Sam Just Won’t Stop

[Nitro Express]

So I never clicked to watch any of the songs Fagar and his peeps played on Stern.

However youtube threw one at me in my 'shorts' feed so I stumbled on them playing Good Enough from 5150.

Dave gets trashed for his diminished vocals but goddamn Hagar sounded like shit on that. But nooo hes so great blah blah blah.

FUCK SPAMMY THE FLATULENT

Sammy The Flatuent and Fartman. There’s enough gas being spewed to blow up Manhattan.

[Terry]

So I never clicked to watch any of the songs Fagar and his peeps played on Stern.

However youtube threw one at me in my 'shorts' feed so I stumbled on them playing Good Enough from 5150.

Dave gets trashed for his diminished vocals but goddamn Hagar sounded like shit on that. But nooo hes so great blah blah blah.

FUCK SPAMMY THE FLATULENT

In all honesty, I can't recall having seen or heard anything Hagar has done musically in terms of actually being able to remember now "oh, yeah, that sounded awful" more recently than some cell phone vids/audio files taken of the 2004 tour and that RnRHoF Van Halen thing in 2007 where he and Anthony played with the house band.

I do have a memory of listening to a couple tracks off the first Chickenfoot album but have no memory of what the tunes were or anything else beyond a recollection of thinking it was 'meh'. I also have a memory of having watched a clip in the last few years of Hagar and The Circle that was a video for a tune off of a recent studio album. Much like the Chickenfoot thing, I can't remember the tune now but also have a recollection of thinking as I watched the clip that it literally sounded like a tune that was knocked off in less time than it took to record re: lazy, uninspired, sort of a 'slap it together and get it out there because who gives a shit anyway, clearly we don't' type-vibe.

[Nitro Express]

In the 80's and early 90's, that underage stuff was going on all the time in my town with older males and girls under the age of 18.

There was one kid who had been left back a grade twice in my high school, so when he graduated he was 20. For his Senior Prom, he took a 14-year-old Freshman girl from the school to it as his date: he had been dating her the entire year leading up to it. Nobody said or did anything about it during the school year nor at the Prom.

Plenty of girls in my Junior class who were 15, 16 or 17 would be openly dating guys in college who were 19 years old or older.

In the mid-to-late 80's, there were two instances in my high school of older male teachers (I'm talking mid-30's to early 40's), both of whom taught Industrial Arts, who married female students within a year or two of them graduating. One of the girls first encountered her future husband in his Shop Class when she was a freshman of 14 years old. Neither of the marriages resulted in either of the teachers being removed from their positions afterward. These weren't local urban legends, either: we all knew the girls as classmates, just as we all knew both of the teachers. I will say that in the case of the 14-year-old girl and the Shop teacher there was a lot of whispering going on because the two of them could often be seen walking down the halls together laughing, and said girl never dated anybody the whole time she was in high school. But that's all it was, just whispers. There wasn't an emergency PTA meeting held because of it, even after the marriages. Nobody was investigated. No local news crews showed up on campus.

Just the way it was back then.

I think part of it was society was prudish about talking about sex, so due to social politeness a lot was ignored and swept under the rug. Today people have no problem talking about the teachers banging the kids.

[Nitro Express]

The new album should be called LAME AS FUCK shitty songs for shitheads.

[Vinnie Velvet]

Yeah, after Exorcist 2 flopped and she got busted for coke, she had to go the b-movie route which included lots of nudity.

Savage Streets was, agreed, one such flick where she displayed her lovely Blairs... in that flick while soaking in a bathtub.

Yeah man she had a nice pair of yummies.

[Nitro Express]

Nice tits and nailing a celebrity chick was probably the fetish.

[Silexxx]

Probably because they wrote in 5 minutes. Here's Hagar in a 2009 saying how much better Joe is than Eddie.

https://blabbermouth.net/news/sammy-...s-joe-satriani

Hagar: As a writer, Joe is faster. That makes him easier for me to work with, because I come up with things really fast as well. As soon as I hear a chord structure, I have a melody, instantly. And then five seconds later I'm writing lyrics. Working with Joe is great. If I say to him, "Hey, let's do something funky," next thing I know he's saying, "How about this?" It's like, bang, he's done. Whereas with Eddie, he would come back a week later and want to re-do something.

But that said, working with Eddie was great, and we wrote great songs together. The Van-Hagar stuff still holds up fantastically well, but it was a slow process. It took three years to write the "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" album. And when I tried to do the Van-Hagar reunion, in 2004, and we were trying to make a new record, Eddie could only squeeze three songs out. He's just not as prolific, and not as fast. So that's the difference between them as far as writing.

As far as playing goes, they're both phenomenal. The innovations Eddie came up with in early VAN HALEN — before I was in the band — were just so unique, he gets lots of points for that. But as just a straight-up player, who can play anything, and plays perfect every time, there's no one better than Joe.

