This Fuckin' Kid

[Nitro Express]

Dave’s uncle was a renound cancer researcher at the Houston cancer center.

[Nitro Express]

Al is smart to just lay low. Wolf and Sammy will burn themselves out and then maybe some stuff can come out. It’s not a bad thing to make stuff a bit scarce and not cashing in on Ed’s death is the biggest honor you can give. Dave called Wolfie and Sam out. He’s saying nothing about Al. You can see who the assholes are.

[Nitro Express]

Sam’s agent is trying to get that motherfucker on every show possible. He’s making one last hard swing at being relevant. He’s still trying to surf Ed’s death. Deep down Sam knows he’s nothing. It’s why he tries so hard to try and convince people he is. He’s just another old guy who made some money and can fly on a private jet. I live where private jets are a dime a dozen. Our airport is full of them. Eddie Van Halen has a legacy. David Lee Roth has a legacy. Sammy made some money and is forgettable. He was the front man for Van Halen and is still nothing. That drives him nuts.

[DLR Bridge]

He’s saying nothing about Al. You can see who the assholes are.

Well, I wouldn’t say nothing. He painted him as a raging alcoholic bully and floated the notion that his dearly departed brother would tell Dave he hated his brother, on the regular. Granted, all brothers quarrel and say shit, but airing this was a personal barb at Al. We all know Al fucking hates Sammy as much as us and will never forgive him for the dirty laundry book he wrote. To Al, this is Dave doing the same thing.

I heard that Al may have been behind making Dave take down his Jump remake from YouTube.

I think Dave is dolling out the ass whoopings to anyone and everyone who deserves it and, true to his whacky ways, he’s going about it in ways nobody (except us) would expect.

[Vinnie Velvet]

I think Dave is frustrated over the way the Van Halen camp is now managed.

Without Ed, its no longer Ed, Al and Dave.

Alex now has to deal with Wolf and Val. Which clearly has made things complicated.

[DLR Bridge]

The argument about old VH stuff being released because it would take the shine off of Wolf is one thing, but I'd bet another reason why is because Wolf has been stealing dad's unused riffs for his own stuff. What a dick!

Should that be the case, we’d at least know that there weren’t “10 albums worth of music in the can” that would interest any of us.

I agree that his music is plain boring, as well as over layered, over polished and compressed to the point of being completely flat. Oddly enough, the only song I took any interest in was the one he said Ed liked most. Think it’s called Think It Over or something. I never expected him to sound like the band Van Halen, but wasn’t expecting him to sound like some Tremonti side project either.

[Nitro Express]

I think Dave is just enjoying life and poking the bear for shits and grins. He knows him and Ed were the only two who really mattered.

[Nitro Express]

Wolf’s music is like fucking with one stroke. Oh he pounds hard like a big gorilla and screams a lot but she ain’t cumming and she isn’t going to want more. She just wanted to fuck a Van Halen.

[Catfish]

You saw him live? You are part of the problem. He opened for Alter Bridge here. I made sure I arrived after that fat fuck played. He should be playing to empty venues. Then these bands making him even more of a charity case, wouldn’t put this entitled prick on their tours. NOBODY hates Van Halen fan more than fat boy does. Anybody that doesn’t believe this fat fucker is blocking any releases of anything VH, has their head in the sand. He knows and hates the fact that a shitty quality VH bootleg release, whether it’s 4 minutes or 90 minutes in length, garners more attention and publicity than his garbage could ever muster.

Right Now (pun intended) he has no choice but to suck up to Mike and Clichegar. Because he can’t stop what they are doing. Even though it has to be killing him that even a Van Hagar tribute band is more appealing and is selling more tickets than his shitty shows.

Fuck you Von Halen! I saw him when he toured with Dirty Honey and we didn't know who was going on first that night. Unfortunately it was Wolf so I sat through it and gave him a chance. It blew! I hated it!

And don't start with the 'part of the problem' shit, you used to follow Van Hagar on tour and buy the T-shirts, you can't hide from your past! Hell you still get goosebumps on your labia when you hear "When It Can't Be Love" in the grocery store!

