Hardrock69's Political Humor Thread

[Hardrock69]

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked into the lobby where he met President Bush They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America. President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will." The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Arabs.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek."
President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

[FORD]

"The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'" —Bill Maher

[FORD]

"Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?" —Jay Leno

[FORD]

"When Stevie Wonder took the stage at the Kennedy Center, President Bush waved to him. Realizing his faux pas, President Bush turned to his wife and said, 'Oh my God, do you think he saw that?'" —Tina Fey. Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

[FORD]

"CBS cancelled its miniseries on the life of Ronald Reagan after the Republican National Committee protested what it called 'historical inaccuracies.' The RNC also objected to the networks unflattering look at George Bush, until they realized it was just a live press conference." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

[FORD]

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller

[FORD]

"President Bush is back from his big trip to Asia. In fact, this is the first time he was able to get out of Vietnam without any help from his dad." --Jay leno

[FORD]

"According to our latest intelligence, Osama bin Laden is losing his influence and power. I didn't know he was a Republican." --Jay Leno

[FORD]

"Senator Trent Lott, who was ousted from the Senate leadership four years ago because of remarks considered racially insensitive, won election Wednesday, as the Senate Minority Whip. But Lott was disappointed to learn this doesn't mean he gets to whip minorities." --Seth Myers

"Trent Lott has regained a position of leadership. He was the former majority leader who lost his post for racially insensitive commentary. I believe he mentioned that Strom Thurmond in 1948, who ran as a segregationist candidate, should have won. ... But now, sound the irony alarm. He has recaptured a position and his position -- I kid you not -- in the Senate will be minority whip. So, my guess is he takes to that job like, let's say, white on rice." --Jon Stewart

"Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard." --Stephen Colbert

[FORD]

"2008. The field's already getting crowded with candidates. Everyone knows about Hillary and McCain, but who else has a shot? On the Republican side, Rudy Giuliani. Hero. 9/11. Time person of the year. Member of the comb over club. But also a member of the New York, divorced, pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-stem cell research, gay-friendly wing of the Republican Party. I'm sorry, did I say wing? I meant room. Did I say room? I meant corner. Did I say corner? I meant table -- for one." --Jon Stewart

[FORD]

The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.
The reality now is that the boy doesn't have to grow up?!

[FORD]

A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin. G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call. He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.

Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I'm conducting a survey
GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.
Reseacher: Political, sir?
GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?
Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask --
GW Bush: What is this about?
Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.
GW BUSH: I've never tried pepsi. Is that a new thing?

[FORD]

Bush is so stupid he thinks Roe v. Wade are options for crossing the Potomac.'

[FORD]

George W. Bush was driving from Texas to New York and stopped in a bar on a quiet street and began drinking. After he was well past the legal limit, he stood up and shouted, "All Democrats are pigs!"

Immediately, the barroom crowd set upon him and threw him out of the bar.

After a few days, Mr. Bush stopped in the same bar on his way back to Texas and began drinking again. He stood up, but remembering what had happened last time, he shouted, "All Republicans are pigs," whereupon the crowd descended upon him and threw him out again.

Lying on ground, he asked a passer by "Who the hell do these people vote for around here?"

"You don't understand," the man replied. "They are all pig farmers."

[FORD]

Mr. Bush and his wife were driving in Connecticut and they reached a town named Seymour. They could not figure out how to pronounce it.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, Mr. Bush said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "MaaaacDonaaaaalds"