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OK, here's the story.
LAST CHANCE, MOTHER FUCKER! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT THE WHOLE THING SPOILED!!
I warned ya.
Anyway, the movie starts out with Anakin (who was, in Episode II, a padawan wondering why he hadn't been knighted yet; in Episode III, he's a full fledged knight wondering why he hasn't been titled 'Master' yet) and Kenobi returning from a clone wars siege about 3 years after the end of Episode 2. Anakin and OB1 are GREAT friends, and Anakin's bitching and whining and moaning about the state of affairs in his life has ceased and been replaced with a cool headed confidence and pride in his own abilities - of course, something OB1 and the Jedi Council aren't truly happy about.
Anakin's become the poster boy for the war effort and has been tremendously succesful in leading assaults and kicking serious ass across the galaxy, and has also established himself as, essentially, the galaxy's best pilot PERIOD. When they get back to Coruscant, they discover it under attack by seperatist forces (and this is supposed to be the ultimate be-all-end-all Star Wars space battle right there; it's the end of the clone wars at that point and everybody's last ditch effort to topple the republic). Palpatine has been "kidnapped" by Count Dooku, so Skywalker and Kenobi board Dooku's ship to rescue him.
Along the way, they encounter General Grievous (who's going to be BAD ASS, trust me...he's an alien/droid hybrid that's toasted dozens of Jedi without breaking a sweat over the last 3 odd years of the clone wars and can use up to 4 lightsabers at once). Kenobi gets into it with him and separates from Anakin - Anakin runs into Dooku and Palpatine on the bridge, and Anakin takes on Dooku alone with Palpatine simply watching on from his seat. At this point, Anakin's become so incredibly good at what he does that even Dooku, a former lightsaber instructor for the Jedi, can't hope to stand against his onslaught and Dooku falls after losing both of his hands to Anakin, but begs Anakin to take him in rather than executing him for two reasons - 1) the Jedi don't believe in ever killing their prisoners, Sith or otherwise, if there's any chance in avoiding it and 2) Dooku promises a LOT of insider information to the Jedi about who's actually running things on Coruscant - Darth Sidious. Palpatine, at this point, is encouraging Anakin to end the clone wars decisively by killing Dooku and putting an end to the conflict once and for all. Anakin rationalizes that and jumps on the wagon that Mace Windu passed by 3 years back, killing Dooku and leaving the clone wars without it's figurehead leader.
At the same time, Grievous has battled Kenobi to a standstill and Anakin runs into him - Anakin and Grievous briefly fight, but Kenobi catches up and Grievous, for the first time sensing a real threat in both of them combined, escapes, and Anakin, Kenobi and Palpatine escape back to Coruscant where the remnants of the separatist army are fleeing.
Anakin has been plagued with nightmares of Padme's death during childbirth, which is causing him a lot of concern because his prophetic dreams have always come true for him; in dealing with that and everything else, instead of being praised and honored by cutting off the head of the enemy and ending the war, ends up being chastised for not bringing Dooku back alive.
However, even though the war is essentially over, Palpatine puts forth a call to the Galactic Senate for even more power and authority, and they seem prepared to give it to him; this is causing 'the good guys' a lot of grief, namely among them Bail Organa, Padme Skywalker and Mon Mothma - the three of them are preparing legislation to formally request Palpatine to set aside his emergency powers (guess how likely they are to succeed?). Anyway, there are a couple of wipeup things left to be done in the clone wars yet, so Palpatine sends Yoda out on assignment to Kashyyyk (Chewbacca! What a Wookie! Yes, he's in the movie - Peter Mayhew returns) with a detatchment of clone troopers to assist the Wookies with their problems and Kenobi goes out after General Grievous with his own detatchment...other Jedi members are basically scattered throughout the rest of the galaxy with their own detatchments of clone troopers, wiping up what remains of the resistance (which is basically an easy task, considering word getting around quickly of the defeat at Coruscant).
