I heard Spammy's new song

[Jamocha Joe]

Anybody hear this song yet? Spam I am. Hoo Boy. It sounds like something Dr Demento would play. Big change in his voice on this one. If they didn't announce it was Sammy before the song, I would've had no idea who was screeching (although the horrible lyrics probably would've given it away).

:donkey:

[OfficerJimmy]

When I first saw the lyrics I thought they were a joke. Hagar out did himself with these. There's no reference to love though, which is surprising for Sammy.

Here they are:

Well...
I tried to be your paperboy,
Tried to be your boy scout,
Tried to be your ice cream man
I could not be your soldier
Or even drive your bus
My skills aren't always inobvious

Well, I hope you understand,
I'm doin' the best I can.
I ain't no perfect man, but...
Sam I Am!

{Chorus}
I'm a bad-talkin' fighter!
Silver bullet rider!
I'm a flip-flop strider!
A guitar moonlighter!
I'm a through it all nighter!
Your Holy Ghost Rider!
A little shade whiter!
I'm the rock and roll driver, yeah!
Oh, yeah...that's all I am!

Tried to be your oil man,
Tried to be your big boss,
Tried to be your broker,
But ya took a loss...huh!

It's just a hopeless case,
And I ain't no lawyer.
I only got a few tricks I can show ya.
And, I hope you understand,
I do the best I can.
I ain't no Superman, but...
Sam I Am!

{Chorus}
And, I'm a feel-good doctor!
Big bad talker!
After midnight walker!
Sittin' on the bay docker!
I'm a sunshine stalker!
A heavy-weight watcher!
Heavens, door knocker!
Blue, White and Red Rocker!
Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah! That's all I am.

I tried to be everything to you,
Yeah, but it would not do.
You're nothing on my resume,
But I can rock you, and roll you,
Each and every day.

Have mercy on me,
I am not sorry.

Believe me, it's easy.
I do my best to be a straight-shot shooter!
A Bad Motor Scooter!
Sunny honeymooner!
Your heavy metal crooner!
Make you wanna holler!
Shirt with no collar!
Just a couple inches taller!
White, Blue and Red Rocker!
Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
I said, Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
That's all I am, that's all I am,
Baby, Baby, Baby...
Sam I Am.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by OfficerJimmy
Well...
I tried to be your paperboy,

I don't want Sammy Hagar as my paperboy! :mad:

Tried to be your boy scout,

Until they threw you out for being GAY!

Tried to be your ice cream man

DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING TRY IT, SAM. DON'T EVEN.

I could not be your soldier

Because YOU AND THE ARMY ARE EXACT OPPOSITES!

Or even drive your bus

Because you molest children.

My skills aren't always inobvious

What kind of fucking word is "inobvious"?

Well, I hope you understand,

No, I don't.

I'm doin' the best I can.

David can do it better. Asshole.

I ain't no perfect man,

No shit.

but...
Sam I Am!

With green eggs and ham!

{Chorus}
I'm a bad-talkin' fighter!

You talk shit and cower under desks when confronted. We can all ask David about that you chicken shit, yellow backed babboon.

Silver bullet rider!

Somebody oughta put a bullet in you.

I'm a flip-flop strider!

Well, you certainly flip flop, you asshat.

A guitar moonlighter!

You can't PLAY guitar, dummy.

I'm a through it all nighter!

At the bathhouse redlighter!

Your Holy Ghost Rider!

You want to fuck the holy ghost?

SICK!! :mad:

A little shade whiter!

Now HE'S A RACIST! :mad:

I'm the rock and roll driver, yeah!

YOU CAN'T DRIVE! YOU'RE 65!

Oh, yeah...that's all I am!

Oh no!

Tried to be your oil man,

You and oil are two concepts that just made me throw up in my mouth.

Tried to be your big boss,

Boss Hogg, maybe.

Tried to be your broker,
But ya took a loss...huh!

Telling. Van Halen certainly took it's losses with you, shithead.

God I hate you, Sammy.

It's just a hopeless case,
And I ain't no lawyer.

Yes - you ARE fucking hopeless, you rat ass bastard.

I only got a few tricks I can show ya.

None of them have anything to do with musicianship, either.

And, I hope you understand,
I do the best I can.
I ain't no Superman, but...
Sam I Am!

