On Track…Van Halen by Morgan Brown (2023 book)

[Warham]

I don’t know if anyone mentioned this book yet. I picked it up at B&N about a week ago. I wasn’t looking for it, I just found it while perusing the music section. It covers their total output from 1978-2015. I can give a more thorough review but overall it is very kind to the Dave era, kind of meh on Hagar and the Cherone album is considered an abortion.

[Von Halen]

Wow. I don't have that one. Going to have to get it. Thanks for posting that. Definitely you should do a review on it.

[Warham]

Wow. I don't have that one. Going to have to get it. Thanks for posting that. Definitely you should do a review on it.

Yeah when I have some time today I’ll do a deeper dive. It goes track by track on each album and has the credits for each album as well.

[DLR Bridge]

Does is say things like, Ed came up with a cool groove on a 6 string baritone bass and all Hagar could come up with were lyrics about calling a spank line? That would be an entertaining read.

[Warham]

Does is say things like, Ed came up with a cool groove on a 6 string baritone bass and all Hagar could come up with were lyrics about calling a spank line? That would be an entertaining read.

I’ll see what it says for “Spanked” and get back to you.

[Catfish]

Does is say things like, Ed came up with a cool groove on a 6 string baritone bass and all Hagar could come up with were lyrics about calling a spank line? That would be an entertaining read.

VH used to be about sly innuendo and humor. Like the lyrics to Dance the Night Away. Then they transform with an asshole screaming about masturbating, having sex until you're black and blue, and his morning boner. Sweet Jesus.

[Rikk]

I did a review on this book recently. I'll see if I can bump the thread. It's a really good read...and they really give Sam a LOT of shit.

[Seshmeister]

VH used to be about sly innuendo and humor. Like the lyrics to Dance the Night Away. Then they transform with an asshole screaming about masturbating, having sex until you're black and blue, and his morning boner. Sweet Jesus.

Famously when they asked him to write lyrics for a song about their home town in Europe and Hagar comes back with -

Oh, wham, bam, oh Amsterdam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Will stone you like nothin' else can
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Hot damn, roll an Amsterdam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
If she can't, then no one else can
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo wham, bam, oh Amsterdam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You don't have to worry about the man
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo, hot damn, burn an Amsterdam yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Stone me like nothin' else can
Yeah, yeah, yeah

He must look on Spinal Tap as being a masterclass.

[Catfish]

Can someone green-light and start a 'Sammy Hagar Lyrics Appreciation Thread' and stock it with gems like these??

[DLR Bridge]

This may just give Dick In The Dirt a run for the money as his worst drivel ever…

Hey, I'm all feet up, watchin' TV
Someplace to feast my eyes, oh
Well, I've always tripped on commercials, yeah, yeah
This one blew my mind, oh, uh, hey
Tell me, who ya gonna call
When you need that affection?
You got to have it quick (got to have it quick)
Well, just a-hang your love line
In her direction, whoa
All you bad, bad boys
Call her up on the spank line, uh
Yeah, all you bad, bad boys
Call her up on the spank line, uh, whoa, oh
Three dollars, first minute, gosh, man
After that, cost ya four
And she be up for negotiations, mmm-hmm
If you call back for mo', oh oh oh ah
Now who ya gonna call
When you need that special (special)
Little somethin', mmm
You can say what you like
It's all confidential, whoa
Call her up on the spank line, huh
(All you bad, bad boys)
Call her up on the spank line, whoa
Hey
(All you bad, bad boys)
Make a mind blow
(All you bad, bad boys)
Dial 1-900-spanked
Call her up on the spank line, uh, hey
(All you bad, bad boys)
Call her up on the spank line, uh
Yeah, it's a spank line, ha, ha, ha, ha, woo
(All you bad, bad boys)
Just, call her up, ha, call her up
1-900-spanked (all you bad, bad boys)
1-900-spanked you bad, bad, bad, boys
(All you bad, bad boys) just call her up
It's a spank line, yeah, oh, ow

[Seshmeister]

this may just give dick in the dirt a run for the money as his worst drivel ever…

call her up on the spank line, uh, whoa, oh
three dollars, first minute, gosh, man
after that, cost ya four

wtaf!!??

[Rikk]

Yeah, it's a spank line, ha, ha, ha, ha, woo
(All you bad, bad boys)

This has ALWAYS been one of the worst-offenders in the Van Hagar catalog for me.

Sometimes, Van Hagar could have a really solid backing track ruined by Sam's putrid lyrics/vocals...
...but THIS ONE is fucking horrible all around.

For some reason, it reminds me (with that riff) of a kind of slowed-down version of an 80s Robert Palmer tune.

The lyrics are about as sexy as a 75-pounds-overweight drunk soccer mom singing along to Bon Jovi.

[DLR Bridge]

I kinda like the groove and the 6 string bass sound, but it really is difficult to imagine something better being done with the song once you’ve got this crap in your head.

Whenever I see the ‘Sam is a better singer’ crowd crying away on Facebook, I wonder how many of them have this gem in their rotation. There’s not a single song from the 6 pack that could be deemed skippable.

[Warham]

This has ALWAYS been one of the worst-offenders in the Van Hagar catalog for me.

Sometimes, Van Hagar could have a really solid backing track ruined by Sam's putrid lyrics/vocals...
...but THIS ONE is fucking horrible all around.

For some reason, it reminds me (with that riff) of a kind of slowed-down version of an 80s Robert Palmer tune.

The lyrics are about as sexy as a 75-pounds-overweight drunk soccer mom singing along to Bon Jovi.

Robert Palmer (RIP, should be in the RRHOF too) was far more talented than Hagar. He could write better tunes and he came up with the Power Station sound.

[Catfish]

all her up on the spank line, uh, whoa, oh
three dollars, first minute, gosh, man
after that, cost ya four

wtaf!!??

Hagar's math skills are FUCKING AMAZING.