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Thread: Balance album cover

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    Balance album cover

    why isn't it banned? I think it's obviously child porn.

    discuss...

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    Banned... From what? The local landfill..?
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    It's an awful album cover, but my guess is that as a pre-internet era album there really wasn't the same kind of focus on the way the children are represented. It's not blatantly sexual, like the Scorpions' 'Virgin Killer', which I think has now been changed; and it has less nude children on it than Zeppelin's 'The Song Remains the Same' album cover.

    It's just a bad and boring album cover that says to me: 'we are a band with no identity, and no direction, and our drummer is in charge of the cover art'.

    It sort of sums up to me the lack of leadership that has overtaken the band's management of its own identity and legacy since the first Roth departure, and EVH assuming real control, which continues to this day.

    To be fair to Alex, while he is the one responsible for picking the bad art on that album, he also apparently picked the 'Fair Warning' cover art, which is the only really good VH album cover.

    I love the first album cover, of course, and the photos with the kind of vapor trail effect on the images of the band members - I think that cover does a good job of representing the band, and the sound of the band if you were picking it up and wondering, WTF is this. It says, 'in case you are wondering, the record sounds a bit like this looks - whoosh!'.

    But all the other album covers have been pretty lame, really. ADKOT, which was ripped off from another album, is probably one of the better ones.
    Last edited by VHscraps; 09-17-2017 at 07:39 PM.
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    The Van Hagar albums covers are all shit, 5150 is not just horrible it's also WTF?

    OU812 is maybe the most appropriate as it just looks like a typical mediocre AOR album cover...

    As for Van Halen, apart from Fair Warning 1984 get's an honorable mention but for the others it seems that the rush that they were recorded in was also reflected in the covers.
    Last edited by Seshmeister; 09-17-2017 at 10:58 PM.
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    OU812 looks like a rip off of the Fair Warning inner album sleeve.

    The 5150 album cover is...a bit ghey.

    I'd agree Fair Warning and 1984 were the best album covers. The rest of the CVH ones were either generic or just plain lazy in the case of Diver Down.
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    I wonder if Sammy was contractually allowed to oil up the bodybuilder?
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    I guess the Atlas struggling and then dropping the globe which had them inside was meant to show them as being heavy.

    As the 80s continued Sammy and Ed got fatter as the music got lighter so it took on a whole new meaning.

    It's like Bon Jovi calling their second album 7800 degrees Fahrenheit because that is the temperature at which rock melts, sometimes it's almost like the bands thought they could cover up their cheesy pop with marketing.
    Last edited by Seshmeister; 09-19-2017 at 07:02 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    I guess the Atlas struggling and then dropping the globe which had them inside was meant to show them as being heavy.

    As the 80s continued Sammy and Ed got fatter as the music got lighter so it took on a whole new meaning.

    It's like Bon Jovi calling their second album 7800 degrees Fahrenheit because that is the temperature at which rock melts, sometimes it's almost like the bands thought they could cover up their cheesy pop with marketing.
    Or maybe Atlas heard Why Can't This Be Love, and said "fuck this!"...

    Sometimes there is truth in marketing...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    I guess the Atlas struggling and then dropping the globe which had them inside was meant to show them as being heavy.

    As the 80s continued Sammy and Ed got fatter as the music got lighter so it took on a whole new meaning.

    It's like Bon Jovi calling their second album 7800 degrees Fahrenheit because that is the temperature at which rock melts, sometimes it's almost like the bands thought they could cover up their cheesy pop with marketing.
    Bon Jerkoff. Sheep in wolves clothing. And 7800 degrees Fahrenheit probably DOES deserve mention for being one of the dumbest rock album names ever, so in that respect at least they were distinctive at something.

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    It's important to point out that Bon Jovi never 'sold out' since they started out pop and if anything got more rock on the advice of their accountants.

    No one would have objected if their second album had been called 175 Fahrenheit since that's the temperature that cheese curdles at...

    They adjusted in their subsequent one to 174F and the rest is history...
    Last edited by Seshmeister; 09-19-2017 at 11:32 PM.

