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Thread: EDDIE'S CURE FOR CANCER - Transcribed Interview 2006

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    EDDIE'S CURE FOR CANCER - Transcribed Interview 2006

    SEPTEMBER 2006

    HS: Howard Stern
    RQ: Robin Quivers
    BB: Baba Booey

    (Eruption plays)

    HS: Is that Eddie Van Halen?
    BB: That's' Eddie Van Halen..
    HS: Wow.
    RQ: You can't tell?
    HS: Ah whaddah I know? Boy that's good...... I wonder how he felt about David Lee Roth's radio show?
    RQ: I wonder if he heard it?
    HS: He's probably like, "Why the hell is he doing that?"
    RQ: I noticed he hasn't stopped to do radio.
    HS: Yeah. He doesn't want to lose that cool factor.
    RQ: heh, heh, heh, heh...
    HS: Eddie? Eddie?
    EVH: Hi Howard..
    HS: How ya doing man?
    EVH: Great. How -
    HS: We're checking out some of your tunes man... Listen. Listen to this.
    RQ: You should have asked him who is this guy? We've got this new guy. See if he recognizes himself.
    HS: That's pretty good man...
    Listen to that... Crazy. You're the best guitarist that 'ever lived right?
    EVH: Are you talking to me?
    HS: Yeah.
    EVH: Oh! Hey!
    HS: Hey! HEY NOW.
    RQ: Does he consider himself the best or who does he think is the
    HS: Who's better than you?
    EVH: Ahhhhhh... At what?
    HS: Guitar.
    EVH: Oh... I don't know.
    HS: Think about it. There's no one right? You're the best that ever lived. Hendrix maybe. It's you and Hendrix… and.
    RQ: What do you think of Hendrix?
    EVH: Ahhhhh.. You know, he used a bunch of pedals and stuff, and I couldn't afford the shit, so up! Oh! You have the seven second delay dontcha?
    RQ: You don't need it.
    BB: You don't need it.
    HS: You can say whatever you want now, you're on satellite.
    EVH: Well fuck me running if you can catch me! (Studio laughs)
    RQ: So, you're saying um, Jimi Hendrix was uh..
    HS: A HACK!
    BB: Bullshit.
    EVH: Nah, nah, he did some crazy shit you know? But uh, I don't know? I couldn't afford the wah wah pedal, the fuzz box, you know? All that stuff, so, uh, I kinda do my own thing.
    HS: Is Clapton really that good? I don't really think he's that good.
    EVH: Uhhhh. I hate to say it, but when he was a heroin addict, he was good.
    RQ: Hmmm
    HS: Yeah, but now, it's kinda too wimpy you think?
    EVH: Well.. He's trying to do BB King, and BB King's got him beat, because he's not BB King.(Laughs)
    Studio: Oh, he's trying to do - Everything Clapton puts out is the blues lately.
    HS: Yeah.
    RQ: Yeah.
    HS: How you feelin' man?
    EVH: I feel great.
    HS: Yeah, Eddie beat cancer.
    RQ: Yeah, you sound good, I mean you know, you're talking alright. You had tongue cancer?
    EVH: Hey.. I.. I.. I had this thing called Carcinoma of the tongue, and I beat it without chemo or radiation.
    RQ: How do you do that?
    HS: Yeah. That's probably an important thing to talk about. How did you do that?
    EVH: Well... That's really
    HS: You probably ate a lot of pussy!
    EVH: I can't really talk about it, because I did it in a way that's illegal in this country.
    RQ: Ohhhh.
    HS: You.. You're kidding me?
    EVH: Well, it would put the uh pharmaceutical companies out of business.
    HS: You're telling me that you cured cancer.... without... Using something that's illegal?
    EVH: Yeah.
    HS: What could that be?
    Studio: Through the use of child labor?
    EVH: Ahhhhh No, has nothing to do with children.
    Studio: (burping noise) Is he talking about weed maybe? Er?
