The Worst Pick Up Lines...That Actually Worked [Archive]

Northern Girl

05-08-2005, 10:09 AM

Happen magazine chooses the worst pick-up lines...that ever worked! These seemingly lame come-ons actually charmed women. Just goes to show you, romance is always full of surprises. Read on and pick up an idea or two.

The Corniest Line Ever Award
"This guy who was so not my style came over to me and my friends and asked: 'Do you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?' We said no and kept walking, and then he said, 'Well, it's enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Brian.' We all cracked up and kept talking to him." —Charity, 29, Cincinnati, OH

The Artistic License Award
"I was shooting pool with friends, and some guys offered us a friendly challenge. Midway through the game, one of them looked at me and said, 'Do you remember Crayola crayons? Well, they used to have this color called Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color, and your eyes are actually Blizzard Blue.' I thought it was so cute-he had me right there." —Erica, 21, Brunswick, OH

The Balls of Steel Award
"I was at an office party when a guest of a coworker introduced himself and said, 'Blueberries or strawberries?' Confused, I asked what he meant, and he replied, 'I just want to know what kind of pancakes to make you in the morning.' He said it with such a straight face that it was like a scene in a funny movie. I didn't eat breakfast with him, but I did give him my number." —Jan, 33, Cleveland, OH

The Dumb and Dumber Award
"This random guy came up to me at a party, looked me straight in the eyes and said, 'Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.' I had absolutely no idea what he meant, but I thought it was funny and I liked how unusual it was. It got us talking, trying to figure out what that line meant!" —Holly, 19, Milford, OH

The Mama's Boy Award
"I was at a local bar one night, and this guy sat next to me and said, 'Would it freak you out if I said that I've already told my mother about you?' I said, 'No, why?' Then he told me that he'd actually stepped outside, called his mother and asked her how to approach me. I thought it was adorable that he was a mama's boy." —Michelle, 25, Erie, PA

The Oddest Use of a Parking Space Award
"I fought tooth and nail with a guy over a parking space and won. When I came back out to my car, there was a note on it that said, 'I like your style. Call me.' It was very unexpected, and I loved the approach. See, it pays to be a lover and a fighter." —Lynn, 36, Boston, MA

The Best Brown-Nosing Award
"This poker party I was at started to get very crowded. As a group of girls walked in, this guy came up behind me and said, 'I think you're going to be asked to leave soon. You're so pretty, you're putting all the other women to shame.' I tend to be very shy, so his compliment really helped crack my shell." —Katie, 31, Chicago, IL

The Let-Me-Count-The-Ways Award
"I first met my current boyfriend at a bar, and after we introduced ourselves, he said, 'I adore you.' He then drunkenly went on to catalog why he adored me—from the way I ordered drinks to the way I brushed hair out of my eyes. It was sort of scary that he'd been watching me, but what took it out of stalker mode and made it flattering was his sweetness and sincerity." —Melissa, 27, Brooklyn, NY

Cathedral

05-08-2005, 10:51 AM

Originally posted by Northern Girl

The Dumb and Dumber Award
"This random guy came up to me at a party, looked me straight in the eyes and said, 'Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.' I had absolutely no idea what he meant, but I thought it was funny and I liked how unusual it was. It got us talking, trying to figure out what that line meant!" —Holly, 19, Milford, OH

That line actually makes sense in Milford, i live 20 minutes away from there. Up until about 10 years ago it was everything you could ever imagine a Trailer Park would or should be, the place was dominated by Trailer Parks.
In the 80's me and the boys used to prowl them for pussy and never came back empty handed.
A dude in a bitchin Trans Am basically had his pick.
I liken it to going to the animal shelter and having all the animals climb all over each other to get your attention, lol.

"Sexier than socks on a rooster" is slang for "If I were a hen, you be civilized by wearing socks".

My line was the "Anti-Line" approach.
I just walk up and say, "Hello, How are you?"
On occasion, if she was a smart ass, the woman would reply, "Wow, great pcikup line, did you work on that one long?", or something similar in tone.

My reply would be swift and to the point, "Why play games? My ability to bullshit you shouldn't be the determining factor as to if you will talk to me or not, unless you like being lied to".
8 times out of 10 it made them think, and then i follow up with, "Can i get you a drink?"

If she agrees then Cat's getting some tonight, guarenteed.
If she doesn't, oh well, take care, darlin.

