The Reviews Are Already Written [Archive] - The Diamond David Lee Roth Army

haha

08-13-2007, 11:02 AM

So when this tour finally kicks off, the posts on this board are all going to be along the lines of "Dave never sounded better, Eddie was amazing, Wolfie pulled it off, Alex was on top of his game". All the negative crap people post here will be negated as the VH lemmings run to the sea. The truth is, Dave doesn't sing too well and is even worse when he doesn't try, he will be too busy mugging for the crowd, stupid underbite grin and all to put any effort into giving people what they deserve. Dave just wants to be up in front of a big crowd again, something he hasn't experienced in 20+ years. So we'll get to see old baldy (but the new plugs do look good) do the tired eJACKulation, the even more tired, "I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend", the queer as hell sword/ribbon dance (no, Dave ain't gay). Dave wants it to be 23 years ago and he will delude himself into believing it is-he didn't sing well in concert back then either. Ed will play 500 variations of Eruption, admit it, his solos are all kinda the same, the squeals and tapped harmonics will be in abundance. This is a nostalgia/greatest hits tour. As far as new music, the well is dry. The press conference today will be a parody of Dave past, probably a midget or two, a lot of well rehearsed, corny Dave-isms,and lots of references to women on the road, which Dave has no interest in. This tour isn't going to be a trainwreck, but it isn't going to be as great as people imagine it to be. Dave's ego, that's the driving force of this reunion, it's about him.

m_dixon1984

08-13-2007, 11:07 AM

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n202/m_dixon1984/CartmanSpecial.jpg

You riding the short bus today?

DavidLeeNatra

08-13-2007, 11:25 AM

hey linker...a bit bitter, aren't we? :D

Generic Alias

08-13-2007, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by haha
So when this tour finally kicks off, the posts on this board are all going to be along the lines of "Dave never sounded better, Eddie was amazing, Wolfie pulled it off, Alex was on top of his game". All the negative crap people post here will be negated as the VH lemmings run to the sea. The truth is, Dave doesn't sing too well and is even worse when he doesn't try, he will be too busy mugging for the crowd, stupid underbite grin and all to put any effort into giving people what they deserve. Dave just wants to be up in front of a big crowd again, something he hasn't experienced in 20+ years. So we'll get to see old baldy (but the new plugs do look good) do the tired eJACKulation, the even more tired, "I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend", the queer as hell sword/ribbon dance (no, Dave ain't gay). Dave wants it to be 23 years ago and he will delude himself into believing it is-he didn't sing well in concert back then either. Ed will play 500 variations of Eruption, admit it, his solos are all kinda the same, the squeals and tapped harmonics will be in abundance. This is a nostalgia/greatest hits tour. As far as new music, the well is dry. The press conference today will be a parody of Dave past, probably a midget or two, a lot of well rehearsed, corny Dave-isms,and lots of references to women on the road, which Dave has no interest in. This tour isn't going to be a trainwreck, but it isn't going to be as great as people imagine it to be. Dave's ego, that's the driving force of this reunion, it's about him.

Hey, that's exactly what I was gonna say.

It sucks to be unoriginal don't it.

bantonelli

08-13-2007, 11:27 AM

113

08-13-2007, 11:50 AM

How do you know Dave`s had a hair transplant, I thought its a hair weave he has?

delta5150

08-13-2007, 12:00 PM

Ok, I remember being a bit sceptical, I remember being posted back saying "of course it won't be 1984 again" but hey, this taking it a bit too far, I get your point but hey the conference is 2 hours away, be water my friend!

Jimmy Jingles

08-13-2007, 12:34 PM

Originally posted by bantonelli
....and your point is?

The point is he is a pillow biting fag who thinks Spammy's anus smells like grilled cheese, and has already purchased front row seats to Gayday and Bass Players Cabo horseshit suck-a-thon tour this fall.

Go back to The Stinks where you fit right in with all the other knob goblins.

Dan

08-14-2007, 01:55 AM

I Hate Sheep.

binnie

08-14-2007, 02:38 AM

Originally posted by Dan
I Hate Sheep.

You're not alone Dan, you're not alone...

Oxford

08-14-2007, 02:40 AM

Bottomline critics are assholes and people that wants to knock the guys already are obviously Hagar coverts hanging out here to try to spread some negative bullshit and that just wont fly when the show kicks into gear.

bantonelli

08-14-2007, 03:54 AM

Originally posted by Jimmy Jingles
The point is he is a pillow biting fag who thinks Spammy's anus smells like grilled cheese, and has already purchased front row seats to Gayday and Bass Players Cabo horseshit suck-a-thon tour this fall.

Go back to The Stinks where you fit right in with all the other knob goblins.

JJ - What's going on ? So now Dave is a fag ... eh?

I take it that you're not going to a Dave & Ed Concert.