[conmee]

Terry,

So you're telling me How Many Say I and Sucker In A Three Piece don't stand up to Roth-era lyrics and compositions? "Have you ever wanted VH bootlegs and boxsets, but all you got was Mammoth WVH... how many, how many, say I..."

I would have preferred EVH packed it in back in 1985. If anything, the legacy, the legend would have grown. I don't think I'd miss one composition post-1985 if they'd never been recorded. I would even be willing to give up ADKOT to not have had to endure Hagar and Cherone albums. To digress, I mean if Randy would have lived, it'd be like Randy leaving Ozzy to start a rock band with Kevin DuBrow... wait, he actually did that prior to Ozzy... ok so it would be like Randy starting a rock band with Billy Squire or Boy George. Point being, Randy didn't live long enough to tarnish his legacy.

[conmee]

Catfish,

It's been awhile since I laughed out loud, but "goosebumps on your labia" got me. Don't know why, but probably because it's Von's labia you're talking about.

[Terry]

Terry,

So you're telling me How Many Say I and Sucker In A Three Piece don't stand up to Roth-era lyrics and compositions? "Have you ever wanted VH bootlegs and boxsets, but all you got was Mammoth WVH... how many, how many, say I..."

I would have preferred EVH packed it in back in 1985. If anything, the legacy, the legend would have grown. I don't think I'd miss one composition post-1985 if they'd never been recorded. I would even be willing to give up ADKOT to not have had to endure Hagar and Cherone albums. To digress, I mean if Randy would have lived, it'd be like Randy leaving Ozzy to start a rock band with Kevin DuBrow... wait, he actually did that prior to Ozzy... ok so it would be like Randy starting a rock band with Billy Squire or Boy George. Point being, Randy didn't live long enough to tarnish his legacy.

Now, just hang on one fuckin' minute, here...Quiet Riot had their moment. You were pumping your only just last week got your first hair on balls adolescent fist in the air to their version of Cum On Feel The Noize back in the fall of '83 along with the rest of us, so neveryoumind gaslighting the fact that Kevin DuBrow was da bom, yo!


As to the rest, had EVH packed it in back in 1985, it wouldn't have diminished what he did for me one iota.

[Von Halen]

Now, just hang on one fuckin' minute, here...Quiet Riot had their moment. You were pumping your only just last week got your first hair on balls adolescent fist in the air to their version of Cum On Feel The Noize back in the fall of '83 along with the rest of us, so neveryoumind gaslighting the fact that Kevin DuBrow was da bom, yo!


As to the rest, had EVH packed it in back in 1985, it wouldn't have diminished what he did for me one iota.

I hated Quiet Riot.

[Von Halen]

Fuck you Von Halen! I saw him when he toured with Dirty Honey and we didn't know who was going on first that night. Unfortunately it was Wolf so I sat through it and gave him a chance. It blew! I hated it!

And don't start with the 'part of the problem' shit, you used to follow Van Hagar on tour and buy the T-shirts, you can't hide from your past! Hell you still get goosebumps on your labia when you hear "When It Can't Be Love" in the grocery store!

Mean Machine is the ONLY band to ever give me goosebumps on my labia.

[Kristy]

So what many of you are saying is that my David Lee Roth years Van Halen era mythical Great Box Set in the Sky will never come to pass? You know, the one with decent remastering, rare photos, interviews, outtakes and a "gotcha sucker" sticker for the insane price? Yeah, that one.

[Terry]

I hated Quiet Riot.

You loved 'em, just like the rest of us. You were banging your head, partying all night because the wild and the young had to be free.

You also jacked off to the Billy Squier Rock Me Tonite video. Admit it, because the only thing lamer than doing it in the first place is denying it ever happened.

AND...





...secretly you thought the Why Can't This Be Love single was cool the first time you heard it.

[Terry]

So what many of you are saying is that my David Lee Roth years Van Halen era mythical Great Box Set in the Sky will never come to pass? You know, the one with decent remastering, rare photos, interviews, outtakes and a "gotcha sucker" sticker for the insane price? Yeah, that one.

