Tweet
By MICHAEL FORSYTH
HAVE demons been talking to you lately? Don't panic! You can learn loads of valuable information from the chatty minions of Satan -- including tidbits about future business trends you can use to get rich!
That's the claim of a controversial Bible scholar, who suggests that before phoning an exorcist, you milk demons for all they're worth.
"About 95 percent of what demons say should be ignored -- for example, if they tell you to drown your children," explains Albert Wiltex, author of the upcoming book, How to Use Demonic Chatter to Improve Your Life.
"But 5 percent is news you can use. Remember, demons exist outside of normal time -- they know a lot about the past as well as the future.
"If you skillfully manipulate them, you can get them to slip up and reveal information you can use to become rich, learn what your neighbors are up to and uncover potential family problems."
Wiltex, a former exorcist, says his approach evolved out of an analysis of hundreds of hours of audiotapes of his sessions with possessed people.
"Most of what the demons said was blasphemous gibberish," he reveals. "But I also found intriguing nuggets of information -- including the names of hot companies like Microsoft long before they existed."
Here, are some tips on tricking demons into spilling the beans:
1 STRING THE DEMON ALONG -- If the evil entity asks you to sell your soul to Satan, feign interest to keep it talking as long as possible.
2 FOLLOW UP ON CLUES -- If the demon promises that surrendering to Lucifer will make you the richest person in the world in 10 years, nonchalantly ask who the second richest will be then.
"Later do an Internet search for the name," suggests Wiltex. "If you find it's a young entrepreneur, invest in his fledgling business."
3 PRAISE FOLKS YOU WANT TO SNOOP ON -- If you tell the demon your boss is an "upstanding Christian" who says the Devil is full of lies, the demon might shoot back, "He's boinking Judy in accounting" -- a useful fact to have in your pocket next time you ask for a raise.
"If you praise your daughter's morals, the demon may inform you that she smokes pot," says the expert.
4 ALWAYS CORROBORATE -- "If the demon says your wife is cheating on you, don't take it as gospel," says Wiltex. "Before you go for your shotgun, hire a private detective to make sure."
Mainstream ministers are already blasting the book. One Baptist preacher warns that "Nothing good comes of trucking with demons" and argues that the crafty beings can easily outwit humans.
But Wiltex disagrees. "Demons are irrational, hatred-driven spirits almost incapable of logic," he points out. "It's not hard to outsmart them."
HAVE demons been talking to you lately? Don't panic! You can learn loads of valuable information from the chatty minions of Satan -- including tidbits about future business trends you can use to get rich!
That's the claim of a controversial Bible scholar, who suggests that before phoning an exorcist, you milk demons for all they're worth.
"About 95 percent of what demons say should be ignored -- for example, if they tell you to drown your children," explains Albert Wiltex, author of the upcoming book, How to Use Demonic Chatter to Improve Your Life.
"But 5 percent is news you can use. Remember, demons exist outside of normal time -- they know a lot about the past as well as the future.
"If you skillfully manipulate them, you can get them to slip up and reveal information you can use to become rich, learn what your neighbors are up to and uncover potential family problems."
Wiltex, a former exorcist, says his approach evolved out of an analysis of hundreds of hours of audiotapes of his sessions with possessed people.
"Most of what the demons said was blasphemous gibberish," he reveals. "But I also found intriguing nuggets of information -- including the names of hot companies like Microsoft long before they existed."
Here, are some tips on tricking demons into spilling the beans:
1 STRING THE DEMON ALONG -- If the evil entity asks you to sell your soul to Satan, feign interest to keep it talking as long as possible.
2 FOLLOW UP ON CLUES -- If the demon promises that surrendering to Lucifer will make you the richest person in the world in 10 years, nonchalantly ask who the second richest will be then.
"Later do an Internet search for the name," suggests Wiltex. "If you find it's a young entrepreneur, invest in his fledgling business."
3 PRAISE FOLKS YOU WANT TO SNOOP ON -- If you tell the demon your boss is an "upstanding Christian" who says the Devil is full of lies, the demon might shoot back, "He's boinking Judy in accounting" -- a useful fact to have in your pocket next time you ask for a raise.
"If you praise your daughter's morals, the demon may inform you that she smokes pot," says the expert.
4 ALWAYS CORROBORATE -- "If the demon says your wife is cheating on you, don't take it as gospel," says Wiltex. "Before you go for your shotgun, hire a private detective to make sure."
Mainstream ministers are already blasting the book. One Baptist preacher warns that "Nothing good comes of trucking with demons" and argues that the crafty beings can easily outwit humans.
But Wiltex disagrees. "Demons are irrational, hatred-driven spirits almost incapable of logic," he points out. "It's not hard to outsmart them."
Comment