The Sheep Pen

[bueno bob]

"And that's why that Knowledge of Uncarnal album by Van is so good...because it's American..."

[Nickdfresh]

Excellent thoughts being exchanged here. The existential quandary that any Van Halen(Hagar) fan must confront cam to a head this album for me. Is Ed playing with Sammy better than no VH? When I fart on a cold day, can people see steam coming from my ass? Wait, nevermind on the second one. I think on this album we received the definitive answer:

F.U.C.K. NO!

The entire album seems to be a bland, droning on quality as if they just converted 5150 studio into a giant F.U.C.K.ing mailroom designed to expedite some half-assed effort to justify their insipid touring.

Now for the album's opener "Poundcake," Eddie comes up with a distinctive opening clincher on his guitar. I think perhaps one day he was doing some remodeling while playing guitar and put his drill too close to his pickups and discovered that you can make neat-o'-torpedo sounds and not actually have to play. So of course, he has to put this on this on the opening of "Poundcake"." The first sign that the FOR UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE would come with a good deal of "postage" on it! What he should have done was put the drill into Sammy's F.U.C.K.ing forehead for writing such bad lyrics. And what was the video about? Man they could not hold a candle to Roth era videos! Some chick looking into a dressing room of models or something? Okay the "T & A' factor is there, but where is Van Hagar? What does it all mean? It means that Van Hagar is SPAM!

The F.U.C.K. albums second sign of collapse into flagrant mediocrity was "Judgement Day." Here, Sammy waxes on some pseudo-religious themes, oh fuck-it--I can't tell what the hell he is saying, and ruins a potentially nice riff with lame harmonies and failing to develop the tune into something that could actually have been a good rocking song.

"Spanked," what can be said about this lyrical monstrosity that hasn't been said. Again Ed opens with a "Brownsound" that sounds like it will annoy all pets within a five mile radius. But okay, I'll give the boys some credit here. I actually like this riff, it's actually kind of below-the-belt-bassy and sort of has a groove to it. But, "All you bad, bad boys call her up on the "spank line?" What the F.U.C.K.?! What the hell kind of lyrics are those? Would Dave have ever written about calling a phone-sex line? Well, maybe Sammy had to at that point:


So she "Runaround," eh? Another redundantly boring song that could have been better with improved lyrics and more work on the harmonies, but the song's tune runs-around in circles in order to make the most out of a thin, limited riff that needed a little more "push to get it over the edge of the cliff."


Ahhh...The SHEEP's favorite SPAM classic:"The Pleasuredome". The song opens with some interesting instrumental harmonics by Ed and a pedestrian drum solo by Alex. Lost in this pleasuredome indeed! Man do these lyrics suck! More Sammy-waxing-poetic-drivel!

"In 'n' Out." For a guy that seems to be preaching about mediocrity, Sam seems to be achieving it here with more banter from his new found pulpit, telling us how good the system is when you just mail it in for the money. Yes Sam, the "man got me down" alright, and it's you you shaggy haired cunt!

"Man on a Mission." --to ruin Van Halen, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! What more can I say?

"The Dream is over" --Indeed it is, I will admit to liking the riff on this one, but again Sam preaches form his pulpit of with his bullshit about thy "system" which allowed his to be the lead singer of "Van Halen" to begin with. More waxing philosophical from Spam the man. If I want a lesson on economics Sam, I'll read Alan Greenspan, not you ya' fool! That's not why I go to a rock concert! Spare me you parachute pants wearin' bumkin!

And the cream de la cream of Van Hagar, "Right Now," Here Spam seems to overcome himself and write some lyrics that are marginally interesting, and actually seem to further the existential themes of the album. But I can't help thinking things like "right now, I wish Dave were back in Van Halen." 'Cause, Right now, you can't get this stuff no more!

316-- Does this contrived little guitar ditty in any way compare to the greatness of Ed's guitar intros on FAIRWARNIG or DIVER DOWN? No! My oh my! how far you have fallen Ed with no one to critically push you.

Stand and get on "Top of the World." --"I just want to sink my teeth in that fine piece of real estate..." Oh God, kill me now, what a phoney feel good song, just to lift the spirits of the now near suicidal (real) Van Halen fan that knows the Real Van Halen is totally kaput!

F.U.C.K. indeed!

[Bill Lumbergh]

The next First Lady?!

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh
Excellent thoughs being exchanged here. The existential quandary that any Van Halen(Hagar) fan must confront cam to a head this album for me. Is Ed playing with Sammy better than no VH? When I fart on a cold day, can people see steam coming from my ass? Wait, nevermind on the second one. I think on this album we received the definitive answer:

F.U.C.K. NO!

The entire album seems to be a bland, droning on quality as if they just converted 5150 studio into a giant F.U.C.K.ing mailroom designed to expedite some half-assed effort to justify their insipid touring.