Anakin isn't especially happy about seeing OB1 go out after Grievous without him because he "doesn't like seeing the team broken up"; Anakin doesn't really have anyone to turn to about his dreams and isn't exactly hot on the idea of Padme's increasing resistance to his friend Palpatine's career, so he turns to Palpatine with his problems. Palpatine in turn takes Anakin in and reveals to him the great secret - that he's a Sith Master, and that within the secret powers of the dark side a way can indeed be found to save her life. Anakin's stunned by the turn of events and uncertain what to do, so he reveals Palpatine's revelation to him to Mace Windu, the highest ranking Jedi still on Coruscant. Windu immediately takes 3 or 4 of the best Jedi left on Coruscant to apprehend Palpatine (Anakin among them).
Mace and the Jedi confront Palpatine (who's, at this point, about as SIDIOUS as he can get). Palpatine puts Anakin into the role of making a decision - stay with the Jedi who could care less about his welfare, Padme's welfare and the welfare of their child (remember, neither of them know anything about Leia) or join with Palpatine and together they would find a way to save Padme and the son. Needless to say, we all know how Anakin chooses, so the Jedi, including Mace, meet their ends right there in Palpatine's chambers.
Meanwhile, Kenobi and his regiment have encountered Grievous on some planet or another; guess who wins...
Palpatine calls for an immediate emergency session of the galactic council and reveals his taped evidence of the Jedi assassination attempt - as he was taping the whole thing. This reveals the Jedi to be traitors interested only in toppling the Senate so that they could have the whole galaxy to themselves, as getting their asses kicked in the clone wars pretty heavily apparently made them decide they needed to take a more active role in running the galaxy. Palpatine, at this point, immediately instigates the next step in his plan - the activation of the true genetic programming of the clone troopers, which is, in a nutshell, pretty basic:
Kill all Jedi.
All at the same moment, clone troopers (now stormtroopers) turn on the unsuspecting Jedi and cut them down where they stand - 99% of every Jedi active in the galaxy is essentially killed in about 5 minutes time.
Yoda, of course, survives his attack due to his own skill and a little assistance from the wookies; he heads immediately back to Coruscant to figure out what the fucking hell just happened; across the galaxy, Kenobi's doing the same...
Palpatine's new orders for Anakin are to track the remaining heads of the separatist movement down to some volcanic planet (I forget the name) and execute them...and of course, Palpatine knows right where they're at...meanwhile, Kenobi and Yoda arrive on Coruscant and are informed by Padme (who is initially distrusting of them due to what Anakin's told her and the recent evidence of the Jedi assassination attempt on Palpatine) of what's happened and where Anakin's gone to. Kenobi takes off after him with Padme right behind and Yoda goes to do battle with Darth Sidious.
Kenobi and Padme arrive on the volcanic planet and follow Anakin - they catch up with him right as he's finished executing the last leaders of the separatist army. For some reason, Anakin starts to think that Padme and good ole Ben Kenobi have been doin' a little humpin' on the side (who knows why) and Anakin, vastly impressed with everything he's done in the last 24 hours (and the last 3 years of the war) basically tells OB1 to go fuck a rope after OB1 gives his little speech about the evils of Palpatine and the Dark Side and Forever Will It Dominate Your Destiny(c).
Padme tries to get in between them and Anakin, in a murderous rage at OB1, force-chokes her to the side so that he get a clear view at him. Padme collapses under Anakin's strength, and, being the good Sith in the making that he is, he blames OB1 for this and the duel begins - and TRUST ME - fuck Yoda vs. Dooku, fuck Luke vs. Vader in Empire Strikes Back, fuck Darth Maul vs. OB1 & Qui Gon, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE STAR WARS MOVIE LIGHTSABER DUEL OF ALL TIME. PERIOD.
Yoda, meanwhile, has found Palpatine - and Palpatine gets what he really wants - a shot at the ultimate Jedi Master himself.