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    Bon Jovi had some severe delusions of grandeur in trying to become an NFL owner by purchasing the Buffalo Bills, lying about keeping them in Buffalo, and then moving them to Toronto, ONT. That's fine, but he doesn't have near enough money to own a team despite his apparent hard-on for hob nobbing with NFL owners as sort of a hangers-on and towel boy. He had something going with the Canadian cable giant Rogers, but what his actual role was I know not. Like were they going to have the actual money while he was the PR face? It just seemed to be so douchey that it made everyone pretty leery, including a lot of people in Toronto...

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    OU812 was a ripoff/homage to the Meet the Beatles album cover. As if that was a worthy comparison....
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickdfresh View Post
    Bon Jovi had some severe delusions of grandeur in trying to become an NFL owner by purchasing the Buffalo Bills, lying about keeping them in Buffalo, and then moving them to Toronto, ONT. That's fine, but he doesn't have near enough money to own a team despite his apparent hard-on for hob nobbing with NFL owners as sort of a hangers-on and towel boy.
    I was under the impression that most NFL owners are some of the biggest douchebag pricks in the world but I don't pay very close attention.

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    Talking of album covers and Bon Jovi the late 80s was the period where the famed rock album designer Hugh Symes worked out a way of making his living by simply going down to his local bathroom tiling center.

    I wonder how much he got for churning this same stuff out again and again - no one seemed to notice.























    Anyone starting to notice a theme?


    The guy has done dozens of album covers for everyone including just about everything Rush ever put out but it is funny that there was that commercial hard rock bathroom tile phase for a few years back then...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    I guess the Atlas struggling and then dropping the globe which had them inside was meant to show them as being heavy.

    As the 80s continued Sammy and Ed got fatter as the music got lighter so it took on a whole new meaning.

    It's like Bon Jovi calling their second album 7800 degrees Fahrenheit because that is the temperature at which rock melts, sometimes it's almost like the bands thought they could cover up their cheesy pop with marketing.
    I always took it as a shot at Roth. He's Atlas holding up the Van Halen world....or so he thought. Then Van Hagar breaks out and crushes him......laughable really, then and now listening to the music....
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    Quote Originally Posted by VHscraps View Post
    It's an awful album cover, but my guess is that as a pre-internet era album there really wasn't the same kind of focus on the way the children are represented. It's not blatantly sexual, like the Scorpions' 'Virgin Killer', which I think has now been changed; and it has less nude children on it than Zeppelin's 'The Song Remains the Same' album cover.

    It's just a bad and boring album cover that says to me: 'we are a band with no identity, and no direction, and our drummer is in charge of the cover art'.

    It sort of sums up to me the lack of leadership that has overtaken the band's management of its own identity and legacy since the first Roth departure, and EVH assuming real control, which continues to this day.

    To be fair to Alex, while he is the one responsible for picking the bad art on that album, he also apparently picked the 'Fair Warning' cover art, which is the only really good VH album cover.

    I love the first album cover, of course, and the photos with the kind of vapor trail effect on the images of the band members - I think that cover does a good job of representing the band, and the sound of the band if you were picking it up and wondering, WTF is this. It says, 'in case you are wondering, the record sounds a bit like this looks - whoosh!'.

    But all the other album covers have been pretty lame, really. ADKOT, which was ripped off from another album, is probably one of the better ones.
    Good to see scraps still posting....I always enjoyed his takes....

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    I still see the Army is going with that embarrassing home page story about a Van Hagar reunion.....sad. It's come to this around here ? I see why I only check in about once every 3 months.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickdfresh View Post
    Bon Jovi had some severe delusions of grandeur in trying to become an NFL owner by purchasing the Buffalo Bills, lying about keeping them in Buffalo, and then moving them to Toronto, ONT. That's fine, but he doesn't have near enough money to own a team despite his apparent hard-on for hob nobbing with NFL owners as sort of a hangers-on and towel boy. He had something going with the Canadian cable giant Rogers, but what his actual role was I know not. Like were they going to have the actual money while he was the PR face? It just seemed to be so douchey that it made everyone pretty leery, including a lot of people in Toronto...
    At best, Jon Bon Jovi could have hoped to have been the public face for a consortium of multiple owners, of which Bon Jovi would have had a small/minority stake.

