It's Coming: The Greatest Depression Ever!

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  • Matt White
    • Jun 2004
    • 20565

    It's Coming: The Greatest Depression Ever!

    NO LONGER IS IT A MATTER OF 'IF': Oil prices skyrocket ...housing market collapses, automakers go belly-up and banks fail ...

    By DICK SIEGEL

    HELMUTH, Switzerland -- Renowned Swiss Economist M.T. Taanke -- who first predicted the current oil crisis -- (International World News, August 22, 2005), has just made public a Decisive International Restructured Economy Report which warns categorically of a worldwide depression that means the end of civilization as we now know it!

    The D.I.R.E. Report was written by Taanke in conjunction with leading economists and sociologists, geophysical scientists and statisticians.

    "In the June 6, 2005 edition, your newspaper predicted the coming of the 2nd Great Depression," Taanke told Weekly World News in an exclusive interview. "You were right to warn the world, and alone in your courage. However, the reality of the disaster will be worse than you imagined.

    "Due to super-storms, ongoing wars, escalating oil prices and rampant global warning, it isn't just the world economy that will collapse," the economist said. "Civilization itself will fall!"

    Taanke detailed his timetable for the coming doom.

    "When hurricanes devastated the U.S. Gulf Coast, oil and gas prices skyrocketed around the world," he said. "Nations tapped into their strategic oil reserves thinking they could replenish them this year and next. They were wrong! It is a closely guarded secret in Washington, London and Tokyo, but due to global warming, water from the melting polar ice caps has flooded more than 70 percent of the world's deep petroleum wells. It will be five or six years before those megatons of water can be drained. We will be dry long before then.

    "Though we had the technology, we did not have the foresight to develop alternate energy sources," he said. "As a result, cars, planes and fuel-based industry will cease to function. With no power, towns and villages, nations and states will be cut off. Computers won't work and economies will evaporate. The world will return to medieval status -- but only for a short while. Things will quickly get worse."

    D.I.R.E. Report coauthor and futurologist professor Barnard Jaffe of Gortuu University in Cinderville, Ohio, predicts breadlines so long that people will starve before they reach the food.

    "Even when they get to the shops and markets, what will they use to pay?" he asked. "Currency will be worthless. Clean water and bread will become the coin of the realm.

    "At the same time, modern-day pirates will attempt to seize reservoirs and whatever food remains," he predicted. "There will be no electricity and all communication will go dark. Think New Orleans writ very, very large.

    "Uncontrollable fires will rage as civilized humans are reduced to prehistoric predators. Unable to contain the madness, governments will collapse.

    "Rampant disease, much worse than any bird flu, will set off major plagues that will decimate the world's population by more than 50 percent," Jaffe somberly remarked.

    "We are past the point of no return," Taanke concluded, shaking a head that was prematurely bald with worry. "World leaders have all adopted a 'circle-the-wagons' mentality in order to blame someone other than themselves. But it won't matter who is to blame -- and it certainly won't help us in any case."

    When asked to specify a date when everything will come apart, Taanke sighed.

    "My calculations show that the Sixth of June, next year -- 6/6/06 -- will be the beginning of D-Day for all of humanity."

    A Bush administration insider, 'Dick C.,' called the D.I.R.E. Report, "Irresponsible, the ranting of a tightly wound Swiss cuckoo."

    Taanke responded angrily, "I suggest everyone stock up on canned goods, bottled water, firearms and lots of ammo. And when that runs out, make sure you have large wooden clubs with spikes -- the kind that can make great 'depressions' in the heads of so-called leaders like Dick C."
  • Soul Reaper
    ROTH ARMY SUPREME
    • Jan 2005
    • 8338

    #2
    wunderful!!!
    ROTH ARMY YOUTUBE CHANNEL:

    http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RothArmyVideos

    "May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face." - Frank Zappa to Tipper Gore

    Comment

    • LoungeMachine
      DIAMOND STATUS
      • Jul 2004
      • 32576

      #3
      This should be in FRONTLINE

      And where is pete, by the way?

