hitch1969©
03-11-2004, 04:44 AM
Why VAN HAGAR® Shall Most Likely FAIL - They Shall Ignore The Brilliant hitchBRAIN©
3-16.... ott 4
The official Van Hagar® announcement. I am as happy as a little girl!!!!
I think it was the BRAZILliant® hitchBRAIN© that predicted only four years ago:
originally posted by renegade hitch1969, Dec. 29, 2000
"If Diamond David Lee Roth doesnt get his shit together soon, public tide for a Reunification© shall crash on the shores of a swell of Van Hagar™ Positivity in a few years, followed by the subsequent demand for Queery Manbone© as the fade out to this GAY GAY GAY saga"
I hate to be right. I hate to be hitch1969©.
But I am and I am.
This makes it no less painful. Don't get me wrong... I am SO fucking into this Van Hagar™ thing....but it's gonna fall FLAT ON ITS FAT facedownincabo© FACE.
Why?
Think about this. Is Van Halen even relevant to anymore than a few thousand diehard internet fuckers and maybe 3 webmasters who've had no clue for atleast 5 years???
Van Halen with Roth would have been big, maybe 4 1/2 years ago. Everyone remembers the '96 thing, let alone the November 1999 when it was looking good for classic reunification.
HOW MUCH OF A FUCKUP is David Lee, to LOSE the gig of a lifetime... not ONCE (1984).... but twice (1996)... but maybe three times (2000) and a QUAD (2001)???
I've always maintained that David Lee was kewl, but given his inability to make this shit RIGHT.... given his propensity to even tour with Sam I AM.... I dunno. Also he looks pretty FUCKING GAY™ these days. He's.... coming.. OUT. Limited by his own ego and insecurity... he's done. You know it, I know it.
He's got no one to blame BUTT™ Dave.
OnTheOtherHand©....
Sammy played the cards right. Sammy made us love him in 1985, when the Van Halen's were still credible edible eggs.
Ed's fan base has dwindled. We all know him to be the drunken and lying coward that he's come to be, because we took him at his word when he said shit like "If Gary's in, he's in for life... If not, I'll take up the tuba". He drank, he lied about drinking, then not drinking. He smoked, he lied about having cancer from smoking. Then he blew smoke rings at us for caring that he lied to us about dying from both drinking and smoking. He let his wife control his ballsack and then didnt even end up with her in the end. He now seeks the testicle bag in a drunken stupor of lies. He fired both of his best vocalists in a drunken fit of insecurity.
"no news is good news"
WE KNOW EDWARD VAN HALEN TO BE A LIAR.
WE KNOW HIS BROTHER TO HAVE A SMALL PENIS AND to be the driving force behind edward van halen's insanity.
Ok... enough about my observational bitching and territorial pissings.
WHY WILL VAN HAGAR FAIL??? HOW CAN THEY HAVE A CHANCE OUTSIDE OF THAT???
1. Sammy Hagar is 60 fucking years old and "plump". um... should I say again "Sammy Hagar is 60 fucking years old and 'plump'. " Dude, 60 is fucking OLD. It's NOT rock N Roll. The dude doesnt seem to even fucking care, either. (which is why I always back the redrocking ticket, butt i digress) He still wears clothes that are unflattering to his body, no matter the drunker he gets from cabo, the more relaxed he becomes and the gut relaxes. Teenagers (specially chicks) are going nowhere NEAR this
2. Edward VH and this music that we love, I hate to say... are irrelevant. Even within the correct fanbase... Ed has alienated pretty much everyone with his diva alcoholism act. I hope that I am wrong, but I talk to kids these days and EVH means about as much as fucking Hendrix does now.. there's respect, but not excitement and interest to make Van Halen BIG ever again. Ed had a WINDOW, basically, the 1980s and early 1990s. We were a huge part of that, but now that's over because time is UP and don't you fucking feel that EVH didnt put ANAL effort into washing those windows the way that they should be or lived up to his potential?