[Von Halen]

Probably because they wrote in 5 minutes. Here's Hagar in a 2009 saying how much better Joe is than Eddie.

https://blabbermouth.net/news/sammy-...s-joe-satriani

Hagar: As a writer, Joe is faster. That makes him easier for me to work with, because I come up with things really fast as well. As soon as I hear a chord structure, I have a melody, instantly. And then five seconds later I'm writing lyrics. Working with Joe is great. If I say to him, "Hey, let's do something funky," next thing I know he's saying, "How about this?" It's like, bang, he's done. Whereas with Eddie, he would come back a week later and want to re-do something.

But that said, working with Eddie was great, and we wrote great songs together. The Van-Hagar stuff still holds up fantastically well, but it was a slow process. It took three years to write the "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" album. And when I tried to do the Van-Hagar reunion, in 2004, and we were trying to make a new record, Eddie could only squeeze three songs out. He's just not as prolific, and not as fast. So that's the difference between them as far as writing.

As far as playing goes, they're both phenomenal. The innovations Eddie came up with in early VAN HALEN — before I was in the band — were just so unique, he gets lots of points for that. But as just a straight-up player, who can play anything, and plays perfect every time, there's no one better than Joe.

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I know I've told this story here, but since he's such a douchebag, it's worth repeating. I was backstage at a Dave and Sam show. I tell my wife (RIP) to wait at the picnic table so I could go find Ray. I come back and who is sitting at the table chatting with her? Fucking Clichegar. Now, I know he knew we were with Dave's camp, because we both had our DLR All Access Laminates hanging around our necks. I walk up and I'm pissed. I go to my wife "What the fuck are you doing?" Mr. badass boxer springs up from the table and goes "I have to go get ready for the show." Then he runs into his dressing room to drink his shitty drinks with Nugent and Kid Rock.

Later that same night Mona threatened to punch me! I was definitely more scared of her than I was of Clichegar! Mona and I were having some friendly banter about the two different camps on the tour. She was joking about punching me, I think. She was super cool every time I ever met her, as was Vic.

[Vinnie Velvet]

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I know I've told this story here, but since he's such a douchebag, it's worth repeating. I was backstage at a Dave and Sam show. I tell my wife (RIP) to wait at the picnic table so I could go find Ray. I come back and who is sitting at the table chatting with her? Fucking Clichegar. Now, I know he knew we were with Dave's camp, because we both had our DLR All Access Laminates hanging around our necks. I walk up and I'm pissed. I go to my wife "What the fuck are you doing?" Mr. badass boxer springs up from the table and goes "I have to go get ready for the show." Then he runs into his dressing room to drink his shitty drinks with Nugent and Kid Rock.

Later that same night Mona threatened to punch me! I was definitely more scared of her than I was of Clichegar! Mona and I were having some friendly banter about the two different camps on the tour. She was joking about punching me, I think. She was super cool every time I ever met her, as was Vic.

Haha great story.

[Jérôme Frenchise]

Spam is the fucking turd that reappears all the time, no matter how many times you flush the toilet.

[twonabomber]

Ultimate Classic Rock has a "20 worst classic rock lyrics" article today and Hagar is on twice, even taking #1!

[Fairwrning]

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I know I've told this story here, but since he's such a douchebag, it's worth repeating. I was backstage at a Dave and Sam show. I tell my wife (RIP) to wait at the picnic table so I could go find Ray. I come back and who is sitting at the table chatting with her? Fucking Clichegar. Now, I know he knew we were with Dave's camp, because we both had our DLR All Access Laminates hanging around our necks. I walk up and I'm pissed. I go to my wife "What the fuck are you doing?" Mr. badass boxer springs up from the table and goes "I have to go get ready for the show." Then he runs into his dressing room to drink his shitty drinks with Nugent and Kid Rock.

Later that same night Mona threatened to punch me! I was definitely more scared of her than I was of Clichegar! Mona and I were having some friendly banter about the two different camps on the tour. She was joking about punching me, I think. She was super cool every time I ever met her, as was Vic.

Had not heard that story..

[Nitro Express]

Spam is the fucking turd that reappears all the time, no matter how many times you flush the toilet.

I lived in a place in New York that had an old school toilet with the tank way up on the wall and a pull chain. It roared like a lion when you flushed it. That toilet could flush Sammy Hagar to Hell’s basement. I now have a high tech Japanese toilet that does more things to your asshole than the best gay lover you could find.

[Nitro Express]

Joe Satriani’s biggest accomplishment is he’s even more boring onstage than Yngwie Malmsteen. I can take a half hour of Yngwie. I only can take fifteen minutes of Joe.

