but to respond with stuff of their own? Seems the rest of VH let Sam bury himself for years...maybe since that strategy didn't work we can look forward to this back and forth. Great!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Romeo Delight View Post
    Did Sam really screw the rest of the band with the Cabo venture?
    Uh, no. The band screwed themselves out of the Cabo venture. Sam just lucked out that the place turned into a tourist haven. No black magic on his part.

  52. #157
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    Finally, new material!!
    Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!

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    They're all a bunch of cocksuckers yet we lineup day by day to talk about these faggots...

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    Everything is everybody else's fault...I never listen to music...everybody else lies about me...Dave doesn't want to be my friend...these are not the droids you're looking for...


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  58. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    They're all a bunch of cocksuckers yet we lineup day by day to talk about these faggots...
    That ain't why we're here

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