      He'd be telling us to stock up on canned googs.



      it''s t2o late
      Originally posted by Kristy
      Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
      Originally posted by cadaverdog
      I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

      Comment

      • Matt White
        • Jun 2004
        • 20565

        #4
        He was a prophet....after all


        Just start clubbing people....get a head start

        Comment

        • Soul Reaper
          ROTH ARMY SUPREME
          • Jan 2005
          • 8338

          #5
          Depression must be an understatement for this....
          ROTH ARMY YOUTUBE CHANNEL:

          http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RothArmyVideos

          "May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face." - Frank Zappa to Tipper Gore

          Comment

          • Nitro Express
            DIAMOND STATUS
            • Aug 2004
            • 32798

            #6
            All you need is a better weapon to steal your nieghbors food, water, and women with.
            No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

            Comment

            • Cathedral
              ROTH ARMY ELITE
              • Jan 2004
              • 6621

              #7
              Originally posted by Nitro Express
              All you need is a better weapon to steal your nieghbors food, water, and women with.
              The truth in that statement is a pending reality.

              Comment

              • Diamondjimi
                DIAMOND STATUS
                • May 2004
                • 12086

                #8
                Wow this brightens up my day.(typing while hammering nails through
                my hockey sticks !)
                O.K. I'm ready , bring it on !!!!! LOL!
                Trolls take heed...LOG OUT & FUCK OFF!!!

                Comment

                • Cathedral
                  ROTH ARMY ELITE
                  • Jan 2004
                  • 6621

                  #9
                  Re: It's Coming: The Greatest Depression Ever!

                  Originally posted by Matt White
                  NO LONGER IS IT A MATTER OF 'IF': Oil prices skyrocket ...housing market collapses, automakers go belly-up and banks fail ...

                  By DICK SIEGEL

                  HELMUTH, Switzerland -- Renowned Swiss Economist M.T. Taanke -- who first predicted the current oil crisis -- (International World News, August 22, 2005), has just made public a Decisive International Restructured Economy Report which warns categorically of a worldwide depression that means the end of civilization as we now know it!

                  The D.I.R.E. Report was written by Taanke in conjunction with leading economists and sociologists, geophysical scientists and statisticians.

                  "In the June 6, 2005 edition, your newspaper predicted the coming of the 2nd Great Depression," Taanke told Weekly World News in an exclusive interview. "You were right to warn the world, and alone in your courage. However, the reality of the disaster will be worse than you imagined.

                  "Due to super-storms, ongoing wars, escalating oil prices and rampant global warning, it isn't just the world economy that will collapse," the economist said. "Civilization itself will fall!"

                  Taanke detailed his timetable for the coming doom.

                  "When hurricanes devastated the U.S. Gulf Coast, oil and gas prices skyrocketed around the world," he said. "Nations tapped into their strategic oil reserves thinking they could replenish them this year and next. They were wrong! It is a closely guarded secret in Washington, London and Tokyo, but due to global warming, water from the melting polar ice caps has flooded more than 70 percent of the world's deep petroleum wells. It will be five or six years before those megatons of water can be drained. We will be dry long before then.

                  "Though we had the technology, we did not have the foresight to develop alternate energy sources," he said. "As a result, cars, planes and fuel-based industry will cease to function. With no power, towns and villages, nations and states will be cut off. Computers won't work and economies will evaporate. The world will return to medieval status -- but only for a short while. Things will quickly get worse."

                  D.I.R.E. Report coauthor and futurologist professor Barnard Jaffe of Gortuu University in Cinderville, Ohio, predicts breadlines so long that people will starve before they reach the food.

                  "Even when they get to the shops and markets, what will they use to pay?" he asked. "Currency will be worthless. Clean water and bread will become the coin of the realm.