I have found that you attract more bee's with honey than you do vinegar, but there are times when humor will get you farther than intelligence, especially with a dizzy bitch, and i avoid those types because i have found that a majority of them are dealing with an STD of some sort.
Easy, is a taboo in my humbled opinion and my dick does not get thrown on any crap tables.

Hard to get is sometimes a good inidcator of low mileage....
It's a shame chicks don't come with a Ho-dometer, it would have saved me lots of time in my prime.

bueno bob

05-08-2005, 11:38 AM

My worst pick up line that actually worked?

"Hi...what's your name...nice to meet you Jessica, I'm Bob...so listen, um...do you wanna go fuck tonight? I know I'd like to, how about you?"

Half an hour later and GUESS WHAT?

Knock da bootz! :D

Hardrock69

05-08-2005, 06:35 PM

That DOES work.

Granted, there is usually a large percentage of chicks who either a)walk away, b) Say "Fuck OFF" and walk away, or c) Slap your face while saying "Fuck Off ASSHOLE" and then walking away.

But there is always the small percentage of chicks where they see the logic, appreciate the straight up approach, and are looking to fuck as well, so there ya go!

Back in about 1982 I was living in Dallas working with a band, and my roommatre (who was the singer) and two of his friends and I went to Cardi's, which was THE rock club to go to in Dallas.

At the end of the night, one guy had pulled this chick, and we headed out to his apartment where our cars were. It was about a 40 minute drive, and one guy was driving, the chick was next to him, and they guy who had pulled here was on the passenger side. My other friend and I were in the back seat. After a few minutes, my friend squirmed around a bit and then said to the chick "Wanna suck it?". He had apprently pulled his dick out...

The chick began to protest, and then he said "Well this is what you wanted to do anyway, isn't it?"

She paused for a moment before answering "Well, yeah...." So next thing ya know she was sucking his dick as we were driving down the freeway....my friend and I in the back seat were dying trying to keep from busting up laughing...

We got back to his place, said our goodbyes and went home. Next day my roommate called him up, and yes that chick was one hot firecracker!!!

:D

bueno bob

05-08-2005, 06:48 PM

It's amazing how well honesty can work for you sometimes. Now, granted, my direct approach hasn't ALWAYS worked, and I haven't always used it, but I can really only think of maybe three times that it hasn't. I haven't ever been slapped or told to fuck off, either, just a "God, you're rude!" sort of response, to which I've replied "Hey, no offense - nothing ventured, nothing gained, and that's really why I'm out with you anyway, I just figured I'd save us some time. But, now that it's out of the way and we know exactly where we're going with this date, do you wanna grab something to eat or do you just wanna call it a night?", and they've all been cool with that.

Honestly...I don't think I've EVER been slapped by any girl, now that I think of it...hmm...as much of a pig as I am, you'd have thought it would have happened by now...strange.

Ally_Kat

05-08-2005, 07:03 PM

Originally posted by Northern Girl
The Mama's Boy Award
"I was at a local bar one night, and this guy sat next to me and said, 'Would it freak you out if I said that I've already told my mother about you?' I said, 'No, why?' Then he told me that he'd actually stepped outside, called his mother and asked her how to approach me. I thought it was adorable that he was a mama's boy." —Michelle, 25, Erie, PA

I must admit that I would bite that line, too.

LadyTudor2711

05-08-2005, 07:15 PM

The worst pick up line I have ever heard was "You smell like my ex-wife." I replied, "I beg your pardon." He told me he liked Chanel No.5., which is what I wear.

Couldn't he have said it another way? He did not get lucky with me that night, needless to say. lol.

Best,

LT

Roguesgirl

05-08-2005, 07:21 PM

He walked up to me and pointed to his friend across the bar and said "see my friend over there, he wants to know if you think I'm cute". :)

I thought he was just adorable.

LadyTudor2711

05-08-2005, 07:23 PM

Originally posted by Roguesgirl
He walked up to me and pointed to his friend across the bar and said "see my friend over there, he wants to know if you think I'm cute". :)

I thought he was just adorable.

RG,

That was cute, did you let him buy you a drink?

LT

Roguesgirl

05-08-2005, 07:24 PM

The worst one was a night when I was wearing my 3" heels which put me at about 6' tall. This guy was about 5'3" and he commented on how tall I was and told me that he wanted to climb me like a tree.