Winner?
Palpatine, in a landslide. Yoda and his 900 years of perfected lightsaber technique hasn't got SHIT on Darth Sidious' raw power. Yoda falls to Sidious like a Sammy Hagar fan falls to me when I'm on my game in the Sheep Pen. Nope, it's not a pretty sight, and eventually Yoda realizes that he's just going to have to bust ass out of there if he's going to keep his little green skin intact for much longer.
Meanwhile, OB1 is getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter resoundingly at the hands of Anakin (both of them are using blue lightsabers, by the way, Anakin DOES NOT, repeat, DOES NOT have a red one). 90% of the duel belongs to Anakin - in fact, OB1 has really no place to get his ground in the duel at all, although he does flash a few moments of brilliance.
But....
By some stroke of sheer luck (and trust me, it's SHEER LUCK), OB1 gets the upper hand after Anakin missteps and carves off both of Anakin's legs and arms. Anakin falls backward into a molten lava pit and "dies".
You remember what Anakin said to Padme on Tattooine back in Episode II? "Someday I'll be so strong that nobody will die", or something to that effect? I believe that comes into play here.........
OB1 picks up Padme and Yoda picks them both up, informing OB1 that everything's gone to hell in a handbasket and they have to go into hiding and RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW because Palpatine is hot on their asses; Padme is still alive, but barely. Palpatine shows up on the planet and recovers the body of Anakin (or, really, what's left of it) and begins the process of, ahem, "finding something for him to wear"....
Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia and dies as a result of her injuries at Anakin's hands immediately afterwards. Yoda and Ben know that it would be best to separate the two of them, and Yoda also knows full well that the time of the Jedi has come to an end. Yoda decides to go into hiding on the abandoned world of Dagobah, a virtually deserted swamp, so Ben drops him off there (remember Luke saying in Empire Strikes Back that the place felt "familiar"? This is why...he'd already been there once). Yoda's last little bit of information to OB1 is that NEITHER of the two kids are to be trained as Jedi under ANY circumstances, so as to break the Skywalker curse before it could get any worse...and he also tells Ben a little something about a vanishing act when you die, as Ben and Yoda both know they won't be seeing each other again in life.
Ben drops Leia off with adoptive parents, Bail Organa and his wife, on Alderaan (so we finally get to see Alderaan as well) before heading off to his last stop, Tattooine, where he'll drop off Luke with Owen and Beru Lars. Of course, he makes his own home out in the desert wastes so as to better keep an eye on Luke in case Palpatine should ever happen to discover what happened to Anakin's kid. Of course, there are no concerns for Leia, because neither Palpatine nor Anakin were aware of any daughter, amazingly enough.
And, on Coruscant, a black armored figure lies on a table.
"Lord Vader?"
"Yes, Master?"
"RISE."
Vader asks Palpatine what's happened, etc etc...he gets around to "Where is Padme?", to which Palpatine responds "She's dead, Lord Vader. You have killed her."
Vader goes into a severe rage and unleashes a force storm which destroys the entire room, all of the droids working on his suit, and damn near kills Sidious himself in the process (it's every bit of force power Sidious has to keep himself alive through it). The next order of business is to announce that the Jedi have been made extinct due to their traitorous actions thanks to the quick thinking of the Stormtroopers, and in order to establish that nothing like the clone wars will ever again occur, he assumes complete authority over the galactic senate (which he won't be able to completely disband for another 20 years or so), declares himself Emperor of the galaxy by saying "If you fuckers got a problem with it, take it up with my Stormtroopers - now get the fuck outta my sight, bitches."
And, to wrap it all up, at the end, we see Palpatine, Vader and a young Moff Tarkin overseeing the construction of the first Death Star over the skyline of Coruscant...and a crazy old wizard dropping off Anakin's kid with 2 very surprised moisture farmers and walking off into the desert.
Roll the credits - the Sith have had their Revenge.
