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Thread: Roth on lowriders - spin may 1985

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    Roth on lowriders - spin may 1985

    Roth on lowriders - spin may 1985

    David Lee Roth wrote an article about lowriders in 1985. It appeared in the may edition of Spin Magaine (Madonna on the Cover) It reads like something he would use for the Roth show.


    lowriders

    If you can't afford a new car that goes fast, you buy a car for 50 bucks and see how slow you can go.

    By David Lee Roth

    The coolest thing to do is get a sled and drive that baby down by the high school at about 12 mph with the skid plates shooting sparks out the back. When you're the coolest you walk slow. When you're really casual you're not running anywhere. You're on a stroll.

    You got angel hair, which is like fur, all over the dash, on the ceiling, the floors and the doors. You got custom door handles and custom door knobs made out of mahogany. The steering wheel is real small, about the size of a small pizza, and if you're really cool you got a welded chain for a steering wheel. You hang all sorts of stuff off the rear-view mirror, like fuzzy dice or a plastic Jesus, but you got to hang something off of there. Then you put some pipes in the back dash and you pipe in the music and you put the name of your club in the back window. Now that's class.

    The tires are skinny. As skinny as you can get. The surfers, hippies and rednecks go for big tires and jack the back end up way into the sky like a rooster tail, but you can do the opposite and lower it way down and put on the skinniest tires you possibly can. Instead of wearing a great big diamond ring, you wear a little tiny one. But you can drive too fast on skinny tires and they will fold. You got air shocks so you can raise the car when the cops come and when you stop you just let her drop in the back, and if you're real cool, in the front too... If you're driving along and see some girls checking you out, you drop the car down to the street in the skid plates on the bottom keep you from tearing the oil pan and all the sparks shoot out.

    A classic car to have is an early 60's Cutlass or a Chevy Impala and then you take all the paint off and paint it primer gray. You get that dusty finish to it, like if you rubbed it you'd think the dust would come off in your hand. It's like battleship gray and you keep it that color until you can afford a $600 candy apple or midnight purple; 12 coat; hand rubbed lacquered paint job. It's like an art object. It's people's art because you exhibit it in the street. You build it at home in the new exhibit. You got a day job and this is what you put your money into. You obviously don't decorate the pad when you're living in three rooms with the family.

    You don't drive on the freeway because on the freeway there ain't nobody watching you from the side. Anyway, you don't drive fast. You drive slow. Obviously you don't drive this way when you're getting your unemployment check, because you got to get there quick.

    You never get speeding tickets. But you're always getting pumped for the car being too low, or the tires being too skinny. Or for an obstructed dash because you got things hanging on the front and you can't see out the window, or for disturbing the peace, or for obstructing traffic, but usually they can't pop you for obstructing traffic because there are seven cars behind you.

    Everyone's into the sport of the cruise. You're going 5 mph and you pump the brakes so the car jiggles and you see who can bump and grind the best. You see who's got the neatest car and who can shoot the most sparks. You Rev it up to about 30 mph and then you slow down and cruise, and the whole street clears in front of you. You go 30 mph and then you drop it and see who got the best spark show. It's screaming metal on asphalt and the people cheer on the side of the road. That's the coolest.

    If some creeps tailgating you because you're moving too slow, you pull over to the side as he passes you, you swing down in your seat so just your eyebrows show over the window and you give a look, like, who are you looking at? A lot of people take the back seat out of their car and put a kind of cushion affair in the back so just a bear eyebrow shows out of the back window and that's cool, because you're in your capsule.

    You're going 5 mph and you pump the brakes and so the car jiggles when you see who can bump and grind with the best.

    You're into a sporty look because the whole name of the game is leisure. You wear a khaki jacket, some khaki pants and some nice shoes, with the sweater that has a little suede on the front and see through socks. You got to have some see-through socks with maybe some ribbon him, like black see-through's with the little orange pipping, ribbed.

    Usually when you park the car you park in a line down the street. The longer the line the better, especially if every car is painted the same. That's the coolest. Then you being out the door and open the doors and play the stereo with the Vibrasonic on it, out with the girls, smoke a little, drink a little and pass the time.

    It's pretty important where you park and who you carry in the car with you. If you got a girl, she got to be is absolutely close to you as possible. You sit in the couch seats. How can you relax in bucket seats? You got to have six way couch seat – up, down and sideways. When the seat is all the way back on the sixth way, you can barely reach the steering wheel, barely see out the front window, barely see out the side one. You can only cruise when you're in the sixth position. So when you're ready to cruise you slow down and let the seat back so you're at the right angle and then you got your chick is close to you as you can. Otherwise you get is many dudes as you can squeeze into the car. There's got to be a lot of hilarity and you got to make sure the music can be heard outside the car, unless you have tinted windows, in which case you put the speakers in to the wheel wells. You play soul, disco and a lot of Santana music is very important because that's the soundtrack. Music makes ago.
    Last edited by THE SAINT; 02-09-2016 at 01:02 AM.
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