LA Weekly says Eddie looks like a worn out bum and smells like booze

[Nitro Express]

By TED E. GRAU
Wednesday, January 10, 2007 - 6:00 pm
On a recent morning, as I was driving my beloved to work in Century City from North Hollywood, we stopped at a gas station on the corner of Coldwater and Ventura to load up on supplies (coffee, smokes, Bratz press-on tattoos, etc.) before heading up the canyon to parts better known and vastly overpriced.

Tapping my toe to the hottest of Hindi hits lilting softly through the burnt-coffee-scented air, I noticed a small commotion at the front of the line. What I saw was a frail, hunched man, with longish, stringy hair and gnarled, shaky, “hard work” hands, wearing a loose-fitting long-john shirt, faded jeans and expensive track shoes. While the cashier waited, the man muttered to himself as he arranged six packs of smokes into a stack on the countertop — three packs of American Spirit heavies, three packs of Marlboro Light 100s (the chica smoke of choice). He was too well dressed to be a bum, but also too unkempt and “lived in” to be anything other than a burned-out roadie or an out-of-work roofer. He’d obviously seen too many late nights, but he also seemed like a scrappy sort who could mix it up, work with his hands, create... Hmmm... What’s this Hessian dude’s deal? And what’s with the smoke stacking, you goddamn smoke stacker?

As I watched him futz around with the cigs and thought to myself, “This is one chain-smoking mother fucker,” he turned his head to the side, giving me a brief glimpse of his profile. All at once, I realized that he looked very familiar, like an old friend who didn’t look the way I remembered but was still very recognizable based on a strong memory deeply rooted in the lizard brain of my youth. Then it hit me, like the first strains of “Runnin’ With the Devil,” the midpoint of “Eruption,” the last note of “Ice Cream Man.”

This was Eddie Van Halen.

Muttering to himself. Stuffing change into his wallet with shaky, gnarled, hard-work hands. Stacking six packs of smokes on a countertop. Two brands. Three a piece.

This was Eddie Van Halen, my first guitar hero, the blistering virtuoso with the striped guitar, the fuel behind the first great American arena-rock supergroup.

Eddie Van Halen, the musical whiz who was described as “coming from a planet where everyone plays guitar.” The guy who taught us about the “hammer on” move and the tremolo, and who took fretwork to a whole new stratosphere — or maybe just back to the planet he came from. The icon who invented the tennis-racket air guitarist. The effortless genius who grinned that laconic, dopey grin while blowing the doors off of guitar convention when not blowing the embryonic matter off of MTV. The man who married childhood boner queen Valerie Bertinelli.

The guy we all once knew as just “Eddie.”

And now here he was, at 9 a.m. in the Valley, gathering up his smokes and shuffling past me, eyes down, smelling of three-day-old liquor, and out the door to the dirty Toyota Land Cruiser, and the young, moderately pretty woman (certainly no boner queen) who waited for him behind the wheel, smoking her long, chica Marlboro Light 100 and yammering into her cell phone. Didn’t she know who this was? He’s a Guitar God, you jabbering skank! Pay some respect and at least open the door for this faded titan.

But she didn’t pay respect, nor did she even notice as my boyhood hero walked to the front of the Land Cruiser, banged his head a few times on the thin metal hood, and then mock collapsed, before slogging wearily to the passenger door, as if it was all too much effort. Like he was exhausted from the smoke stacking, from the journey, from the memories of what he once was and what he will never get to be again.

By this time, I stopped looking, for maybe the same reason that Eddie’s female friend stopped looking, as we all want to remember our Gods and Monsters the way we did as children, when all seemed possible, and men could be made giants, and giants into the infinite.

I didn’t even look to see where he went, or in which direction, because I already knew, and didn’t need to know the truth. At least not this time.

Not with Eddie.

[sadaist]

So fucking sad that we have to watch our hero end up like this.

[Nitro Express]

I wonder if that female friend is that porn publicist that is marrying him for his money. What a whore.

[sadaist]

.
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/184500/184535PUWT_w.jpg

[Diamondjimi]

A day in the life........

Sounds like it's business as usual for 'ol Bumfights Eddie!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/Federaljim/EVHbumfightdj-o7colour.jpg

[DlocRoth]

Damn....