I was like WTF? :confused:

Roguesgirl

05-08-2005, 07:25 PM

Originally posted by LadyTudor2711
RG,

That was cute, did you let him buy you a drink?

LT

and then some ;)

he was a doll

LadyTudor2711

05-08-2005, 08:20 PM

Originally posted by Roguesgirl
The worst one was a night when I was wearing my 3" heels which put me at about 6' tall. This guy was about 5'3" and he commented on how tall I was and told me that he wanted to climb me like a tree.

I was like WTF? :confused:

RG,

The girls and I have this joke with "little guys". I am 5'8 barefoot and can be 6 feet in heels.

Can I climb you like a tree? WTF? Did you kick him in the stomach? lol...

little guys suck and are intimidated my tall women. I fell like I should reach down and pick them up. LOL.

Best,

LT

Dan

05-08-2005, 08:22 PM

You name must be Candy,cos you look so sweet.

rustoffa

05-08-2005, 09:47 PM

"Excuse me, I think I just backed into your car....completely my fault."

Northern Girl

05-08-2005, 10:44 PM

Scuse me, but I'm new in town
I was wonderin' if I could get directions to your place? ~ DLR

Oh yeah, it worked like a charm. ;)

tjvhou812

05-08-2005, 10:53 PM

does it seem cold in here to you...works 4 me

Panamark

05-09-2005, 04:41 AM

Never needed a pickup line, nor fallen for one. ;)

Carmine

05-09-2005, 09:06 AM

Never needed to use one...

My charm and complete devotion to the "task" at hand, has never failed!

...and the fact that I could sell a relish milkshake to a women in her wedding dress!

LOL!

hard rock

05-09-2005, 09:49 AM

I noticed you were checking me out earlier tonight but you didnt come over to say hi so i thought well maybe shes shy so i made the 1st move for us.

Didnt we use to go to different schools together? im pretty sure we did.

ex screw me if im wrong but have we met before?

I met you at the bakery last week im sure it was you, you were the one with the nice buns

i met you at the grocery store once im sure it was you. you were holding some nice mellons in you hand and all i had was a banana and a couple of straberries in a sac

Carmine

05-09-2005, 09:52 AM

Originally posted by hard rock

I met you at the bakery last week im sure it was you, you were the one with the nice buns

LOL!:D

Loons The Great

05-09-2005, 01:19 PM

Originally posted by Roguesgirl
and then some ;)

Everybody Wants Some!!
A sheepahloddapeepahdatbelookin'foamoonbeam

Hardrock69

05-09-2005, 03:49 PM

Originally posted by LadyTudor2711
RG,

The girls and I have this joke with "little guys". I am 5'8 barefoot and can be 6 feet in heels.

Can I climb you like a tree? WTF? Did you kick him in the stomach? lol...

little guys suck and are intimidated my tall women. I fell like I should reach down and pick them up. LOL.

Best,

LT

I am 6'-7".....where are the tall girls at?

Especially the fine Rock babes???

:confused:

vanzilla

05-09-2005, 05:02 PM

To me - just being upfront and honest has always worked.

If I saw a girl in a club, I'd walk up and introduce myself and just tell them I wanted to meet them. You know right away if they're interested or not - so it saves a lot of time and energy. It's amazing that a lot of guys don't have the balls to do this.

But if I weren't married, I would definitely use that "Polar Bear" line. That's some funny stuff.

BTW - RG, Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm 5'6. What's wrong with short guys? I was screwed from birth - my mom is only 4'9. An NBA career was never in the cards for me.

Warham

05-09-2005, 05:18 PM

Never used one. The women I've known and loved always did the talking first.

Warham

05-09-2005, 05:19 PM

...

Roguesgirl

05-09-2005, 06:31 PM

Originally posted by LadyTudor2711
RG,

The girls and I have this joke with "little guys". I am 5'8 barefoot and can be 6 feet in heels.

Can I climb you like a tree? WTF? Did you kick him in the stomach? lol...

little guys suck and are intimidated my tall women. I fell like I should reach down and pick them up. LOL.

Best,

LT

I bent waaaay down and pinched his cheeks and said "you are sooo cute, does your mommy know you're out so late?" LOL

Roguesgirl

05-09-2005, 06:34 PM

Originally posted by vanzilla
To me - just being upfront and honest has always worked.

If I saw a girl in a club, I'd walk up and introduce myself and just tell them I wanted to meet them. You know right away if they're interested or not - so it saves a lot of time and energy. It's amazing that a lot of guys don't have the balls to do this.