LAST CHANCE, MOTHER FUCKER! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT THE WHOLE THING SPOILED!!
I warned ya.
Anyway, the movie starts out with Anakin (who was, in Episode II, a padawan wondering why he hadn't been knighted yet; in Episode III, he's a full fledged knight wondering why he hasn't been titled 'Master' yet) and Kenobi returning from a clone wars siege about 3 years after the end of Episode 2. Anakin and OB1 are GREAT friends, and Anakin's bitching and whining and moaning about the state of affairs in his life has ceased and been replaced with a cool headed confidence and pride in his own abilities - of course, something OB1 and the Jedi Council aren't truly happy about.
Anakin's become the poster boy for the war effort and has been tremendously succesful in leading assaults and kicking serious ass across the galaxy, and has also established himself as, essentially, the galaxy's best pilot PERIOD. When they get back to Coruscant, they discover it under attack by seperatist forces (and this is supposed to be the ultimate be-all-end-all Star Wars space battle right there; it's the end of the clone wars at that point and everybody's last ditch effort to topple the republic). Palpatine has been "kidnapped" by Count Dooku, so Skywalker and Kenobi board Dooku's ship to rescue him.
Along the way, they encounter General Grievous (who's going to be BAD ASS, trust me...he's an alien/droid hybrid that's toasted dozens of Jedi without breaking a sweat over the last 3 odd years of the clone wars and can use up to 4 lightsabers at once). Kenobi gets into it with him and separates from Anakin - Anakin runs into Dooku and Palpatine on the bridge, and Anakin takes on Dooku alone with Palpatine simply watching on from his seat. At this point, Anakin's become so incredibly good at what he does that even Dooku, a former lightsaber instructor for the Jedi, can't hope to stand against his onslaught and Dooku falls after losing both of his hands to Anakin, but begs Anakin to take him in rather than executing him for two reasons - 1) the Jedi don't believe in ever killing their prisoners, Sith or otherwise, if there's any chance in avoiding it and 2) Dooku promises a LOT of insider information to the Jedi about who's actually running things on Coruscant - Darth Sidious. Palpatine, at this point, is encouraging Anakin to end the clone wars decisively by killing Dooku and putting an end to the conflict once and for all. Anakin rationalizes that and jumps on the wagon that Mace Windu passed by 3 years back, killing Dooku and leaving the clone wars without it's figurehead leader.
At the same time, Grievous has battled Kenobi to a standstill and Anakin runs into him - Anakin and Grievous briefly fight, but Kenobi catches up and Grievous, for the first time sensing a real threat in both of them combined, escapes, and Anakin, Kenobi and Palpatine escape back to Coruscant where the remnants of the separatist army are fleeing.
Anakin has been plagued with nightmares of Padme's death during childbirth, which is causing him a lot of concern because his prophetic dreams have always come true for him; in dealing with that and everything else, instead of being praised and honored by cutting off the head of the enemy and ending the war, ends up being chastised for not bringing Dooku back alive.
However, even though the war is essentially over, Palpatine puts forth a call to the Galactic Senate for even more power and authority, and they seem prepared to give it to him; this is causing 'the good guys' a lot of grief, namely among them Bail Organa, Padme Skywalker and Mon Mothma - the three of them are preparing legislation to formally request Palpatine to set aside his emergency powers (guess how likely they are to succeed?). Anyway, there are a couple of wipeup things left to be done in the clone wars yet, so Palpatine sends Yoda out on assignment to Kashyyyk (Chewbacca! What a Wookie! Yes, he's in the movie - Peter Mayhew returns) with a detatchment of clone troopers to assist the Wookies with their problems and Kenobi goes out after General Grievous with his own detatchment...other Jedi members are basically scattered throughout the rest of the galaxy with their own detatchments of clone troopers, wiping up what remains of the resistance (which is basically an easy task, considering word getting around quickly of the defeat at Coruscant).