    HS: Are you saying weed cured?
    RQ: Weed doesn't cure cancer!
    EVH: The world doesn't even know that I started a pathology lab with about 29 employees in uh, Smithtown, Long Island.
    HS: You started a lab?
    EVH: Yeah, yeah, well, other guys are starting strip clubs and uh, Cabo Waborita or whatever.. (Studio laughs) The money I make off of making music, I apply to helping people even more and it's called McClain Laboratories in Smithtown, Long Island.
    RQ: And that's yours?
    EVH: Yeah.
    HS: And you invented something that cured..
    EVH: Well, it was a collaboration between uh, Dr. Steve McClain, and I.
    RQ: Well, you know, he must be a genius.
    HS: Eddie's more of a genius than I thought. I thought it was just limited to music.
    RQ: Yeah, I guess it goes all over the place.
    HS: You know, I joke sometimes and say I'm going to invent a cure for cancer, you actually did.
    EVH: Uhhhhh. Where there's a will there's a way, you know that Howard.
    HS: Yep. Absolutely do know that.
    EVH: But uh..
    HS: So, now you're a hundred percent cured?
    EVH: Well, well, I'm cancer free! I'm not in remission.
    HS: Right.
    EVH: You know? When you drink their damn draino, uh.. It just holds it at bay.. You know? And.. And.. It just comes back stronger. Like a cockroach. You know?
    HS: Right.
    EVH: They can't keep up pesticide wise with a cockroach to kill the damn thing. So, you know.. I'm tearing apart the immune system of the cockroach see the damn, what makes the fuckin' thing tick!
    RQ: Hmmmmmm
    HS: Look at you!
    RQ: And I thought he was just hanging out at home.
    Studio: That's gonna be a great epitaph. Like, "Eddie Van Halen"
    EVH: Check it out.. I mean come on! It's like, Guitars I basically call my 4th instrument, and that's what I'm know for - Behind Joni Mitchell if you remember? Heh Heh Heh Heh!
    Studio: (dumbfounded)
    HS: Whaddah you? So, so.. I would think if you invented a cure for cancer, it would be important to get that out to the public.
    EVH: Well.. Uh, yes and no.. Ummm.
    HS: What's the point in inventing a cure for cancer if you're the only one that's going to take it?
    EVH: Well.. Because..
    HS: And also, who's the hottest chick you ever banged?
    EVH: I don't wanna end up in jail behind telling people how I did it.
    HS: Right.
    RQ: OH!
    HS: How would you end up in jail? Did you do coke or something? I mean, I don't understand.
    RQ: Do they have pharmacist jail?
    EVH: No, no, no.. Crystal Meth man! It's the miracle drug.
    Studio: It sounds like he might be doing experiments, kind of weird experiments in that laboratory.
    EVH: Well, basically what we did, was, we, we cut a healthy piece of my tongue off, and instead of taking stuff internally- Uh, I, everything.. You know? All the drugs I've done over the years. Uh.. You know, people that call me a drug addict, and an alcoholic and this and that.. I mean come on! They've all done it too, and still do it! (Chuckles) I don’t... You Know?
    HS: Yeah.
    EVH: Cancer is a multi-dimensional disease. You gotta - You Know? It -It's spiritual. It's how you think. It's emotional.
    HS: Wait a second Eddie. You took a healthy piece of your tongue
    EVH: And grew my cells outside of my body. And tested everything.
    RQ: Ahhh. That's how you tested it.
    EVH: I didn't have to drink their draino, because I'm missing a third of my tongue
    RQ: Right.
    EVH: Because they butchered me.
    RQ: Ewww.
    HS: You're missing a third of your tongue?
    EVH: Yeah.
    HS: I didn't know that.
    RQ: You're talking pretty good though! That - that was good.
    EVH: You can hear what's funny? I sound the same way as when I used to be fucked up. (Studio laughs) People still think I'm fucked up!
    But I'm not!
