Smear's Van Halen horror

[bigc]

Today Eddie Van Halen smeared himself in tomato ketchup because, according to the 50 y.o guitarist, "i've got material for 50 fucking albums stashed away here, im goin into modern art,picasso aint got shit on me, he had l.s.d, (lead spanish disease), man this is the best shit i put out"

Van Halen continued "man I just hired a new lead singer,he's fucking awesome,he rocks man, he's my soul brother, he can really hit those high notes, its this unknown dude from zanzibar called freddie bulsura, and he'll be in the band for life"

when informed this was actually Freddie Mercury and he'd been dead since Nov.1991, Van Halen broke down and angrily began sobbing "you interviewer, you'll never be able to play guitar like me!"

once Van Halen's "helper"(Alex) had calmed down the guitar maestro, he turned and spoke to me "hey boy, you wanna hear one of the new tracks,man this shit will blow you away" excitedly I replied yes. Van Halen slid across the floor(his hip had degenerated to the extent his legs were now useless) and put in a cassette tape, hit the battered tape deck, and the tape begun, playing the main theme of "the seduction of gina".

I looked at Eddie stunned, he misinterpreted this and tried his familar smile, 3 teeth popped out "I told you this shit would blow you away!" he proudly exclaimed

[katie]

Yet another oh so funny post from bigc (AKA The Retard!) LOL

[bigc]

I'm glad you still find me worthwhile enough to post on my threads.

ill buy you a drink wherever shitsville may be sometime.what do you have?

[katie]

Originally posted by bigc
I'm glad you still find me worthwhile enough to post on my threads.

ill buy you a drink wherever shitsville may be sometime.what do you have?

Thats very kind/bold of you.

You need to be 18 in this country for liquor.
From your posts i would guess you are either 11/12 years old or very *ill*

Thanks for the offer (LOL)

[Diamonds Kid]

nuthin beets a goo tamayta

[bigc]

Originally posted by katie
Thats very kind/bold of you.

You need to be 18 in this country for liquor.

Thanks for the offer (LOL)

yes, or they THINK you're 18.

I'm actually 17....only 5 years out!

and hey...a 12 year old couldnt have written MY review of ALAE.

[DLR7884]

This thread is fucking stupid.

DLR7884
Thanks!

[bueno bob]

Almost as stupid as wrapping your penis in electrical wire, attaching the wire to a butter knife, and sticking said knife into the wall outlet after slathering yourself in cooking oil and pouring a bucket of water on your feet.

Not quite, but almost.

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Originally posted by bigc

freddie bulsura,

Its actually Farook Bulsura. A lot of people think his name was Freddie Bulsura because thats the name he gave himself when he arrived in the UK. Do you really think a kid from Zanzibar who then went to a boarding school in Bombay would really be called Fred?

[academic punk]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Almost as stupid as wrapping your penis in electrical wire, attaching the wire to a butter knife, and sticking said knife into the wall outlet after slathering yourself in cooking oil and pouring a bucket of water on your feet.

Not quite, but almost.

You would know, ya fuckin' bimbo.

[The Scatologist]

This thread is great

[John Holmes]

Heh

[KiaSorento]

Re: Smear's Van Halen horror

Originally posted by bigc
Today Eddie Van Halen smeared himself in tomato ketchup because, according to the 50 y.o guitarist, "i've got material for 50 fucking albums stashed away here, im goin into modern art,picasso aint got shit on me, he had l.s.d, (lead spanish disease), man this is the best shit i put out"

Van Halen continued "man I just hired a new lead singer,he's fucking awesome,he rocks man, he's my soul brother, he can really hit those high notes, its this unknown dude from zanzibar called freddie bulsura, and he'll be in the band for life"

when informed this was actually Freddie Mercury and he'd been dead since Nov.1991, Van Halen broke down and angrily began sobbing "you interviewer, you'll never be able to play guitar like me!"

once Van Halen's "helper"(Alex) had calmed down the guitar maestro, he turned and spoke to me "hey boy, you wanna hear one of the new tracks,man this shit will blow you away" excitedly I replied yes. Van Halen slid across the floor(his hip had degenerated to the extent his legs were now useless) and put in a cassette tape, hit the battered tape deck, and the tape begun, playing the main theme of "the seduction of gina".

But I must admit it's cool to be a queer like me! My name is smallc and love the cum!

[bigc]

it was only intended as a parody cos at the time,on the main board all i could see were several threads about the same topic.

apologies if it wasnt funny but its better than reading the same story over and over

[The Scatologist]

I hereby declare all who insult thus thread to be damned to a afterlife of swimming in a pool which will be filled with poo and gummy bears for all eternity.