Full Bug
01-26-2009, 09:34 AM
I dont recall ever coming across this interview before, where Blender readers send in questions to ask Dave, from 2003.....
http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?id=439
“OK,” declares David Lee Roth once Blender has rearranged a table-and-chair set to his satisfaction by the pool of the Château Marmont hotel in Los Angeles. “Let’s get this ghetto chariot rolling!”
The lines on the former Van Halen frontman’s face may betray his 47 years. But Roth’s childlike enthusiasm for the task at hand remains undiminished — whether that task happens to be answering Blender readers’ questions, organizing yet another adventure vacation to some remote part of the world or pursuing his solo career.
What’s the most women you’ve slept with in one night?
DYMONDDAYVE, CHARLOTTEVILLE, NEW YORK
Actually delivered the groceries? Three of five. But two of them, twice.
You’ve studied martial arts since you were a kid. What advice would you give to someone who found himself outnumbered in a fight?
MISTERCHRISTIAN, SAN MARCOS, TEXAS
Tuck your chin all the way down until it touches your chest, and imagine there’s a pie plate sitting on top of your head. Grit your teeth and nail as much of the pie as you can into your opponent’s skull.
Guaranteed, the recipient is going to be late for the dance. It’s not a traditional head-butt; it’s Chinese. Traditional head-butts hurt a lot. They leave scars; you’re going to wind up with a lot of dry-cleaning bills. With this, all you’re going to have is a little bump. And a hell of a drinking story!
Did being Jewish have an effect on your career?
FANGOFREAK, HAGATNA, GUAM
Absolutely. Jewish kids take a paperback instead of a football to the beach. Jewish kids have a push to excel in the brain games. It’s the natural way of the minority.
There’s also a fierce mentality that is instilled in us as very young children that is Israeli in nature. It really had nothing to do with religion. It’s closer to being Puerto Rican in terms of belligerent enthusiasm and lust for life — like, right now — because there might not be a next minute.
In retrospect, do you regret suggesting that the band be called Van Halen?
AVHRULEZ, PASADENA, CALIFORNIA
Not at all. Roth is a little abrupt.
Do you miss being as successful as you were with Van Halen?
PAIR-O-DICE, NORMAN, OKLAHOMA
Well, I could always use more and more cash. But the “big moment” is a suit that doesn’t fit — and you’re not used to the necktie, either. The top of the mountain is fucking freezing, and you take a picture — you show the flag, and that takes up about 1 percent of the overall adventure time.
The best is when you’re sitting around your friends and some strong drink, scheming and plotting. But now, I seem to find more fascination with what we’re doing musically. For me, it’s still a full-time gig. I have successfully confused business with pleasure. I’m flavor of the week again. You could draw a cartoon of me, and everybody in the United States knows exactly who you mean.
Have you ever accidentally found yourself in bed with a transvestite?
PWLONG, RESEDA, CALIFORNIA
[Laughs] I’ve been fooled before, but not in bed. Have I ever been attracted to a man? There was a time in music when Bowie was happening, and you pretended to have kind of a fey way about you. But beyond that, no. Call me retro; I’m still hetero.
Did your 2002 tour with Sammy Hagar really end acrimoniously, or was it all part of the show?
TAKENOPRISONERS, CATONSVILLE, MARYLAND
Sam, I think, got a little outside of himself. I think, maybe, he came out to prove something. But to try to compete onstage is not how you do it — you have to do it in the year that leads up to the tour.
You want to show class? Do flashy musical gymnastics? That’s all done in the six months before. Once you’re out there, it is what it is. Struggling with it is not going to improve it. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding Sam by his head and he’s swinging at me, but his arms don’t reach. And I’m eating a sandwich.
What’s the real story behind the intruder who was recently arrested on your property?
KAPTAINCRUNCH, SALT LAKE CITY
Fella came over the wall, which is about 15 feet high. When he came around the corner, I started making a lot of noise. There’s only two things more familiar than the sound of a shotgun racking. The sound of this [ignites monogrammed Zippo lighter], and my voice [laughs]. You don’t even have to point a shotgun at somebody. You make that noise — rack! In 82 languages it says, “What are you doing here?” I had him lie down, called the police and they came and got him. Now I’m accused of being insensitive to this guy’s needs. Whatever.
