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Official GOP 2004 Convention Itinerary –
6:00pm – Opening Baptisms in the Big Vat of Oil.
6:15pm - Karl Rove summons Satan with 1,000 Gallons of Children’s Blood
6:30pm - “How the new Medicare Prescription Plan will Help Me” – Rush Limbaugh
6:40pm - George W Bush reads “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”.
7:00pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **
7:18pm - Slow Dance to Star Wars Imperial March: Lobbyist’s Choice
7:30pm - Ceremonial Outing of a CIA Operative
7:40pm - Donald Rumsfeld: “How to Let the leaders of 15 of the 9/11 terrorists in on
State Secrets without getting Impeached.”
7:55pm – George W Bush reads “Green Eggs and Ham”
8:10pm – Saddam Hussein Look-Alike Contest
8:30pm – “Why Stem Cell Research is Evil,” Sean Hannity
8:45pm – “Why Stem Cell Research is Great, Especially for my Husband,” Nancy Reagan
9:00pm - “Oh Shit,” Sean Hannity
9:15pm - Circle Jerk with Brit Hume
9:17pm - Break
10:00pm - Ceremonial Minstrel Show starring Trent Lott and John Ashcroft in blackface.
10:15pm - Colin Powell on Fox News Defending Minstrel Show.
10:20pm – Condaleeza Rice on MSNBC defending Minstrel Show.
10:30pm - Ken Lay: “How to make 500 Billion Dollar Debt look like a Profit.”
10:45pm - Blame Clinton Workshop
10:55pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **
11:00pm - George W Bush reads “Hop on Pop” with help from his father.
11:15pm - Rick Santorum: “Why Gays Marrying is like Me Humping my Dog.”
11:30pm - Dick Cheney: “I Raised a Raging Dyke.”
11:45pm - Celebrity Mud Wrestling: Ann Coulter vs. Laura Ingraham.
12:00am - Republican Nomination of Bush.
12:01am –Bush Starts Month-Long Vacation.
6:00pm – Opening Baptisms in the Big Vat of Oil.
6:15pm - Karl Rove summons Satan with 1,000 Gallons of Children’s Blood
6:30pm - “How the new Medicare Prescription Plan will Help Me” – Rush Limbaugh
6:40pm - George W Bush reads “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”.
7:00pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **
7:18pm - Slow Dance to Star Wars Imperial March: Lobbyist’s Choice
7:30pm - Ceremonial Outing of a CIA Operative
7:40pm - Donald Rumsfeld: “How to Let the leaders of 15 of the 9/11 terrorists in on
State Secrets without getting Impeached.”
7:55pm – George W Bush reads “Green Eggs and Ham”
8:10pm – Saddam Hussein Look-Alike Contest
8:30pm – “Why Stem Cell Research is Evil,” Sean Hannity
8:45pm – “Why Stem Cell Research is Great, Especially for my Husband,” Nancy Reagan
9:00pm - “Oh Shit,” Sean Hannity
9:15pm - Circle Jerk with Brit Hume
9:17pm - Break
10:00pm - Ceremonial Minstrel Show starring Trent Lott and John Ashcroft in blackface.
10:15pm - Colin Powell on Fox News Defending Minstrel Show.
10:20pm – Condaleeza Rice on MSNBC defending Minstrel Show.
10:30pm - Ken Lay: “How to make 500 Billion Dollar Debt look like a Profit.”
10:45pm - Blame Clinton Workshop
10:55pm - ** Event Title Censored by the Department of Homeland Security **
11:00pm - George W Bush reads “Hop on Pop” with help from his father.
11:15pm - Rick Santorum: “Why Gays Marrying is like Me Humping my Dog.”
11:30pm - Dick Cheney: “I Raised a Raging Dyke.”
11:45pm - Celebrity Mud Wrestling: Ann Coulter vs. Laura Ingraham.
12:00am - Republican Nomination of Bush.
12:01am –Bush Starts Month-Long Vacation.
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