A Rant Against Classic Rock Radio

[Full Bug]

One Advantage of Being Dead

One Advantage of Being Dead : RUFKM = Are You F—ing Kidding Me? (http://www.rufkm.net/2009/04/06/one-advantage-of-being-dead/)

By TylerDFC

A friend once told me that he believes he’s heard Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” a million times over the course of his life. I told him I thought he was exaggerating and he drunkenly informed me that if you added up all the times he’s listened to the entire song, or part of the song, or seen the video it was at least a million. If we assume that “Living on a Prayer” is 3.5 minutes long you would have to listen to the song for a total of 6.5 YEARS in order to listen to it a million times. So I think my friend’s grasp on math basics can best be described as “loose”. However, he has a point. While a million is greatly exaggerated, I’m sure I’ve heard the song at least a 100 times if not more and it certainly FEELS like a million times. That is too damn many times to have wasted my life on an 80’s pop confection and I really don’t think I ever need to hear it again.

On that note, quite honestly if I have to listen to “Jamie’s Crying” one more time I think I am going to put my foot through my car stereo. When did music from 30 years ago refuse to die? Why do I know all the lyrics to “Money” by Pink Floyd even though:

1) I don’t like the song

2) I don’t own any Pink Floyd albums

Granted, most of this frustration is due to not having satellite radio and being forced to listen to the terrestrial stations. But why can I pick up 3 classic rock stations but no modern rock stations? Oh, I can pick up the Top 40 station if I want to hear Hinder and whatever abomination the Pussycat Dolls are pushing. And then there is the “We play anything!” station. Which is true as long as by anything you don’t mean; rap, metal, hard rock, r&b or anything that released before 1994 and you DO mean lots and lots of classic rock that you have heard over and over again, like “Money” and “Living on a Prayer”.


Oh Mighty God — do not allow the next song to be “Hooked on a Feeling.”

When you are dead and buried, or cremated, or disappear like Obi Wan did, these “classic rock” songs will still be around. They are immortal vampires that will slowly suck out your life’s blood while the chorus of “Hot Blooded” haunts your dreams.

More and more I think that the one advantage of death is never having to spend another minute listening to “The Boys are Back in Town”. Maybe this is why the elderly tend to be at peace in death and you hear phrases like, “He was ready to die”.

What could possibly make one “ready to die”? It has taken me some time but I think I’ve finally solved this conundrum. I think that once you hit 70 or 80 or even (gulp) 90 the mundane day-to-day tasks you have done every morning of your adult life are threatening to drive you stark raving bonkers if you have to do them one more time. I’ll give you an example. I hate shaving. Really, really hate it. Which is why I shave about every 3 days. Yes, by the 3rd day I look like the low life Crockett would call when he needed someone to rat out the location of a big drug shipment but I simply don’t care. Such is my hatred for putting razor to flesh day after day after soul sucking day. Same with brushing my teeth or really any of the chores we participate in day in and day out to make ourselves presentable to the world.

Sometimes I think death would be preferable simply to escape the repetition and boredom of these soul sucking tasks.


Next time you are at a funeral and searching for something to say to the bereaved that doesn’t sound trite and cliche try this: “I’m very sorry for your loss. But you know, at least he doesn’t have to clip his toe nails anymore. Or listen to ‘Feel Like Making Love’ ever again.” Then give their shoulder a little squeeze and move to the sandwich table. I think they’ll appreciate your honest and unique take on the tragic passing of their beloved.

[Full Bug]

Who is this douche bag anyway? I couldnt live without my classic rock radio, although I agree some tunes you wish to never hear again.....

[Dolemite!]

I'm in agreement with this guy right down to the shaving, brushing teeth.

[Coyote]

That's what you get for having an 'all the hits everyone knows' playlist...

[FORD]

The first mistake this writer made was implying an equivalency of any goddamn Bon Jovi song with Pink Floyd or Van HALEN.

Aside from that, if your classic rock station plays Bon Jovi at all, it's clear they don't have the first fucking clue what "classic rock" means. They probably play Van Hagar too.

[Terry]

Frankly, I'm tired of people writing articles under the name "Tyler Durden", or whatever variation of it. Yes, I know who it is. Yes, Fight Club was a good movie with clever dialogue. No, posting under the name of one of that movie's main characters doesn't mean what you're about to write is particularly clever.

I will agree to some extent with what was said in the article about classic rock radio.

Am not particularly a big fan of Pink Floyd, or Bad Company...certainly not helped by hearing the same songs over and over again. Same applies for bands that I do like which are classic rock radio staples, such as AC/DC, the Who, Led Zeppelin; these bands came up with many more than the same half-dozen or so tunes in their catalogs that get played into the fucking ground year after year.

The only time I listen to the radio is in the car, and several months back I changed my key pre-programmed stations from the pervious classic rock and 80s formats to two old-time country music stations, an AM station that plays hispanic music (I can't even speak the language), a couple of "smooth jazz" instrumental stations and a station that plays hits from the 1950s and 1960s. Far less boring then hearing "Back In Black" played on the same classic rock stations every day. If I ever actually want to hear that song every day, I can always put my copy of "Back In Black" in the car cd player and listen to it every day. Also, by doing this I have avoided all of the inane "morning and afternoon drive" shows these stations have, featuring banal dj chatter that these schlomo djs think is full of cutting edge insight.