    HS: And you didn't quit smoking after you got cured right?
    EVH: No! Because smoking didn't cause it....
    HS: How do you know that?
    EVH: Because... If...uh,uh uh.. A Metal charge to a metal - a uhhh uh.. An electric charge.. Uh.. Ok.. EMF. Electromagnetic Field, or.. Electromagnetic energy, which I live in.. about 14 to 18 hours a day.. in my recording studio, was a metal pick hanging out of my mouth. It's basically like playing golf in a lightning storm.
    HS: Hmm. You're saying a metal pic gave you tongue cancer?
    EVH: Yap.
    HS: Because it picked up the radiation from all of the equipment you use?
    EVH: That's right.
    HS: This is crazy! This is wild!
    Studio: I've heard weirder shit, I would believe that about cancer.
    RQ: I believe anything you say about cancer. Cancer is a mf-er.
    (Twilight Zone music plays)
    EVH: Billion dollar fucking industry.
    HS: You could be right? I mean, I don't know?
    (Twilight Zone music plays)

    EVH: Well I know it's right. And.
    RQ: well, you know what happened to you.
    HS: and you're healthy.
    EVH; I'm in. I'm in better health across the board. You know? Emotionally. Physically. You name it. You know? And I'm getting younger, not older.
    HS: what are you doing all day anyway? What's going on? Are you going to come out and play music? Or are you gonna just you know?
    EVH: Ohhhhh. Doing this. (Bangs on a piano)
    HS; you're doing that all day?
    EVH: you have no idea, The piano is actually my main instrument.
    RQ: that's what I read. I'm shocked.
    HS: and then I read that, that.
    EVH: I play cello. I play drums. And I think the world does know that my brother took my drums while he was playing guitar. And I said hey, fuck you, take my drums, and I'll play your damn guitar.
    HS: yeah uh David Lee Roth never wanted piano in van Halen.
    RQ: i know
    HS: and then uh,
    EVH: you mean, you mean, Cubic zarconium?
    HS: right..
    RQ: (laughs quietly)
    HS: you're never going to do a reunion with him are you?
    EVH: uhhh. You know? I'm open to anything is the thing.
    HS: Really?
    EVH: Yeah.
    HS: wait a second, you makes it seem like you're the difficult.
    EVH: in 2000, Alex and I tried to pull something together with him.
    RQ: so that really was true?
    EVH: oh yeah!
    HS: so what happened?
    EVH: ahhhh, you tell me?
    HS: you couldn't stand being around him.
    EVH: no, he's... the guy is a loose cannon. But at the same time, you know, I can deal with loose cannons.
    HS: right.
    RQ: everybody says your the problem.
    EVH: shhhh, yeah. Because I don't respond or talk about this stuff you know? And here is, you know? I, i, i got a New like for everyone. It's like, Mike, the bass player. I call him soft Sobolewski. His name isn’t Mike Anthony, its Michael Sobolewski.
    HS: do you still like Michael Anthony? I get the feeling that you don't dig him anymore.
    EVH: uhhhh, it's not a matter of digging em'. It's a matter of him digging me.
    RQ: yeah, he's out touring with Sammy now.
    EVH: yeah, with little red Rocker.
    RQ: (laughs)
    HS: what kind of horse shit is that?
    You're telling me?
    EVH: actually, the little red worm. (Chuckles)
    HS; you're telling me The little chubby guy is running around with Hagar?
    EVH: oh.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, They're both kind of chubby.
    HS: yeah.
    You know, I think they're both a little wider than they are tall.
    (Studio: Michael Anthony had the best mullet ever)
    EVH: you know, I've got nothing bad to say about these guys. You know? Theyre doing.. The only thing I've got to say is that they're out there doing themselves as the other half of Van Halen.
    RQ: oh
    EVH: no. my brother is the other half of van, Van Halen.
    HS: right
    EVH: because of my brother Alex, well, I'm the other half of Van Halen.