Anakin isn't especially happy about seeing OB1 go out after Grievous without him because he "doesn't like seeing the team broken up"; Anakin doesn't really have anyone to turn to about his dreams and isn't exactly hot on the idea of Padme's increasing resistance to his friend Palpatine's career, so he turns to Palpatine with his problems. Palpatine in turn takes Anakin in and reveals to him the great secret - that he's a Sith Master, and that within the secret powers of the dark side a way can indeed be found to save her life. Anakin's stunned by the turn of events and uncertain what to do, so he reveals Palpatine's revelation to him to Mace Windu, the highest ranking Jedi still on Coruscant. Windu immediately takes 3 or 4 of the best Jedi left on Coruscant to apprehend Palpatine (Anakin among them).
Mace and the Jedi confront Palpatine (who's, at this point, about as SIDIOUS as he can get). Palpatine puts Anakin into the role of making a decision - stay with the Jedi who could care less about his welfare, Padme's welfare and the welfare of their child (remember, neither of them know anything about Leia) or join with Palpatine and together they would find a way to save Padme and the son. Needless to say, we all know how Anakin chooses, so the Jedi, including Mace, meet their ends right there in Palpatine's chambers.
Meanwhile, Kenobi and his regiment have encountered Grievous on some planet or another; guess who wins...
Palpatine calls for an immediate emergency session of the galactic council and reveals his taped evidence of the Jedi assassination attempt - as he was taping the whole thing. This reveals the Jedi to be traitors interested only in toppling the Senate so that they could have the whole galaxy to themselves, as getting their asses kicked in the clone wars pretty heavily apparently made them decide they needed to take a more active role in running the galaxy. Palpatine, at this point, immediately instigates the next step in his plan - the activation of the true genetic programming of the clone troopers, which is, in a nutshell, pretty basic:
Kill all Jedi.
All at the same moment, clone troopers (now stormtroopers) turn on the unsuspecting Jedi and cut them down where they stand - 99% of every Jedi active in the galaxy is essentially killed in about 5 minutes time.
Yoda, of course, survives his attack due to his own skill and a little assistance from the wookies; he heads immediately back to Coruscant to figure out what the fucking hell just happened; across the galaxy, Kenobi's doing the same...
Palpatine's new orders for Anakin are to track the remaining heads of the separatist movement down to some volcanic planet (I forget the name) and execute them...and of course, Palpatine knows right where they're at...meanwhile, Kenobi and Yoda arrive on Coruscant and are informed by Padme (who is initially distrusting of them due to what Anakin's told her and the recent evidence of the Jedi assassination attempt on Palpatine) of what's happened and where Anakin's gone to. Kenobi takes off after him with Padme right behind and Yoda goes to do battle with Darth Sidious.
Kenobi and Padme arrive on the volcanic planet and follow Anakin - they catch up with him right as he's finished executing the last leaders of the separatist army. For some reason, Anakin starts to think that Padme and good ole Ben Kenobi have been doin' a little humpin' on the side (who knows why) and Anakin, vastly impressed with everything he's done in the last 24 hours (and the last 3 years of the war) basically tells OB1 to go fuck a rope after OB1 gives his little speech about the evils of Palpatine and the Dark Side and Forever Will It Dominate Your Destiny(c).
Padme tries to get in between them and Anakin, in a murderous rage at OB1, force-chokes her to the side so that he get a clear view at him. Padme collapses under Anakin's strength, and, being the good Sith in the making that he is, he blames OB1 for this and the duel begins - and TRUST ME - fuck Yoda vs. Dooku, fuck Luke vs. Vader in Empire Strikes Back, fuck Darth Maul vs. OB1 & Qui Gon, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE STAR WARS MOVIE LIGHTSABER DUEL OF ALL TIME. PERIOD.
Yoda, meanwhile, has found Palpatine - and Palpatine gets what he really wants - a shot at the ultimate Jedi Master himself.
