Instructions for women

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  • lms2

    Instructions for women

    Women's instructions

    Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

    Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

    Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

    What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

    So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

    If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

    Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

    Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.

    Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

    Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

    Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

    The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

    If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

    A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".

    Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

    Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

    If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

    When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."
  • lms2

    #2
    ha ha ha

    Comment

    • sambo
      Sniper
      • Jun 2004
      • 912

      #3
      If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him..... do you still think he's wrong?
      Go home the Earth is full....

      Comment

      • Ozzy Fudd
        Veteran
        • Jan 2004
        • 1667

        #4
        beautifull work lms2 Roth on
        Roth Army MP
        Originally posted by Panamark
        Is there such a thing as a trailer park virgin?
        or is that just a chick that can run faster than her father and brothers ??
        Originally posted by BITEYOASS
        She looks like someone I wake up to after a night of drinking. Or someone I'd bang so a buddy of mine can get her hotter friend.
        Originally posted by JAY HALE
        so how's about you stop lying, log off and go practice.

        Comment

        • lms2

          #5
          I think I need to go pull up a few of your "scattered" threads... LOL

          Comment

          • Figs
            Crazy Ass Mofo
            • Jun 2004
            • 2904

            #6
            Men are all pigs! I should know, I used to be one!

            Comment

            • lms2

              #7
              Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
              A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

              Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
              A. They can't stand criticism.

              Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
              A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

              Q. How do men sort their laundry?
              A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

              Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
              A. Because men fake foreplay.

              Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
              A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

              Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
              A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

              Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
              A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

              Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rollingaround in pain on the ground?
              A. Shoot him again.

              Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
              A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

              Q. Why do little boys whine?
              A. Because they're practising to be men.

              Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
              A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three -one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

              Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
              A. Trustworthy.

              Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
              A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

              Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
              A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

              Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
              A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

              Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
              A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

              Q: What is the difference between men and women...
              A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

              Q: How does a man keep his youth?
              A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

              Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
              A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

              Comment

              • guwapo_rocker

                #8
                Bitch!

                Comment

                • lms2

                  #9
                  but you love me anyway.

                  Comment

                  • guwapo_rocker

                    #10
                    Originally posted by lms2
                    but you love me anyway.
                    Yeah I'm whipped, but only by you.

                    Please tell me I'm too old to go down on you

                    for an hour again.

                    On that note, goodnight.

                    Comment

                    • lms2

                      #11
                      Goodnight.

                      Comment

                      • lms2

                        #12

                        Comment

                        • ELVIS
                          Banned
                          • Dec 2003
                          • 44120

                          #13
                          Originally posted by lms2
                          Women's instructions

                          Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

                          Not true! Some men appreciate a hard working woman with a knack for spotlessness...

                          Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

                          Is this good or bad ??

                          Obviously, this was not very well thougt out...


                          Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

                          Amen!

                          What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

                          ..and think about keeping your legs closed to strangers next time...

                          So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

                          See above...

                          If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

                          Then what would you do, fight over other women ??

                          Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

                          This one is stupid...

                          Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.

                          I agree.. get off the phone and spread your legs...

                          Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.



                          Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

                          What's wrong with that ??

                          Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

                          Stupid...

                          The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

                          Tell that to his 18 year old girlfriend...

                          If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

                          And you will be sitting all alone...again...

                          A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".

                          True, but you're the one wo asked us to stay. What's the problem ??

                          Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

                          Because you're all sluts...

                          Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

                          Lame...

                          If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

                          We don't care either way...

                          When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

                          Like I said. You're all sluts...


                          Last edited by ELVIS; 09-21-2004, 12:28 AM.

                          Comment

                          • lms2

                            #14
                            You're single aren't you Elvis?

                            Comment

                            • ELVIS
                              Banned
                              • Dec 2003
                              • 44120

                              #15
                              Yes...

                              Comment

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