I don't wanna say never, but at the rate it's going should it ever come to pass it'll only happen after physical media has gone the way of the dinosaur.

[conmee]

No offense meant, Terry. It was wrong of me to disparage Kevin and even try to compare him to Hagar. I’m sure that you and the “Battle Axe” wife of yours drive around in a “Slick Black Cadillac” downing cheap bottles of “Thunder Bird” only to find yourself “Breathless” as you “Run For Cover” with Metal Health blaring from your Pioneer cassette player. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Peace.

[conmee]

I think you owe Von an apology. No way he thought When Cant This Be Love was cool. No way. The first time I heard it I said out loud “what the fuck is this gay shit?!?!” I mean I didn’t have high hopes coming from I Can’t Drive 55, but that song and Only One Way To Rock are like Day In The Life and Stairway To Heaven compared to that cheese that was released in 1986. I mean they couldn’t even out-Journey Journey.

[Terry]

I think you owe Von an apology. No way he thought When Cant This Be Love was cool. No way. The first time I heard it I said out loud “what the fuck is this gay shit?!?!” I mean I didn’t have high hopes coming from I Can’t Drive 55, but that song and Only One Way To Rock are like Day In The Life and Stairway To Heaven compared to that cheese that was released in 1986. I mean they couldn’t even out-Journey Journey.

So, I owe him an apology specifically for that, inferring that the Squier video thesis was accurate?

I'll admit the Hagar thing was a bit harsh and over-the-top: Von, I love you, man...no homo...

[Terry]

No offense meant, Terry. It was wrong of me to disparage Kevin and even try to compare him to Hagar. I’m sure that you and the “Battle Axe” wife of yours drive around in a “Slick Black Cadillac” downing cheap bottles of “Thunder Bird” only to find yourself “Breathless” as you “Run For Cover” with Metal Health blaring from your Pioneer cassette player. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Peace.

The lame part?

Mrs. Terry and I took a drive last summer to our vacation destination (the Twilight Hotel). On the way, we popped in her Monsters Of Rock cd and ROCKED to Cum On Feel The Noize, yo!

[Terry]

I actually did see Quiet Riot open for Black Sabbath in 1983.

Quiet Riot were pretty underwhelming as a live act; Black Sabbath was touring the Born Again album and blew QR off the stage...Geezer's bass was so loud it was caving my chest in.

[Von Halen]

I threw up in my mouth the first time I heard Why Cunt This Be Love. To me, it is the worst of Van Hagar.

[Von Halen]

I think you owe Von an apology. No way he thought When Cant This Be Love was cool. No way. The first time I heard it I said out loud “what the fuck is this gay shit?!?!” I mean I didn’t have high hopes coming from I Can’t Drive 55, but that song and Only One Way To Rock are like Day In The Life and Stairway To Heaven compared to that cheese that was released in 1986. I mean they couldn’t even out-Journey Journey.

Commie! How the hell are you bro?

[conmee]

I'll vouch for Von that he was no fan of If This Can't Be Love, but all bets off on the Squier video thesis as you put it. There may be something to that.

I actually like Quiet Riot, I remember buying the Metal Health album based solely on the album art and single. As Van Halen was my favorite band, and EVH of course my favorite guitarist, I was a bit let down by Carlos on Battle Axe. But damn if I didn't get my money's worth when Kevin sang, "I wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face!" Sammy's entire body of work can't hold a candle to that gem.

[conmee]

All is well, Von. Glad to see a few of the old timers. Sad to read about Lounge Machine. When the Lions shit the bed last week, I thought of you, which prompted me to visit the site. Not the shitting the bed part, but just the Lions in general. I remember living in the Motor City in the early 2000s and having to live through the Joey Harrington/Marty Mornhinweg years while the Pistons and Red Wings were winning championships and Kwame was partying in the Manoogian Mansion. At any rate, was really hoping the Lions would get that first Super Bowl appearance and possibly win. At least the Lions have a couple playoff wins post-Barry Sanders, so that's one monkey off their back.