And would you like some spam?

{Chorus}
And, I'm a feel-good doctor!

I'm suing for malpractice.

Big bad talker!

A big cock knocker, maybe.

After midnight walker!

Down vaselline alley!

Sittin' on the bay docker!

:rolleyes:

Who could THINK of this lyrically?

Jeeeezus...

I'm a sunshine stalker!

Yeah, Sam - go stalk the sun.

I'll press charges, considering YOU TAKE UP ALL MY SUN!

A heavy-weight watcher!

If there's one thing Sam's not watching, it's his weight...

Heavens, door knocker!

It won't open for you.

Blue, White and Red Rocker!

Learned how to speak Spanish yet?

Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah! That's all I am.

Flaming Sam! Flaming Sam!

I tried to be everything to you,

You failed.

Yeah, but it would not do.

You're not David.

You're nothing on my resume,

Your resume would be blank were it not for Van Halen.

But I can rock you,

No you can't.

and roll you,

I ever catch up with your ass, I'm gonna roll you.

Ass.

Each and every day.

Have mercy on me,

No.

I am not sorry.

That's a shame. You're whole fucking existance is sorry.

Believe me, it's easy.

Hey, when you're coasting on the coat-tails of David and only hear what you choose to hear - and the truth is irrelevant to you - I'm sure it is.

I do my best to be a straight-shot shooter!

Yup! And you nail his ass every time!

A Bad Motor Scooter!

Motor scooters and rock and roll do not mix, Samuel.

Sunny honeymooner!

Shut up.

Your heavy metal crooner!

You don't know what heavy metal is.

Nor can you croon.

Make you wanna holler!

You make me wanna kick your ass.

Shirt with no collar!

???

Just a couple inches taller!

OK, shortie.

White, Blue and Red Rocker!

DIE!

Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
I said, Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
That's all I am, that's all I am,
Baby, Baby, Baby...
Sam I Am.

SAMMY HAGAR CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP!

:mad:

[Jérôme Frenchise]

Ha! Ha! Ha! :D Kickass - but still newly-born - thread!

Well, Jamocha Joe, who wishes he/she had heard Fat Spam's latest ridiculous mess?

Besides, let me remind you of the main topic of this section, which is MUSIC, such as in "House of Music"... see what I mean? :cool:

Just kidding, but I trust your word, so where is the goddamn fucking music in there? ;)

[DlocRoth]

...bathhouse redlighter....

ROFL


Classic......

[FORD]

So is this song supposed to be "Little White Lie Part II: Spam's Pissed At Eddie Again"?? :confused:

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by DlocRoth
...bathhouse redlighter....

ROFL


Classic......

I liked it...

:)

[simplerhyme]

Those lyrics are awful, even for Sam.

Someone should tell him that, just because he has fur 'round his lips, doesn't mean he has to talk like a cunt!

[Dirty Duck]

A heavy-weight watcher?

Christ....horrible fucking lyrics! Not that I'm suprised.

I just cannot believe people would actually pay to see this loser perform yet alone write a song.

Please someone tell me why that anytime VH is mentioned it's always VH w/sam? He didnt start the band....he ruined it. Whatever...pisses me off.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Dirty Duck
A heavy-weight watcher?

Christ....horrible fucking lyrics! Not that I'm suprised.

I just cannot believe people would actually pay to see this loser perform yet alone write a song.

Please someone tell me why that anytime VH is mentioned it's always VH w/sam? He didnt start the band....he ruined it. Whatever...pisses me off.

I don't know where you're hearing Van Halen with Sam mentioned, but...overwhelmingly, in my neck of the woods, we're Dave country...Sammy era VH is rarely (close to never) played on any channels...

[ELVIS]

What the hell is an "asshat" ??

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by ELVIS
What the hell is an "asshat" ??

Sammy Hagar.

[hankster]

Everyone is messing with Sammy, but he and Michael Anthony have teamed up with Chad Smith from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and the one and only Joe Satriani and formed a band called Chickenfoot. The tunes are good and the website is Chickenfoot (http://chickenfoot.us). Check it out the shit is good

[sonrisa salvaje]

Any other press releases anyone would like to share with us today?

[Matt White]

Spammy haggis sucks dog balls.................