3. Van Halen always was... always will be... a good CONCERT. I don't doubt that Van HAgar™, atleast initially... will sell tickets. But as a record seller, just look back to 1995 and Balance. It was pretty much over for them in those days, 8 years ago. The strategy being, BOVII, well that's ok.. BUTT, are they going on tour to present that, or a new record? A new record is going to FAIL... it fucking did in 1995 for chrissake!!! The Canada PPV from 95 is a far cry from the 1986 "we only play the songs from our new album". By '95, they were playing "the hits". I hate the fucking "hits". Gimme "Crossing Over" ten times over "why cant this be love" and "right now". "The Yogi Is SO High" KILLs "NeWorld"
4. The Van Halen brothers PRIMA DIVA attitude, with their demands of perfection.....let's face it, these boys cant work with analone. Not even Tim Collins, who could have saved them. From the 1997 book by Samuel Hagar, I once again quoteth:
Chapter 19
After Johnny Barbis and Shep Gordon were voted down as a management team, Hagar's last chance to get a good manager for the band rested with Tim Collins, who handled Aerosmith. Sammy thought he would be a good fit for Van Halen, because he could help break Eddie from his drug and alcohol dependency ! just as he had done with Joe Perry. Hagar says that whenthe Boston native first hooked up with the Aerosmith guitarist in the early '80s, he was in terrible shape, worse than Eddie Van Halen ever thought of getting. Collins not only cleaned up Perry's act, he was instrumental in reuniting him with Steven Tyler. When he assumed management duties of the reformed band, a clean and sober Aerosmith once again became a powerhouse in the music business. Sammy believed the manager would do a good job of keeping Van Halen psychologically sound. Things were starting to get a little goofy in the studio, as he puts it,between Eddie and himself, and the band needed someone to calm things down. Another factor weighing heavily in Collins' favor was his strong relationship with MTV. Having won three video awards on their last album, Hagar thought it was especially important for Van Halen's new manager to have a strong relationship with the music video channel. Ray Danniels, he found out, had absolutely no pull at the network. Sammythought it was vital to have MTV's support when the new album was released. An Aerosmith/Van Halen combination, he was convinced, would make both bands a powerful combination to be dealt with on a worldwide level. "I figured with both groups under his control," explained Sammy, "Tim could make phone calls and say, 'Oh, you don't like Van Halen. Well, you aren't going to get Aerosmith either.' Hearing that, people would go, 'Wait a minute; let's talk.' With both bands at his disposal, it would give Tim considerable clout in all aspects of the music business. He could definitely help us out in the European market where we had trouble. I really thought the brothers would understand that and vote him in. When I mentioned his name to Alex, he said, 'Tim Collins? He already manages Aerosmith. That's all he'll ever do. Aerosmith will be No. 1, and we will always be second.' I told Al that wouldn't be the case. In fact, I had already asked Tim that very question, about juggling both bands. Since these guys were already slamming every manager we talked to, I thought I'd better confront him on the issue before he spoke with the brothers.
"Tim was very matter-of-fact with me on the subject. He told me that if we scheduled everything just right, one band would be recording their album, while the other one was out touring to support their new release. Tim was up front and to the point with me about where his true allegiance rested. He said, 'Sam, if there was ever a time when both Aerosmith and Van Halen had a single coming out at the same time, my loyalty would lie with Aerosmith first. I'm not stupid enough to do something like that,
but if it did happen and I was forced to make a decision for whatever reason, Aerosmith would take precedence over Van Halen.' After he said that, I knew he was the one we needed. If I would have posed that same question to Ray in regards to Rush over Van Halen, he would have said, 'Oh well, of course it would be you.' He would have said we were No. 1 over his wife, his kids, you name it, just to manage the band. When Tim told me that, I was thinking, 'Wow, that's a great statement. That's what
I want to hear.' I told Al about my conversation the next day, and he said, 'That is a psychological ploy. He's been messing with all these psychologists that are involved with Aerosmith. He knows exactly what to say because of them.'
When Hagar returned to Los Angeles to resume the management debate, Sammy was convinced more than ever that Tim Collins was their man. Aerosmith was scheduled to kick off the Japanese leg of the Get a Grip tour in Yokohama on April 27. Collins flew out to L. A. about two weeks before the tour to talk with Van Halen and listen to some of the new songs. He answered all the brothers' questions about conflict of interest and band loyalties. He laid out his ideas for integrating his management style with both groups. The more he explained his plans regarding Van Halen, the further impressed Hagar became. After about a week of meetings with the manager, urgent business in San Francisco called Sammy away. As he was leaving for the airport, he told Collins they would speak shortly.
Hagar was fairly confident that Ray Danniels was going to be cast aside in favor of the Aerosmith manager. When he returned to Los Angeles a couple of days later, to resume work on the album, he was stunned by what he saw in the studio. Eddie Van Halen's long hair was gone, and replaced by a crew-cut.
"When we took a break from recording that day," the singer said, "I found Alex outside smoking a cigarette, and asked him what had possessed Eddie to cut his hair.