    HS: I didn't even know Sammy Hagar was with Michael Anthony.
    RQ: yeah do you always seem to be pretty close to Michael Anthony.
    EVH: yeah well, I rest my case. (Uh, he he he)
    HS: yeah, I didn't know it all.
    EVH: Yeah, they're out there selling hot sauce and tequila. It ain't About the music.
    HS: ha ha, yeah, right.
    EVH: And playing all my music.
    RQ: Are they?
    EVH: yeah
    HS: they're playing all your songs?
    EVH: yeah. That's why their billing themselves as the other half Van Halen.
    (Studio - I'm sure, yeah.)
    EVH: you know? That don't bother me. That just makes them a cover band. You know?
    HS: right, right, right. So have you said to them, hey listen, let's cut the horseshit and let's get Van Halen going?
    EVH: No, no, no, no, no
    HS: you don't care anymore. How much money you got? You got to be worth what? 100 million?
    EVH: me?
    HS: Yeah....
    EVH: pffftpppp. You know. I don't do anything for monetary reasons. I'm a musician. You know? I don't even know what the hell a rockstar is.
    HS: yeah, but dude, you've made tons of money.
    EVH: A meteor comet or something you know?
    HS: how many albums did you sell?
    EVH: oh shit, we got to be over 100 million.
    HS: yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got to have tons of money.
    RQ: and all of the touring, I mean, they toured forever.
    EVH: and don't forget, when we first got signed, you know we had a Motown deal. (Laughs)
    RQ: A Motown deal?
    HS: yeah, and all of your money went out the window.
    Studio: I personally have bought that first album just called Van Halen about 14 times. On Different things, CD cassette.
    EVH: well, thank you. And That's probably why we sold 100 million. (Laughs)
    HS: so Eddie, wait a minute, I don't understand something. So you're sitting around youre writing music
    EVH: i've written so much music, ask myichael ninn who is also on the phone. He's the director of the movie.
    HS: oh, is that the cat who made the porno movie?
    EVH: well.. Uh- i dont call it a porn
    RQ: what do you call it?
    EVH: Sex!
    RQ: oh!
    HS: What’s goin’ on? What… what… what… What is this? You wrote 2 songs for uh pornographic film.
    RQ: what's the name of the film?
    EVH: ahh, ok, there’s an x-rated version called Sacred Sin and we're coming out with an R rated version called Rise. And.
    RQ: Ok.
    HS: you should get a dirtier name like, Hot Teen Anal
    EVH: (laughs)

    EVH: this is like Braveheart with a cum-shot. You know what I'm saying?
    HS: right. So you wrote two songs, that's no big deal. I mean, i don't think it's wild for somebody rock-and-roll to write music for
    EVH: that’s what's ironic, whatever I do somebody has their dweeb opinion. Well, without sex, you wouldn't exist to give me your dweeb opinion.
    HS: what's going on with sex with you? You’ve got to be banging A lot of hot chicks now that you're single?
    EVH: uhhhhh. Yeah.
    HS: yeah, who are you getting?
    EVH: i've got a girlfriend.
    HS/RQ: you have a girlfriend?
    EVH: Yeah.
    HS: Who you banging?
    EVH: huh?
    HS: Who you banging?
    EVH: you mean, whose she banging?
    HS: well, what do you mean? Is she an actress?
    EVH: you know something? She's right here.
    HS: She is?
    EVH: Yeah. Her name is Janie.
    HS: is she a model?
    EVH: she's actually a press agent.
    HS: you're kidding me?
    EVH: No.
    HS: must be super-hot.
    EVH: damn right.
    RQ: How did you to meet?
    EVH: uhhh. At a press conference. (Laughs)
    HS: how long you been with her?
    EVH: uhhh (asks his girlfriend) how long have we been together? 2 months?
    HS: oh... So you’ve. Been playing the field pretty heavy huh?
    EVH: NO! Come on. Howard, you know me good enough man. How often do I do interviews? Or when you see me on entertainment tonight extra or all that BS you know I don't even respond to, you know uhh you know?