Which lyric are you most proud to have written?
WYCKEDSCEPTRE, MIAMI
I don’t remember the exact rhyme, but it said the only adventures that I regret are the ones I didn’t go on.
What’s the best marijuana that you’ve ever smoked?
CHARLIECHANG, PORTLAND, OR
The shit that killed Elvis? It finds its way to me. But it is almost more the ritual. Ritual is what separates us from animals. It’s more me hanging out in the parking lot of the first Bob Marley shows back in the ’70s. Part of my version of making it was, “Gee, someday I’m gonna smoke joints that big.”
Have you ever actually gotten hot with a teacher?
DEERUPTION, ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
Let me think. Schoolteachers since graduation, certainly. I’m a highly literate slut. Also, now, I’ve found that I’m the poster boy for an entire voting bloc I didn’t know existed: unmarried moms in their twenties and early thirties with one or two children under 7 years old, who have spent a lot of time—evidently!—on the Stairmaster. I call it the Stairmaster nation.
In the early days, Van Halen used a lot of homemade pyrotechnics. When you heard about the Great White disaster, did you think, “That could have been us”?
BRAD2DABONE, LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
When you’re young and stupid, it’s a bit of a mitigating factor. When you’re old and stupid, you deserve to get pulled over. These guys were not beginners. It was not their third rodeo. And they’re responsible.
Apart from yourself, of course, who do you think is the greatest entertainer of the twentieth century?
TAMMYTOOSHORT, WINDSOR, ONTARIO
Somewhere between Elvis Presley and Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce was not a comedian, and Elvis was not a singer. They both were a perfect depiction of the times, a perfect depiction of how most of us really thought, really felt.
Did things ever turn at all violent between you and Eddie Van Halen?
QUACKENBUSH, SIOUX CITY, IOWA
Screaming and yelling, occasionally. But I always had a lot of respect for the Van Halens when we were making music. For a long time, Ed was a great assimilator. He could play lots of different kinds of music. It’s when everybody started watching Court TV too much that things turned sour.
When was the last time you spoke to Eddie?
DIVERDOWN_74, TYLER, TEXAS
Mmm... Not recently. [Launches into an off-the-record and, in any case, potentially libelous account of how he allegedly caught the Van Halens with “their hand in the piggy bank.”] We’re kind of at odds with each other now.
What was going through your head when the cops busted you in New York’s Washington Square Park in 1993 for buying a bag of grass?
16TONS, KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI
“How’s this going to look on camera?” Because I’ve seen a lot of television shows—and this is a moment. But you’re adrenalized! I didn’t have it planned out. I never expected I would ever be busted for anything. And for something like that. Is this farce or is this drama?
But in America we treat celebrity like royalty. In America you can become a complete hero for sitting on a talk show and lamenting. Purely what used to be considered just weeping into your beer is now “I will survive!”
Are you ever going to settle down with a nice girl?
HOT-N-SAUCY, JUNO, ALASKA
Probably not. I seem to get horny, but not lonely. I’m completely egocentric. The error in judgment comes only when you pretend you aren’t. How many ruined families and ruined progeny and hungry little soccer kids should not have happened from individuals who went, “Baby, I love you as much as the spotlight”?
Do you see any younger stars who embody the spirit of Dave-ness?
RUNWITHTHEDEVIL, MOBILE, ALABAMA
Not so much. I’m a direct result of—and I know the term now—programmed continuation learning. What that means is, I sit, as though in seminar, in front of movies, television, books, magazines, etc. It’s just putting more colors in the bucket. Everything that I do onstage is a result of that.
Somewhere between Bruce Lee and the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, somewhere between Groucho Marx and Sammy Davis Jr., is what I am. A lot of bands today have that “I’m not doing theater” version of theater. It’s the Neil Young approach to keeping it real, y’all. P.J. O’Rourke wrote once that the only things that remain identical from birth to death are Neil Young and sea anemones.
Someone like Christina Aguilera is a work in progress. She’s trying to sharpen herself while in the public eye, and that’s always a difficult prospect. I don’t think she’s gonna do it. I see a lot of trouble there. I see an unhappy little gal who didn’t really figure out who she was before she came under the microscope.
What’s your daily hair-care routine?
SOOPAKOOPA, LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO
A little bit of suntan with my debauchery. And the family blender.