He then told me about the late night rendezvous with Tim Collins. After I had left town, Eddie called Tim late one evening in his hotel room and told him he needed to talk to him right away. When he arrived at the studio around two in the morning, Alex was there and sat with Tim through this meeting. Eddie was in really bad shape, just fucked up out of his brain. Valerie had apparently kicked him out of the house, because she didn't want him drunk around the baby. Tim sat with Eddie for two or three hours that night, while Edward laid his heavy guilt trip on him. At one point, Eddie started crying, grabbed a pair of clippers, and cut all his long hair in front of Tim. He said, 'I'm so frustrated. I've got to stop drinking. I've got to stop doing drugs. I'm not happy, I want to kill myself. I can't make a record like this. My wife hates me.' Alex told me his brother released every insecurity he ever had on Tim Collins that night.
"About a week after this episode occurred, I received a phone call from Tim in Japan. He confirmed Al's story, and told me he was bowing out of the management picture. He said, 'I'm sorry Sammy. I really love you and Van Halen, but I don't think I can handle both bands. I don't think it would be fair for me to attempt it. Besides, Steven Tyler doesn't want me to do it.' That was a polite way for him to really say, 'I have my hands full with Joe Perry and Steven Tyler. I can't take Eddie Van Halen, too!' I understood where Tim was coming from completely. I told him thanks for spending all that time with us and wished him good luck. From that point on, I resigned myself to the fact that Ray Danniels was going to manage Van Halen whether I liked it or not.
So...
how can Van Hagar FLYING V® again???
It's simple... Get Aerosmith's management. Make radio friendly unit shifters, and above all....
Don't let sammy hagar be in ANYthing. He's too fucking old.
Make a video like aerosmith did with hot 14 year old chicks like alicia silverstoner who look like they want to FUCK to the van halen song. No old dudes in site. cmon, even steven tyler with his lippers is FUGly. But Tim Collins had the right idea.
I am predicting that there is NO WAY that the ego brothers will do any of this. Ed can't even get this guy to manage his ass without breaking down all sui™ and cutting off all his hair.
You "Dave Or The Gravers" are going to have FUN watching Van Hagar fall flat on it's waboritic face. I'm cool with that, but you need to realize the same thing would have happened with Roth. It's a dilemma of linear time and space. It's style over substance these days. Plus, it's the mere fact that David Lee is asmuch of a joke to the record buying public as Sammy Hagar is. AS Eddie Van Halen is.......
I bid you Adeiu....
=h69=
3-16.... ott 4
The official Van Hagar® announcement. I am as happy as a little girl!!!!
I think it was the BRAZILliant® hitchBRAIN© that predicted only four years ago:
originally posted by renegade hitch1969, Dec. 29, 2000
"If Diamond David Lee Roth doesnt get his shit together soon, public tide for a Reunification© shall crash on the shores of a swell of Van Hagar™ Positivity in a few years, followed by the subsequent demand for Queery Manbone© as the fade out to this GAY GAY GAY saga"
I hate to be right. I hate to be hitch1969©.
But I am and I am.
This makes it no less painful. Don't get me wrong... I am SO fucking into this Van Hagar™ thing....but it's gonna fall FLAT ON ITS FAT facedownincabo© FACE.
Why?
Think about this. Is Van Halen even relevant to anymore than a few thousand diehard internet fuckers and maybe 3 webmasters who've had no clue for atleast 5 years???
Van Halen with Roth would have been big, maybe 4 1/2 years ago. Everyone remembers the '96 thing, let alone the November 1999 when it was looking good for classic reunification.
HOW MUCH OF A FUCKUP is David Lee, to LOSE the gig of a lifetime... not ONCE (1984).... but twice (1996)... but maybe three times (2000) and a QUAD (2001)???
I've always maintained that David Lee was kewl, but given his inability to make this shit RIGHT.... given his propensity to even tour with Sam I AM.... I dunno. Also he looks pretty FUCKING GAY™ these days. He's.... coming.. OUT. Limited by his own ego and insecurity... he's done. You know it, I know it.
He's got no one to blame BUTT™ Dave.
OnTheOtherHand©....
Sammy played the cards right. Sammy made us love him in 1985, when the Van Halen's were still credible edible eggs.
Ed's fan base has dwindled. We all know him to be the drunken and lying coward that he's come to be, because we took him at his word when he said shit like "If Gary's in, he's in for life... If not, I'll take up the tuba". He drank, he lied about drinking, then not drinking. He smoked, he lied about having cancer from smoking. Then he blew smoke rings at us for caring that he lied to us about dying from both drinking and smoking. He let his wife control his ballsack and then didnt even end up with her in the end. He now seeks the testicle bag in a drunken stupor of lies. He fired both of his best vocalists in a drunken fit of insecurity.
