Dumb shit you have seen.

[Nitro Express]

I was at Harbor Freight yesterday buying some air hose connectors and the guy in front of me was buying a big ass anvil. The dude at the cash register asked if he wanted the extended warranty. The dude irritated that he had to wait for a zit faced to find one in the back room and then wait a million minutes for the zit faced kid to roll one out went ballistic. He goes,"Fucking are your kidding? This is a solid chunk of metal! What is going to break on the fucking thing? Warrant it from what? Jesus coming and melting it?" LOL!

The next best thing was when a waiter came up to our table and asks,"How's everything tasting?" (I hate it when they ask this) and my cousin goes,"It tastes like shit, it would be better if it tasted like the pussy."

[Douglas T.]

I was at Harbor Freight yesterday buying some air hose connectors and the guy in front of me was buying a big ass anvil. The dude at the cash register asked if he wanted the extended warranty. The dude irritated that he had to wait for a zit faced to find one in the back room and then wait a million minutes for the zit faced kid to roll one out went ballistic. He goes,"Fucking are your kidding? This is a solid chunk of metal! What is going to break on the fucking thing? Warrant it from what? Jesus coming and melting it?" LOL!

The next best thing was when a waiter came up to our table and asks,"How's everything tasting?" (I hate it when they ask this) and my cousin goes,"It tastes like shit, it would be better if it tasted like the pussy."

Harbor Freight rules!

[chefcraig]

Anyone remember those special quarters that were minted in 1976 to celebrate the United States bicentennial? They had the normal image of Washington on the front, but the back was different, featuring a drummer. I was buying some junk at the drugstore the other day, and happened to have one that I included with the rest of the cash I was spending.

The young gas-head behind the register took my money, and as she got to the quarter, she gave me a quizzical look. Next, this quisling gets on the intercom to call over her manager. When he finally arrived (his appearance gave off the distinct impression that he'd been sleeping, and was none too pleased with being awoken), the cashier asked him "Is this an American coin?" He looked at me as if to say "See what I have to deal with?", answered her question then headed back to his office to return to his slumber.

Now I ask you, how much of a gherkin do you have to be to consider this a foreign coin? It fucking has "United States Of America" stamped on it!

[Nitro Express]

Harbor Freight rules!

It has it's niche. I was remodeling our kitchen and needed a baseboard saw. One company makes them and they are like $300. Harbor Freight sells a Chinese copy for $30. It got the job done.

[Nitro Express]

You can also operate a jelly dildo with a Harbor Freight reciprocating saw. That way you don't get anal lube and pussy juice all over your expensive Milwaulkee or Dewalt one.

[SparkieD]

Last month, I saw a mother fucker fishing with a line tied to his big toe.

[Jesus Christ]

He goes,"Fucking are your kidding? This is a solid chunk of metal! What is going to break on the fucking thing? Warrant it from what? Jesus coming and melting it?" LOL!

Why would I melteth an anvil?

[Kristy]

In 2006, when I lived in northwest Denver, our morning trashman who was about 30 pounds overweight would come by every week right on time wearing nothing but a orange safety vest, Nike trainers and a pair of Speedos. Normally, this wouldn't bother me at all but no one should witness such a sight at 7 'o clock AM.

[Kristy]

Why would I melteth an anvil?

Maybe because by the ways things are going it'll be eternity before you get around into melting a weapon into a plowshare?

[GAR]

Not one day goes by that I don't have at least one Dumb Shit Lefty moment.

Yesterday's was the worst: she has these hopper passes for Disneyland. We get to Anaheim and I notice the passes say "good for 45 days from first day of use.." so I'm telling her Girl, you bring me down to the White Trash Capital of the Western World and you don't even know if the tickets are any good?

So get this: just get this okay..

I get to the information booth to reg'g my birthday for the free Birthday Day Pass they're throwing out there, which I just find out about so I figure, after paying 12 fucking dollars for parking, that we'll find out once and for all if the tickets are any good.

I will do all the talking here, you be quiet please I tell her. I tell her that because I know she can't keep her bitching bitch-trap shut, and she's gonna fuck it up somehow (like when I return power tools at Home Depot and she fucking says out loud in the Return Items line 'you're gonna get your money back even though you used the hell out of it?' shit like that..)

"yes sir, good till the 27th.." okay then, how about the birthday thing then?

"umm, I dunno I think you have to just come on the day and then you can register that way - we give you a button and they provide your pass at the entrance."

kay grate, thanks, bye.. I'll take my passes now.

"and can I ask you how you got these?"

LEFTY chimes in, leaning over fully so that she can gain the attention she so well craves, spouting oh my friend gave them to me because we all went together the first day.

"okay Sir, I'm going to have to confiscate these passes (99 bucks a pop by the way) because she's telling me something different and as you probably know, it says right on the back they are non-transferrable."

What does that mean, "non-transferrable"?

So in my usual beligerant verbally-challenged way I start escalating my abuse of the attendant hiding behind the glass, while Lefty sulks off, walking away from the fight.

Fucker. Two hundsky, those 2 tickets, whaat a waste. Plus the 3 hours in traffic up and back to the coast.. stuff like this happens all the time. All the time.

She's getting a new job outta state in a month, and I can't wait to hire a mover..

[standin]

:point and laugh:

[GAR]

The attendant's glass was only double-strength, a quarter inch no more.. I coulda punched thru it, grabbed the attendant by the throat and ripped his fucking Mickey Ears off his fucking head and kicked him up the ass with 'em.

I am NEVER gonna go to fucking Disneyland again. Fuck Disneyland in the fucking ass!

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Fucking Disneyland Cast Fuxx...

[GAR]

:point and laugh:

I'm not waiting a month, I'm on the prowl now for a non-smoker replacement.

[Anonymous]

I see alot of dumb shit everyday, but this one was so dumb I had to pick up my cell phone and call everyone.

I was in a mall, and I went down to the ground floor in one of those how do you call it in english? Rolling stairs, running stairs, automatic step upper-downer, whatever.

Anyways, I never stop in those. I climb them just like normal stairs, because I see no reason to stop just because they're moving on their own. It's a nice boost to speed, is all.

But I did stop this time, because I could not believe what I was witnessing... I had to watch the whole drama unfold in front of me own eyes.

In front of me was this young woman, being carried by the stairs, tapping her foot, looking at her wrist watch, fuming from her ears and nostrils.

It couldn't be... it just couldn't... it would be too ridiculous... but dear Gawd, it was the truth... because as soon as she hit the ground floor, she almost ran to the door.

Now, people I've told this story always had some difficulty grasping the entire thing... Some of you may have understood already, but for those who haven't - understandable, as it's just too ridiculous - allow me to explain.

The woman was in a hurry, and she was tapping her foot, looking at her watch and fuming BECAUSE THE STAIRS WERE TOO SLOW! But she was STOPPED! She was WAITING for the stairs to get her to the ground level. SHE WAS NOT MOVING!

Why? Sweet Lard, why?

Cheers! :bottle:

[Nitro Express]

Why would I melteth an anvil?

They taught me in sunday school you are going to mealt everything next time you show up on planet earth.