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*ahem*
*taptaptap*
Attention class! Today's lecture is on how to clean the footswitch on a TS-9 Tube Screamer (or any similar Ibanez stomp box) in one easy lesson.
I googled this procedure 5 ways from Sunday last night, and all I could see in many cases were supposed "gurus" claiming that it could not be done.
Well SCREW YOU to all those "knowledgeable" idiots. Buncha lazy sacks of shit.
*Disclaimer - the will work only for those of you who have some sort of Ibanez stombox whose switch has been infected with dust, dirt, scum, mildew, mould, infectious disease, mange, gangrene, bad breath, or any one of many other maladies which may simply prevent the switch from making contact properly. If the switch in your Ibanez stompbox is dead, buried, has taken a vacation, a leave of absence, is broken, bored stiff, alcoholic, or otherwise unreliable, the steps outlined below may not help you.*
The Victim, or otherwise known as "The Candidate For Surgery":
*Background Info*
I was having trouble with the damn thing, having to stomp on it several times just to get it to engage. Instead of rending mine garment, or tearing out of hair, I decided to figure out how to fix it.
A mind is a terrible thing...
And yes, it is an original TS-9, which I bought at a music shop in Wichita Kansas in 1997 for $75
First step is to remove the battery compartment cover. Remove the battery, or just hang it outside the compartment by the wires to the battery clip. Below the space where the battery lives is a piece of foam. Pull it back, and you will see this:
What you want to do is get a medium-sized phillips-head screwdriver, and remove the screws on either end of the circuit board. Then pull up gently on the thing.
Flip the circuit board over, and you will see the actual plastic switch. You can see the slight gaps between the switch itself, and the switch housing, which I have so kindly and with great painstaking care, pointed out for you with much toil, one pixel at a time, using the finest professional painting kit that can be found on Earth, manufactured by a company whose founder's uncle's great-great-great-great-grandfather's great-aunt once licked Michelangelo's left testicle. The gaps are your ticket to perfect functionality of this mindless little switch.
***All Kneel Before The Holy Electronic Sacramental Spray!***
All you have to do is spray this stuff into the miniature cracks so amazingly pointed out in the previous image.
And Lo, after administering The Holy Sacramental Spray into the innermost self of the victim, The Holy Switch hath been rendered divine once more, verily, and can henceforth at the tap of a footpad, awaken The Eye Of Satan!!
Thus endeth the lecture.
*taptaptap*
Attention class! Today's lecture is on how to clean the footswitch on a TS-9 Tube Screamer (or any similar Ibanez stomp box) in one easy lesson.
I googled this procedure 5 ways from Sunday last night, and all I could see in many cases were supposed "gurus" claiming that it could not be done.
Well SCREW YOU to all those "knowledgeable" idiots. Buncha lazy sacks of shit.
*Disclaimer - the will work only for those of you who have some sort of Ibanez stombox whose switch has been infected with dust, dirt, scum, mildew, mould, infectious disease, mange, gangrene, bad breath, or any one of many other maladies which may simply prevent the switch from making contact properly. If the switch in your Ibanez stompbox is dead, buried, has taken a vacation, a leave of absence, is broken, bored stiff, alcoholic, or otherwise unreliable, the steps outlined below may not help you.*
The Victim, or otherwise known as "The Candidate For Surgery":
*Background Info*
I was having trouble with the damn thing, having to stomp on it several times just to get it to engage. Instead of rending mine garment, or tearing out of hair, I decided to figure out how to fix it.
A mind is a terrible thing...
And yes, it is an original TS-9, which I bought at a music shop in Wichita Kansas in 1997 for $75
First step is to remove the battery compartment cover. Remove the battery, or just hang it outside the compartment by the wires to the battery clip. Below the space where the battery lives is a piece of foam. Pull it back, and you will see this:
What you want to do is get a medium-sized phillips-head screwdriver, and remove the screws on either end of the circuit board. Then pull up gently on the thing.
Flip the circuit board over, and you will see the actual plastic switch. You can see the slight gaps between the switch itself, and the switch housing, which I have so kindly and with great painstaking care, pointed out for you with much toil, one pixel at a time, using the finest professional painting kit that can be found on Earth, manufactured by a company whose founder's uncle's great-great-great-great-grandfather's great-aunt once licked Michelangelo's left testicle. The gaps are your ticket to perfect functionality of this mindless little switch.
***All Kneel Before The Holy Electronic Sacramental Spray!***
All you have to do is spray this stuff into the miniature cracks so amazingly pointed out in the previous image.
And Lo, after administering The Holy Sacramental Spray into the innermost self of the victim, The Holy Switch hath been rendered divine once more, verily, and can henceforth at the tap of a footpad, awaken The Eye Of Satan!!
Thus endeth the lecture.
)
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