The opening match could be Valerie and Janie mud wrestling....
The opening match could be Valerie and Janie mud wrestling....
Ooh, and the ring girl can be Sammy's hot ass wife! Hell we might need to print up some t shirts and open a web store before somebody steals this awesome idea!
We cannot leave out Wolf as the concession stand kid eating all the merchandise, Valerie being Ed's trainer telling him he is doing great no matter what Edward screams at her, till she walks out in the deciding round... and then Al as the shady mafia guy sitting in the front row urging Ed on like the Rocky movie
I got lost in the...
I like it...that works...BUT! What if we change it up a little? Say...the fight before the Main Event is Mikey versus Wolfie and we have Wolfie go out like Apollo Creed did when Drago beat the dog shit out of him? I can see Ed now, but instead of a towel it's a two foot long sub sammich, ready to toss it into the ring to end the fight, and Val is screaming at Ed "Throw the sammich! Throw the damn sammich!!" And Wolfie, all battered and bloated, shakes his jowls at Ed and says "Ooh, lunch!" And then Mikey drops him like a hundred year old red wood. And then the camera cuts to the sammich dropping to the floor...
That just moved Sam up a notch in my book. That puts him at notch number 1. Ed is a piece of shit. Great guitarist ?? Yep, but he needs to shut the fuck up !!! Ed's never happy unless he is unhappy. Who said that ? Couldn't be more true. Ed your kid isn't the second coming you little asshole !!
Don't you talk about Ed's "sexy cat" like that!! Wait, maybe Ed was really talking about a cat when he said that. I mean, he's got that dumb ass dog posting VH updates and everybody says "Awww...how cutesy wootsy is dat??"
Van Halen - gayer than Richard Simmons wearing nothing but a cock ring on Freddie Mercury Nite at the bath house. Yay.
The possibilities are endless. They could dust off the boxing ring from Dave's Skyscraper tour and lower it and make sure the canvas is Dave's slip and slide dance floor and then use all the ex wives as the ring girls... then they could have Eddie Trunk (always exaggerating Sam) and the guys from "That Metal Show" vote on the rounds with audience participation and at the end when they turn in the results, Dave can announce he forgot the fucking winner and there will have to be a rematch which can then be canceled assorted times due to addictions, hip replacements, new marriages and the inability to get a hold of each other
BTW, the opening match would probably have to be something totally unrelated to the genre at hand in true Van Halen opening act tradition. It would have to be something like the Jamaica national cricket team
Last edited by Jetstream; 06-20-2015 at 10:22 AM.
Then, while Wolfie is laying on the mat, jerkin around like Michael J Fox without his meds, Mikey says (in his best Drago voice) "I defeat real champion. If he pukes...he pukes." And then Mike climbs out of the ring, stomps over to the stage adjacent to the ring, and him and Dave and Brian and Ray tear into Running With The Devil while Warf runs around the arena screaming "I built this place!!"
See, it almost writes itself....
And then how all the sequels usually get worse, the last film in the production could be Eddie trying to teach Mark Stone how to fight with a video camera against Sam's son lol
I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a... http://t.co/xE8x69i9y9— Jason Bonham (@Jason_Bonham) June 20, 2015
The full text....
I find it so sad when people say such terrible things about great people . I can say this Michael Anthony is a great bass player and a fantastic guy and flys the VH flag always !!!!
Eat Us And Smile - The Originals
"I have a very belligerent enthusiasm or an enthusiastic belligerence. I’m an intellectual slut." - David Lee Roth
"We are part of the, not just the culture, but the geography. Van Halen music goes along with like fries with the burger." - David Lee Roth
And, oh by the way, Happy 61st Birthday, Michael Anthony Sobolewski .....
Just read that Mike will reply to this later today .
Sammy has been spotted going to mikes with a camera to show him what to say .
fuck your fucking framing
This just in: Michael Anthony, former bass player for the once great rock band Van Halen, was spotted today reading the latest Eddie Van Halen interview and crying in public. Hang on a minute..What? Are you sure? Ok...Apparently those were tears of joy as he laughed all the way up the driveway of his multi million dollar mansion. Anthony was later spotted taking a giant shit on an EVH beach towel, setting it on fire, and then tossing it over the gate to Eddie Van Halen's run down old crappy smelly crack house he's occupied since forever. Film at 11...