But if I weren't married, I would definitely use that "Polar Bear" line. That's some funny stuff.

BTW - RG, Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm 5'6. What's wrong with short guys? I was screwed from birth - my mom is only 4'9. An NBA career was never in the cards for me.

Nothing wrong at all. It was his line that bugged me out, not his height.

BenJammin

05-11-2005, 12:57 AM

I'm 5'6", I'm sorry that I suck :)

Though, have you noticed, the richer a short guy is, the less he sucks?

I'm not rich either. Damn.

BenJammin

05-11-2005, 01:12 AM

About pickup lines, never used them either, too phony for me.

My club day successes usually started out by walking thru the whole bar, checking out the ladies, smiling confidently at the one's I thought were cute, and simply saying 'Hi' as I passed, or giving them a complement, noting which ones replied nicely, and casually moving on. Then I would work my way back, passing by them and if I got some good eye contact, I knew there was something working there, and I would stop and make some small talk, and it usually progressed well from there. If no eye contact on the pass back thru, or no good vibe, then forget it. Move on to the next on my mental list. No bites, go to the bar and try again later.

Worked well for me and wasn't phony.

Roguesgirl

05-11-2005, 01:15 AM

Like I told zilla...I was in a steady relationship with a guy who was 5'6". He never made any mean comments about my height and I never did about his. I was crazy about this guy. I wouldn't care if he were 4'6"

he loved my height and had a thing for my long legs :)

Ned Flanders

05-11-2005, 07:18 AM

Maude actually quizzed me (210 questions!) on the New Testament.

But she had me from 'Hello'.

Jamocha Joe

05-11-2005, 10:11 AM

Here's a few of my personal favorites. I hope they work as well for you as they did for me.

My sister says I'm a great lover, but why take her word for it.

This might just be the Syphilis talking, but I think you're kind of cute.

I really can't afford a hooker right now.

I'm the guy your mother warned you about, but only after she heard about my conviction for child porn.

I'm looking for the local whorehouse. Could you tell me where it is or should I just follow you back there?

Have you ever smelled a fart this rancid before?

Would you mind looking away so I can slip something in your drink?

You got any Pepto Bismol?

Carmine

05-11-2005, 01:16 PM

Originally posted by Jamocha Joe
Here's a few of my personal favorites. I hope they work as well for you as they did for me.

My sister says I'm a great lover, but why take her word for it.

This might just be the Syphilis talking, but I think you're kind of cute.

I really can't afford a hooker right now.

I'm the guy your mother warned you about, but only after she heard about my conviction for child porn.

I'm looking for the local whorehouse. Could you tell me where it is or should I just follow you back there?

Have you ever smelled a fart this rancid before?

Would you mind looking away so I can slip something in your drink?

You got any Pepto Bismol?

LOL....

BenJammin

05-11-2005, 10:47 PM

scottydabodi

05-11-2005, 11:05 PM

Here's the worst one that I've used and it worked...

"Let's get outta here, wanna ride home?" Said to a total stranger, and she came home with me... word.

I am a pretty straight foward guy, and I'll approach a girl with the "My name's Scott, what's yours?" line, but get some tequila in me , and who knows what the fuck could happen....

Although recently I get recognized: "Hey, aren't you ScottytheBody from The RothArmy?!? WOW!! I LOVE YOU!!!"

Chicks dig me...
http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=447296

DLRDUDE

05-11-2005, 11:08 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
My worst pick up line that actually worked?

"Hi...what's your name...nice to meet you Jessica, I'm Bob...so listen, um...do you wanna go fuck tonight? I know I'd like to, how about you?"

Half an hour later and GUESS WHAT?

Knock da bootz! :D

Yeah right and you label me a head fluffer

Jamocha Joe

05-12-2005, 01:53 PM

Originally posted by BenJammin
Those are great! Methinks you actually made that stuff up yourself? (not a cut and paste). Good either way.

Thanks dude. No cut and paste, just the inner workings of my feeble mind. Inspiration strikes me at the strangest times.

aesop

05-12-2005, 11:02 PM

I used to pretend I knew their names and say we met at some party and strat rattling off names -

Sarah, Barbara, Kim, Yung-ko-lee, Trish, Linda, Erica, Georgette...

...After about 30 seconds they star laughing. Mission accomplished, and it's quite fun to watch, too.