[Von Halen]

All is well, Von. Glad to see a few of the old timers. Sad to read about Lounge Machine. When the Lions shit the bed last week, I thought of you, which prompted me to visit the site. Not the shitting the bed part, but just the Lions in general. I remember living in the Motor City in the early 2000s and having to live through the Joey Harrington/Marty Mornhinweg years while the Pistons and Red Wings were winning championships and Kwame was partying in the Manoogian Mansion. At any rate, was really hoping the Lions would get that first Super Bowl appearance and possibly win. At least the Lions have a couple playoff wins post-Barry Sanders, so that's one monkey off their back.

It was heart breaking, but these are not the same old Lions. They are beasts and will learn from this. I have zero issue with Campbell doing what he did all year. If the fucking players had made plays, they'd have won. I thought maybe Reynolds had money on the 49ers!

[Terry]

I threw up in my mouth the first time I heard Why Cunt This Be Love. To me, it is the worst of Van Hagar.

First time I heard that tune, it was an immediate reaction of disbelief: THIS was what the Van Halens and Hagar were bragging about all those interviews leading up to the release of the 5150 while they were all bagging on how much Dave sucked?

[Nitro Express]

Why Can’t This Be Love is a sonic laxative.

[Seshmeister]

First time I heard that tune, it was an immediate reaction of disbelief: THIS was what the Van Halens and Hagar were bragging about all those interviews leading up to the release of the 5150 while they were all bagging on how much Dave sucked?

And then the video comes out with Hagar playing guitar and the Madonna mic. That was the end.

[Catfish]

I think you owe Von an apology. No way he thought When Cant This Be Love was cool. No way. The first time I heard it I said out loud “what the fuck is this gay shit?!?!” I mean I didn’t have high hopes coming from I Can’t Drive 55, but that song and Only One Way To Rock are like Day In The Life and Stairway To Heaven compared to that cheese that was released in 1986. I mean they couldn’t even out-Journey Journey.

Between you and me, and please don't repeat this, I know that Von Halen still celebrates Why Can't Love Walks In as much today as the day he bought the single!

[Von Halen]

Between you and me, and please don't repeat this, I know that Von Halen still celebrates Why Can't Love Walks In as much today as the day he bought the single!

Watch your mouth or I'll come out there to Cali and jizz on your little china girls face, like I did one of your other wives.

[Catfish]

Watch your mouth or I'll come out there to Cali and jizz on your little china girls face, like I did one of your other wives.

Gawd Dam! Straight to the nuclear option!!!

I'm sorry I'm sorry I take it back!!!!

[Vinnie Velvet]

Sam will re-release 5150. Newly remixed with new lyrics

1. Good Enough for My Bum
2. Why Can't This Be Cum
3. Get Up on My Dick
4. Reams
5. Faggot Nights
6. Best of Both Cocks
7. Cock Cums In (Alien Butt Sex remix)
8. 5,150 Dicks Sucked
9. Inside Belcher

[Nitro Express]

Those are the real song names but Warner Brother’s changed them to avoid getting in trouble with Tipper Gore.

[Nitro Express]

Don’t forget Three Cocks in my Box and Can’t Get My Sex Drive Past Age 55.

[Terry]

Between you and me, and please don't repeat this, I know that Von Halen still celebrates Why Can't Love Walks In as much today as the day he bought the single!

I fuckin' KNEW it!

AND I'm repeating it.

I suppose I shouldn't be one to talk, since even after hearing that first shitty single I went on to buy the album it came off of as soon as it was released. I figured that the rest of the album couldn't be that bad, never figuring that there were other tracks on the record that were even worse.

[Terry]

Ah, the early days of 1986, when Hagar's arrival in Van Halen was like a romantic snuggle while wrapped in a pink cashmere sweater and pink capri pants.

[Catfish]

Sam will re-release 5150. Newly remixed with new lyrics


7. Cock Cums In (Alien Butt Sex remix)
8. 5,150 Dicks Sucked

[conmee]

There’s a Terry-approved way to wear a straight jacket….



And then there’s a gay way…