[Matt White]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
"Pay some respect and at least open the door for this faded titan."



SAD


And the part that really kills me?

We've been saying the same here for years now...

And got nothing but "Hes still the greatest, leave him alone" routine from the sycophant SHEEPeople.............

He's gonna go down as the biggest WASTE in the history of MUSIC......

[VHrocks]

I wonder if this is the picture of Eddie that they will be hanging in the R&R Hall Of Fame?

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e329/jarick/EVHKramer.jpg

:confused:

[Diamondjimi]

LMFAO !:D

[DlocRoth]

LOL

It's grotesque...yet I can't take my eyes off of it....

[light 'em up!]

Whoever thought 20 years ago that one day they'd be reading about Eddie Van Halen and feeling intense sadness?

[Little Texan]

It almost would've been better if he had died from cancer than to see him waste away like this!

[Binky]

As sad as it is it doesn't surprise me. I get the impression he doesn't care anymore about anything, whereas someone like him should be living a good life. Didn't he leave his wife recently?

*^_^* \m/

[Terry]

Have read, and participated, in many a joke at Ed's drunken expense, but reading this just makes me sad, dudes.

This guy made such incredible, positive, kick-ass music and was one of the players who inspired me (and many, many others) to really take our instrument seriously...and to hear about these type of sightings is disheartening. Has little to do with Ed's ability to pull off a CVH reunion, either.

[Coyote]

Even though this might sound like a cliché: How the mighty have fallen...

[Panamark]

Man, I was in Hollywood last week..

I was scoping everywhere to see if I could spot EVH...
Didnt happen.. I didnt figure on seeing Dave at
all.

Then as soon as Im back in Oz, some dude see's him at
a local gas station !! DOH ! :(

Im not really that familiar with the whole area, but
we were one street back from Hollywood Boulevarde.
(Renaissance Hollywood Hotel)

For those from LA, how far from Ed and Dave's place was I ?
(Im just curious, its probably as physically close as Ive ever
been to Ed and Dave)

[Nitro Express]

What the sheep don't get is the fans over here wanted the best for Eddie Van Halen. We were tough on him because we were dishing out some tough love. If Eddie listened to us at the Army he would not be the mess he is now.

The bottom line is Ed never cleaned up because he didn't want to bad enought and how many enablers were around him kissing his ass, and those radio dorks sending wine to the guy.

[Nitro Express]

The Gas station Ed was spotted at was on the other side of the hill from Hollywood. Vallerie used to be seen at Ralph's on Ventura all the time. She does her own grocery shopping.

[Hardrock69]

Panamark, you were only a few miles away.

Coldwater Canyon is about 2 or 3 miles west of where you were. And then he lives about a mile north of Sunset if that.

[Panamark]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
Panamark, you were only a few miles away.

Coldwater Canyon is about 2 or 3 miles west of where you were. And then he lives about a mile north of Sunset if that.


3 Miles !!

FUCK ! Thats a lot closer than I thought. We were not in LA for that
long, but I was wondering the whole time. We checked out all
the touristy stuff (walk of fame etc) What did surprise me was
LA itself. We came to Hollywood via a cab through (what looked
like to me) the ass end of the world. I was waiting to see all
these glamorous mansions and stuff, and didnt see any.
It was only when we walked along Hollywood Blvd at night that
I actually started to feel I was in this magical place I had read
all about...

Man, those mansions must be hidden real well. I looked at a lot
of hills and was wondering which one was Howdy Doody Mountain :D

If we stayed for a few days I would have logged on here and asked
for directions and caught a cab to 5150 ! Ah well, next year..

LAX was insane. 20 planes dumping luggage on the one
carousel, people 10 deep trying to get their bags (took us 2 hours)
then the traffic inside the airport was fookin gridlocked....
I reckon it took us over 3 hours after we landed to get to the
hotel..

I tell ya what, I was most stoked to see a little liquor shop right
across the road from the hotel.. They had those big assed cans
of Fosters... After 2-3 of those I started to feel almost normal
again...