Is there anyone out there who can make you shut up?
KEVOPANIC, LAKE CHARLES, LOUISIANA
In actual dialogue, certainly. It’s not really an issue. But I can bag a verb like it was a freebie from a Las Vegas call girl.
If you woke up in the middle of the Amazon with nothing but your clothes, could you survive for any period of time?
QWERTYGIRL, VERNON, FLORIDA
Absolutely. Most of survival is mindset. There’s no magic to it. You just eat whatever moves.
You seem like a pretty amiable guy. Why do you fall out with people like the Van Halens and Sammy Hagar so badly?
SMOKEZ, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
The Van Halens and Sam are kind of from the same neighborhood of how we do what we do. I come from a whole different approach to things—I tell a lot of colorful stories, but my background is really a lot of careful planning and homework and time and effort. Endless rehearsal.
The Van Halens are not of that school. How many years has it been since they’ve even been on the road? They want to kick back with the family, spend some time with the kids. They have some other interests. That’s all great, but it ain’t world-class pro ball. I fully expect, as an audience member, to be mind-roasted, preferably by the third chorus. To do that is a complete commitment. If you’re not prepared to do that, then with all due respect, we probably won’t get along.
There is nothing else for me. I’m married to this audience. Some cats are married to the navy; I’m married to what I do here. I’m a lifer.
I once sat next to guitarist Steve Vai at an airport, and he told a story about the two of you getting drenched with your own urine after drunkenly pissing into a giant electric fan. True?
WANTSOME2, BANGOR, MAINE
[Laughs] Is this, like, a metaphor for my career? It’s certainly a metaphor for my love life! It’s funny what they remember. The best is when you stagger into an unfamiliar hotel-room bathroom, place your legs against the bathtub and take a leak—only to discover that you forgot to pull the shower curtain open.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever been sent by a fan?
RUFUSDOOFUS, EVANSTON, ILLINOIS
For a birthday present I received a full-size statue of Michelangelo’s David. It’s made out of fiberglass, but it’s 12, 14 feet tall. I put him in surf shorts and a whiskey shirt. It’s postmodern, dude!
What’s your greatest fault?
PANAMAMA, BELLINGHAM, WASHINGTON
My Christ-like humility.
http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?id=439
“OK,” declares David Lee Roth once Blender has rearranged a table-and-chair set to his satisfaction by the pool of the Château Marmont hotel in Los Angeles. “Let’s get this ghetto chariot rolling!”
The lines on the former Van Halen frontman’s face may betray his 47 years. But Roth’s childlike enthusiasm for the task at hand remains undiminished — whether that task happens to be answering Blender readers’ questions, organizing yet another adventure vacation to some remote part of the world or pursuing his solo career.
What’s the most women you’ve slept with in one night?
DYMONDDAYVE, CHARLOTTEVILLE, NEW YORK
Actually delivered the groceries? Three of five. But two of them, twice.
You’ve studied martial arts since you were a kid. What advice would you give to someone who found himself outnumbered in a fight?
MISTERCHRISTIAN, SAN MARCOS, TEXAS
Tuck your chin all the way down until it touches your chest, and imagine there’s a pie plate sitting on top of your head. Grit your teeth and nail as much of the pie as you can into your opponent’s skull.
Guaranteed, the recipient is going to be late for the dance. It’s not a traditional head-butt; it’s Chinese. Traditional head-butts hurt a lot. They leave scars; you’re going to wind up with a lot of dry-cleaning bills. With this, all you’re going to have is a little bump. And a hell of a drinking story!
Did being Jewish have an effect on your career?
FANGOFREAK, HAGATNA, GUAM
Absolutely. Jewish kids take a paperback instead of a football to the beach. Jewish kids have a push to excel in the brain games. It’s the natural way of the minority.
There’s also a fierce mentality that is instilled in us as very young children that is Israeli in nature. It really had nothing to do with religion. It’s closer to being Puerto Rican in terms of belligerent enthusiasm and lust for life — like, right now — because there might not be a next minute.
In retrospect, do you regret suggesting that the band be called Van Halen?
AVHRULEZ, PASADENA, CALIFORNIA
Not at all. Roth is a little abrupt.
Do you miss being as successful as you were with Van Halen?