Links? no thanks....it's a SPAM Paradise over there.

bantonelli

08-14-2007, 04:00 AM

Sorry JJ - think I misinterpreted you post....you were referring to HAHA's disasterous post that makes one wonder about the level of intelligence of the SPAMtard crowd over there at the Links. They seem to be oozing with backward principles and live in their own pity party.

VanHalener

08-15-2007, 02:18 AM

Panamark

08-15-2007, 02:22 PM

Notice how the same sheep that used to worship Eddie's
every move and decision are now crapping their panties
because he has reunited with Dave..

Awwww Diddums... Go and see Sammy Wammy and Mikey
Wikey play. Listen to Dreams, hold hands and cry like
a bunch of middle aged men at "man camp"

Coyote

08-15-2007, 06:18 PM

Originally posted by Panamark
Notice how the same sheep that used to worship Eddie's
every move and decision are now crapping their panties
because he has reunited with Dave..

Awwww Diddums... Go and see Sammy Wammy and Mikey
Wikey play. Listen to Dreams, hold hands and cry like
a bunch of middle aged men at "man camp"

Don't give me that visual... Oh, too late.

Ick.:uck:

Jimmy Jingles

08-15-2007, 06:22 PM

Originally posted by bantonelli
Sorry JJ - think I misinterpreted you post....you were referring to HAHA's disasterous post that makes one wonder about the level of intelligence of the SPAMtard crowd over there at the Links. They seem to be oozing with backward principles and live in their own pity party.

Yes, sorry if it wasn't clear.

That 'haha' turd is the limp-wristed pantywaist I was referring to in my childish rant.

Terry

08-15-2007, 08:41 PM

Reviews already written?

Nah.

There's at LEAST a half-dozen folks on this site who have said they're going who I trust to give an honest review...people who won't let the emotions of seeing them and being swept up in the moment overwhelm their objectivity.

DLR'sCock

08-15-2007, 10:18 PM

The beauty is that Van Hagar has been flushed.

binnie

08-16-2007, 03:03 AM

Originally posted by Panamark
Notice how the same sheep that used to worship Eddie's
every move and decision are now crapping their panties
because he has reunited with Dave..

Awwww Diddums... Go and see Sammy Wammy and Mikey
Wikey play. Listen to Dreams, hold hands and cry like
a bunch of middle aged men at "man camp"

Whilst this made me laugh, I now have Dreams in my head.

Thanks.

Excuse me whilst I bang my head on the table repeatedly.

DLRISVH7884

08-16-2007, 04:19 AM

Originally posted by haha
So when this tour finally kicks off, the posts on this board are all going to be along the lines of "Dave never sounded better, Eddie was amazing, Wolfie pulled it off, Alex was on top of his game". All the negative crap people post here will be negated as the VH lemmings run to the sea. The truth is, Dave doesn't sing too well and is even worse when he doesn't try, he will be too busy mugging for the crowd, stupid underbite grin and all to put any effort into giving people what they deserve. Dave just wants to be up in front of a big crowd again, something he hasn't experienced in 20+ years. So we'll get to see old baldy (but the new plugs do look good) do the tired eJACKulation, the even more tired, "I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend", the queer as hell sword/ribbon dance (no, Dave ain't gay). Dave wants it to be 23 years ago and he will delude himself into believing it is-he didn't sing well in concert back then either. Ed will play 500 variations of Eruption, admit it, his solos are all kinda the same, the squeals and tapped harmonics will be in abundance. This is a nostalgia/greatest hits tour. As far as new music, the well is dry. The press conference today will be a parody of Dave past, probably a midget or two, a lot of well rehearsed, corny Dave-isms,and lots of references to women on the road, which Dave has no interest in. This tour isn't going to be a trainwreck, but it isn't going to be as great as people imagine it to be. Dave's ego, that's the driving force of this reunion, it's about him.

notice this reuion is more huge than the Van Hagar reuion of 2004, all of these tickets for each show will sell out with in mintues of the onsale date!

tydhurst

08-16-2007, 08:46 AM

I thought the thing about seeing Van Halen live back in the day was that David Lee Roth would talk to the audience and have a laugh and that Eddie Van Halen would do his long solos. It ssems to be what the crowd wanted. If not then it would have sounded like the record, and that's dull. It may be a toned down version nowadays coz they're not 25 anymore but I reckon if they don't implode it'll still be a really good night. They've all been in the business long enough to act like pros if they need to, and since Eddie Van Halen's been through Rehab surely he's not acting like a Cunt for the minute. It's a pretty fuckin' stupid thing to post a big thing like "you're all gonna give this positive reviews if they do go on tour" coz OF COURSE WE FUCKING ARE! The whole point of being here is that we ARE Van Halen fans, we'll have a biased opinion on what happens anyway, no fan can give a 100% fair review of their favourite bands. You just wanted to say "See, I told you" when people start saying it's good, which I think it will be. In my opinion David Lee Roth can sing better than he could beck then and he won't be as drunk :)

hideyoursheep

08-16-2007, 11:04 AM

Originally posted by DLR'sCock
The beauty is that Van Hagar has been flushed.