Northern Girl

05-13-2005, 12:07 AM

Originally posted by aesop
I used to pretend I knew their names and say we met at some party and strat rattling off names -

Sarah, Barbara, Kim, Yung-ko-lee, Trish, Linda, Erica, Georgette...

...After about 30 seconds they star laughing. Mission accomplished, and it's quite fun to watch, too.

You had me at "hello." ;)

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:14 AM

So, do you date immature ego maniacs with enough baggage to bring down a 747 ?????

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:15 AM

Originally posted by Northern Girl
You had me at "hello." ;)

You had me at "h

:cool:

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:16 AM

I'm Kip Winger

aesop

05-13-2005, 12:17 AM

Originally posted by Northern Girl
You had me at "hello." ;)

:) Ha! And I didn't even say hello lol!

aesop

05-13-2005, 12:17 AM

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
You had me at "h

:cool:

Wow, I'm flattered, LM :D

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:22 AM

Originally posted by Warham
Never used one. The women I've known and loved always did the talking first.

Usually leaning on the car door asking you if you're looking for a "date" tonight?:D

followed by..........

"you're not a cop, are you?"

:cool:

Roguesgirl

05-13-2005, 12:23 AM

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Usually leaning on the car door asking you if you're looking for a "date" tonight?:D

followed by..........

"you're not a cop, are you?"

:cool:

LOL :D

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:23 AM

Really, we don't have to do anything.

We can just lay there and cuddle.....

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 12:24 AM

Did I mention I'm Kip Winger

BenJammin

05-13-2005, 01:37 AM

Look at all the clever people here tonite!

You guys (and gals) crack me up :)

BenJammin

05-13-2005, 01:40 AM

LoungeMachine are you channelling Michael Keaton (ala "I'm Batman") when you say that?

..."I'm Kip Winger"

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 01:44 AM

Originally posted by BenJammin
LoungeMachine are you channelling Michael Keaton (ala "I'm Batman") when you say that?

..."I'm Kip Winger"

I AM Kip Winger

:rolleyes:

ask anyone here.

LoungeMachine

05-13-2005, 01:45 AM

Nice avatar btw.

Jérôme Frenchise

05-13-2005, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by Roguesgirl
Like I told zilla...I was in a steady relationship with a guy who was 5'6". He never made any mean comments about my height and I never did about his. I was crazy about this guy. I wouldn't care if he were 4'6"

he loved my height and had a thing for my long legs :)

Especially in bed, height doesn't really matter... :D

I'm 6'3", but once I'm naked a certain part of my body makes me look short.
:D

Coyote

12-17-2008, 01:27 PM

Necroposting? yeah, but this is just such a grate thread...

This gal came up to me at local dive one time...
Not bad, kinda cute, but a little too skinny for my taste...

She goes: "My mother told me to look for a man with long blonde hair and blue eyes..."
Apparently I fit her description, but I kindly refused...

I'd seen her mother...:uck:

Shaun Ponsonby

12-29-2008, 10:43 AM

I don't think I've ever done the ice breaker myself.

I find one of the following does the trick to make the other person do the ice-breaking;

*Wideish eyes, slightly raised eyebrows and a smile

*Looking bewildered by everything

*Looking bored by everything

*Slightly broody

*Grooving sparodically to whatever is playing in the background

Of course if you do all 5 at once you look backward.

Why don't I remember this thread?

Coyote

12-29-2008, 11:44 AM

Really, we don't have to do anything.

We can just lay there and cuddle.....

Worked for me on Saturday...

Did we just cuddle? Hey, a gentleman never tells... :D

But we did swap numbers as well.

binnie

12-30-2008, 09:05 AM

Lines generally don't work unless you're targetting easy women, in my experience.

The ones who are worth it make you work for it.

Coyote

12-30-2008, 06:15 PM

Lines generally don't work unless you're targetting easy women, in my experience.

The ones who are worth it make you work for it.

True, but...

"I don't get all the women that I want...I get all the women that want me!"

A philosophy that works fine if ya let it.

Jimmy Jingles

12-31-2008, 02:32 PM

"Do you swallow?"

hideyoursheep

01-05-2009, 01:35 PM

Once in a while, when the stars align, and you aura is bright white, a wild thing will walk up to you and say,

"My boyfriend's in jail"

Worked on me once!