PAIR-O-DICE, NORMAN, OKLAHOMA
Well, I could always use more and more cash. But the “big moment” is a suit that doesn’t fit — and you’re not used to the necktie, either. The top of the mountain is fucking freezing, and you take a picture — you show the flag, and that takes up about 1 percent of the overall adventure time.
The best is when you’re sitting around your friends and some strong drink, scheming and plotting. But now, I seem to find more fascination with what we’re doing musically. For me, it’s still a full-time gig. I have successfully confused business with pleasure. I’m flavor of the week again. You could draw a cartoon of me, and everybody in the United States knows exactly who you mean.
Have you ever accidentally found yourself in bed with a transvestite?
PWLONG, RESEDA, CALIFORNIA
[Laughs] I’ve been fooled before, but not in bed. Have I ever been attracted to a man? There was a time in music when Bowie was happening, and you pretended to have kind of a fey way about you. But beyond that, no. Call me retro; I’m still hetero.
Did your 2002 tour with Sammy Hagar really end acrimoniously, or was it all part of the show?
TAKENOPRISONERS, CATONSVILLE, MARYLAND
Sam, I think, got a little outside of himself. I think, maybe, he came out to prove something. But to try to compete onstage is not how you do it — you have to do it in the year that leads up to the tour.
You want to show class? Do flashy musical gymnastics? That’s all done in the six months before. Once you’re out there, it is what it is. Struggling with it is not going to improve it. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding Sam by his head and he’s swinging at me, but his arms don’t reach. And I’m eating a sandwich.
What’s the real story behind the intruder who was recently arrested on your property?
KAPTAINCRUNCH, SALT LAKE CITY
Fella came over the wall, which is about 15 feet high. When he came around the corner, I started making a lot of noise. There’s only two things more familiar than the sound of a shotgun racking. The sound of this [ignites monogrammed Zippo lighter], and my voice [laughs]. You don’t even have to point a shotgun at somebody. You make that noise — rack! In 82 languages it says, “What are you doing here?” I had him lie down, called the police and they came and got him. Now I’m accused of being insensitive to this guy’s needs. Whatever.
Which lyric are you most proud to have written?
WYCKEDSCEPTRE, MIAMI
I don’t remember the exact rhyme, but it said the only adventures that I regret are the ones I didn’t go on.
What’s the best marijuana that you’ve ever smoked?
CHARLIECHANG, PORTLAND, OR
The shit that killed Elvis? It finds its way to me. But it is almost more the ritual. Ritual is what separates us from animals. It’s more me hanging out in the parking lot of the first Bob Marley shows back in the ’70s. Part of my version of making it was, “Gee, someday I’m gonna smoke joints that big.”
Have you ever actually gotten hot with a teacher?
DEERUPTION, ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
Let me think. Schoolteachers since graduation, certainly. I’m a highly literate slut. Also, now, I’ve found that I’m the poster boy for an entire voting bloc I didn’t know existed: unmarried moms in their twenties and early thirties with one or two children under 7 years old, who have spent a lot of time—evidently!—on the Stairmaster. I call it the Stairmaster nation.
In the early days, Van Halen used a lot of homemade pyrotechnics. When you heard about the Great White disaster, did you think, “That could have been us”?
BRAD2DABONE, LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY
When you’re young and stupid, it’s a bit of a mitigating factor. When you’re old and stupid, you deserve to get pulled over. These guys were not beginners. It was not their third rodeo. And they’re responsible.
Apart from yourself, of course, who do you think is the greatest entertainer of the twentieth century?
TAMMYTOOSHORT, WINDSOR, ONTARIO
Somewhere between Elvis Presley and Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce was not a comedian, and Elvis was not a singer. They both were a perfect depiction of the times, a perfect depiction of how most of us really thought, really felt.
Did things ever turn at all violent between you and Eddie Van Halen?
QUACKENBUSH, SIOUX CITY, IOWA
Screaming and yelling, occasionally. But I always had a lot of respect for the Van Halens when we were making music. For a long time, Ed was a great assimilator. He could play lots of different kinds of music. It’s when everybody started watching Court TV too much that things turned sour.
When was the last time you spoke to Eddie?
DIVERDOWN_74, TYLER, TEXAS
Mmm... Not recently. [Launches into an off-the-record and, in any case, potentially libelous account of how he allegedly caught the Van Halens with “their hand in the piggy bank.”] We’re kind of at odds with each other now.