[Dolemite!]

Driving while listening to radio would be hell. I got to have my cd's even on short journey's, I spent a good deal of time planning on what I'm going to listen to.

[sonrisa salvaje]

Frankly, I'm tired of people writing articles under the name "Tyler Durden", or whatever variation of it. Yes, I know who it is. Yes, Fight Club was a good movie with clever dialogue. No, posting under the name of one of that movie's main characters doesn't mean what you're about to write is particularly clever.

I will agree to some extent with what was said in the article about classic rock radio.

Am not particularly a big fan of Pink Floyd, or Bad Company...certainly not helped by hearing the same songs over and over again. Same applies for bands that I do like which are classic rock radio staples, such as AC/DC, the Who, Led Zeppelin; these bands came up with many more than the same half-dozen or so tunes in their catalogs that get played into the fucking ground year after year.

The only time I listen to the radio is in the car, and several months back I changed my key pre-programmed stations from the pervious classic rock and 80s formats to two old-time country music stations, an AM station that plays hispanic music (I can't even speak the language), a couple of "smooth jazz" instrumental stations and a station that plays hits from the 1950s and 1960s. Far less boring then hearing "Back In Black" played on the same classic rock stations every day. If I ever actually want to hear that song every day, I can always put my copy of "Back In Black" in the car cd player and listen to it every day. Also, by doing this I have avoided all of the inane "morning and afternoon drive" shows these stations have, featuring banal dj chatter that these schlomo djs think is full of cutting edge insight.

That is a good plan. What i do is spend about 15-20 minutes every night picking out a cd to listen to the next day in the car. I'll pick something i haven't listened to in a year or two. I have close to 700 cd's so it isn't a stretch to find something that i haven't connected with in awhile. It is amazing how much stuff you forget about and then get the joy of rediscovering (isn't that a Journey lyric?); it is also pretty amazing how much the reverse of that happens.

[Seshmeister]

Why do we have to have such small play lists it makes no sense?

In the UK and the US it seems like they choose at most maybe 3 tracks from each artist even if they have a huge catalog. The latest one to piss me off around here is the station seems to have decided that Def Leppard = Pour Some Sugar on Me and that I need to hear it every couple of hours. I'm not a huge fan of Hysteria but that album alone had about 6 singles, why can't they mix it up?

For a while I used to sing "Patacake Patacake Bakers Man, Make me a cake as fast as you can" along to their childlike verses but even that is losing it's interest...

[diamondD]

Classic rock playlists are market researched heavily and almost all of what you hear is pre-programmed well in advance. Songs are pre-planned even by the time of day it should be played to avoid less turning of the dial. Clear Channel rammed the same format down people's throats around here for a few years and it always seemed to be the same 100 songs. It finally killed a local rock station that had been around for over 25 years.

Sirius bought their playlists from Clear Channel to help determine what to play on each channel, but the selection is so much better that I don't even know what's going on on local radio anymore. I gave up.

[Seshmeister]

The thing is I must be right in the exact middle of the demographic they are looking for and I got bored and turned off. It seems I'm not alone so I think there is something wrong with the market research.

[Va Beach VH Fan]

You're a drug induced, middle-aged Canadian..... ;)

[Seshmeister]

Jeez thats the first time I've ever been mistaken for Full Bug. :)

[Full Bug]

Jeez thats the first time I've ever been mistaken for Full Bug. :)

Its a step up, be proud.....;)

[ZahZoo]

What's the big deal here?

Today's "Classic Rock" radio is just yesterday's "Oldies" format. Revised name... same game. Take the "hits" of the past and preprogram them into a rotation for all of us old farts.

Yes, most of our favorite music is Oldies... per se.

In reality it's just the 70's/80's FM Album Rock format... with the exception that you don't get much of the "B" sides or off-chart gems played. They just play the same crap that was in the top 100 of the charts that we've all heard a million times.

[Igosplut]

So many radio stations have been bought/absorbed into big conglomerates (clearchannel, ect) then went toes-up from the shitty programing there isn't even any classic rock stations LEFT down here. Even WBCN went the way of the model T. All's left is a smattering of "We play it all" stations and one (WBOS) that is more like classic rock except they play 90s-00 music and mix new releases in with it. Problem with them is the four times a day you hear Green day's "21 guns" (that sucks) and the like. WHY anybody would want to hear ANYTHING four times a day is beyond me, but I get they all adhere to market research....

[Bandit02tn]

I am a dispatcher in the medical field and listen to "classic rock radio" for 12 hrs a day. I have actually noticed that every other week you can almost predict what song is going to come on next....hmmm diamondD you are right. The only thing is that they play too much Floyd :stoned-smiley:and Zep and not enough VH.

