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Highlights from Wanda Sykes’ stand-up act at Saturday night’s White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner:
“People love you — even the media. You guys have been favorable towards the president. You know, it’s funny to me that they never caught you smoking, but they always catch you with your shirt off.
“Now, I know you’re into this transparency thing, but, uh, I don’t need to see your nipples.
“Is there a beach at Camp David? What the hell?
“You don’t have no nipple portrait of Lincoln.”
***
“This is amazing, the First Black President – I know you’re biracial – but the First Black President! You’re proud to be able to say that – The First Black President. That’s unless you screw up. Then it’s going to be, ‘What’s up with the half-white guy, huh? Who voted for the mulatto, what the hell?’”
***
“You just hang out. I think you hang out too much. What was that, you and Joe Biden out getting a hamburger? The two of you can’t hang out together. I mean, whose idea was that, Nancy Pelosi’s: ‘Hey, Why don’t you boys go out and get a bite?’”
***
“God forbid that Joe Biden falls into the hands of terrorists. God forbid if it’s ever a hostile situation. We’re done. Oh, they won’t even have to torture him. All they have to do is go, ‘How’s it going, Joe?” ….
“’What did you do, did you waterboard him? No, I just said, ‘nice weather,’ and he’s still talking. Can’t listen to him anymore, it’s like torture.’”
***
“What’s up with all these governors not wanting to take the [bailout] money. Who turns down money? Maybe you should give Oprah to give it away. Oprah would say, “OK, governors, look under your seats!”
***
“Gov. Palin, she’s not here tonight, she pulled out at the last minute. Somebody should tell her, that’s not really how you practice abstinence.”
***
“How dare you people give [Michelle Obama] grief about showing her arms. The country’s broke! Sleeves cost money!
“She has beautiful arms. Some of the previous first ladies — they needed the sleeves. Some of them needed the ponchos. [Audience hoots.] I didn’t name any names!
“But you do no need to keep your arms to yourself sometimes. You went over to London, touching the queen. You can’t do that! You’re over there patting the queen on the back like she just slid into home plate. ‘Way to go, Queen!’”
***
"Mr. President . . . you've had your fair share of critics. ... Rush Limbaugh, one of your big critics, boy — Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails. So you’re saying, ‘I hope America fails.’ You’re like, ‘I don’t care about people losing their homes, their jobs or our soldiers in Iraq.’ He just wants our country to fail.
To me, that’s treason. He’s not saying anything differently than Osama bin Laden is saying. You know you might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight
“Too much?
“You’re laughing inside, I know you’re laughing.
“Rush Limbaugh — I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that?
“He needs a waterboarding, that’s what he needs.”
Full Video here <embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f8/1155201977" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=22689519001&playerId=1155201977 &viewerSecureGatewayURL=https://console.brightcove.com/services/amfgateway&servicesURL=http://services.brightcove.com/services&cdnURL=http://admin.brightcove.com&domain=embed&autoStart=false& " base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="486" height="412" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed>
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“People love you — even the media. You guys have been favorable towards the president. You know, it’s funny to me that they never caught you smoking, but they always catch you with your shirt off.
“Now, I know you’re into this transparency thing, but, uh, I don’t need to see your nipples.
“Is there a beach at Camp David? What the hell?
“You don’t have no nipple portrait of Lincoln.”
***
“This is amazing, the First Black President – I know you’re biracial – but the First Black President! You’re proud to be able to say that – The First Black President. That’s unless you screw up. Then it’s going to be, ‘What’s up with the half-white guy, huh? Who voted for the mulatto, what the hell?’”
***
“You just hang out. I think you hang out too much. What was that, you and Joe Biden out getting a hamburger? The two of you can’t hang out together. I mean, whose idea was that, Nancy Pelosi’s: ‘Hey, Why don’t you boys go out and get a bite?’”
***
“God forbid that Joe Biden falls into the hands of terrorists. God forbid if it’s ever a hostile situation. We’re done. Oh, they won’t even have to torture him. All they have to do is go, ‘How’s it going, Joe?” ….
“’What did you do, did you waterboard him? No, I just said, ‘nice weather,’ and he’s still talking. Can’t listen to him anymore, it’s like torture.’”
***
“What’s up with all these governors not wanting to take the [bailout] money. Who turns down money? Maybe you should give Oprah to give it away. Oprah would say, “OK, governors, look under your seats!”
***
“Gov. Palin, she’s not here tonight, she pulled out at the last minute. Somebody should tell her, that’s not really how you practice abstinence.”
***
“How dare you people give [Michelle Obama] grief about showing her arms. The country’s broke! Sleeves cost money!
“She has beautiful arms. Some of the previous first ladies — they needed the sleeves. Some of them needed the ponchos. [Audience hoots.] I didn’t name any names!
“But you do no need to keep your arms to yourself sometimes. You went over to London, touching the queen. You can’t do that! You’re over there patting the queen on the back like she just slid into home plate. ‘Way to go, Queen!’”
***
"Mr. President . . . you've had your fair share of critics. ... Rush Limbaugh, one of your big critics, boy — Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails. So you’re saying, ‘I hope America fails.’ You’re like, ‘I don’t care about people losing their homes, their jobs or our soldiers in Iraq.’ He just wants our country to fail.
To me, that’s treason. He’s not saying anything differently than Osama bin Laden is saying. You know you might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight
“Too much?
“You’re laughing inside, I know you’re laughing.
“Rush Limbaugh — I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that?
“He needs a waterboarding, that’s what he needs.”
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