So only 3 miles... Thats a shitload closer than I was when Van Hagar
was in Sydney. (You couldnt get me far enough away from Sydney
that night)

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
I noticed a small commotion at the front of the line. What I saw was a frail, hunched man, with longish, stringy hair and gnarled, shaky, “hard work” hands, wearing a loose-fitting long-john shirt, faded jeans and expensive track shoes. While the cashier waited, the man muttered to himself as he arranged six packs of smokes into a stack on the countertop — three packs of American Spirit heavies, three packs of Marlboro Light 100s (the chica smoke of choice). He was too well dressed to be a bum, but also too unkempt and “lived in” to be anything other than a burned-out roadie or an out-of-work roofer. He’d obviously seen too many late nights, but he also seemed like a scrappy sort who could mix it up, work with his hands, create...

One thing's for sure, TED E. GRAU has a flair for detailed description. If a robbery had taken place, the fuzz would've went straight to 51-shitty!

[Roy Munson]

I've been there. With my '71 Cutlass a few years back. Some of the older peeps here remember the story.

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I've been there. With my '71 Cutlass a few years back. Some of the older peeps here remember the story.


To 51-shitty?
:confused:

[Panamark]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I've been there. With my '71 Cutlass a few years back. Some of the older peeps here remember the story.

I remember that !

I recall you got a pic of his driveway and something about the
security dudes questioning you.. Is that about right ??

[Mt. Krakalak]

Anybody know where to find Ed's place on Google Earth?

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by Mt. Krakalak
Anybody know where to find Ed's place on Google Earth?

:drive:

http://i16.tinypic.com/2m67l28.jpg

[Poppy08]

Originally posted by Mt. Krakalak
Anybody know where to find Ed's place on Google Earth?

Get a life man!!! I'm sure that Eddy wont be looking for you on google earth! The place is probably a dump anyway!:D

[Mt. Krakalak]

Originally posted by Poppy08
Get a life man!!! I'm sure that Eddy wont be looking for you on google earth! The place is probably a dump anyway!:D


I wouldn't give a fuck if he did look for me on Google Earth. Why do you care so much anyway?

[Seshmeister]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
She does her own grocery shopping.

I didn't realise she was that talented...

[Roy Munson]

Originally posted by Panamark
I remember that !

I recall you got a pic of his driveway and something about the
security dudes questioning you.. Is that about right ??



Yeah, that was about it. Not much excitement.

The car is now gone, but the memories remain vivid as all fuck.

[GAR]

He was once the greatest, so why don't you people show some respect?

I'd like to see you live one day in Eds shoes. Because you never stop talking shit about him but you also never met him and take this little jab of journalism unquestionably as good as gold.

[pflo]

Originally posted by Terry
Have read, and participated, in many a joke at Ed's drunken expense, but reading this just makes me sad, dudes.

This guy made such incredible, positive, kick-ass music and was one of the players who inspired me (and many, many others) to really take our instrument seriously...and to hear about these type of sightings is disheartening. Has little to do with Ed's ability to pull off a CVH reunion, either. If you made fun of him then you never DESERVED to be a fan. He inspired you? then why did you EVER make fun of him, putz? How many people have YOU inspired in your life?

[Terry]

Originally posted by pflo
If you made fun of him then you never DESERVED to be a fan. He inspired you? then why did you EVER make fun of him, putz? How many people have YOU inspired in your life?

So who the fuck crowned you the sole determiner of who deserves to be a fan? Suppose part of the reason I made fun of him is BECAUSE he was so brilliant, and decided to willingly piss away his talent. Apparently I've inspired one person less than you have, as you've inspired me to give you a swift kick in the cunt.

Twat.

[Matt White]

*Sniffle*

Poor SPeddie von Halen....so misunderstood.......


FUCK van hagar & their fans

[Nitro Express]

Hollywood is a wierd place because it's known worldwide and when you go there, there's nothing there. It was a real slum in the 70's and 80's actually and the only decent part was when you got into Beverly Hills and Westwood.

Basically you have the Sunset Strip that runs along the base of the Hollywood Hills and then you have the Canyon roads like Laurel Canyon and Coldwater Canyon. Muholland runs along the top.

Ed's place is on the other side of Muholland and overlooks the San Fernando Valley on the other side of the hills and not Hollywood.

Basically anything in the hills is expensive real estate and there's houses all over the place up there. It's hard to see from the ground but if you fly over in a plane there's a shit load of homes up there.