    HS: What about your son? He's a good guitar player, he must be getting laid.
    EVH: oh, hey wait wait wait wait wait
    HS: do you think he's getting laid yet?
    EVH: no idea, for the last 2 1/2 weeks, he just started school 2 days ago. Uhh, Alex, Wolfgang and I. Ok, for one, his main instrument is drums. Two is guitar, and three weeks ago he started playing bass. This kid is fucking dangerous....
    If I excel at the speed of sound, this kid excels at the speed of light.
    HS: really?
    EVH: my brother goes, this is the first time I've had bass in my headphones (laughs)
    RQ: ohhh! Ho! Ho!
    EVH: this kid is a groove monster. He is taller than me...
    HS: is it getting laid?
    EVH: he's 15 years old.
    RQ: oh, you're kidding?
    HS: is he getting laid?
    EVH: musician
    HS: Eddie! Is he getting laid?
    EVH: uhhhh, I’m sure he is.
    HS: how hot are the chicks he brings home?
    EVH: he's definitely been spanking it I know that.
    HS: how do you know that?
    EVH: well, come on
    RQ: he found the socks (laughs)
    EVH: he spent 45 minutes in the bathroom, he ain't taking a shower.
    HS: You got, you (laughs) you got custody of the kid?
    EVH: Yeah, uh, Valarie and I have joint custody.
    HS: That's good, so you get to see him and stuff.
    EVH: Oh, I see him every day... Well I... Hey, wait till you hear, this kid can play bass,
    HS: How much -
    EVH: Guitar and drums, he can do anything I can do on the guitar..
    HS: How great would it be to have Eddie Van Halen as your dad? I mean..
    RQ: It sounds pretty cool!
    HS: What does he do with you all day? Do you guys like jam?
    EVH: Well, he's in school now, but yeah, uh, last couple of weeks, Alex, he and I... jammed.
    RQ: He says he's already a world class musician!
    EVH: Hey...This kid is dangerous! I'm telling ya man!
    RQ: And now, that's just not a proud dad talking is it?
    EVH: NO! Uh uh.
    HS: And he comes home from school and jams with you dudes and like hangs out?
    EVH: Well.. If.. You know...No.. This is during Summer Vacation.
    HS: Oh, alright.
    EVH: Uh, the school he goes to is just wicked. Man, they lay so much fucking homework on you man, uh, uh, you know? I would say hey, you know? I would have someone else do it for me.
    RQ: (laughs)
    HS: Did you tell him that? Why don't you say, why don't you just hire someone and do it
    RQ: Yeah, we'll hire someone for that.
    Studio: Hire a broad.
    EVH: (laughs)
    HS: So.. Let me sum up this part of the interview, this part of it. You're telling me that you'd go back on the road with either Hagar or David Lee Roth - You wouldn't go back on the road with Hagar.. I think you've had it with him.
    EVH: Ummmm............... You know? I'm pretty much open to anything.. But what's gonna happen is there's a new Van Halen
    RQ: Emerging
    EVH: And the new member involved and that is my son.
    RQ: That's what I'm hearing. I'm hearing that Michael Anthony can't even come back.
    EVH: I'm telling you man.
    HS: I'm hearing Michael Anthony is out and your son is in.
    EVH: Uhhhh..... Let's just say my son is in... And Soft Sobolewski can do whatever the hell he wants.
    RQ: Does uh, Wolfgang sing?
    EVH: Uh huh..
    RQ: Hmmmm
    HS: Sounds to me like your upset with Michael Anthony so much that -
    EVH: No, No, I'm not upset at all.
    HS: But you're revealing his real name?
    EVH: I'm not... Well, that is his real name.
    HS: Yeah.. Why did he change it to Michael Anthony? Was he embarrassed by being a Sobolewski?
    EVH: (laughs) Fuck me.. I don't know. I think? Ask him!