[Terry]

So many radio stations have been bought/absorbed into big conglomerates (clearchannel, ect) then went toes-up from the shitty programing there isn't even any classic rock stations LEFT down here. Even WBCN went the way of the model T. All's left is a smattering of "We play it all" stations and one (WBOS) that is more like classic rock except they play 90s-00 music and mix new releases in with it. Problem with them is the four times a day you hear Green day's "21 guns" (that sucks) and the like. WHY anybody would want to hear ANYTHING four times a day is beyond me, but I get they all adhere to market research....

WBCN was a great station in the day...so was WCOZ.

[Terry]

Was in the car today, driving to the meat market with the missus (no clever metaphor there...just literally driving to the butchers). About ten minutes each way, to and back.

She puts on the classic rock station.

Songs heard:

Back In Black
Living On A Prayer
Comfortably Numb
Sweet Emotion.

[BITEYOASS]

If I have to hear another Foreigner or Boston song, then I'm gonna shoot the radio! :gun:

[Terry]

If I have to hear another Foreigner or Boston song, then I'm gonna shoot the radio! :gun:

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll llllllllllllwe were just another band outta Boston...":mad0233:

[binnie]

I've owned my current car for five years and I can honestly day that I've never listened to the radio. Why would I want to listen to someone else's playlist?

Modern music makes me feel like I'm a visitor from another planet, and I'm unaware of any decent rock stations outside of digital formats......

[Panamark]

Hate to admit it, but its the same deal in Australia..
Except for one station 3JJJ which only plays new
and obscure bands that havent been signed, or
are not flogged to death on the mainstream channels....

Probably our best known classic rock station ran
an advertising campaign making a big deal that they
"even play Black Sabbath"...
I swear to god the only Sab song I have ever heard
is Paranoid...

You know what shits me to tears ???
A bunch of these songs were at some point of my
life special, and now I cant stand listening to them
due to mass over exposure.....

You know the ones, Black Dog (Led Zep) Shook
me all night long (AC/DC) More than a feeling
(Boston) geez even the classic Bohemian Rhapsody by queen
is starting to piss me off.. We could go on and on....

These bastards have killed precious memories..
Fuck em all !!! :mad:

[FORD]

FM Radio - another once great institution, ruined by predatory corporatism.

You could turn on KISW in the late 70's and hear Ac/Dc, The Clash, Van HALEN, Elvis Costello, Pink Floyd, The Ramones, Zeppelin, and Blondie all within the same hour, and they were probably among the first station in America to play half those bands. Now, they're barely a rock station anymore, going to a talk radio format during "drive time" hours. All of their DJ's have moved to KZOK and even KZOK is playing the typical programmed corporate radio playlist (CBS radio, in their case) And I swear, if I'm listening at 10: 00 AM for the first 5 songs they play after the Bob Rivers show, I can probably guess what they're gonna be. 9 times out of 10, I swear they lead off with either "Stairway" or "Layla". Two of the greatest songs in history? Well, yeah...... maybe before you bastards beat them to death! :deadhorse:

[Full Bug]

I can honestly say I would rather hear any classic rock song for the 500'000 time, then listen to any 90's -to today rock station after Nirvana came out, or Rap and Hip-Hop, I would rather listen to cheesy 80's pop then that crap.....

[Terry]

FM Radio - another once great institution, ruined by predatory corporatism.

You could turn on KISW in the late 70's and hear Ac/Dc, The Clash, Van HALEN, Elvis Costello, Pink Floyd, The Ramones, Zeppelin, and Blondie all within the same hour, and they were probably among the first station in America to play half those bands. Now, they're barely a rock station anymore, going to a talk radio format during "drive time" hours. All of their DJ's have moved to KZOK and even KZOK is playing the typical programmed corporate radio playlist (CBS radio, in their case) And I swear, if I'm listening at 10: 00 AM for the first 5 songs they play after the Bob Rivers show, I can probably guess what they're gonna be. 9 times out of 10, I swear they lead off with either "Stairway" or "Layla". Two of the greatest songs in history? Well, yeah...... maybe before you bastards beat them to death! :deadhorse:


The sad part is that these fuckwits doing these drivetime talk shows on these ostensibly music-oriented stations (be it classic rock format, or whatever) have so little that is either humorous or insightful to say...really no better than using that time to play Girls, Girls, Girls for the 10 millionth time.

[BITEYOASS]

...really no better than using that time to play Girls, Girls, Girls for the 10 millionth time.

If I wanted to hear "Girls, Girls, Girls" over and over again, then I'd rather do that at a strip club. At least I will get a nice distraction from all the repetitious music.

[Little Texan]

I can certainly understand where the writer of this piece is coming from. It seems as if these classic rock stations have a playlist of the same two or three best known songs from each artist and play them in the exact same order day after day. The same songs I used to like before these stations played them so many times that I hate them now, and dread hearing them come on the radio. My question is why can't these stations mix it up a bit and play some deep cuts and lesser known songs from the same said artists? Why do I have to hear "You Shook Me All Night Long" for the billionth time?

[Terry]

Why do I have to hear "You Shook Me All Night Long" for the billionth time?

That's a tune that will make me quickly change channels if I hear it on the radio.

Fine tune, way overplayed.