LA is just a bunch of urban sprawl and strip malls that goes on for like 80 miles or so. When you are in New York City it's ovbiouse you are in New York City and you can see the landmarks.

People go to Hollywood and think they are in Butt Fucked Egypt and there's nothing obviouse there and it's actually dissapointing.

Hell, I was even dissapointed in Rodeo Drive. I kept on saying, "This is all there is?"

Beverly Hills and Hollywood is all hype. There's more upscale luxery and more to do in Las Vegas by far.

[Mt. Krakalak]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I've been there. With my '71 Cutlass a few years back. Some of the older peeps here remember the story.

So let's hear the story again!
No time better than now to be nostalgic and remember the days when CVH was a big part of our lives. I remember when their music filled me with energy like nothing else in this world did! I still get a chill when I hear the boss guitar riffs in RWTD!
I think Eddie's just in rough spot and can come back if he wants to. Perhaps this columnist's opinion of the state of Eddie may be too harsh.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Roy Munson


vivid as all fuck.




Dont know why, but this cracked me up.:D

[pflo]

Originally posted by Terry
So who the fuck crowned you the sole determiner of who deserves to be a fan? Suppose part of the reason I made fun of him is BECAUSE he was so brilliant, and decided to willingly piss away his talent. Apparently I've inspired one person less than you have, as you've inspired me to give you a swift kick in the cunt.

Twat. Im the decider.;)

[Terry]

Originally posted by pflo
Im the decider.;)

Um...okay (?)

[Diamondjimi]

Originally posted by Terry
So who the fuck crowned you the sole determiner of who deserves to be a fan? Suppose part of the reason I made fun of him is BECAUSE he was so brilliant, and decided to willingly piss away his talent. Apparently I've inspired one person less than you have, as you've inspired me to give you a swift kick in the cunt.

Twat.

:lol:
pflo
OWNED !!!

Again...

[pflo]

I wont resort to changing your post to my advantage. That reeks of desperation.:asshole:

[Bo Nozos]

I said in a post in another thread that Ed's chick looks like a "SKANK." (I capitalized in the original post)

This journalist used the exact same word to describe her.

Way to go, Ed.

[Diamondjimi]

Originally posted by pflo
I wont resort to changing your post to my advantage. That reeks of desperation.:asshole:

You referring to me , Cumfart !

I didn't have to change your post. Your words speak for themselves....

"Pee-flow" self ownage click here... (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1060802#post1060802)

[jhale667]

Originally posted by diamondjimi
You referring to me , Cumfart !

I didn't have to change your post. Your words speak for themselves....

"Pee-flow" self ownage click here... (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1060802#post1060802)

LMAO :D

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h217/jhale667/Tazowned-01.jpg

[vhrothfan]

Originally posted by Binky
As sad as it is it doesn't surprise me. I get the impression he doesn't care anymore about anything, whereas someone like him should be living a good life. Didn't he leave his wife recently?

*^_^* \m/

His wife left HIS ass. I dont blame her.

[pflo]

Originally posted by diamondjimi
You referring to me , Cumfart !

I didn't have to change your post. Your words speak for themselves....

"Pee-flow" self ownage click here... (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=1060802#post1060802) If you want the cock, just say it ! I can tell you do. IF YOU WANT TO MEET IN PERSON PM ME
you got the balls??????i will slay you

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by pflo
If you want the cock, just say it ! I can tell you do. IF YOU WANT TO MEET IN PERSON PM ME
you got the balls??????i will slay you


:rolleyes:

Another pathetic internet tough guy....

Would probably drop a load in his Garanimals if confronted....

i will slay you?

Does Canada have a big population of Knights?

moron :rolleyes:

[Nitro Express]

Give me a break. A huge multitude of Van Halen fans have been ripping Eddie and his brother for years. Why? The Van Halens turned their back on the fanbase and so the fans threw verbal tomatos at them and booed them. That's showbiz folks. The more brilliant you are the more they boo you off the stage when you start sucking. Sad but true. Look at Babe Ruth.

People hate people with great talent pissing it away because of drug and alcohol addiction. It makes people angry. Why? They were jelouse of Eddie or lets say enviouse and then the guy starts throwing away what everybody coveted and lusted after.

Some people get sad and others get mad and mean. It's human nature.

