Jesus Christ to endorse Obama?

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  • FORD
    ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

    • Jan 2004
    • 58755
    #1

    Jesus Christ to endorse Obama?



    BREAKING: Jesus Christ to return to Earth to endorse Obama
    The King of Kings to endorse Obama on Tuesday at a rally in Branson.
    Critics play down the value of the endorsement.

    By Sniffa
    Published: January 27, 2008

    Branson, MO - Stunning news from the Kingdom of Heaven, as Jesus has announced his long awaited return to Earth; though not to begin the Revelations, but to throw his considerable weight behind the candidacy of Barrack Obama, the Junior Senator from Illinois in his hard fought battle against Hillary Clinton for the Presidency.

    The endorsement is a major coup for the Obama campaign, as the Huckabee camp had been actively seeking the Lord's backing. Reached for comment, Governor Huckabee congratulated the Senator on the endorsement, but then went on to question whether this was the one and true, Jesus, further ratcheting up the vitriol in an already, increasingly negative campaign.

    "If one takes a look at where the endorsement is going to take place - Branson - one has to seriously question whether this is really the true Jesus, or is it the Mormon Jesus" said Huckabee. "And as I'm sure I don't need to remind you, Mormon Jesus is the brother of Satan. That's not a potato sack I wish to climb into."

    The Clinton campaign was also quick to dismiss the endorsement. In a conference call with reporters, Chief Clinton strategist Mark Penn questioned whether the endorsement would make much of a difference.

    "Look, when you take a step back and look at the big picture, this endorsement doesn't mean that much," opined Penn. "Polling trends have shown that church attendance have been on the wane for decades. And I'd also like to point out that Barrack Hussein Obama has claimed that this race is about the past versus the future. Well you can't get more in the past than 33 A.D."

    Mark Penn went on to compare the Son of God unfavorably to Senator John Kerry's unsuccessful bid for the White House in 2004.

    "Look, it doesn't surprise me that Jesus and Kerry have both decided to join the Obama camp," said Penn. "In 2004, Kerry didn't fight back against the swift boating, and Jesus didn't fight back against the Romans when they crucified him. You can expect the same response from Obama when the right wing smear machine gets going. Senator Clinton is the only candidate with the proven track record of fighting back."

    The Obama campaign plans to release a statement later today.

    Sniffa is a contributing writer to Democratic Underground.



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    Eat Us And Smile

    Cenk For America 2024!!

    Justice Democrats


    "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992
    Tags: christ, endorse, jesus, obama
    • FORD
      ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

      • Jan 2004
      • 58755
      #2
      Damn it, I knew the BCE would get involved in this
      -----------------------------------

      Update: Jesus Christ Arrested
      By Krispos42, DU Staff Writer
      January 27, 2008



      St. Louis, MO - Jesus, the Lord and Savior of over a billion Christians worldwide and known as the Prince of Peace, was arrested in a SWAT-style raid by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.

      Shortly after returning to Earth to endorse U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) for President of the United States, Jesus, originally from Nazareth in northern Israel, was arrested in an unannounced ICE raid by over a dozen agents at an Obama rally in Branson. Jesus, last name not known, was then swiftly placed in a police paddy wagon and taken to an undisclosed location.

      Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff's office released a brief statement stating that Jesus' arrest was due to "serious violations of US customs" and "the violation of sovereign US borders". Chertoff's release also noted that Jesus was born and raised in an area of the Middle East known for religious extremism and sectarian violence, hinting that Jesus may have been part of a terrorist cell.

      Department of Homeland Security officials have scheduled a press conference at 9am CST tomorrow. Repeated call to the DHS public-affairs office went unreturned. However, one ICE official, when asked off the record about todays events, said "Well, there are politics at play here, definitely. The orders for this came down from the top, and I'd bet a month's pay that the Christian conservatives aren't happy about this at all. They've spent so much time and money beating their drums about how Christian they are and how pro-Christian the Republican Party is this has to be a disappointment to them."

      White House Spokeswoman Dana Perino declined to comment about the events of today, except to note that this was the sort of thing we could have prevented from happening if Congressional Democrats threw their support into the President's National Missile Defense program.
      Eat Us And Smile

      Cenk For America 2024!!

      Justice Democrats


      "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

        Comment

        • Guitar Shark
          ROTH ARMY SUPREME
          • Jan 2004
          • 7576
          #3
          So who is getting FORD's endorsement now that Kucinich has quit? (Apart from Gore, who hasn't joined the race)
          ROTH ARMY MILITIA


          Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
          Sharky sometimes needs things spelled out for him in explicit, specific detail. I used to think it was a lawyer thing, but over time it became more and more evident that he's merely someone's idiot twin.

            Comment

            • FORD
              ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

              • Jan 2004
              • 58755
              #4
              Edwards is my guy for as long as he's in.

              But I'm seriously hoping this goes all the way to Denver, and ends in a gridlocked convention, with no candidate having a majority of delegates.

              Neither the Hillary or Obama factions would ever concede to the other, and I doubt they would agree on Edwards. That means a new nominee would have to be brought in to unite the party.

              There's only one man in recent memory who fits that description......

              Eat Us And Smile

              Cenk For America 2024!!

              Justice Democrats


              "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

                Comment

                • Lqskdiver
                  Sniper
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 763
                  #5
                  Originally posted by Guitar Shark
                  So who is getting FORD's endorsement now that Kucinich has quit? (Apart from Gore, who hasn't joined the race)
                  Oh, I thought you meant the human race.

                    Comment

                    • LoungeMachine
                      DIAMOND STATUS
                      • Jul 2004
                      • 32555
                      #6
                      Hillary, Edwards, and Obama were all struck by lightening at the same time. [ I know, but stay with me. I have to get to the punchline somehow without alerting the SS]


                      Obama greets God, and is asked "why are you here?"

                      Obama replies: I think I've done good deeds Lord, and I've spent my life helping others"

                      God says: You're right, my son, sit here to my left with me.


                      Edwards replies: Lord, I've given to many charities, I've served the nation well, and I've tried to be a good Christian"

                      God says: You're right, my son. Sit here to my right, with me.


                      God asks Hillary: Why are you here, Mrs. Clinton?

                      Hillary replies........



                      Yeah, um.. I think you're in my seat.




                      Originally posted by Kristy
                      Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
                      Originally posted by cadaverdog
                      I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

                        Comment

                        • ELVIS
                          Banned
                          • Dec 2003
                          • 44120
                          #7
                          And Ron Paul replies back to Hillary...

                          Um.. no. this is where I belong...


                            Comment

                            • hideyoursheep
                              ROTH ARMY ELITE
                              • Jan 2007
                              • 6351
                              #8
                              I remember the same joke but with Rick Pitino, Bob Huggins, and Bobby Knight.

                              Guess who wanted the chair?

                              But who does the son of L. Ron Hubbard [aka "Earth Jesus"] endorse?

                              The real Jesus would level Branson with a wave of his hand and turn
                              all the candidates into 12 ft. pillars of hippopotamus shit.

                                Comment

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