What was going through your head when the cops busted you in New York’s Washington Square Park in 1993 for buying a bag of grass?
16TONS, KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI
“How’s this going to look on camera?” Because I’ve seen a lot of television shows—and this is a moment. But you’re adrenalized! I didn’t have it planned out. I never expected I would ever be busted for anything. And for something like that. Is this farce or is this drama?
But in America we treat celebrity like royalty. In America you can become a complete hero for sitting on a talk show and lamenting. Purely what used to be considered just weeping into your beer is now “I will survive!”
Are you ever going to settle down with a nice girl?
HOT-N-SAUCY, JUNO, ALASKA
Probably not. I seem to get horny, but not lonely. I’m completely egocentric. The error in judgment comes only when you pretend you aren’t. How many ruined families and ruined progeny and hungry little soccer kids should not have happened from individuals who went, “Baby, I love you as much as the spotlight”?
Do you see any younger stars who embody the spirit of Dave-ness?
RUNWITHTHEDEVIL, MOBILE, ALABAMA
Not so much. I’m a direct result of—and I know the term now—programmed continuation learning. What that means is, I sit, as though in seminar, in front of movies, television, books, magazines, etc. It’s just putting more colors in the bucket. Everything that I do onstage is a result of that.
Somewhere between Bruce Lee and the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, somewhere between Groucho Marx and Sammy Davis Jr., is what I am. A lot of bands today have that “I’m not doing theater” version of theater. It’s the Neil Young approach to keeping it real, y’all. P.J. O’Rourke wrote once that the only things that remain identical from birth to death are Neil Young and sea anemones.
Someone like Christina Aguilera is a work in progress. She’s trying to sharpen herself while in the public eye, and that’s always a difficult prospect. I don’t think she’s gonna do it. I see a lot of trouble there. I see an unhappy little gal who didn’t really figure out who she was before she came under the microscope.
What’s your daily hair-care routine?
SOOPAKOOPA, LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO
A little bit of suntan with my debauchery. And the family blender.
Is there anyone out there who can make you shut up?
KEVOPANIC, LAKE CHARLES, LOUISIANA
In actual dialogue, certainly. It’s not really an issue. But I can bag a verb like it was a freebie from a Las Vegas call girl.
If you woke up in the middle of the Amazon with nothing but your clothes, could you survive for any period of time?
QWERTYGIRL, VERNON, FLORIDA
Absolutely. Most of survival is mindset. There’s no magic to it. You just eat whatever moves.
You seem like a pretty amiable guy. Why do you fall out with people like the Van Halens and Sammy Hagar so badly?
SMOKEZ, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
The Van Halens and Sam are kind of from the same neighborhood of how we do what we do. I come from a whole different approach to things—I tell a lot of colorful stories, but my background is really a lot of careful planning and homework and time and effort. Endless rehearsal.
The Van Halens are not of that school. How many years has it been since they’ve even been on the road? They want to kick back with the family, spend some time with the kids. They have some other interests. That’s all great, but it ain’t world-class pro ball. I fully expect, as an audience member, to be mind-roasted, preferably by the third chorus. To do that is a complete commitment. If you’re not prepared to do that, then with all due respect, we probably won’t get along.
There is nothing else for me. I’m married to this audience. Some cats are married to the navy; I’m married to what I do here. I’m a lifer.
I once sat next to guitarist Steve Vai at an airport, and he told a story about the two of you getting drenched with your own urine after drunkenly pissing into a giant electric fan. True?
WANTSOME2, BANGOR, MAINE
[Laughs] Is this, like, a metaphor for my career? It’s certainly a metaphor for my love life! It’s funny what they remember. The best is when you stagger into an unfamiliar hotel-room bathroom, place your legs against the bathtub and take a leak—only to discover that you forgot to pull the shower curtain open.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever been sent by a fan?
RUFUSDOOFUS, EVANSTON, ILLINOIS
For a birthday present I received a full-size statue of Michelangelo’s David. It’s made out of fiberglass, but it’s 12, 14 feet tall. I put him in surf shorts and a whiskey shirt. It’s postmodern, dude!
What’s your greatest fault?
PANAMAMA, BELLINGHAM, WASHINGTON
My Christ-like humility.