"no news is good news"
WE KNOW EDWARD VAN HALEN TO BE A LIAR.
WE KNOW HIS BROTHER TO HAVE A SMALL PENIS AND to be the driving force behind edward van halen's insanity.
Ok... enough about my observational bitching and territorial pissings.
WHY WILL VAN HAGAR FAIL??? HOW CAN THEY HAVE A CHANCE OUTSIDE OF THAT???
1. Sammy Hagar is 60 fucking years old and "plump". um... should I say again "Sammy Hagar is 60 fucking years old and 'plump'. " Dude, 60 is fucking OLD. It's NOT rock N Roll. The dude doesnt seem to even fucking care, either. (which is why I always back the redrocking ticket, butt i digress) He still wears clothes that are unflattering to his body, no matter the drunker he gets from cabo, the more relaxed he becomes and the gut relaxes. Teenagers (specially chicks) are going nowhere NEAR this
2. Edward VH and this music that we love, I hate to say... are irrelevant. Even within the correct fanbase... Ed has alienated pretty much everyone with his diva alcoholism act. I hope that I am wrong, but I talk to kids these days and EVH means about as much as fucking Hendrix does now.. there's respect, but not excitement and interest to make Van Halen BIG ever again. Ed had a WINDOW, basically, the 1980s and early 1990s. We were a huge part of that, but now that's over because time is UP and don't you fucking feel that EVH didnt put ANAL effort into washing those windows the way that they should be or lived up to his potential?
3. Van Halen always was... always will be... a good CONCERT. I don't doubt that Van HAgar™, atleast initially... will sell tickets. But as a record seller, just look back to 1995 and Balance. It was pretty much over for them in those days, 8 years ago. The strategy being, BOVII, well that's ok.. BUTT, are they going on tour to present that, or a new record? A new record is going to FAIL... it fucking did in 1995 for chrissake!!! The Canada PPV from 95 is a far cry from the 1986 "we only play the songs from our new album". By '95, they were playing "the hits". I hate the fucking "hits". Gimme "Crossing Over" ten times over "why cant this be love" and "right now". "The Yogi Is SO High" KILLs "NeWorld"
4. The Van Halen brothers PRIMA DIVA attitude, with their demands of perfection.....let's face it, these boys cant work with analone. Not even Tim Collins, who could have saved them. From the 1997 book by Samuel Hagar, I once again quoteth:
Chapter 19
After Johnny Barbis and Shep Gordon were voted down as a management team, Hagar's last chance to get a good manager for the band rested with Tim Collins, who handled Aerosmith. Sammy thought he would be a good fit for Van Halen, because he could help break Eddie from his drug and alcohol dependency ! just as he had done with Joe Perry. Hagar says that whenthe Boston native first hooked up with the Aerosmith guitarist in the early '80s, he was in terrible shape, worse than Eddie Van Halen ever thought of getting. Collins not only cleaned up Perry's act, he was instrumental in reuniting him with Steven Tyler. When he assumed management duties of the reformed band, a clean and sober Aerosmith once again became a powerhouse in the music business. Sammy believed the manager would do a good job of keeping Van Halen psychologically sound. Things were starting to get a little goofy in the studio, as he puts it,between Eddie and himself, and the band needed someone to calm things down. Another factor weighing heavily in Collins' favor was his strong relationship with MTV. Having won three video awards on their last album, Hagar thought it was especially important for Van Halen's new manager to have a strong relationship with the music video channel. Ray Danniels, he found out, had absolutely no pull at the network. Sammythought it was vital to have MTV's support when the new album was released. An Aerosmith/Van Halen combination, he was convinced, would make both bands a powerful combination to be dealt with on a worldwide level. "I figured with both groups under his control," explained Sammy, "Tim could make phone calls and say, 'Oh, you don't like Van Halen. Well, you aren't going to get Aerosmith either.' Hearing that, people would go, 'Wait a minute; let's talk.' With both bands at his disposal, it would give Tim considerable clout in all aspects of the music business. He could definitely help us out in the European market where we had trouble. I really thought the brothers would understand that and vote him in. When I mentioned his name to Alex, he said, 'Tim Collins? He already manages Aerosmith. That's all he'll ever do. Aerosmith will be No. 1, and we will always be second.' I told Al that wouldn't be the case. In fact, I had already asked Tim that very question, about juggling both bands. Since these guys were already slamming every manager we talked to, I thought I'd better confront him on the issue before he spoke with the brothers.
