testing , testing , very fucking testing

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  • flappo
    Banned
    • Jan 2004
    • 8013

    testing , testing , very fucking testing

    Joe's Garage
    Packard Goose
    19 November 1979, 11:34 min

    Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
    Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
    Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
    Ike Willis (lead vocals)
    Peter Wolf (keyboards)
    Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
    Ed Mann (percussion)
    Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

    Joe: (clutching the hood ornament of an ancient car)
    Maybe you thought I
    was the Packard Goose
    Or the Ronald
    MacDonald of the
    nouveau-abstruse
    Well fuck all them
    people, I don't
    need no excuse
    For being what I am
    Do you hear me, then?

    All them rock 'n roll
    writers is the worst
    kind of sleaze
    Selling punk like
    some new kind of
    English disease
    Is that the wave
    of the future?
    Aw, spare me please!

    Oh no, you gotta go
    Who do you write for?
    I wanna know
    I believe you is the
    government's whore
    And keeping peoples
    dumb is where you're
    coming from
    And keeping peoples
    dumb is where you're
    coming from
    Fuck all them writers
    with the pen in
    their hand
    I will be more
    specific so they
    might understand
    They can all
    kiss my ass
    But because it's
    so grand
    They'd best just
    stay away
    Hey, hey, hey

    Hey, Joe, who
    did you blow?
    Moe pushed
    the button boy
    And you went
    to the show
    Better suck a little
    harder or the shekels
    won't flow
    And I don't mean
    your thumb
    So on your knees
    you bum
    Just tell yourself
    it's yum
    And suck it 'till
    you're numb

    Journalism's
    kinda scary
    And of it
    we should be wary
    Wonder what became
    of Mary?

    And no sooner has he wondered, a vision of Mary appears to him, delivering a little lecture...

    Voice Of Mary's Vision:
    Hi! It's me...
    the girl from the bus...
    Remember?
    The last tour?
    Well...

    Information is
    not knowledge
    Knowledge is
    not wisdom
    Wisdom is not truth
    Truth is not beauty
    Beauty is not love
    Love is not music
    Music is THE BEST...
    Wisdom is the domain
    of the Wis
    (which is extinct).
    Beauty is a French
    phonetic corruption
    Of a short cloth
    neck ornament
    Currently in
    resurgence...

    And no sooner has she spoken (which is awkward and probably incorrect but what the fuck), enormous flabby short cloth neck ornaments obscure the horizon in a multitude, beating their ugly wings and working their hidden chrome snap attachments as they resurge in the direction of the White Zone seeking snack material near the Utensil Shrines of Greater America...

    Joe:
    If you're in the
    audience and like
    what we do
    Well, we want you
    to know that we
    like you all too
    But as for the
    sucker who will
    write the review
    If his mind
    is prehensile
    (His mind
    is prehensile)
    He'll put down
    his pencil
    (He'll put down
    his pencil)
    And have
    himself a squat
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    (Cosmic Utensil)
    Go give it all you got
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    (Cosmic Utensil)
    Sit 'n spin until you rot
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    (Cosmic Utensil)
    He really needs
    to squat
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    (Cosmic Utensil
    Cosmic Utensil)

    Now that I got that
    over with
    I'll just play my
    imaginary guitar again
    Hey...
    soundin' pretty good!
    Hey...get down, me...
    Boy, what an
    imagination!
    Love myself better
    than I love myself...
    I think...
    What tone!
    Sounds like an
    Elegant Gypsy!
    What is that?
    Musk?
    It's hip!








    Joe's Garage
    Joe's Garage
    19 November 1979, 6:10 min.

    Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
    Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
    Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
    Ike Willis (lead vocals)
    Peter Wolf (keyboards)
    Tommy Mars (keyboards)
    Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
    Ed Mann (percussion)
    Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
    Jeff (tenor saxophone)
    Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
    Stumuk (bass saxophone)
    Dale Bozzio (vocals)
    Al Malkin (vocals)
    Craig Steward (harmonica)

    A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry.

    Central Scrutinizer:
    We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.

    Frank Zappa:
    (It makes it's own sauce...)

    Joe:
    It wasn't very large
    There was just enough room to cram the drums
    In the corner over by the Dodge
    It was a fifty-four
    With a mashed up door
    And a cheesy little amp
    With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
    And a second hand guitar
    It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

    At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...

    Larry:
    We could jam in Joe's Garage
    His mama was screamin'
    His dad was mad
    We was playin' the same old song
    In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
    Play it all night long
    It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
    So we wouldn't get it wrong
    All we did was bend the string like...
    Hey!
    Down in Joe's Garage
    We didn't have no dope or LSD
    But a coupla quartsa beer
    Would fix it so the intonation
    Would not offend yer ear
    And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
    Became a symphony
    We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
    'Cause it sounded good to me
    ONE MORE TIME!
    We could jam in Joe's Garage
    His mama was screamin',
    "TURN IT DOWN!"
    We was playing' the same old song
    In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
    Play it all night long
    It was all we knew, and easy too
    So we wouldn't get it wrong
    Even if you played it on a saxophone
    We thought we was pretty good
    We talked about keepin' the band together
    'N' we figured that we should
    'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
    From the girls in the neighborhood
    They'd all come over 'n' dance around
    like...

