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Operation: Alienate Pakistan
"I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell." - Harry Truman
Bush Calls 'Operation Alienate Pakistan' a Success
Airstrike Succeeded in Pissing Off Nation of 162,000,000, President Says
By: Andy Borowitz
Published: Jan 17, 2006 at 07:39
President George W. Bush said today that the U.S. airstrike in Pakistan over the weekend was part of a successful military mission called Operation Alienate Pakistan.
While the Pentagon initially had claimed that the reason for the strike was to eliminate al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, Mr. Bush revealed that the actual objective was to alienate 162,000,000 Pakistanis.
"Four years ago, I asked Pakistan if they were with us or against us," Mr. Bush told reporters. "Hopefully, Operation Alienate Pakistan has cleared that up."
But even as the president basked in the success of Operation Alienate Pakistan, some hawks in Congress wondered whether one airstrike was sufficient to incur the wrath of 162,000,000 Pakistanis.
Rep. Jean "Mean Jean" Schmidt (R-OH) took to the floor of the House of Representatives today to demand that the U.S. send additional warplanes to Pakistan to "finish the job" of angering the nation of Pakistan.
"One little airstrike is not enough to piss off a country that size," Rep. Schmidt insisted. "We should hit them again next weekend and get the job done."
For his part, President Bush seemed satisfied that the U.S. had successfully turned Pakistan into a bitter enemy and said that he was now mulling which country to alienate next.
"Over the next three years, I hope to alienate every nation on the globe," Mr. Bush said. "That's why I put John Bolton at the U.N."
Elsewhere, the Reverend Pat Robertson said that God ended the New England Patriots' Superbowl hopes to punish Massachusetts for legalizing gay marriage. And God is on the side of The Carolina Panthers
Bush Calls 'Operation Alienate Pakistan' a Success
Airstrike Succeeded in Pissing Off Nation of 162,000,000, President Says
By: Andy Borowitz
Published: Jan 17, 2006 at 07:39
President George W. Bush said today that the U.S. airstrike in Pakistan over the weekend was part of a successful military mission called Operation Alienate Pakistan.
While the Pentagon initially had claimed that the reason for the strike was to eliminate al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, Mr. Bush revealed that the actual objective was to alienate 162,000,000 Pakistanis.
"Four years ago, I asked Pakistan if they were with us or against us," Mr. Bush told reporters. "Hopefully, Operation Alienate Pakistan has cleared that up."
But even as the president basked in the success of Operation Alienate Pakistan, some hawks in Congress wondered whether one airstrike was sufficient to incur the wrath of 162,000,000 Pakistanis.
Rep. Jean "Mean Jean" Schmidt (R-OH) took to the floor of the House of Representatives today to demand that the U.S. send additional warplanes to Pakistan to "finish the job" of angering the nation of Pakistan.
"One little airstrike is not enough to piss off a country that size," Rep. Schmidt insisted. "We should hit them again next weekend and get the job done."
For his part, President Bush seemed satisfied that the U.S. had successfully turned Pakistan into a bitter enemy and said that he was now mulling which country to alienate next.
"Over the next three years, I hope to alienate every nation on the globe," Mr. Bush said. "That's why I put John Bolton at the U.N."
Elsewhere, the Reverend Pat Robertson said that God ended the New England Patriots' Superbowl hopes to punish Massachusetts for legalizing gay marriage. And God is on the side of The Carolina Panthers
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