"Tim was very matter-of-fact with me on the subject. He told me that if we scheduled everything just right, one band would be recording their album, while the other one was out touring to support their new release. Tim was up front and to the point with me about where his true allegiance rested. He said, 'Sam, if there was ever a time when both Aerosmith and Van Halen had a single coming out at the same time, my loyalty would lie with Aerosmith first. I'm not stupid enough to do something like that,
but if it did happen and I was forced to make a decision for whatever reason, Aerosmith would take precedence over Van Halen.' After he said that, I knew he was the one we needed. If I would have posed that same question to Ray in regards to Rush over Van Halen, he would have said, 'Oh well, of course it would be you.' He would have said we were No. 1 over his wife, his kids, you name it, just to manage the band. When Tim told me that, I was thinking, 'Wow, that's a great statement. That's what
I want to hear.' I told Al about my conversation the next day, and he said, 'That is a psychological ploy. He's been messing with all these psychologists that are involved with Aerosmith. He knows exactly what to say because of them.'
When Hagar returned to Los Angeles to resume the management debate, Sammy was convinced more than ever that Tim Collins was their man. Aerosmith was scheduled to kick off the Japanese leg of the Get a Grip tour in Yokohama on April 27. Collins flew out to L. A. about two weeks before the tour to talk with Van Halen and listen to some of the new songs. He answered all the brothers' questions about conflict of interest and band loyalties. He laid out his ideas for integrating his management style with both groups. The more he explained his plans regarding Van Halen, the further impressed Hagar became. After about a week of meetings with the manager, urgent business in San Francisco called Sammy away. As he was leaving for the airport, he told Collins they would speak shortly.
Hagar was fairly confident that Ray Danniels was going to be cast aside in favor of the Aerosmith manager. When he returned to Los Angeles a couple of days later, to resume work on the album, he was stunned by what he saw in the studio. Eddie Van Halen's long hair was gone, and replaced by a crew-cut.
"When we took a break from recording that day," the singer said, "I found Alex outside smoking a cigarette, and asked him what had possessed Eddie to cut his hair.
He then told me about the late night rendezvous with Tim Collins. After I had left town, Eddie called Tim late one evening in his hotel room and told him he needed to talk to him right away. When he arrived at the studio around two in the morning, Alex was there and sat with Tim through this meeting. Eddie was in really bad shape, just fucked up out of his brain. Valerie had apparently kicked him out of the house, because she didn't want him drunk around the baby. Tim sat with Eddie for two or three hours that night, while Edward laid his heavy guilt trip on him. At one point, Eddie started crying, grabbed a pair of clippers, and cut all his long hair in front of Tim. He said, 'I'm so frustrated. I've got to stop drinking. I've got to stop doing drugs. I'm not happy, I want to kill myself. I can't make a record like this. My wife hates me.' Alex told me his brother released every insecurity he ever had on Tim Collins that night.
"About a week after this episode occurred, I received a phone call from Tim in Japan. He confirmed Al's story, and told me he was bowing out of the management picture. He said, 'I'm sorry Sammy. I really love you and Van Halen, but I don't think I can handle both bands. I don't think it would be fair for me to attempt it. Besides, Steven Tyler doesn't want me to do it.' That was a polite way for him to really say, 'I have my hands full with Joe Perry and Steven Tyler. I can't take Eddie Van Halen, too!' I understood where Tim was coming from completely. I told him thanks for spending all that time with us and wished him good luck. From that point on, I resigned myself to the fact that Ray Danniels was going to manage Van Halen whether I liked it or not.
So...
how can Van Hagar FLYING V® again???
It's simple... Get Aerosmith's management. Make radio friendly unit shifters, and above all....
Don't let sammy hagar be in ANYthing. He's too fucking old.
Make a video like aerosmith did with hot 14 year old chicks like alicia silverstoner who look like they want to FUCK to the van halen song. No old dudes in site. cmon, even steven tyler with his lippers is FUGly. But Tim Collins had the right idea.
I am predicting that there is NO WAY that the ego brothers will do any of this. Ed can't even get this guy to manage his ass without breaking down all sui™ and cutting off all his hair.
You "Dave Or The Gravers" are going to have FUN watching Van Hagar fall flat on it's waboritic face. I'm cool with that, but you need to realize the same thing would have happened with Roth. It's a dilemma of linear time and space. It's style over substance these days. Plus, it's the mere fact that David Lee is asmuch of a joke to the record buying public as Sammy Hagar is. AS Eddie Van Halen is.......
I bid you Adeiu....
=h69=