[Nitro Express]

Yup. Vallerie left Eddie after she was convinced the guy wasn't going to stop his vices. She said the reason she left him was she refused to watch Eddie kill himself.

That woman did everything under the sun to help the guy but only an addict can make themselves quit. Eddie was too selfish to quit and Val bolted.

[Diamondjimi]

Originally posted by pflo
If you want the cock, just say it ! I can tell you do. IF YOU WANT TO MEET IN PERSON PM ME
you got the balls??????i will slay you

Yawn ...

[MUSICMANN]

First and formost, from Edward himself, back in 86 i think, hey, i'm just a punk kid who plays guitar. Who the fuck cares what ed looks like at fucking 8 am in the morning.

Everyone that keeps up with ed or is a fan knows, the guy has a vampires life. Spends all his time in the studio, and doesn't sleep for hrs. on end.

The guy is a smoker, so what, who cares, he's a grown man living his life. All these celebrities, look like shit really. Movie magic and a good airbrush can do incredable things to pics, in real life though they have the same wrinkles and aging process that all of us have.

People have to stop thinking just because he's eddie VH, that if you see him out in real life, he's going to be running around with his frankenstrat and overalls, at 8 am in the morning at a conveinance store. The dude probably just got off humping is new woman and went out for a some smokes.

Give the fucker a break, he's only human. I myself sometimes get up in the morning, without shaving and look rough around the edges until i wake up. The diffrance between him and everyone else is, hes fucking eddie VH and his job is to make and play music, while everyone else has to get up and actually work for a living.

He's just a normal guy folks, who happens to be a famous guitar player, thats all, he's not here to be the poster child for GQ, magazine.

[Matt White]

Hmmmm.....


Lets see....

I thought EVH starting getting up early back when Wolf was a kid....you know, do the FATHERLY thing........
Wanted to set a "good example" for junior...didn't want to be a drunken Bum around his son.....hmmmmmmmmm

He's a bag of shit...who happened to play KICK ASS guitar...20+ years ago.....unless he's in a band with DAVID LEE ROTH....then he's almost tolerable......

FUCK EVH.......

[jhale667]

Originally posted by pflo
If you want the cock, just say it ! I can tell you do. IF YOU WANT TO MEET IN PERSON PM ME
you got the balls??????i will slay you


LMMFAO :lol:

[vhrothfan]

Originally posted by MUSICMANN


The guy is a smoker, so what, who cares, he's a grown man living his life. All these celebrities, look like shit really. Movie magic and a good airbrush can do incredable things to pics, in real life though they have the same wrinkles and aging process that all of us have.

People have to stop thinking just because he's eddie VH, that if you see him out in real life, he's going to be running around with his frankenstrat and overalls, at 8 am in the morning at a conveinance store. The dude probably just got off humping is new woman and went out for a some smokes.

Give the fucker a break, he's only human. I myself sometimes get up in the morning, without shaving and look rough around the edges until i wake up. The diffrance between him and everyone else is, hes fucking eddie VH and his job is to make and play music, while everyone else has to get up and actually work for a living.

He's just a normal guy folks, who happens to be a famous guitar player, thats all, he's not here to be the poster child for GQ, magazine.

Good post MUSICMANN. You just got my vote!

[vhrothfan]

Atleast he bought some new shoes.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by pflo
If you want the cock, just say it ! I can tell you do. IF YOU WANT TO MEET IN PERSON PM ME
you got the balls??????i will slay you


THIS QUOTE SHOULD BE IN EVERYONE'S SIG.

IT SHALL BE THE LAW.

:gulp:

[pflo]

Im honored.:cato2:

[Matt White]

The irony................

[jhale667]

The humanities...:rolleyes:

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h217/jhale667/Charlielikesyou.jpg

[vhrothfan]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
Hollywood is a wierd place because it's known worldwide and when you go there, there's nothing there. It was a real slum in the 70's and 80's actually and the only decent part was when you got into Beverly Hills and Westwood.

Basically you have the Sunset Strip that runs along the base of the Hollywood Hills and then you have the Canyon roads like Laurel Canyon and Coldwater Canyon. Muholland runs along the top.

Ed's place is on the other side of Muholland and overlooks the San Fernando Valley on the other side of the hills and not Hollywood.

