????

[Fabulous Shadow]

HAHAHAHAHA!

Made ya look!
:p

[WARF]

[Nickdfresh]

When You're Desperate, Poop Is Recyclable

Life can be a funny thing. Some days you walk around with your head high and your chest puffed out and the feeling that you can’t be touched. And then there are days like I had yesterday – days when you find yourself at the confluence of so much bullshit and nonsense that you feel like the tiniest little peach-colored hair on the dark side of Satan’s butthole.

Our story begins Tuesday night when Hot Wife and I were out celebrating our anniversary. That night my in-laws babysat the kids. Wonderful people, my in-laws, but they’re not altogether wonderful about changing Barney’s Biggest Fan’s poopy diapers – and by “not altogether wonderful” I mean I’m pretty sure they put her to bed with a diaper full of the most caustic, noxious, not-of-this-earth poo-poo this side of that nasty tartar sauce McDonald’s puts on their Filet O’Fish.

Fast forward nine or 10 hours. Hot Wife and I wake up on the morning of our ninth anniversary. Birds are singing. The sun is shining. My beloved and I are basking in the afterglow of our anniversary dinner and our once yearly intentionally coincidental nudity (as required by law, or at least common marital decorum). Our precious daughter calls out from her bedroom: “Mommy. Come here. I wuv you.” And all is right in the world.

I finish getting ready for work and go to BBF’s bedroom to kiss “my girls” good-bye. As I do, as if she is trying to tell me that year number 10 is not going to be the cakewalk that number nine was, Hot Wife hands me the aforementioned Diaper Of Death and asks me to take it out to the trash can, which is sitting out at the curbside this morning.

“Is this my anniversary gift?” I ask.

She tilts her head, smirks, says nothing (and yet everything). (Funny how womenfolk can do that.)

Stinging a little bit, I begin to walk towards the front door. With each step, the stench from the diaper in my hand grows more unbearable. I begin to wonder what my daughter could have eaten to cause her excrement to smell like rotting human flesh, but the odor itself disrupts my ability to pursue that thread very far.

I need to discard this diaper quicklike, before my work clothes absorb the smell and my coworkers approach my desk wearing hazmat suits all day. I rush outside to the curb only to find that the trashman has already come and gone. “Mother fuck!” I shout to no one in particular. I could discard the diaper into the can anyway, but then that stench would hang in the can for an entire week until next trash day and by then whatever is inside that diaper is likely to have reanimated and killed everyone inside a 10 mile radius, and I just couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.

At this point, out of shear desperation, and idea strikes me. See, in my neighborhood all houses have three trashcans: one with a green lid for “green” trash, one with a blue lid for regular trash and one with a gray lid for recyclables. The only one that has not yet been emptied is the recyclables. Now we both know that shit is not recyclable, but sometimes a man has to make a judgment call. So I looked left, then I looked right, and when I was convinced that none of my recycle nazi neighbors were out yet, I put The Diaper Of Death in the recycle bin.

I felt so small and ashamed. How did a day that started so wonderfully so quickly degrade to my engaging in borderline illegal, clearly immoral behavior?

But 24 hours have passed and I’m over it now. I guess my whole purpose here is to warn you that if you’re reading the USA Today in the near future and you find little pieces of corn and black beans embedded in Life section, that was me. Sorry.

Link

[LoungeMachine]

So much for your claim of NOT being a fucking pathetic drama queen attention whore gunt.


Can't get any real attention, so this'll have to do, huh fatso?

[Fabulous Shadow]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
So much for your claim of NOT being a fucking pathetic drama queen attention whore gunt.


Can't get any real attention, so this'll have to do, huh fatso?

I understand your anger. It sucks being bald doesn't it.

[LoungeMachine]

Nice try flabby.

I have a full head of hair. The avatar is Hunter S. Thompson, mensa


Dumb, fat, and broke is no way to go through life, pumpkin.

Get a life / job / treadmill

[ in that order ]

[Fabulous Shadow]

Treadmill's are OUT. I have an Eliptical machine.
My life is lovely, thanks for asking, and I have a career, not a job.

If you're not bald what is it then? Oh I know! You're just following the ARMY "IN" crowd. Picking on FAB makes everyone cool...

Even lonely losers who's only life is on the web.
I envy that in a person

g'nite... Baldy...

[thome]

I think its Johnny Depp as .........anyway....

[thome]

Oh, an the poopy diaper story makes me all of the sudden forgiving
of the diaper out the window of the car- at sixty- thing.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Treadmill's are OUT. I have an Eliptical machine.
My life is lovely, thanks for asking, and I have a career, not a job.

If you're not bald what is it then? Oh I know! You're just following the ARMY "IN" crowd. Picking on FAB makes everyone cool...

Even lonely losers who's only life is on the web.
I envy that in a person

g'nite... Baldy...

LOL

[Fabulous Shadow]

Hardly Nikky... Ever notice I am RARELY on line in the evening or on weekends... But one can find you online almost anytime. 25/8

Let's not get started on your post count mmmmmkay.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh
LOL

Of course she may not even be able to see her reflection

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Hardly Nikky... Ever notice I am RARELY on line in the evening or on weekends... But one can find you online almost anytime. 25/8

Let's not get started on your post count mmmmmkay.

Ohhh! I'm so angry you brought up my post count! Ooooh! I just don't know what I'll do! I'mmm so angry!!

No hun', I'm online here, your online somewhere else.... Kiddo

[VR_Killer Girl]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Treadmill's are OUT. I have an Eliptical machine.
My life is lovely, thanks for asking, and I have a career, not a job.

If you're not bald what is it then? Oh I know! You're just following the ARMY "IN" crowd. Picking on FAB makes everyone cool...

Even lonely losers who's only life is on the web.
I envy that in a person

g'nite... Baldy...

What a thick monkey brain you have.
“Made ya look?” Can you simply acknowledge that people are so fed up with your attention seeking threads such as this one? Don’t be so paranoid…not everything is “Fab bash.” You’d be surprise how little people care about these entire BS.
But having said that, please for the fuck sake, don’t make stupid threads just to get an attention in the future.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow


Ever notice I am RARELY on line in the evening or on weekends...

Of course you're not.

Evenings and weekends are when the assistant managers take time off and YOU'RE stuck dipping those fries


Can't imagine how you got your rep as a pathetic attention whore