Van Hagar To Tour In 2017

[Von Halen]

because Hagar and Eddie simply haven't even as much as spoken since 2004.

Is that right?

And they haven't spoken since outside of what...exchanging birthday greetings once via public internet messaging?

You're sure about that?

Nope, Von Pussy's massive ego is at stake! We all have to look like Kool Aid swelling idiots because someone jerked off Von's microcock with their chubby thumb and forefinger...

Well NickDickless, when they finally do announce it, you'll be jacking off my cock with your chubby fingers. Again. By the way, you've always looked like a kool aid (jizz) swallowing idiot.

[Nickdfresh]

Is that right?



You're sure about that?



Well NickDickless, when they finally do announce it, you'll be jacking off my cock with your chubby fingers. Again. By the way, you've always looked like a kool aid (jizz) swallowing idiot.

Well Von has spoken ladies and gentlemen, LMFAO...


Yeah Von, it's going to happen in 2017, right?

You autistic, easily misled retard...

[Nickdfresh]

Our cub reporter Von is on the story!!

[Nickdfresh]

Do you want my chubby fingers to jerk off your shriveling old man tiny cock in 2017, 2018, 2019, or 2020?

Pick a year asshole, then you can do a fucking hallelujah rain-dance and be right!

[Terry]

Is that right?



You're sure about that?



Well NickDickless, when they finally do announce it, you'll be jacking off my cock with your chubby fingers. Again. By the way, you've always looked like a kool aid (jizz) swallowing idiot.

Am I 100% sure they haven't directly spoken since 2004?

No.

Would it make more sense to assume they haven't?

Considering the circumstances (the lack of personal interaction on the 2004 tour, Hagar's tell-all book with the unflinching descriptions of Eddie being an unhinged drunk, Roth rejoining the band in late 2006 and working with the band through the end of 2015), what would Eddie and Hagar have to talk about? Any business concerns regarding past royalties would be handled between their individual legal reps, business managers, accountants and the record companies.

I mean, is it beyond the realm of possibility they have spoken in the last year or so, and a Van Hagar tour is going to happen next year?

No.

I'm not gonna feel too sheepish if Van Hagar tours next year in terms of being wrong about Eddie and Hagar having spoken since, say, the end of 2015. Mostly because at this point it wouldn't be surprising if Van Hagar DID tour again.

I mean, considering the seemingly random nature of Van Halen's undertakings over the last 21 years, there's very little the band can do going forward that is gonna make me scratch my head and say "wow, that seems like a weird thing to do, and weird is uncharacteristic of how this band operates." Weird and nonsensical is normative standard operating procedure for Van Halen. Has been since 1996.

I guess I'm leaving myself all these caveats primarily because I don't particularly want to give Von a handy...at least not unless he gives his twig and berries a good washing first (not like last time).

[Nickdfresh]

I particularly enjoyed the part where Sammy licked his fingers after informing the audience that "the real thing is pudcake": that certainly got my vagina moist.

I'd say Vic did...okay. Clearly, he isn't going to win "best replication of Eddie guitar parts" in the Van Hagar Tribute Band contest. However, he got the essence of the licks in that song down to where it was...I dunno, adequate?

The rest of it was...decent, I suppose. Hagar's voice seemed a little weak, but it sounded in key when I recall the recorded version, although the guitar did sound like it was tuned down somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 a step from the original recording.

I haven't watched the video, but will at some point I guess. So I have to ask, did Vic use a drill on his guitar? And if so, could be please bury it into Sam's fucking forehead next time?

[Terry]

I haven't watched the video, but will at some point I guess. So I have to ask, did Vic use a drill on his guitar? And if so, could be please bury it into Sam's fucking forehead next time?

I guess my larger point was: would it really have sounded that much better had Eddie have been there and played all the parts as they had been on the record?

I mean, I was pretty (at best) lukewarm on Poundcake as a track when it was initially released: I'm fairly sure a reconstituted Van Hagar lineup playing the song now isn't going to make me have an epiphany which results in placing my hands over my head, putting my corresponding index finger and thumb tips together to form the shape of a vagina (for some reason, I'm now thinking of the Wonder Twins, with Jana saying "form of...a vagina!" and Zan saying "shape of...an ice dildo!" with that space monkey Gleek subsequently taking the Zan dildo and ramming it into Jana) and then doing that lame-o 5150 walk Ed, Mike and Sammy used to do onstage.

What the fuck was it Al was blathering on about in interviews in 1986? Oh yeah, he'd yell "Bocephus!" (or some type of hipster gibberish) at random, drunken intervals.