:D

Coyote

01-05-2009, 05:12 PM

Once in a while, when the stars align, and you aura is bright white, a wild thing will walk up to you and say,

"My boyfriend's in jail"

Worked on me once!

:D

:lol:

ace diamond

11-12-2010, 04:20 PM

it's the strangest thing, but insulting a gal tend to surprisingly work.
the chick knows she's got something, but tries to act stuck up like her shit don't stink.........insult the bitch......tear that girl down to bits......
she'll be eating right out of your hand.

hambon4lif

11-12-2010, 04:28 PM

The worst pickup line ever that ever worked?

Stand in the middle of a crowd of bitches and yell "What the hell am I gonna do with all this damn money?!??"

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 04:30 PM

Pick up lines never work. You have to read women and if they aren't into you, you can tell. If they are into you, there are those subtle signs. Read the signs and get laid. Look for that horny little look. I always played it cool but out of the corner of my eye I was always scanning for that horny little look.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 04:31 PM

The worst pickup line ever that ever worked?

Stand in the middle of a crowd of bitches and yell "What the hell am I gonna do with all this damn money?!??"

or what am I going to do with all these drugs. I've seen some pretty fine women fuck Jabba the Hutt for a fix.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 04:36 PM

Most people say they got tired of the dating games. I never did. I loved the games.

ace diamond

11-12-2010, 04:40 PM

my personal method however, on the subject of picking up girls and what not is to not even bother.
i never make the first move.
this is because when i see a gal i'm really into, i get shy and clam up.
you can always tell if i'm into a gal or not by whether i am gabbing away chatting with her or just sitting in a corner being very quiet.

Jagermeister

11-12-2010, 05:06 PM

You have really nice elbows sugar.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 05:20 PM

The best lays I ever had were the ones that just happened. I used to swim laps and girls would share my lane and one thing would lead to another and I got laid. Or I was walking home from class and a girl from class offers me a ride, one thing leads to another, she makes me a sandwich and we fuck. I love these kind of situations. You just go out to buy some apples at the grocery store and the next thing you know you are screwing a MILF who was reaching to the bag ties at the same time. It just makes me want to get out of bed every morning and see what's up in the world.

sadaist

11-12-2010, 05:27 PM

when i see a gal i'm really into, i get shy and clam up.
.

Shy? Ace?

Some reason I just can't see that. The guy who stands on stage alone & plays Wild Thing as if 65,000 people were cheering you on at Dodger Stadium......shy? I don't buy it. If you believe you were feeling shy, perhaps you hadn't had enough to drink yet.

I used to be shy with hot women. Now I look at them and try to determine if they are going to be worth half of my remaining shit.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 05:43 PM

I'm more into enjoy the moment. I love those songs that salute all the women that you loved before and all that. I mean once you get past the magic new toy stage, human jealousy and reality creep in and ruin a good thing.

Dan

11-12-2010, 06:02 PM

"I'm Shy But I Have A Big Penis".:D

Sensible Shoes

11-12-2010, 06:50 PM

A few that did not work -

Ask me to dance, ask me to go someplace and fuck - then when I decline say "all you Italian bitches are the same'. Considering I am not Italian, I did not take this personally.

"Please, I need you to talk me out of this - I've lost my mind and joined the Navy." Since this one came from a friend, I tried to talk him out of it, but sex was not part of that conversation. P.S. 35 years later, the Navy has done him a WORLD of good. He's heading back to Iraq in 2 weeks, where he stays busy dealing with IED's.

"What a great dog!" <buzzer> Very sorry that is WAY overused on me.

One that worked -
"I love looking into those big blue eyes and seeing fear mixed with lust." (Yes, he did see that, savvy man. I never say no to a man who knows what I"m thinking before I do.)

GAR

11-12-2010, 07:54 PM

I never say no to a man who knows what I"m thinking before I do.)

If you print this boarding pass I'm about to email, by midnite you could be here helping me assess what to do wit all of this awful, bluefin tunasteak w/curry pilaf on steamed vegetables I picked up.

What to do with it all. I do not know. It's a terrible thing - dontcha think?

Dr. Love

11-12-2010, 07:59 PM

"hey baby, I'm making a signature for the Roth Army. Why don't you show me those puppies?"

