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There are enough attention whores here, so I thought it would be larvelly if they had there own thread.
In truth, we are all attention whores in some way. Look at God. He sent Jesus down at a time when the Jews were getting bored of him. "Oooh, lets spice this up a bit" he said, "I'll send down some sort of messiah". He couldn't be bothered, and in the end just sent down this alcoholic magician called Jesus. He must have been an alcoholic-why else would he keep turning water into wine? What would be the point in doing it everyday?
Whilst I'm here, I would like to reveal something today. The truth about the Bible. There was a misprint in the Bible-it actually happened in Liverpool. Oh, yes-the truth is revealed. Of course, it was all going well with Jesus the alcoholic magician and his heroin addicted disciples. They were performing magic tricks all over town. It all started to go wrong one Sunday when they all stole horses from those Policemen you see riding them, and rode around this park full of palm trees. Anyways, he left them outside Lime Street Station and basically laid low for a few days. On Thursday, Jesus, and his disciples decided to have a party. Jesus drank a bit too much wine and his disciples were sticking all kinds in their arms. So much so, that they started attacking their leader, which wasn't very nice.
"Ah, Nah, though, lads," he said, "stop it, lah, or I'll get me Da to smite ye an' that".
Peter didn't care, he just said, "Ah, ye, but, I know Macca, Lad. He's from Scotty Rrrroad, he's fuckin' well 'aaaard. He'd kick your da's arse any day, lad".
Then, John made a silly suggestion, "Ah, lad, lets eat 'is body an' drrrrink 'is blood, lad"
And, thus, these so-called friends started eating Jesus, the alcoholic magician. All except Judas. He was having none of it-in fact he went and reported the crime. Sadly, he from Pakistan and owned a small shop at the corner Hawthorne Road, and his English wan't that good. He ran to a police station and said "Cannibal. Jesus. Need Help." Of course, the police remembered it was Jesus who stole their horses and said "Ah, so he's gone from theft to cannabalism, has he? We'll see about that." So, they went to arrested Jesus, not thinking that he himself might not actually be the cannibal. They found him out in the garden and brought him in. Judas was standing by, he went to run away when the others saw him, sadly his neck was caught in the swing that was attatched to the tree, and he slipped and he choked to death.
So Jesus was found guilty. That night, mind. No need to hurry it along that quickly. Basically, they just shoved him jail. They let him out for a few hours on Friday so he could participate in a charity race. There was a bunch of people with crosses running for Cancer Reasearch. Jesus got tired halfway through and a little nap on the cross. He woke up to find that some joker had nailed him to it and stood it up straight. He was a little bit miffed. He eventually passed out, the police found him eventually, and just shoved him in a nearby cave, because it was Friday, and they wanted to go down Matthew Street that night. If they took him back they'd have loads of paperwork to do. So they just shoved him in there.
A little known fact about Jesus-he was chlostraphobic. He couldn't handle being stuck inside this little cave. Luckily, he'd been watching "Prison Break" on Channel 5, and used Hooke's Law to get out of there. It was Sunday by the time he got out, and he went to see his so-called friends who tried to eat him. They apologised, but that wasn't enough. He was finished with Liverpool and decided to go and see his dad, who lived with his new wife in Wales. He went into a rehab centre and got over his addiction to alcohol.
A few years ago he changed his name. He called himself after his favourite Charles Dickens Book-David Copperfield. He was going to call himself "Great Expectations", but it didn't have the same ring to it. He carried on doing magic tricks and recently did a dance just because he felt like it.
And that is what really happened.
Katiedid would fookin love this.
In truth, we are all attention whores in some way. Look at God. He sent Jesus down at a time when the Jews were getting bored of him. "Oooh, lets spice this up a bit" he said, "I'll send down some sort of messiah". He couldn't be bothered, and in the end just sent down this alcoholic magician called Jesus. He must have been an alcoholic-why else would he keep turning water into wine? What would be the point in doing it everyday?
Whilst I'm here, I would like to reveal something today. The truth about the Bible. There was a misprint in the Bible-it actually happened in Liverpool. Oh, yes-the truth is revealed. Of course, it was all going well with Jesus the alcoholic magician and his heroin addicted disciples. They were performing magic tricks all over town. It all started to go wrong one Sunday when they all stole horses from those Policemen you see riding them, and rode around this park full of palm trees. Anyways, he left them outside Lime Street Station and basically laid low for a few days. On Thursday, Jesus, and his disciples decided to have a party. Jesus drank a bit too much wine and his disciples were sticking all kinds in their arms. So much so, that they started attacking their leader, which wasn't very nice.
"Ah, Nah, though, lads," he said, "stop it, lah, or I'll get me Da to smite ye an' that".
Peter didn't care, he just said, "Ah, ye, but, I know Macca, Lad. He's from Scotty Rrrroad, he's fuckin' well 'aaaard. He'd kick your da's arse any day, lad".
Then, John made a silly suggestion, "Ah, lad, lets eat 'is body an' drrrrink 'is blood, lad"
And, thus, these so-called friends started eating Jesus, the alcoholic magician. All except Judas. He was having none of it-in fact he went and reported the crime. Sadly, he from Pakistan and owned a small shop at the corner Hawthorne Road, and his English wan't that good. He ran to a police station and said "Cannibal. Jesus. Need Help." Of course, the police remembered it was Jesus who stole their horses and said "Ah, so he's gone from theft to cannabalism, has he? We'll see about that." So, they went to arrested Jesus, not thinking that he himself might not actually be the cannibal. They found him out in the garden and brought him in. Judas was standing by, he went to run away when the others saw him, sadly his neck was caught in the swing that was attatched to the tree, and he slipped and he choked to death.
So Jesus was found guilty. That night, mind. No need to hurry it along that quickly. Basically, they just shoved him jail. They let him out for a few hours on Friday so he could participate in a charity race. There was a bunch of people with crosses running for Cancer Reasearch. Jesus got tired halfway through and a little nap on the cross. He woke up to find that some joker had nailed him to it and stood it up straight. He was a little bit miffed. He eventually passed out, the police found him eventually, and just shoved him in a nearby cave, because it was Friday, and they wanted to go down Matthew Street that night. If they took him back they'd have loads of paperwork to do. So they just shoved him in there.
A little known fact about Jesus-he was chlostraphobic. He couldn't handle being stuck inside this little cave. Luckily, he'd been watching "Prison Break" on Channel 5, and used Hooke's Law to get out of there. It was Sunday by the time he got out, and he went to see his so-called friends who tried to eat him. They apologised, but that wasn't enough. He was finished with Liverpool and decided to go and see his dad, who lived with his new wife in Wales. He went into a rehab centre and got over his addiction to alcohol.
A few years ago he changed his name. He called himself after his favourite Charles Dickens Book-David Copperfield. He was going to call himself "Great Expectations", but it didn't have the same ring to it. He carried on doing magic tricks and recently did a dance just because he felt like it.
And that is what really happened.
Katiedid would fookin love this.
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