Joe Thunder LP
01-01-2006, 09:57 AM
I would like to take this time to address with all my fine well-wishers and friends here at the Roth Army. Well, it's New Years day, a time to make ammends and to make resolutions, and I resolve to be more honest in 2006. Yes, it is true that I have been a notorious lier, and pedophile, and attention whore loser in the past, but I wish to turn over a new man, or, leaf I mean. It has been generally been agreed upon that I did not in fact write any material for Van Halen II nor Diver Down, oh good heavens, for I cannot sing a note, I certainly did not contribute to any of the vocal musings. And Brian Minto refuses to return my calls and sends back the roses and floural balloon arrangements I continually bequeath on him to show my homoerotic devotion. *sigh*
But I did in fact write a song for Van Halen. There is a story here. Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony and I were all sharing a hot tub outside my palatial estate in Butlick, PA. As you can imagine, the water was getting pretty creamy, and we turning the water into a filthy, brackish goo. I really enjoy being the fluffer, but I sure am tired of always being the power-bottom. Why can't I get a little reach around once in a while? Well, anyways, after a night of intense anal, we woke up famished the next morning, Sam and Mike forced me to whip up a concocktion of breakfast fair that would put the Bob' Big Boy buffet to shame. Oh, Mike's "hotsauce" is just dreadful I must say! Anyways, an epiphany came down from the heavens to me, and I decided to blend my love for breakfast over-eating and gay-sex into song, and I immediately grabbed a pen and scribed the lyrics to "Up For Breakfast!" Sam was immediately wowed by my lyrical genius and decided to use the lyrics verbatim, saved one change, he would changed all the "he's" to "she's" since Sam is not full out of the closet yet. I went down with the boys to the studio 5150 we're that prick Eddie called me a faggot and threw an empty wine bottle at me before he passed out. Oh, drat, the phone is ringing with the ode's of well wishers, so I must bid adieu to you guys.
But I did in fact write a song for Van Halen. There is a story here. Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony and I were all sharing a hot tub outside my palatial estate in Butlick, PA. As you can imagine, the water was getting pretty creamy, and we turning the water into a filthy, brackish goo. I really enjoy being the fluffer, but I sure am tired of always being the power-bottom. Why can't I get a little reach around once in a while? Well, anyways, after a night of intense anal, we woke up famished the next morning, Sam and Mike forced me to whip up a concocktion of breakfast fair that would put the Bob' Big Boy buffet to shame. Oh, Mike's "hotsauce" is just dreadful I must say! Anyways, an epiphany came down from the heavens to me, and I decided to blend my love for breakfast over-eating and gay-sex into song, and I immediately grabbed a pen and scribed the lyrics to "Up For Breakfast!" Sam was immediately wowed by my lyrical genius and decided to use the lyrics verbatim, saved one change, he would changed all the "he's" to "she's" since Sam is not full out of the closet yet. I went down with the boys to the studio 5150 we're that prick Eddie called me a faggot and threw an empty wine bottle at me before he passed out. Oh, drat, the phone is ringing with the ode's of well wishers, so I must bid adieu to you guys.