Basically anything in the hills is expensive real estate and there's houses all over the place up there. It's hard to see from the ground but if you fly over in a plane there's a shit load of homes up there.

LA is just a bunch of urban sprawl and strip malls that goes on for like 80 miles or so. When you are in New York City it's ovbiouse you are in New York City and you can see the landmarks.

People go to Hollywood and think they are in Butt Fucked Egypt and there's nothing obviouse there and it's actually dissapointing.

Hell, I was even dissapointed in Rodeo Drive. I kept on saying, "This is all there is?"

Beverly Hills and Hollywood is all hype. There's more upscale luxery and more to do in Las Vegas by far.

I have been to Hollywood and I saw so many bums on the street's there. It was dirty and gritty.

[vhrothfan]

There are actually more celebrities on Central Park W. in manhattan than all of Hollywood put together.

www.diamonddavidleeroth.blogspot.com

[binnie]

Originally posted by Nitro Express


Tapping my toe to the hottest of Hindi hits lilting softly through the burnt-coffee-scented air,

Do we value this persons opinion. Sounds like a pussy to me.....

[h100]

i call bullshit on the story

[Chong Li]

I dont think he sounds pathetic. The description of a gnarled toughened beat up has been has a certain romance to it.

I like the article and I AM PUMPED FOR THE REUNION!!!!!!!!!!


Hiiiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

[113]

I think sharing a room on the 2004, with Hagar and Fat Anthony, really got to Ed. He started taking drugs, and that destoyed his looks!

Ed looked like a dirty mess, until he cleaned himself up for the 2007/2008 tour!

[sonrisa salvaje]

Thanks for stating the obvious and dragging up another old thread. :fufu:

[indeedido]

I bet you can go back even further and find a thread about Gary joining VH too.

[Nitro Express]

I have been to Hollywood and I saw so many bums on the street's there. It was dirty and gritty.

My father owned a second home in Newport Beach, California. I went to school and spent the winters in Sun Valley, Idaho and spent the summers in Newport Beach. It was the best of both worlds and I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. I had the Idaho serenity, mountains, skiing with the SoCal excitement and beaches.

We always stayed in the Orange Country area and rarely went up north into LA. I would always beg my father to take us to Hollywood and my dad would just grumble that is was a slum full of bums and nothing to see. When I finally made it to Hollywood I found out my dad was right. Not worth the drive.

[Bandit02tn]

That is terrible that the greatest fall so far. I saw the picture that was taken about a year ago and I was blown away! He was on SPIKE TV about a month ago and looked a lot better. Hopefully he can straighten up and leave the booze alone.

[letsrock]

old threads are fun.

[davehagarfan]

He's just a normal guy folks, who happens to be a famous guitar player, thats all, he's not here to be the poster child for GQ, magazine.


....just Guitar magazines


http://www.thrashhits.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/guitarworldb.jpg

The lipo, pullback and airbrush jobs are nice!

[Terry]

....just Guitar magazines


http://www.thrashhits.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/guitarworldb.jpg

The lipo, pullback and airbrush jobs are nice!

That was such a laughable photo...so odd that it might actually be real and not a cut-and-paste job in terms of the head vs. the body.

Least Ed looked somewhat healthier when the band hit the road in 2007-2008, despite still being a drunken fuck.

[indeedido]

That face looks to be composited onto that head. Weird baseline around the chin and hair.

[ForeverDLR/VH]

Nothing is really new, we all knew Ed has a drinking problem, but I'm wondering if Ed decided to berry the hatchet with Dave and go on tour for the long awaited reunion and get remarried, because he feel, he doesn't have much time left. Something to think about.

[ELVIS]

By TED E. GRAU
Wednesday, January 10, 2007 - 6:00 pm
On a recent morning, as I was driving my beloved to work in Century City from North Hollywood, we stopped at a gas station on the corner of Coldwater and Ventura to load up on supplies (coffee, smokes, Bratz press-on tattoos, etc.) before heading up the canyon to parts better known and vastly overpriced.