    HS: (laughs) So, there's a new Van Halen lineup, you, Alex and your son, and whatever idiot you can get to sing?
    RQ: It sounds like Wolfgang can sing too though?
    HS: Well, if you get Wolfgang to sing, then you
    EVH: Put it this way... You know?... Th..Th.. The name Van Halen, the family legacy is going to go on, way after I'm gone. Cuz this kid is just a natural.
    HS: Hmmph.. so when are you gonna unleash him on the world?
    EVH: Pardon?
    HS: When are you gonna let him start having a career?
    EVH: Ummm. I'm just about ready to embark on a solo record. And it's gonna be Alex, him and I.
    RQ/HS: Alright.
    HS: Aren't you bummed out with the state of music the way it is now? I mean, like, you know? Paris-
    EVH: I think half the problem is the technology. You know? I mean how many bands actually go in a room and play together?
    HS: I don't know?
    EVH: You know? It's-it's-it's called Pro-tools, well it's a fucking tool.
    HS: Nobody really plays anymore is what you're saying?
    EVH: Well, it, uh... Yeah. The, the, the, they, they take a riff, they loop it.. You know? 8 bars and they loop it. And that's it.
    HS: Where's that?
    EVH: And then they have to figure out how to pull it off live.
    HS: Yeah.. Where's that? Where's that? Where's that porno guy? Is he on the line?
    Porno guy: Yeah, I'm here Howard.
    RQ: You just enjoying the interview?
    EVH: He's not a porno guy.
    HS: Yeah, he's a porno guy.
    EVH: Michael Ninn
    PG: I called him.
    HS: Hey Michael, how much money did you put into this?
    EVH: How much money did he and I put into this?
    HS: You got money in this?
    EVH: Well, yeah!
    HS: Oh, I didn't know that.
    EVH: We shot the movie at my house,
    RQ: Really?
    HS: With naked chicks and everything?
    EVH: Well.. Fpppth.. No.
    HS: Did you bang any of the chicks?
    EVH: No.... The studio-
    HS: Wait a second.. You had a bunch of chicks come over, and
    RQ: I guess there had to be some guys too!
    HS: And some dudes too!
    EVH: Yeah, uh, uh, I missed out on all of that you know?
    HS: And you let all of this go on at your house?
    EVH: We, we shot a couple music videos and, Michael Ninn- Put it this way man, 9 out of 10 people masturbate, the 10th person is just full of shit.
    HS: Right, we all masturbate.
    EVH: Right! And. Well, you know? I kind of got into this business, whatever you want to call it, to default - I don't want to make a big to do out of it, but I figured since I'm in it, I'm gonna call the best Director - I considered that makes erotic movies. You know? This isn't gang banging shit. It's a movie! That's why we are able to come out with an R-Rated version of it.

    RQ: So what's the premise?
    HS: Yeah, what's the plot of the movie?
    EVH: Doh, Ahh, well, it's' uh, the, the, oldest thing on the planet, the struggle between good and evil.
    HS: Well, look at this.. I don't know, these pornos with extensive plots
    EVH: It's like I said earlier, it's like Braveheart with a cumshot.
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    Dark days.

    The cancer claims are addressed in a biography which you can read online at
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Dark days.

    The cancer claims are addressed in a biography which you can read online at
    You know, I have spoken to a few and some which actually where involved in the treatment through a relative who is cancer doctor... and Edward did not have cancer but a possibility of getting it if some growths where not removed
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    Even if it wasn't a total crock as the biography points out it's very strange that in all these years no one had heard that Ed used a metal pic?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Even if it wasn't a total crock as the biography points out it's very strange that in all these years no one had heard that Ed used a metal pic?
    I recall reading an interview with Ed... I think around III time frame, it was for Neworld or the intro to Without You and him mentioning using metal pics or objects to produce some sort of scrapping effect. But in virtually all the photos/videos of Ed performing live he's always using traditional medium gauge guitar picks.
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