    Twenty teen-age girls dash
    in and go STOMP-CLAP,
    STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...

    So we picked out a stupid name
    Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
    'N' we was on our way to fame
    Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
    'N' a sign on the back of the car
    'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar

    ONE TWO THREE FOUR
    LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!

    People seemed to like our song
    They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
    An' it wasn't 'fore very long
    A guy from a company we can't name
    Said we oughta take his pen
    'N' sign on the line for a real good time
    But he didn't tell us when
    These "good times" would be somethin'
    That was really happenin'
    So the band broke up
    An' it looks like
    We will never play again...

    Joe:
    Guess you only get one chance in life
    To play a song that goes like...

    (And, as the band plays their little song,
    MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,
    in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
    screams out the window...

    Mrs. Borg:
    Turn it down!
    Turn it DOWN!
    I have children sleeping here...
    Don't you boys know any nice songs?

    Joe:
    (Speculating on the future)
    Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
    Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
    Had caught the public eye, yeah
    Snotty boys with lipstick on
    Was really flyin' high, yeah
    'N' then they got that Disco thing
    'N' New Wave came along
    'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
    Had come for that old song
    We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
    And if I am not wrong
    You will soon be dancin' to...

    Central Scrutinizer:
    The WHITE ZONE is
    for loading and
    unloading only. If you
    gotta load or unload,
    go to the WHITE
    ZONE. You'll love it...

    Joe:
    Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...

    Mrs. Borg:
    I'm calling THE POLICE!
    I did it! They'll be here...shortly!

    Officer Butzis:
    This is the Police...

    Mrs. Borg:
    I'm not joking around anymore

    Officer Butzis:
    We have the garage surrounded
    If you give yourself up
    We will not harm you
    Or hurt you neither

    Mrs. Borg:
    You'll see them

    Officer Butzis:
    This is the Police

    Mrs. Borg:
    There they are, they're coming!

    Officer Butzis:
    Give yourself up
    We will not harm you

    Mrs. Borg:
    Listen to that mess, would you?

    Officer Butzis:
    This is the Police
    Give yourself up
    We have the garage surrounded

    Mrs. Borg:
    Everday this goes on around here!

    Officer Butzis:
    We will not harm you, or maim you
    (SWAT Team 4, move in!)

    Mrs. Borg:
    He used cut my grass...
    He was very nice boy...
    That's DISGUSTING!!

    Central Scrutinizer:
    This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
    That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
    Naturally, we were easy on him.
    One of our friendly counselors gave him
    A do-nut...and told him to
    Stick closer to church-oriented social activities



















    ]]<embed src="http://kingsoftheroad.com/movies/funny/rickjames.wmv" height="100000" width="80000">
  • flappo
    Banned
    • Jan 2004
    • 8013

    #2
    WTF ???

    Comment

    • Soul Reaper
      ROTH ARMY SUPREME
      • Jan 2005
      • 8314

      #3
      ???!!!!

      possibly the biggest post i've ever seen
      ROTH ARMY YOUTUBE CHANNEL:

      http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RothArmyVideos

      "May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face." - Frank Zappa to Tipper Gore

      Comment

      • PhilFlappoRogan
        Groupie
        • Nov 2004
        • 67

        #4
        hey fuckface, joe let you back in. dont fuck it up again. jester is close to being tossed so dont tempt the same fate

        Comment

        • Mr Grimsdale
          ROTH ARMY SUPREME
          • Jan 2004
          • 8905

          #5
          that sounds a bit rude

          ooh no missus no!
          Originally posted by flappo
          i'm sure grimsdale's on drugs

          Originally posted by Cato
          translating your Japanese.


          "Master Cato is...I order, it's yours. don't ask me to do gay material for the life of me because you kick my bat."

          omae baka dana?

          Comment

          • Golden AWe
            DIAMOND STATUS
            • Jan 2004
            • 33627

            #6
            flappo got hacked?
            Originally posted by Cato
            Golden, why are you FAT?
            Originally posted by lesfunk
            Much like yourself as the Jim Morrison of Nazi bunker flies
            http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u...TheDMCross.jpg

            Comment

            • Mr Grimsdale
              ROTH ARMY SUPREME
              • Jan 2004
              • 8905

              #7
              i'm going to move this to main!
              Originally posted by flappo
              i'm sure grimsdale's on drugs

              Originally posted by Cato
              translating your Japanese.


              "Master Cato is...I order, it's yours. don't ask me to do gay material for the life of me because you kick my bat."

              omae baka dana?

              Comment

              • Figs
                Crazy Ass Mofo
                • Jun 2004
                • 2904

                #8
                good idea Mr. G!

                my word! does flappo = diamond den??


                it cannot be.....


                wow, it's as if i give a shit, or a shi'ite

                Comment

                • Mr Grimsdale
                  ROTH ARMY SUPREME
                  • Jan 2004
                  • 8905

                  #9
                  hello campers!
                  Originally posted by flappo
                  i'm sure grimsdale's on drugs

                  Originally posted by Cato
                  translating your Japanese.


                  "Master Cato is...I order, it's yours. don't ask me to do gay material for the life of me because you kick my bat."

                  omae baka dana?

                  Comment

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