Tapping my toe to the hottest of Hindi hits lilting softly through the burnt-coffee-scented air, I noticed a small commotion at the front of the line. What I saw was a frail, hunched man, with longish, stringy hair and gnarled, shaky, “hard work” hands, wearing a loose-fitting long-john shirt, faded jeans and expensive track shoes. While the cashier waited, the man muttered to himself as he arranged six packs of smokes into a stack on the countertop — three packs of American Spirit heavies, three packs of Marlboro Light 100s (the chica smoke of choice). He was too well dressed to be a bum, but also too unkempt and “lived in” to be anything other than a burned-out roadie or an out-of-work roofer. He’d obviously seen too many late nights, but he also seemed like a scrappy sort who could mix it up, work with his hands, create... Hmmm... What’s this Hessian dude’s deal? And what’s with the smoke stacking, you goddamn smoke stacker?

As I watched him futz around with the cigs and thought to myself, “This is one chain-smoking mother fucker,” he turned his head to the side, giving me a brief glimpse of his profile. All at once, I realized that he looked very familiar, like an old friend who didn’t look the way I remembered but was still very recognizable based on a strong memory deeply rooted in the lizard brain of my youth. Then it hit me, like the first strains of “Runnin’ With the Devil,” the midpoint of “Eruption,” the last note of “Ice Cream Man.”

This was Eddie Van Halen.

Muttering to himself. Stuffing change into his wallet with shaky, gnarled, hard-work hands. Stacking six packs of smokes on a countertop. Two brands. Three a piece.

This was Eddie Van Halen, my first guitar hero, the blistering virtuoso with the striped guitar, the fuel behind the first great American arena-rock supergroup.

Eddie Van Halen, the musical whiz who was described as “coming from a planet where everyone plays guitar.” The guy who taught us about the “hammer on” move and the tremolo, and who took fretwork to a whole new stratosphere — or maybe just back to the planet he came from. The icon who invented the tennis-racket air guitarist. The effortless genius who grinned that laconic, dopey grin while blowing the doors off of guitar convention when not blowing the embryonic matter off of MTV. The man who married childhood boner queen Valerie Bertinelli.

The guy we all once knew as just “Eddie.”

And now here he was, at 9 a.m. in the Valley, gathering up his smokes and shuffling past me, eyes down, smelling of three-day-old liquor, and out the door to the dirty Toyota Land Cruiser, and the young, moderately pretty woman (certainly no boner queen) who waited for him behind the wheel, smoking her long, chica Marlboro Light 100 and yammering into her cell phone. Didn’t she know who this was? He’s a Guitar God, you jabbering skank! Pay some respect and at least open the door for this faded titan.

But she didn’t pay respect, nor did she even notice as my boyhood hero walked to the front of the Land Cruiser, banged his head a few times on the thin metal hood, and then mock collapsed, before slogging wearily to the passenger door, as if it was all too much effort. Like he was exhausted from the smoke stacking, from the journey, from the memories of what he once was and what he will never get to be again.

By this time, I stopped looking, for maybe the same reason that Eddie’s female friend stopped looking, as we all want to remember our Gods and Monsters the way we did as children, when all seemed possible, and men could be made giants, and giants into the infinite.

I didn’t even look to see where he went, or in which direction, because I already knew, and didn’t need to know the truth. At least not this time.

Not with Eddie.

Very well written and descripted...

I didn't realize that when you first posted it...

Thanks!


:elvis:

[standin]

Very well written and descripted...

I didn't realize that when you first posted it...

Thanks!


:elvis:

Really, you just noticed it now?
Perhaps there is other stuff you missed ,also.

[Igosplut]

we all knew Ed has a drinking problem, but I'm wondering if Ed decided to berry the hatchet with Dave...

Freudian slip??

[Baby's On Fire]

The humanities...:rolleyes:

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h217/jhale667/Charlielikesyou.jpg


The greatest interview in the history of television. I love Charlie. Why is he in jail? He didn't kill anyone.

He should be free and surfing......

[Baby's On Fire]

That was such a laughable photo...so odd that it might actually be real and not a cut-and-paste job in terms of the head vs. the body.

Least Ed looked somewhat healthier when the band hit the road in 2007-2008, despite still being a drunken fuck.


I'll bet you 10-1 there's a fucking cig burning in his right hand during this photo. EVH is a pathetic addict. The World by the balls and he wastes it.

That's the definition of a loser.

[Igosplut]

Both comments coming from someone who was gravely upset that people believed Michael Jackson was a pedophile......