    Bon Jovi has an estimated net worth of 400 million. The Bills were worth north of a billion (beats the fuck out of me how) a few years ago when that speculation started. Even if Bon Jovi liquidated everything he owned, he'd never have a chance at owning the team outright.

    Plus, the Bills are one of the least lucrative teams in the league: it would have been fun to see Bon Jovi actually close some sort of heavily-leveraged deal to own the team to end up making far less than he does touring, performing his own...er, 'inimitable' brand of rock for Jersey housewives in their mid 40s whose waist sizes are now higher than their ages.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    I was under the impression that most NFL owners are some of the biggest douchebag pricks in the world but I don't pay very close attention.
    Pretty much. You have to have a big fan-ego to own a team since the money you spend to buy one could earn much more in other investments. I will say that Buffalo's owners are much better than average in that the wife, Mrs. Pegula, has a lot of input on team matters (an anathema in the old boy NFL) and her husband Terry seems to genuinely care about the area and better it...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Terry View Post
    At best, Jon Bon Jovi could have hoped to have been the public face for a consortium of multiple owners, of which Bon Jovi would have had a small/minority stake.
    Yeah. He seemed like rather a sanctimonious cunt here after Ralph Wilson died and the team was in limbo. He kept saying basically he was a regular Jersey boy that 'got it' and would keep the team in Buffalo all the while it was blindingly obvious he was speaking for a Canadian cable giant of cunts that wanted them in Toronto...

    Bon Jovi has an estimated net worth of 400 million. The Bills were worth north of a billion (beats the fuck out of me how) a few years ago when that speculation started. Even if Bon Jovi liquidated everything he owned, he'd never have a chance at owning the team outright.
    IKR. But unlike when the Bills sucked in the 1970's and there were always empty seats, the team almost always sells out because it's a party and one of the top tailgating stadiums in the league. New Era Field is old and archaic by NFL standards, but it has been upgraded several times and most of all it's paid for. Also, Buffalo (or Orchard Park actually) is one of the only areas where the stadium was put in an open area and is surrounded by parking lots and even an RV lot, meaning lots of drunken shenanigans and massive BBQ's. They can suck with one of the longest playoff droughts in US sports, but still make money as people from around the region, including Canada and many opposing cities, flock there...

    Plus, the Bills are one of the least lucrative teams in the league: it would have been fun to see Bon Jovi actually close some sort of heavily-leveraged deal to own the team to end up making far less than he does touring, performing his own...er, 'inimitable' brand of rock for Jersey housewives in their mid 40s whose waist sizes are now higher than their ages.
    As I responded to Sesh, the owners make far less with NFL teams than they could with something else, making the NFL the home of the deranged owner. See Washington or Indy for that! The Buffalo Bills make less, but there is a feeling here that things are coming back and the overhead for the team is far less as well...

    Pegula bought the Bills because, fuck it!, he already owned the Sabres and proceeded to make the same mistakes after he purchased them by leaving the idiots he inherited in charge when he bought the Bills. Finally he has made some very good moves I think since. But as Terry Pegula says, "if I want to make more money, I'll drill another (hydro-fracking) well!" which is where his fortune comes from. But LMFAO, you'd never know that with the steady rate increases - which I get are a necessary part of owning teams...
    Last edited by Nickdfresh; 09-21-2017 at 01:03 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickdfresh View Post
    Yeah. He seemed like rather a sanctimonious cunt here after Ralph Wilson died and the team was in limbo. He kept saying basically he was a regular Jersey boy that 'got it' and would keep the team in Buffalo all the while it was blindingly obvious he was speaking for a Canadian cable giant of cunts that wanted them in Toronto...