Winner?
Palpatine, in a landslide. Yoda and his 900 years of perfected lightsaber technique hasn't got SHIT on Darth Sidious' raw power. Yoda falls to Sidious like a Sammy Hagar fan falls to me when I'm on my game in the Sheep Pen. Nope, it's not a pretty sight, and eventually Yoda realizes that he's just going to have to bust ass out of there if he's going to keep his little green skin intact for much longer.
Meanwhile, OB1 is getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter resoundingly at the hands of Anakin (both of them are using blue lightsabers, by the way, Anakin DOES NOT, repeat, DOES NOT have a red one). 90% of the duel belongs to Anakin - in fact, OB1 has really no place to get his ground in the duel at all, although he does flash a few moments of brilliance.
But....
By some stroke of sheer luck (and trust me, it's SHEER LUCK), OB1 gets the upper hand after Anakin missteps and carves off both of Anakin's legs and arms. Anakin falls backward into a molten lava pit and "dies".
You remember what Anakin said to Padme on Tattooine back in Episode II? "Someday I'll be so strong that nobody will die", or something to that effect? I believe that comes into play here.........
OB1 picks up Padme and Yoda picks them both up, informing OB1 that everything's gone to hell in a handbasket and they have to go into hiding and RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW because Palpatine is hot on their asses; Padme is still alive, but barely. Palpatine shows up on the planet and recovers the body of Anakin (or, really, what's left of it) and begins the process of, ahem, "finding something for him to wear"....
Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia and dies as a result of her injuries at Anakin's hands immediately afterwards. Yoda and Ben know that it would be best to separate the two of them, and Yoda also knows full well that the time of the Jedi has come to an end. Yoda decides to go into hiding on the abandoned world of Dagobah, a virtually deserted swamp, so Ben drops him off there (remember Luke saying in Empire Strikes Back that the place felt "familiar"? This is why...he'd already been there once). Yoda's last little bit of information to OB1 is that NEITHER of the two kids are to be trained as Jedi under ANY circumstances, so as to break the Skywalker curse before it could get any worse...and he also tells Ben a little something about a vanishing act when you die, as Ben and Yoda both know they won't be seeing each other again in life.
Ben drops Leia off with adoptive parents, Bail Organa and his wife, on Alderaan (so we finally get to see Alderaan as well) before heading off to his last stop, Tattooine, where he'll drop off Luke with Owen and Beru Lars. Of course, he makes his own home out in the desert wastes so as to better keep an eye on Luke in case Palpatine should ever happen to discover what happened to Anakin's kid. Of course, there are no concerns for Leia, because neither Palpatine nor Anakin were aware of any daughter, amazingly enough.
And, on Coruscant, a black armored figure lies on a table.
"Lord Vader?"
"Yes, Master?"
"RISE."
Vader asks Palpatine what's happened, etc etc...he gets around to "Where is Padme?", to which Palpatine responds "She's dead, Lord Vader. You have killed her."
Vader goes into a severe rage and unleashes a force storm which destroys the entire room, all of the droids working on his suit, and damn near kills Sidious himself in the process (it's every bit of force power Sidious has to keep himself alive through it). The next order of business is to announce that the Jedi have been made extinct due to their traitorous actions thanks to the quick thinking of the Stormtroopers, and in order to establish that nothing like the clone wars will ever again occur, he assumes complete authority over the galactic senate (which he won't be able to completely disband for another 20 years or so), declares himself Emperor of the galaxy by saying "If you fuckers got a problem with it, take it up with my Stormtroopers - now get the fuck outta my sight, bitches."
And, to wrap it all up, at the end, we see Palpatine, Vader and a young Moff Tarkin overseeing the construction of the first Death Star over the skyline of Coruscant...and a crazy old wizard dropping off Anakin's kid with 2 very surprised moisture farmers and walking off into the desert.
Roll the credits - the Sith have had their Revenge.
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