Sensible Shoes

11-12-2010, 08:50 PM

Those either look freakishly elongated, or my display settings are screwed up.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 09:42 PM

"I'm Shy But I Have A Big Penis".:D

Look for the horny stare. Let her know and you will be cracking camel toe with Mr. Big in no time.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 09:43 PM

We were put on this planet for one main reason. To fuck. Everything else is just filler.

GAR

11-12-2010, 09:44 PM

"Did you know that the tastebuds sensing sweets are on the tip of the tongue?"

ace diamond

11-12-2010, 10:54 PM

Shy? Ace?

Some reason I just can't see that. The guy who stands on stage alone & plays Wild Thing as if 65,000 people were cheering you on at Dodger Stadium......shy? I don't buy it. If you believe you were feeling shy, perhaps you hadn't had enough to drink yet.

I used to be shy with hot women. Now I look at them and try to determine if they are going to be worth half of my remaining shit.
the reason for my shyness has to do with having way too many female relatives that are the most cruel, mean, lying, cheating, conniving,
back-stabbing fucking bitches ever to walk this planet.
my older sister is the biggest reason.
she is still just utterly horrible.

thanks to the HUGHES women of the world, women are my single greatest fear in the universe.
i'm completely and deathly terrified of them.
women scare the fucking shit outta me.
maybe that is why i have a severe shyness.
i don't want to say anything because i just know it'll be used against me to make me as fucking miserable as humanly possible, and then some.

Nitro Express

11-12-2010, 11:20 PM

Yeah but as long as you don't marry the bitch, she can't screw you. Just have a baseball bat handy in case she is a real psyco and needs to be put in her place.

ace diamond

11-12-2010, 11:28 PM

Yeah but as long as you don't marry the bitch, she can't screw you. Just have a baseball bat handy in case she is a real psyco and needs to be put in her place.
you would think that, but these days who fucking knows........it's kinda anything goes.

just like the old days........they just have to point a finger at, say "he did it" after shedding a few fake tears.......and all hell breaks loose......just like the old days.....and it still even now doesn't matter if you did anything or not......

as for not getting screwed if i don't marry the bitch.........well, i don't believe in marriage to begin with, so there goes that one.......
but then again, these days you don't even have to screw the bitch first....hell, you don't even have to touch her.........

GAR

11-13-2010, 02:11 AM

"I breed kitties, my mom and I do real swell at the spring Cat Show."

Nitro Express

11-13-2010, 02:25 AM

you would think that, but these days who fucking knows........it's kinda anything goes.

just like the old days........they just have to point a finger at, say "he did it" after shedding a few fake tears.......and all hell breaks loose......just like the old days.....and it still even now doesn't matter if you did anything or not......

as for not getting screwed if i don't marry the bitch.........well, i don't believe in marriage to begin with, so there goes that one.......
but then again, these days you don't even have to screw the bitch first....hell, you don't even have to touch her.........

Maybe the solution to your problem is to move to Dubai. Fake tears and finger pointing from a woman doesn't fly in that part of the world.

GAR

11-13-2010, 03:33 AM

ace diamond

11-13-2010, 05:12 AM

I disagree, I had a drummer who used this "wounded warrior" ploy, he did alright..

Here's one to try out this weekend, I suspect it's got bulletproof doability:

"One man's junk is another man's garbage, right?"
dude, i don't play for that team. sorry about your luck.

you silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!
:sex::animated-playboy::bigboobs::boobs::cowgirl:

ace diamond

11-13-2010, 05:14 AM

Maybe the solution to your problem is to move to Dubai. Fake tears and finger pointing from a woman doesn't fly in that part of the world.
very funny.........i know that is a very dangerous region of the planet, and i have no desire to ever go there.
dubai is a very dangerous place.
now, granted, i may be fucking crazy, but i ain't that fucking stupid!

VAiN

11-13-2010, 03:09 PM

Dan

11-13-2010, 04:35 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k:D

GAR

11-13-2010, 05:11 PM

dude, i don't play for that team. sorry about your luck.

I'm talking about my drummer's luck - he made his connections by playing the pity card, some chicks feel empowered over a guy who seems damaged.

That way it gives them something do dwell on in the relationship besides doing the cooking and laundry: how they're gonna fix you. Ain't that great?

YEAH its dysfunctional, but he got laid, had a kid, had a marriage for a few years. Better to have loved than.. right?

Worked for Ringo too, didn't it - and you don't knock Ringo. He's been with Barbara Bach for the last 30 years, I'd say he kicked ass with the mopey act.