'I don't know what @eddievanhalen talking about?'' @VanHalen http://t.co/jsmzRlnaa4 #VHIII #ClassOf79 pic.twitter.com/TFNL538mfy— gary cherone (@garycherone) June 20, 2015
Ed is the bionic man. He's like fucking Darth Vader. You know Roth ain't in the band. They hired him as an employee and Roth puts up with that shit because he wants something to retire on. Dave is like most us working stiffs. he sucks dick for a paycheck. The sad part is he's sucking Ed's nasty dick. Sam and Mike are laughing because they can tell EVH and his ding dong brother to go fuck themselves. They can afford to say that. Roth can't.
No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!
Here we go with the Real Van Halen fan BS...
Look, Ed's interview seems way off and pretty messed up. Truth is he has always been insecure and probably shouldn't do interviews about anything other than boiling strings, etc.
I honestly don't give a flying you know what about what adults can't work out amongst themselves.
I don't go to a VH show to hear Mike scream in the high register. It would be better if he were there of course, but the bigger issue here is that Ed should stick with Guitar World interviews and actually sit down with the band with Dave once or twice a year. I couldn't care less about who is offended by this comment or that...this is kid's stuff.
It makes all the sense in the world. They were a band - not some thrown together group of guys. Who contributed more - Mike or Al? Well, neither of them wrote songs. But Mike sang and Al didn't. Plus he had a cooler solo, and I don't care what any of you think - I like seein Mike jump around like a coked up monkey cause it makes me laugh. But if you wanna get all technical about it, maybe Dave and Ed should have gotten 40% shares each and Mike and Al could have split the remaining 20%.
Where is VH management vetting the article before publication?
I never side with Sammy, but he's right about Eddie saying that crap about Mike. Ed's an azzhole. No question about that.
Mike takes the high road AGAIN.
Most likely in The Fortress of Irrelevance, playing the same songs over and over again and telling each other just how damn awesome they are. Dave, he's probably at home dancing in front of a mirror and doing his best Liza/Garland impersonation and brushing up on old show tunes. And wondering why there ain't nobody there filming his every move. Oh wait a minute, that's right...
Haven't we seen all this bullshit before same story only the names are changed.
You either buy into the soap or you ditch the bitch and listen to the music and pretend they died in a horrible accident in 1984.
To be honest they are all cartoon characters who don't really exist in vandyland , but I would love it if some of you lot got ya panties in a bunch over these freaks
At the end of the day its pretty clear that Ed is bothered by something Mike did or didn't do...who knows. Maybe it is in the justification of not having him in the band?
Sammy has his panties in a twist because he believes the world needs to hear Van Hagar...is aching for it...We know this isn't true.
People do things that are not ok...take what happened on this site last year. There are posters here who will never garner a fraction of the respect they had before they crossed lines that shouldn't have. Maybe things happened between Mike and the band that we know partial truths to or not at all? Its their business...I don't care
Who knows what happened or didn't happen in the world of VH. Did Mike and Sam continue drinking heavily on tour when Ed could have used a bit of support? Did they continue on with the Jimmy Buffet style cantina backstage when even just scaling it back would have been seen as a gesture of support?
Who knows. Did Sam really screw the rest of the band with the Cabo venture? Did Mike still follow Sam like a lemming after this event? Doesn't really matter. These are all adults and they should handle their business. It looks bad to be slinging this stuff in public. Leave that to Sam...mind you is years of not reacting finally leaving them with no choice but to respond with stuff of their own? Seems the rest of VH let Sam bury himself for years...maybe since that strategy didn't work we can look forward to this back and forth. Great!
Finally, new material!!
WE'RE ON A MISSION FROM ROTH.
They're all a bunch of cocksuckers yet we lineup day by day to talk about these faggots...
Everything is everybody else's fault...I never listen to music...everybody else lies about me...Dave doesn't want to be my friend...these are not the droids you're looking for...
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