    IKR. But unlike when the Bills sucked in the 1970's and there were always empty seats, the team almost always sells out because it's a party and one of the top tailgating stadiums in the league. New Era Field is old and archaic by NFL standards, but it has been upgraded several times and most of all it's paid for. Also, Buffalo (or Orchard Park actually) is one of the only areas where the stadium was put in an open area and is surrounded by parking lots and even an RV lot, meaning lots of drunken shenanigans and massive BBQ's. They can suck with one of the longest playoff droughts in US sports, but still make money as people from around the region, including Canada and many opposing cities, flock there...



    As I responded to Sesh, the owners make far less with NFL teams than they could with something else, making the NFL the home of the deranged owner. See Washington or Indy for that! The Buffalo Bills make less, but there is a feeling here that things are coming back and the overhead for the team is far less as well...

    Pegula bought the Bills because, fuck it!, he already owned the Sabres and proceeded to make the same mistakes after he purchased them by leaving the idiots he inherited in charge when he bought the Bills. Finally he has made some very good moves I think since. But as Terry Pegula says, "if I want to make more money, I'll drill another (hydro-fracking) well!" which is where his fortune comes from. But LMFAO, you'd never know that with the steady rate increases - which I get are a necessary part of owning teams...
    I mean, I get it in terms of even the shittiest NFL teams manage to make SOME kind of profit. Between subsidies they get for building a stadium in a city/town, tax breaks they get for remaining in the town, merchandising rights, tv broadcast rights...like, clearly, there's a WHOLE lot more to owning a team and making money off them than the mere notion of how many asses you put in stadium seats combined with what you charge for the stadium seating: in the large scheme, the actual attendances aren't nearly important as everything else, unless your attendances drop to the point where games played in your stadium won't be broadcast on network/local tv because of it.

    NFL rules back when Bon Jovi was trying to acquire the Bills stated that a principal owner could borrow no more than 200 million in purchasing the team and must own at least a 30 percent stake to BE a principal owner. And the Bills reported an operating profit of between 30 and 40 million in 2014. So it never made sense that Bon Jovi was going to come up with 30% of 1B+ in cash - which would basically have the totality of all his assets - or that he was going to come up with half the 30% minimum of 1B + in cash and borrow the rest...all for a team that was boasting a profit of 40 million dollars. Bon Jovi never had the cash, and it would have been a bad investment anyway, in terms of principal ownership. Bon Jovi was never going to "own" the Bills. The best he could have hoped for was a small piece of it...and maybe being allowed the privilege of singing "Livin' On A Prayer (The Chances Of The Bills Making The Playoffs...EVER)" at halftime.

    Maybe the Bills can reacquire/reactivate OJ Simpson: he'll be out of the pokey soon...

    Frankly, I think a lot of NFL team owners strike me as lifetime wannabes - the kids who never got picked for any team and had to be assigned a team by the teacher - in terms of athletics. Like, they have all this money, but they still need to associate themselves with pro football players because it makes [the owners] feel macho or some such nonsense when the team wins. So they can brag about how "my team" won a game, when the truth of the matter is owners are completely unnecessary to the game even being played.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 78/84 guy View Post
    I still see the Army is going with that embarrassing home page story about a Van Hagar reunion.....sad. It's come to this around here ? I see why I only check in about once every 3 months.
    Have you ever thought of posting something interesting?

    We are not here to entertain you, we pay money out our own pockets to keep your 2450 posts online and the other millions over all the years.

    Are you too embarrassed to go to porn sites daily and at least they are coining some advertising from you? Stop being a dick.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Have you ever thought of posting something interesting?

    We are not here to entertain you, we pay money out our own pockets to keep your 2450 posts online and the other millions over all the years.

    Are you too embarrassed to go to porn sites daily and at least they are coining some advertising from you? Stop being a dick.



    What did you expect?

    You let the idiots hang out here, then you want to tell them to stop being idiots?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    We are not here to entertain you, we pay money out our own pockets to keep your 2450 posts online and the other millions over all the years.
    Wait a minute... You're not here to entertain us..?