Now for the album's opener "Poundcake," Eddie comes up with a distinctive opening clincher on his guitar. I think perhaps one day he was doing some remodeling while playing guitar and put his drill too close to his pickups and discovered that you can make neat-o'-torpedo sounds and not actually have to play. So of course, he has to put this on this on the opening of "Poundcake"." The first sign that the FOR UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE would come with a good deal of "postage" on it! What he should have done was put the drill into Sammy's F.U.C.K.ing forehead for writing such bad lyrics. And what was the video about? Man they could not hold a candle to Roth era videos! Some chick looking into a dressing room of models or something? Okay the "T & A' factor is there, but where is Van Hagar? What does it all mean? It means that Van Hagar is SPAM!

The F.U.C.K. albums second sign of collapse into flagrant mediocrity was "Judgement Day." Here, Sammy waxes on some pseudo-religious themes, oh fuck-it--I can't tell what the hell he is saying, and ruins a potentially nice riff with lame harmonies and failing to develop the tune into something that could actually have been a good rocking song.

"Spanked," what can be said about this lyrical monstrosity that hasn't been said. Again Ed opens with a "Brownsound" that sounds like it will annoy all pets within a five mile radius. But okay, I'll give the boys some credit here. I actually like this riff, it's actually kind of below-the-belt-bassy and sort of has a groove to it. But, "All you bad, bad boys call her up on the "spank line?" What the F.U.C.K.?! What the hell kind of lyrics are those? Would Dave have ever written about calling a phone-sex line? Well, maybe Sammy had to at that point:


So she "Runaround," eh? Another redundantly boring song that could have been better with improved lyrics and more work on the harmonies, but the song's tune runs-around in circles in order to make the most out of a thin, limited riff that needed a little more "push to get it over the edge of the cliff."


Ahhh...The SHEEP's favorite SPAM classic:"The Pleasuredome". The song opens with some interesting instrumental harmonics by Ed and a pedestrian drum solo by Alex. Lost in this pleasuredome indeed! Man do these lyrics suck! More Sammy-waxing-poetic-drivel!

"In 'n' Out." For a guy that seems to be preaching about mediocrity, Sam seems to be achieving it here with more banter from his new found pulpit, telling us how good the system is when you just mail it in for the money. Yes Sam, the "man got me down" alright, and it's you you shaggy haired cunt!

"Man on a Mission." --to ruin Van Halen, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! What more can I say?

"The Dream is over" --Indeed it is, I will admit to liking the riff on this one, but again Sam preaches form his pulpit of with his bullshit about thy "system" which allowed his to be the lead singer of "Van Halen" to begin with. More waxing philosophical from Spam the man. If I want a lesson on economics Sam, I'll read Alan Greenspan, not you ya' fool! That's not why I go to a rock concert! Spare me you parachute pants wearin' bumkin!

And the cream de la cream of Van Hagar, "Right Now," Here Spam seems to overcome himself and write some lyrics that are marginally interesting, and actually seem to further the existential themes of the album. But I can't help thinking things like "right now, I wish Dave were back in Van Halen." 'Cause, Right now, you can't get this stuff no more!

316-- Does this contrived little guitar ditty in any way compare to the greatness of Ed's guitar intros on FAIRWARNIG or DIVER DOWN? No! My oh my! how far you have fallen Ed with no one to critically push you.

Stand and get on "Top of the World." --"I just want to sink my teeth in that fine piece of real estate..." Oh God, kill me now, what a phoney feel good song, just to lift the spirits of the now near suicidal (real) Van Halen fan that knows the Real Van Halen is totally kaput!

F.U.C.K. indeed!

Now that's not very American or free of you! HAHAHAHA

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Bill Lumbergh
The next First Lady?!

She is SOOOOO hot....


...When compared to Katydid.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Now that's not very American or free of you! HAHAHAHA

"Man on a Mission!"

[bueno bob]

"Now just hold on a second - who's this Lee David character? Why's he got anything to do with Van's music?"

[Bill Lumbergh]

"REACH DOWN BETWEEN MY LEGS .......EASE...........WHAT IN GODS NAME.............THIS IS AN ATROCITY! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LYRICS LIKE "KNock three times on the ceiling if you want me?!"

[bueno bob]

"I, uh...I think that Bill there...and Bill, now, that name's not very American...I think that Bill there doesn't believe in...uh...freedom and democracy..."

[bueno bob]

Don't worry, Bill, I'm gonna take care of Mr. Bush here right abouts now, I say...

[bueno bob]

I'll let you know as soon as he "re-education" on all things Van Halen is complete. Plus, as an added bonus, I'm going to train him to pronounce "nuclear" correctly.

[Rikk]

Originally posted by bueno bob
"And that's why that Knowledge of Uncarnal album by Van is so good...because it's American..."

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rikk]

Dave has said the band spent three weeks total in the studio writing and recording 1984. FOR UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE took one year.

Yup.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Rikk
FOR UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE took one year.

And this is why.

[Bill Lumbergh]

Ed working hard to piss away his legacy.............Insiders say he came up with the majority of FUCK's music while pissing after a Summer "vacation" with Sam which included playing "Hide the snake"(Hide the worm in Hagars case) and plenty of Sega Genesis.