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My name is Bueno Bob. I guess I got into Van Halen, oh, 1984...saw Jump on MTV and at 10 years old thought, "Now these fuckers are pretty bad ass, I say!". Saw the videos for "Hot for Teacher" and "Panama" also, and that pretty well confirmed it.
Didn't really pay much attention beyond that, other than what was on the radio. Heard this wonderful gem called "Why Can't This Be Larg" a year or two later and wondered what happened. Heard "Screams", "Worst of All Worlds" and "Love Walks Out" and thought, "Holy shit. I have to go kick a sheep in the ribs. Immediately."
This began my hate/hate affair with all things Van Hagar. And for as much as I hated them, Van Hagar seemed determine to find ways to make me hate them all the more. Because next came "When it's Loss", "Cabo Slobbo" and "Smellin' What Ya Farted" and became so immediately nauseated after hearing them, I ran into the bathroom and puked up my entrails.
It was quite the experience having my mother grab a stick and shove them down my throat and back into my stomach, but it did reaffirm the fact that I had to throw my shoes at Sammy Hagar when I saw him.
Which I did, in 1993, during the Yankee Doodle Disaster that they called a 1993 world tour.
In any regards, 1996 rolled around and when Best Of Vol. 1 came out, I could be found walking up to any number of local women (most of whom knew me, since I came from a smaller town) and saying "David Lee Roth is back in the Van Halen world - how about we make some bedlam in bed to celebrate?". And in that span of DLR/VH time, I scored more vagina to my chalkboard then I have before or after. Finally, the stars had lined up and the universe had seen fit to grant me a reprieve of red rockin' flacidness.
All that is this - I fucking hate you, Eddie Van Halen. I hope there are worms inside of your skull. I fucking hate you, Sammy Hagar. Please take your shoes off, wander around an old barnyard and step on as many rusty nails as you possibly can and then fail to get shots.
That is all.
Didn't really pay much attention beyond that, other than what was on the radio. Heard this wonderful gem called "Why Can't This Be Larg" a year or two later and wondered what happened. Heard "Screams", "Worst of All Worlds" and "Love Walks Out" and thought, "Holy shit. I have to go kick a sheep in the ribs. Immediately."
This began my hate/hate affair with all things Van Hagar. And for as much as I hated them, Van Hagar seemed determine to find ways to make me hate them all the more. Because next came "When it's Loss", "Cabo Slobbo" and "Smellin' What Ya Farted" and became so immediately nauseated after hearing them, I ran into the bathroom and puked up my entrails.
It was quite the experience having my mother grab a stick and shove them down my throat and back into my stomach, but it did reaffirm the fact that I had to throw my shoes at Sammy Hagar when I saw him.
Which I did, in 1993, during the Yankee Doodle Disaster that they called a 1993 world tour.
In any regards, 1996 rolled around and when Best Of Vol. 1 came out, I could be found walking up to any number of local women (most of whom knew me, since I came from a smaller town) and saying "David Lee Roth is back in the Van Halen world - how about we make some bedlam in bed to celebrate?". And in that span of DLR/VH time, I scored more vagina to my chalkboard then I have before or after. Finally, the stars had lined up and the universe had seen fit to grant me a reprieve of red rockin' flacidness.
All that is this - I fucking hate you, Eddie Van Halen. I hope there are worms inside of your skull. I fucking hate you, Sammy Hagar. Please take your shoes off, wander around an old barnyard and step on as many rusty nails as you possibly can and then fail to get shots.
That is all.
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