    You mean I've had it all wrong for a decade and a half+... This should be interesting. Pray tell... why the hell are y'all here and paying that pocket money?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZahZoo View Post
    Wait a minute... You're not here to entertain us..?

    You mean I've had it all wrong for a decade and a half+... This should be interesting. Pray tell... why the hell are y'all here and paying that pocket money?
    Well ok we are not obliged to entertain.

    I was just pissed off that someone would claim to be too embarrassed to visit a forum just because it reported a rumor that didn't come to pass.

    Fucking ridiculous chat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hardrock69 View Post


    What did you expect?

    You let the idiots hang out here, then you want to tell them to stop being idiots?

    Worse than that we are idiots too...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Have you ever thought of posting something interesting?

    We are not here to entertain you...
    And neither is Van Halen apparently...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Well ok we are not obliged to entertain.

    I was just pissed off that someone would claim to be too embarrassed to visit a forum just because it reported a rumor that didn't come to pass.

    Fucking ridiculous chat.
    Then take it the fuck down........

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Have you ever thought of posting something interesting?

    We are not here to entertain you, we pay money out our own pockets to keep your 2450 posts online and the other millions over all the years.

    Are you too embarrassed to go to porn sites daily and at least they are coining some advertising from you? Stop being a dick.
    You Porn is free...been on it in the past. But I get laid enough were I don't need too jerk it. Stop being a dick.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hardrock69 View Post


    What did you expect?

    You let the idiots hang out here, then you want to tell them to stop being idiots?

    You guys let someone like that cunt Krusty run all over this place with her cunt attitude but I'm the idiot ? She makes me miss Elvis.......LOL !

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    Quote Originally Posted by 78/84 guy View Post
    Then take it the fuck down........
    So I may have been off by a digit. Shoot me. At least I scooped the EVH version of the 5150 guitar!
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    Which digit? The year? The decade?

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    Quote Originally Posted by damngoodtimes View Post
    OU812 was a ripoff/homage to the Meet the Beatles album cover. As if that was a worthy comparison....
    Actually, it's a earlier Van Halen homage to The Beatles... hence the inner sleeve to "Fair Warning" 706a7d398e24e4b2b4eac9fc98ec5671--alex-van-halen-david-lee-roth.jpg
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cato View Post
    why isn't it banned? I think it's obviously child porn.

    discuss...

    The Japanese release has restrictions on showing child deformities and that cover features one child on the LP cover
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jetstream View Post
    The Japanese release has restrictions on showing child deformities and that cover features one child on the LP cover
    What was that childhood deformity? Being young Sammy Hagar?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Terry View Post
    OU812 looks like a rip off of the Fair Warning inner album sleeve.

    The 5150 album cover is...a bit ghey.

    I'd agree Fair Warning and 1984 were the best album covers. The rest of the CVH ones were either generic or just plain lazy in the case of Diver Down.
    The 5150 cover may have been a tad ghey when released in 1986. But what really looked and walked gay in 86 was good ol' wig wearin, spandex-lycra encased uncle Dave. His baldness was wreaking havoc on ol' Dave, the comb overs and girl wigs were still apparent and not distracting much attention from his Jane Fonda collection unitards that he slithered into, the bright colors and floral patterns highlighting his little Dave weiner. Rehardless of album covers, Dave already knew he fucked up. Each passing year became sadder than the last. And now he is back and not capable of the job.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heater View Post
    The 5150 cover may have been a tad ghey when released in 1986. But what really looked and walked gay in 86 was good ol' wig wearin, spandex-lycra encased uncle Dave. His baldness was wreaking havoc on ol' Dave, the comb overs and girl wigs were still apparent and not distracting much attention from his Jane Fonda collection unitards that he slithered into, the bright colors and floral patterns highlighting his little Dave weiner. Rehardless of album covers, Dave already knew he fucked up. Each passing year became sadder than the last. And now he is back and not capable of the job.
    Sounds like he gave you a lot of spank-bank material...

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