                  "At the same time, modern-day pirates will attempt to seize reservoirs and whatever food remains," he predicted. "There will be no electricity and all communication will go dark. Think New Orleans writ very, very large.

                  "Uncontrollable fires will rage as civilized humans are reduced to prehistoric predators. Unable to contain the madness, governments will collapse.

                  "Rampant disease, much worse than any bird flu, will set off major plagues that will decimate the world's population by more than 50 percent," Jaffe somberly remarked.

                  "We are past the point of no return," Taanke concluded, shaking a head that was prematurely bald with worry. "World leaders have all adopted a 'circle-the-wagons' mentality in order to blame someone other than themselves. But it won't matter who is to blame -- and it certainly won't help us in any case."

                  When asked to specify a date when everything will come apart, Taanke sighed.

                  "My calculations show that the Sixth of June, next year -- 6/6/06 -- will be the beginning of D-Day for all of humanity."

                  A Bush administration insider, 'Dick C.,' called the D.I.R.E. Report, "Irresponsible, the ranting of a tightly wound Swiss cuckoo."

                  Taanke responded angrily, "I suggest everyone stock up on canned goods, bottled water, firearms and lots of ammo. And when that runs out, make sure you have large wooden clubs with spikes -- the kind that can make great 'depressions' in the heads of so-called leaders like Dick C."
                  The concept is valid, but a bit extreme.
                  It won't take me but a minute to understand what to do when society breaks down, so i'm sure it will take the same or less for others to draw the same conclusion.
                  Then there's the projected date, that just happens to have a satanic reference...good grief, I would have picked any other date but that one.
                  He had a good theory going until he made a prediction, lol. now i'm going to make one....You won't be able to find this guy on 6/7/06, when nothing happens.

                  "Come with me my children for i will show you the doorway to eeternal happiness and neverending life...People with Visa, Master Card, and American Express to the left, Cash, Check, and Money Orders to the right.
                  If you have no bank accounts nor any cash or credit cards please fill out an application and have a seat for a millenia or two."

                  He'll just say, "I was wrong, but it could happen at any moment" as he walks away counting a wad of hundred dollar bills from all the mileage he gets in profitable publicity.

                  Comment

                  • knuckleboner
                    Crazy Ass Mofo
                    • Jan 2004
                    • 2927

                    #10
                    sniff...sniff...

                    anybody else smell something here?

                    Comment

                    • scamper
                      Commando
                      • May 2005
                      • 1073

                      #11
                      pirates are cool

                      Comment

                      • LoungeMachine
                        DIAMOND STATUS
                        • Jul 2004
                        • 32576

                        #12
                        3 Economists go target shooting.

                        The First one fires, and misses the target 3 feet to the LEFT.

                        The Second one fires, and misses 3 feet to the RIGHT

                        The Third one yells I HIT IT.


                        50% of all economists are wrong.

                        However, I'm still stocking up on beanie-weenie and Wild Turkey.
                        Originally posted by Kristy
                        Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
                        Originally posted by cadaverdog
                        I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

                        Comment

                        • Hardrock69
                          DIAMOND STATUS
                          • Feb 2005
                          • 21888

                          #13
                          I am surprised any of you goobers think this is valid.

                          it is a fucking Weekly World News report.

                          It has as much vailidity as one of Katypig's Catholic Fairy Tales...

                          Comment

                          • AiginMisora

                            #14
                            there are no atheists in foxholes

                            Comment

                            • ELVIS
                              Banned
                              • Dec 2003
                              • 44120

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Hardrock69
                              I am surprised any of you goobers think this is valid.

                              it is a fucking Weekly World News report.

                              It has as much vailidity as one of Katypig's Catholic Fairy Tales...


                              I think it has some validity, although I think 6-6-06 is incorrect, but when it does happen, it's gonna be quick...

                              Being prepared is smart...

                              Comment

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