When you’re too poor and/or too smart for cable you tend to be stuck with a lot in the way of shit TV. No question cable TV is shit but at least there is this sense of feel good smugness that you’re not paying for it. I watch little TV. I know, I know, a lot of people say that but I truly don’t One reason is such unbelievable shows with unbelievable characters who manage to get themselves into unbelievable situations. Acting, writing, and then that dialogue from that writing and acting is so awful that I no longer question why so many in the world hate America when it prime cultural media is television that literally beats its audience which a stupid stick of self-indulgence.
80's test tube babies
So, the other night after cumming home I turned on the corporate-commercial fuck me in the ass box to find something on Antennae TV that literally shocked what is left of my consciousness.
According to IMDB, [i]’Family Ties[‘i] ran from late 1982 to the spring of 1989. Seven seasons of this shit somehow was broadcast without so much a reason as to why. Now I’ve only seen a few episodes but goddamn, is this one creepy show. Shown during the height of the Reagan-era ’Family Ties’ centers around a two bourgeois neo-liberal parents and their conservative (gay) son who refuses to come out of the closet. No doubt the son plays every angle of neo-conservative ideals that Ann Coulter stills masturbates to this show to this day. There are some other 80’s culture tokens throw in like the abundantly horny teenage daughter and the little P U D G E Y kid who recites lines so fucking stupid that an additional pity laughtrack had to be added. There is also “Skippy” a character so disturbing that you know the writers of ’Silence Of The Lambs’ took their “lotion scene” from. Skippy wrote the book on the nice boy next door complete with the hidden serial killer crawl space.
yeah, this is just way, way fucked up
Did I say this took place at the height of the Reagan era? That is what so off is about this show. No doubt it favors young, neo-conservatism and tends to view at the left as being “anti-government.” Wasn’t Reagan himself not so keen on government? There are some hints at political paranoia that come straight from the Bible Of McCarthyism that one can’t help but wonder this is where many of 80’s conservative clichés were born. The mom played by Meredith Baxter-Birney was the 80’s MILF prototype so fucking hot she needed three names. Her peroxided hair, 80’s tight “mom jeans” and endless bad “mom advice” there is no doubt I have the producers of this show cast her for looks rather than content. The father, played by some douche actor I’m too lazy to Google seems to be going prematurely grey and yet never has any inclination to lay the wood to his hot wife. Neither one of them look like parents of such radical liberalism who produced such uber-white teenage miscreants.
Queen MILF
That brings us to the son played by frozen hillbilly Michael J. Fox who later went on to become a huge but short-lived film star and Rush Limbaugh obsession. Alex P. Keaton couldn’t have been a better name. A ironically homophobic, anti-woman, anti-socialist, pro-capitalist future Wall Street conservative stereotype fuck Nazi Alex P, does his best to piss off his hypocritical liberal parents by constantly establishing conservative colloquiums like a hatred for the poor, equality for women and how such momentous America historical events such as the Civil Rights Movement were “overrated.” What is even stranger is that by far, he is the most genuine and likable character of the show.
80's gaydar
Which is not to say the same of the plots. Most center on American white life in American white suburbia. In fact this show is so white David Duke must have been the shows biggest fan. The sexually frustrated daughter wants to join sororities, fuck dumbass bad boys, and live in her own suburban dream of fasnionista post-plasticville mega-mall Walmarts. She seems so desperate to suck cock like a Dyson on a late night infomercial but usually ends up being harassed by her stalker boyfriend who you know is just waiting to go on Court TV for the murder of his parents.
Alex P. can’t wait to go to an Ivy League college business school in which he can safely explore his latent homosexuality and wet dream himself into oblivion on how he is going to fuck over the middle class. The parent themselves seem a little young to be living in and moreover, reciting liberal 1960’s JFK rhetoric while mocking their own liberal history of Johnson and Humphrey. One show was about gun control if you can believe it where it is okay for liberals to one guns as long as you know, those liberals are white. This whole show is like The Modern Waltons for 80’s gluttony and pomp. The only show whiter in the 80’s than this tripe had to have been ’The Cosby Show.’
Ah, nothing like seeing white people on 80's rerun TV is there?
I need to watch more episodes to understand the “feel” of this 80’s horseshit. I hope I never do. This was way before my time.
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Originally Posted by Von Halen
