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    We Are All F A T Barb

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    Stranger Things 3: This Looks Gheyer Than Shit

    I liked Season 1 and it should have started and ended there. Lamer Things is recycled 80’s pop culture/horror crap shown on corporate tax-free app-related Netsux. For those cretins who don’t know what Netsux is well, its corporate entity that rips offs syndicated shows by cheating other major television production companies by short changing them on contracts. Now thanks to the F A T Orange man, Netsux also doesn’t pay a god damn dime in taxes which means bigger budgets for shows like Stranger Things so they in turn can hire expensive lawyers to avoid copyright suits for when they steal from the likes of Steven King.

    Point 2

    Lamer Things was the stolen invention of the Duffer Brothers and Sean Levy. Then Duffer Brothers are rumored to be the illegitimate sons of “Duff Man” from the Simpsons and as for Levy he was the levy that went dry in the Don McClean song.

    Let’s recap, shall we?

    SEASON 1 A couple of really fucking stupid, suburban white kids mask their homosexuality by playing Dungeons and Dragons in their mother’s basement in Nothingbumfuckville, Indiana where after a binge-eating pizza lose track of time and head for home without getting shot, mugged or raped or come combination of the three. One of the kids sees a monster whose face looks like Courtney’s Love’s vagina, abducts him and keeps him in the “Upside Down” which is really an unoriginal concept taken right out of a Robert Heilman book. Follow so far?

    So the kid who is abducted mother goes batshit neurotic between her Valium binders and white trash pre-Walgreeen’s corporate job where she develops a fetish for a landline telephones bought on credit. Enter a F A T cop who speaks in clichés and apathy and doesn’t care for the abducted kid because he was um…fucking cheerleader in high school? Enter a jock, his jock-ass girlfriend, the jock-ass girlfriend’s F A T friend who is later consumed by Courtney Love’s vagina. Enter a clueless but very cool science teacher who seems to be the only one who knows what’s going on without knowing what is going on.

    Then out of all people Sinéad O'Connor shows up. Sinéad turns out to responsible for releasing Courtney Love’s vagina on the world. As fate would have it, Sinéad destroys Courtney Love’s vagina after bathing in bath salt and a weird ritualistic southern California enema indoor swimming pool in a high school ritual while the Valium-popping mom and the F A T cop find her annoying son in a forgotten David Lynch movie set.

    Her grossness goes all the way up to 11

    Though a government welfare program that Reagan was soon to destroy in their somehow oddly rebuilt house the Valium mom, the son who is so autistic he does not realize that the Clash released albums full of songs, and the other annoying son live happily ever after. Or do they?

    SEASON 2 Netsux went all out by giving this tripe a bigger budget, a used Mac book to do the shittiest special effects on and new characters who add nothing to the advancement of the plot. This was deemed to be acceptable since this show really has no plot.

    It all kicks off when these untalented actor dipsnots are playing Atari Pong in what appears to be a clean, almost too clean 80’s arcade when wouldn’t you know it, the annoying one develops a flashback from ingesting Purple Microdot and Quaaludes and starts hallucinating and sees a giant tarantula in a thunderstorm. About it, really. It goes downhill from there.

    The Republican Party circa 1984

    Now, everybody knows that the giant tarantula is really Reagan and the kids and the shit town they live in are liberals. The tarantula tries to sway one of them to become a Republican by making him a spy for the CIA and to instill a pre-Bush war agenda. The annoying kid agrees and also employs a “psyop” climate change deny program by believing that the environment is really cold and that global warming is a myth purporting by the Chinese no…Russian think tank groups who want to destroy good ol’ Yankee imperialism but the giant tarantula is out to stop them.

    Soon afterward, Monsanto shows up and starts killing off the vegetation and then comes the gaping plot holes and it's really not worth mentioning further.

    So Season 3 looks to be more in the way of pro-Reagan propaganda. And look how old and utterly stupid those "kids" look. Total Regan youth in 80's consumer mall America. Oh, and as for the music budget The Who? Really? But it really doesn't sound like The Who sounds like Spotify Who and just like the actors they will also be forgotten. So if you're going to pick a (80's) tune to wrap Lamer Things up at least be creative. Fucking NetSux fucking fucktard on a fucktard stick.
    Last edited by Kristy; 03-24-2019 at 09:20 PM.
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