And Samsauceablowski was the toilet paper to which it stuck to.

I mean, they had they're 15 minutes @ the Hole Of Lame, be happy sheepfan!

BTW-How fucking important is THAT now??? :rolleyes:

ODShowtime

08-16-2007, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by haha
So we'll get to see old baldy (but the new plugs do look good) do the tired eJACKulation, the even more tired, "I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend", the queer as hell sword/ribbon dance (no, Dave ain't gay). Dave wants it to be 23 years ago and he will delude himself into believing it is-he didn't sing well in concert back then either. Ed will play 500 variations of Eruption, admit it, his solos are all kinda the same, the squeals and tapped harmonics will be in abundance. This is a nostalgia/greatest hits tour.

sounds like good times to me bitchboy!

FORD

08-16-2007, 01:05 PM

Isn't this the same New Jersey SHEEP that wrote the horrible review of Dave's Nashville performance on the Roth/Hagar tour in 2002......

....One hour after the show ended......

.....from his home in New Jersey.

How's that Starfleet transporter rig working, asshole? How many bogus reviews of concerts that you didn't go to are you gonna write this time?

Terry

08-16-2007, 10:25 PM

Originally posted by hideyoursheep
And Samsauceablowski was the toilet paper to which it stuck to.

I mean, they had they're 15 minutes @ the Hole Of Lame, be happy sheepfan!

BTW-How fucking important is THAT now??? :rolleyes:

Funny how the RnRHoF biz had consumed the boards for a good month or two...seems like not much more than a hiccup now that Dave and the Van Halens are hitting the road.

jharp84

08-16-2007, 10:36 PM

Originally posted by Oxford
Bottomline critics are assholes and people that wants to knock the guys already are obviously Hagar coverts hanging out here to try to spread some negative bullshit and that just wont fly when the show kicks into gear.

"The critics all look like elvis costello" DLR Or something to that nature! I'm sure I will be corrected shortly if wrong!!

haha

08-17-2007, 04:39 PM

I'm not trying to shit on this reunion-thingy. I'll go see them again, but some of you fools are already convinced this is gonna be the best concert you ever saw, even though it won't be. Dave was shaky on the 1984 tour, so don't tell me his voice magically got better, unless one of you pixies shot fairy dust down Dave's throat. It just makes me laugh at how you refer to sheep, but then you all herd together in a very sheep-like fashion to protect your sweet Davey. He looked like a waiter on a gay cruise the other day, no I've never been on one, but you would go on one if your Davey was there. There's nothing wrong with loving CVH, but some of you (you know who I'm talking to) are IN LOVE with their "singer".

ROTHisGOD

08-17-2007, 05:07 PM

No going on a gay cruise if Spammy Midler was there would be better for you cause at least we know he would suck your dick...with a shot of tequila.

hideyoursheep

08-17-2007, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by hideyoursheep
And Samsauceablowski was the toilet paper to which it stuck to.

I mean, they had they're 15 minutes @ the Hole Of Lame, be happy sheepfan!

BTW-How fucking important is THAT now??? :rolleyes:

I meant "their"...

5 stars to all REAL Rothfans in this thread for making perfect sense.

FORD, you deserve 6. I only have a 5.;)

Ellyllions

08-17-2007, 06:06 PM

Sounds like Sammy found his way to the board.

Welcome, Sam. Although you're not gonna like it here much.

hideyoursheep

08-17-2007, 06:14 PM

I think I know this basket case from his comments.

NOT personally, but methinks I've had run-ins with it before...

Always with the hair comments and the ribfest shit.

Nerd.

davidbmc

08-17-2007, 06:14 PM

"The truth is, Dave doesn't sing too well and is even worse when he doesn't try..."

You sir, are an idiot. I have seen Dave several times in the last 10 years and his voice is just fine.

jhale667

08-17-2007, 06:50 PM

Originally posted by haha
He looked like a waiter on a gay cruise the other day, no I've never been on one

Your entire LIFE is a "gay cruise". :heyfu:

Ellyllions

08-17-2007, 07:09 PM

Originally posted by haha
I'm not trying to shit on this reunion-thingy. I'll go see them again, but some of you fools are already convinced this is gonna be the best concert you ever saw, even though it won't be. Dave was shaky on the 1984 tour, so don't tell me his voice magically got better, unless one of you pixies shot fairy dust down Dave's throat. It just makes me laugh at how you refer to sheep, but then you all herd together in a very sheep-like fashion to protect your sweet Davey. He looked like a waiter on a gay cruise the other day, no I've never been on one, but you would go on one if your Davey was there. There's nothing wrong with loving CVH, but some of you (you know who I'm talking to) are IN LOVE with their "singer".

Sam, I'm sorry that Ed is able to go on without you. Take your toys and go home, go do your thing. It's ok. Nothing a couple more therapy sessions won't cure.