[Nitro Express]

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I know I've told this story here, but since he's such a douchebag, it's worth repeating. I was backstage at a Dave and Sam show. I tell my wife (RIP) to wait at the picnic table so I could go find Ray. I come back and who is sitting at the table chatting with her? Fucking Clichegar. Now, I know he knew we were with Dave's camp, because we both had our DLR All Access Laminates hanging around our necks. I walk up and I'm pissed. I go to my wife "What the fuck are you doing?" Mr. badass boxer springs up from the table and goes "I have to go get ready for the show." Then he runs into his dressing room to drink his shitty drinks with Nugent and Kid Rock.

Later that same night Mona threatened to punch me! I was definitely more scared of her than I was of Clichegar! Mona and I were having some friendly banter about the two different camps on the tour. She was joking about punching me, I think. She was super cool every time I ever met her, as was Vic.

So Sam has guests backstage and he’s making the move on your wife. What a tool.

[Nitro Express]

Too bad your wife didn’t pepper spray the bastard in the face. Oh you like red do you? Here you go, here’s red in your eyes! Then the ruckus gets attention by the media and you tell them the Red Cunt came on hard and he got what he deserved. I can see Roth hearing some lady sprayed Sammy. He would laugh and say well doesn’t the Cabo fuck like hot sauce?

[Jérôme Frenchise]

I lived in a place in New York that had an old school toilet with the tank way up on the wall and a pull chain. It roared like a lion when you flushed it. That toilet could flush Sammy Hagar to Hell’s basement. I now have a high tech Japanese toilet that does more things to your asshole than the best gay lover you could find.

Gotta send Spammy to that place in New York and flush him down to hell!

side note: a Japanese toilet might get him interested if it can do more things to him than Mike Anthony

[Nitro Express]

https://youtube.com/shorts/D1HeV600r...e2G2AzOo79jbd-

Says it all.

[Nickdfresh]

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I know I've told this story here, but since he's such a douchebag, it's worth repeating. I was backstage at a Dave and Sam show. I tell my wife (RIP) to wait at the picnic table so I could go find Ray. I come back and who is sitting at the table chatting with her? Fucking Clichegar. Now, I know he knew we were with Dave's camp, because we both had our DLR All Access Laminates hanging around our necks. I walk up and I'm pissed. I go to my wife "What the fuck are you doing?" Mr. badass boxer springs up from the table and goes "I have to go get ready for the show." Then he runs into his dressing room to drink his shitty drinks with Nugent and Kid Rock.

Later that same night Mona threatened to punch me! I was definitely more scared of her than I was of Clichegar! Mona and I were having some friendly banter about the two different camps on the tour. She was joking about punching me, I think. She was super cool every time I ever met her, as was Vic.

I wonder if Mona and Vic want to punch and kick the fuck out of Hagar at this point...

I liked Satriani's mainly guitar stuff but he might have had two good albums and they were niche for guitar heads only. I will put on Surfing with the Alien and his live EP from around that time, but could care less when he tried to sing on the later albums. Ed wrote complete songs and was able to collaborate in his prime and I don't think Joe can ever say that. He's not really a riff or complete song writer, more a 'writing excuses for extended solos'. I think his career is sort of like Jeff Beck's, but less notable and I doubt Beck would have anything to do with a shit-spewer like Hagar. He needs a solid collaborator like maybe Rod Stewart was for Beck to do anything viable and Hagar isn't even near Stewart in terms of relevance...

I think Satriani was in Mick Jaggers 80's solo live backup group that Kieth once called "a jerkoff band", though Beck was on the album. I can't think of a better title for "Chickencunt"...

Also, I recall vividly in high school or maybe on leave reading an article on Satch where he sort of takes digs at Edward for just 'two-hand-tapping". Well fuck Joe, form a band and release some hits why dont'cha. Tell me when you get anything near Fair Warning...

[Nitro Express]

Sammy foolishly thought some hot shot like Joe could be Eddie Van Halen. It’s all a publicity stunt to sell the boxed set coming out. Hagar is about sales. Period. It’s shameless and the fans see right through it. The Van Halen’s didn’t trust Sammy Hagar. Well it’s a shit bomb that blew up right in Sam’s face. Joe was a dumbass to go along with it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

[Seshmeister]

Probably because they wrote in 5 minutes. Here's Hagar in a 2009 saying how much better Joe is than Eddie.

https://blabbermouth.net/news/sammy-...s-joe-satriani

Hagar: As a writer, Joe is faster. That makes him easier for me to work with, because I come up with things really fast as well. As soon as I hear a chord structure, I have a melody, instantly. And then five seconds later I'm writing lyrics. Working with Joe is great. If I say to him, "Hey, let's do something funky," next thing I know he's saying, "How about this?" It's like, bang, he's done. Whereas with Eddie, he would come back a week later and want to re-do something.

