2019 Tour

[Seshmeister]

He's 27 - by that age his dad had done the first 5 Van Halen albums.

For a child prodigy he's not very prodigious.

[private parts]

Oh boy. Nothing is worse than music slowly written in a studio environment. It sounds as boring as the process of making it.

Yeah but He can play video games and post on Instagram while waiting for inspiration. Not as boring as trekking through a jungle or playing a keg party for 1000 people.

[Nitro Express]

He's 27 - by that age his dad had done the first 5 Van Halen albums.

For a child prodigy he's not very prodigious.

He's fat. He has no stage presence. He has no charisma. There are thousands of people who can sing and play instruments just as well if not better. Exactly what are we trying to sell here? Where's the beef? Oh Wolfie ate the beef and all the burgers.

[Nitro Express]

Haha! Yeah The Wolf ain't hungry for success. Let's hope mommy and daddy have a nice trust for him. Oh he might be hungry for cheese covered nachos and In and Out burgers but he ain't hungry to go anywhere in the entertainment business. He needs an old crabby jew to talk some sense into him.

[Nitro Express]

Wolfie. This is a groupie. She will suck your dick to get close to Dave. You won't be able to see it because of your big belly and she might not be able to find your small dick under all the fat folds but a few of these women and maybe some men are going to try. Make sure you have your ass wiper roadie from Yemen also help you soap and clean yourself so you don't smell like a barn or sewage treatment plant. I'm not suggesting you diet and exercise because I might as well be talking to the wall suggesting those things. Maybe I can start throwing doughnuts and having you chase them for exercise but we need a fast dog to get to them before you do.

[FORD]

He's 27 - by that age his dad had done the first 5 Van Halen albums.

For a child prodigy he's not very prodigious.

Valerie also started in show business at a young age, and had finished a full TV series & a number of cheesy movies by the age of 27, so he's not living up to that side of his family tree either, really.

[Nitro Express]

Valerie also started in show business at a young age, and had finished a full TV series & a number of cheesy movies by the age of 27, so he's not living up to that side of his family tree either, really.

I found two of Valerie's cookbooks in a bargain bin. I probably bought them out of curiosity. She even has some of Eugena Van Halen's recipes in there who was reputed to be an excellent cook herself. It even has Eddie's favorite chicken recipe. To be honest these are good recipe books with lot's of Bertinelli Italian dishes and Asian/Indonesian Van Halen recipes. No wonder Wolfie got fat. Grandma Bertinelli's meatballs are fabulous!

[ZahZoo]

Exactly what are we trying to sell here? Where's the beef?

At the moment... nobody is trying to sell anything. One small exception... the souvenir shop is always open to fill your striped flip-flop and assorted junk needs.

[Nitro Express]

I never bought any of the striped up shit. I own one EVH speaker cab which is great but I'm driving it with a Marshall Vintage Modern. I gave my Wolfgang away to a friend because I didn't like it. Nothing I play through it says 5150 or has any kind of stripes. I mostly play a Fender Telecaster through a hand wired Fender Champ tweed amp these days. I occasionally grab something with a Floyd and plug into a blazing amp just to scare the dog.

[private parts]

I found two of Valerie's cookbooks in a bargain bin. I probably bought them out of curiosity. She even has some of Eugena Van Halen's recipes in there who was reputed to be an excellent cook herself. It even has Eddie's favorite chicken recipe. To be honest these are good recipe books with lot's of Bertinelli Italian dishes and Asian/Indonesian Van Halen recipes. No wonder Wolfie got fat. Grandma Bertinelli's meatballs are fabulous!

I used to like my Bertinelli with a little parm and garlic bread. Some red wine.

[FORD]

I wanted to buy the striped hi-top shoes, but the bastard didn't have them in Size 15. Your loss, Ed.

[private parts]

Do you wear Bigfoot hand-me-downs?

[FORD]

Do you wear Bigfoot hand-me-downs?

Nah, he's a size 22 at least. Shaquille O'Neal gets his hand me downs, last I heard.

[Terry]

Well, What you`ve said makes sense to me. BUT never UNDERESTIMATE what that band can bring to the table. Maybe their record is strong and if Roth decides to really sing on tour... well, it worth 150 bucks to me!

I mean, if what the band are doing now with Dave is worth that much to you, by all means I hope you get good seats to the next show and enjoy it.

Seriously. It'd be cuntish of me to say "blah blah blah I think the band are washed up I wouldn't pay a nickel to see them now and I hope everyone else who does see them witnesses a shitty show."

I'll certainly never underestimate what the band did from 1974 to 1984. That Van Halen lineup, for me, is right up there with the all time great rock bands far as I'm concerned. Even after Dave left, the subsequent albums - even Van Halen III - had some decent musical ideas sprinkled throughout. The problem after Dave left is Ed got very comfortable with his success and largely decided to coast: a lot of filler tracks were also to be found on those post-Roth records, where they come off as something that Ed fobbed off because he could. Passable rather than exceptional.

Of the non-reworked demo stuff on ADKOT, there were also some good ideas. Chinatown was a great track. However, the idea that Ed still has the workings of a great album, or the band still have one great album left in them...I'll believe it when I hear it. Would LOVE to hear it, but won't bet the farm on it actually coming to pass.

About the best the band could hope to bring to the table now is a tour with Anthony. The Van Halens (Ed and Al) on the 2 most recent tours turned in well rehearsed, consistent performances night after night. Dave...I think the guy is just...done. Maybe if he just tries singing in key, the result will be passable if not exceptional, but certainly better than horrible, which is where his live vocals have been for the last two tours.

I dunno. A CVH reunion now, when contrasting it with the CVH era...for me, kind of along the lines of something Michael O'Donoghue once said, in that it has all the allure of looking at a picture of a naked woman after just having had an orgasm.

[Terry]

He's fat. He has no stage presence. He has no charisma. There are thousands of people who can sing and play instruments just as well if not better. Exactly what are we trying to sell here? Where's the beef? Oh Wolfie ate the beef and all the burgers.

I mean, Ed is certainly free to think and say that his kid is a natural, or a prodigy.

Very few prodigies have gone on in adulthood to live up to that early potential, and I'd agree that nothing I've seen or heard from Wolfgang even brings the word prodigy to mind in the first place. The first word is nepotism.

Ed enjoys playing with his kid. His kid was at least smart enough - and this wasn't rocket science to begin with - to realize that the fanbase wanted Van Halen to tour with Dave again. His kid was also capable enough to play Mike Anthony's bass parts. None of that is prodigious: Wolfgang is in the band because of who he is, rather than because of anything he can do particularly well. And all of that is what it is. What it isn't is a precocious display of musical ability.

Without his last name, Wolfgang onstage with any band other than Van Halen certainly wouldn't make a person think he was destined for anything special.