So does it really matter if it's Vic or if it's Ed playing if the song was lame to begin with?

Bocephus, indeed.

[FORD]

I haven't watched the video, but will at some point I guess. So I have to ask, did Vic use a drill on his guitar? And if so, could be please bury it into Sam's fucking forehead next time?

He didn't use a drill in that video, which apparently means he had some pedals set to imitate the drill sound (not very well). I believe he did have the drill on the "Spam & Dave" tour in 2002, which sounded even worse. And unfortunately, did not drill a hole in Hagar's head.

[twonabomber]

I guess my larger point was: would it really have sounded that much better had Eddie have been there and played all the parts as they had been on the record?

I mean, I was pretty (at best) lukewarm on Poundcake as a track when it was initially released: I'm fairly sure a reconstituted Van Hagar lineup playing the song now isn't going to make me have an epiphany which results in placing my hands over my head, putting my corresponding index finger and thumb tips together to form the shape of a vagina (for some reason, I'm now thinking of the Wonder Twins, with Jana saying "form of...a vagina!" and Zan saying "shape of...an ice dildo!" with that space monkey Gleek subsequently taking the Zan dildo and ramming it into Jana) and then doing that lame-o 5150 walk Ed, Mike and Sammy used to do onstage.

What the fuck was it Al was blathering on about in interviews in 1986? Oh yeah, he'd yell "Bocephus!" (or some type of hipster gibberish) at random, drunken intervals.

So does it really matter if it's Vic or if it's Ed playing if the song was lame to begin with?

Bocephus, indeed.

Bocephus Mode.

Most of the riffs and music on FUCK are good, it's the lyrics and screeching that bring it down. Probably the best recorded out of the four VHagar studio albums too.

[FORD]

I almost believe the rumors that Dave was supposed to be back in the band by 1991, because it seems like Eddie was making an effort to tone down the cheese factor of the first two Van Hagar albums (or 1/4 of 1984, for that matter). "Right Now" was a keyboard song (and Pepsi commercial) but at least it was piano rather than synthesizer. And most of the record could have been a proper Van Halen album if Hagar hadn't been there. Would have loved to hear what Dave would have done with "Judgment Day", actually.

[Terry]

Bocephus Mode.

Most of the riffs and music on FUCK are good, it's the lyrics and screeching that bring it down. Probably the best recorded out of the four VHagar studio albums too.

On an instrumental level, I'd say FUCK has more decent ideas from start to finish than any other Van Hagar era album.

Far as production values or sonics, I'd also say FUCK is (to my ears) the best sounding album.

Poundcake was fairly mundane.

Judgment Day was decent.

I think Pleasuredome instrumentally stands out the most to me: that was a fine bit of work.

What the fuck else is on that album?

Top Of The World instrumentally sounds like a slightly inverted DTNA rhythm with bits of the Jump outro peppered in. Comes off like it took longer to record than to write, and not in a particularly inspired way.

Man On A Mission is okay.

Dream Another Dream (This Dream Is Over) or whatever the fuck it is called - I'm going off of memory here - was also okay.

Roundabout aka Here We Go Round And Round aka Giving Me The Runaround aka I'm Giving Biff Malibu The Reacharound was good.

Right Now wasn't a bad offering. To be sure, between Hagar's lyrics and that stupid Crystal Pepsi commercial, it turned out a bit trite on a lyrical level and overplayed. I actually do like the various piano riffs, what the drums were doing on that track, I thought the guitar solo was (for Eddie Van Halen) restrained yet also fitting. Dare I even say (a phrase I don't really use in describing Sam Halen music) somewhat inspired on an instrumental level?

It would seem fair to say FUCK was perhaps the closest of the Van Hagar outings overall (types of riffs, production sounds) to hail back to the style of CVJH on a musical level.

Then again, a good album by Van Hagar standards doesn't necessarily mean it was up to snuff with what came before 1985.

[FORD]

Seems like I heard a Van Hagar bootleg a while back that had them performing "Pleasure Dome" as an instrumental. It definitely sounded better that way!

[Terry]

Seems like I heard a Van Hagar bootleg a while back that had them performing "Pleasure Dome" as an instrumental. It definitely sounded better that way!

I mean, it's a pretty cool piece of rock music. Putting aside as to if most (if not all) Van Hagar music would sound better without the vocals (they would), I always thought Pleasuredome would have been better served being left on FUCK as an instrumental.

[FORD]

Found it....

[DavidLeeNatra]

I'm a bit proud to say that I honestly don't have the slightest clue what the fuck you are talking about.

I listened to 5150 a couple of times and saw "Live without a net" once. That's all the Hagar I could talk about if I have to.