He really is a fucking idiot. The more you listen to him you know that his one great achievement in life, making the tequila money, just has to have been a fluke. Someone else doing all the business stuff coupled with standing on the shoulders of the CVH base. The guy is a dummy.

[Nitro Express]

The tequila was a happy mistake. Sam simply bought tequila in Jalisco for his club. He got a liquor import license and imported it to the states and jacked the price up. He did shamelessly promote it and had the Van Halen platform to do it from. Sam basically got out and sold the Girl Scout cookies.

[Nitro Express]

Considering how long he worked in music and worked with Eddie Van Halen, Sammy understands little about either of them. He’s demonstrated he knows nothing.

Now he can pimp and sell.

[Silexxx]

https://blabbermouth.net/news/wolfga...c-of-van-halen

In a new interview with Q104.3's "Out Of The Box With Jonathan Clarke", former VAN HALEN bassist Wolfgang Van Halen was asked to weigh in on the upcoming summer 2024 tour featuring vocalist Sammy Hagar, bassist Michael Anthony, guitarist Joe Satriani and drummer Jason Bonham that will focus largely on the music of VAN HALEN. He said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "Yeah, that's super cool, man. I'm stoked for it. I'm actually, I'm gonna be seeing Mike in Vegas, so I'm stoked to give him a hug."

[ZahZoo]

Nice to read about a Van Halen adulting for once...

[ZahZoo]

Here ya go...

[Silexxx]

Nice pic. Mike looks little scared. Or maybe it's because Wolfie seems like giant next to him.

[Jérôme Frenchise]

Both get on my nerves, for different reasons.
Spammy's little doggy, and the bloated ego...
Meh

[Nickdfresh]

[Nitro Express]

Here ya go...

I really don’t want to know where those fingers have been. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Maybe they gave Sammy a probing. He likes it. Especially if you dress up like an alien.

[Nitro Express]

Nice pic. Mike looks little scared. Or maybe it's because Wolfie seems like giant next to him.

Mike was up in the balcony with Valerie. He’s worried Wolf might smell his mom on his fingers. Look at that shit grin. Yeah!

[Vinnie Velvet]

Mike looks like he's afraid Wolf is gonna eat him.

[Nitro Express]

I’m having a vision Wolf will play with Sammy this summer. It will be so gay. I can already hear Roth laughing. Sam can scheme all he wants but Dave’s legacy is eternal. It’s a granite mountain. Sam is a jealous nat. Yeah. Wolf, Sam and Mike. Valerie will watch them and cry. Then they all will do a cooking show together.

[Vinnie Velvet]

I’m having a vision Wolf will play with Sammy this summer. It will be so gay. I can already hear Roth laughing. Sam can scheme all he wants but Dave’s legacy is eternal. It’s a granite mountain. Sam is a jealous nat. Yeah. Wolf, Sam and Mike. Valerie will watch them and cry. Then they all will do a cooking show together.

That all sounds really gay.

Right up Sam's alley!

[Nitro Express]

Oh it will be a Crisco oil party for sure. Not only is it a good Lube you can deep fry all the fatty food those chumps like.

[Seshmeister]

Man. Fuck this ignorant motherfucking piece of shit. Here's the difference between Ed and Joe. Ed wrote album after album of memorable songs. Joe has written but a few memorable songs. He's written zero memorable songs with vocals. Maybe "Big Bad Moon"? I guess Clichegar likes Joe better because they can write shitty songs together, faster than he and Ed could.

There was a time when I could tolerate this fuckheads mindless drivel. That time has long passed.

I forgot to call out the bullshit in this post. "Big Bad Moon" is neither a memorable or good song.

In 40+ years little bald moon Satriani has still not written a single fucking good song - that is a pretty amazing non achievement to build a career on.

Sorry but he is guilty of prick by association at this point after the Chickenshit rubbish with Hagar and now trying to pocket his retirement money on the back of the death of Ed Van Halen and Roth's vocal melodies.

[Nitro Express]

Ed was not a song writer. He had Dave Roth to help him and don’t discount Dave’s contribution. Ed and Al very well could have ended up slinging baggage at the LA airport if they didn’t have Dave in the band. It was Ed and Dave. Joe never had a partner or team to help structure his guitar work into something more interesting. You have to have good songs. Amazing guitar playing alone doesn’t cut it. Joe is boring. Lot’s of basement players on YouTube doing the same thing.

[Nitro Express]

Anyways we can have a good laugh at Sammy and Joe.

[Von Halen]

I forgot to call out the bullshit in this post. "Big Bad Moon" is neither a memorable or good song.

Has the vodka blinded you? Did I not say "maybe" and use a question mark?

[Seshmeister]

It's not good enough.