Top Ten BIGGEST POSER Guitar Solos

[GAR]

My Top Ten, biggest "poser" guitar solos list.. compiled from:

a) Hindsight..
b) the comfort of my big white leather Comfy Couch
c) safety of home-levels type volume retaining clarity of performance
d) but of course, from video history lessons of the Youtube
e) .. and the non-linearity of the Innertnet allowing me to fast-forward thru so much ff-able BULLSHIT that I can wade thru the bad parts, to get to the good parts.

If you see any of said "good parts" in the bad parts, please point them out.

And yes, Virginia, I did watch them all from start to finish!

Also if you have a BIGGEST POSER to add, by all means feel free to vent your wrath here, because I guarantee they will see it here and reconsider guitar lessons from your encouragement.

OK my first choice in the list beginning at Number Ten: Bruce Kulick!

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/W0FEJgko0hs&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/W0FEJgko0hs&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

I see him bop around in pickup bands now and then, here he is/was at the height/pinnacle/zenith of his career in music: KISS @1988..

OK that was an utter bullshit solo, he's since gotten better I'll give him that. But for his midway reference to Hot For Teacher and then denigrating it with further hammeron modes I'd tinkered with and discarded as a 14 year-old, he earned his spot here at Number Ten

[Panamark]

My physchic left gonad predicts Yngwie J Malmsteen will rate
a mention here....

[GAR]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IVbX6G9RZvY&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IVbX6G9RZvY&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

I went to the NAMM show in 1987 - and bouncing in and out of different conferences, Mark St. John (also a former KISS member) was playing with his White Tiger band and unfortunately for this thread, I found it.

I recall now how utterly reviled I was that the "star-farm" franchise KISS was supposedly known for, could have cultivated a guy like THIS for even one session, let alone one album.

This is a man in hiding of something: either behind cocaine, or behind the distortion.. because he's obviously grasped some key concepts of soloing but just doesn't seem capable of pulling it all together.

He references the classic hammeron-fave basics of "Toccatta in Fugue Dm" yet the pick just won't stop oscillating back n forth in the same "as fast as possible" breakneck speed.

Because he's plowing thru thick curds of sloppy distortion, and because I was at this event and reminded of my disgust, he earns and WAY deserves his Number 9 spot here.. and that's being generous because if it werent' for the fact that he's a goner I'da put him at #10 for sure.

He shouda called this band "Wet Tiger" because this event really threw the wet blanket for my enthusiasm in playing for a month afterwards, I was so disillusioned a name-guy like that could compose such a shitty piece of crap as that could retain even one endorsement..

[GAR]

My physchic left gonad predicts Yngwie J Malmsteen will rate
a mention here....

Panamark is pointing me in a direction I fear may yield some amusement.. we'll see.

I've gained alot of weight in the past 15 years too, so being being overweight ain't gonna earn him a spot by itself. I will check out what he's been doing though.

[GAR]

RATM - Rage Against The White Man.. Raw Angry Teenaged Mexicans or so you'd think was the name based on the vocalist's totally racist banter - guitarist Tom Morello has a legion of culture-shocked losers who wanna play as AWFUL as he: one of them did my homework for me for Number 8, with his Top Ten~!!

<object width="425" height="344">


<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/j9S3nP5TfsY&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>

YAY how kewl is that.. OK here is a list someone did supposedly representing the ten best Morello "shreddings" if you could call them that, yet unnervingly they yield only scorn from me.

So we'll critique Tom while also critiquing said sad idolazings simultannoyesssly

10. Township Rebellion - this Ship was sank by too much relinace on Harmonizer ballast.
9. Roll Right - this is a four-note Armoire chest of busted drawers.. bowed thru a cheap-sounding digital delay and, like the original guitar-bow guy Jimmy Page, accentuated with a wahwah. Oh but that's not all folks- hear now, and you'll also receive random dissonant notes fretted by the back-edge of the pick. Seriously.. four-note solos? Is this so ground-breaking an achievement they put him on the cover of Guitar World several times now? Fuck this.. you have to hear it to believe it.
8. Bullet In The Head - More rhythmical dissonant pick-fretting, followed by a repeated bent wah-phrase.
7. Mic Check - he should call this solo Glass Slide Chuck, because this time the randomness is a glass slide! YUP that's all he's doing.. proving marijuana is not only a gateway drug to harder stuff, it's also the gateway to STUPIDITY
6. Freedom - single-note/single bar phrase ended with an arpeggiated chord played clean-channel. It's not a solo, kiddies, when the bass is riffing faster than you.
5. Testify - more hiding behind the wacka-wacka disco wah pedal.
4. Guerrilla Radio - doubles the Sanford and Son harmonica /not a solo you FAG!
3. Know Your Enemy - fights with the Eventide for supremacy: winner-Eventide by KO in the first 12 seconds.
2. Bulls On Parade - he fucking rubs the wound E string with his fingernails, ended with more rhythmical wah-wah. I swear. That's all he does! Its not a fucking guitar solo... solo spot maybe, but don't tell me it's music when it's clearly groove, or rhythm.

You know, I heard about this tune before passing my time thru Guitar magazine articles, and I can't for the life of me absorb from this what the FUCK they were on about puffing this guy up.

1. Killing In The Name Of - OK when Marylin Manson rehearsed at the studio I got to fool with this thing their guitarist had in his pedalboard called a Digitech Whammy Pedal.. that's the noise, I thought, in that one MTV band's solo!

So there we have it:

Literally, this is all the guy ever had in his hipbag of goodies to bring to the table and I resent them ever giving him any sort of recognition as a socalled Guitar Guy in the industry. Okay he found a niche in life: railing against White America, but he should have learned the instrument after he learned to write songs - which are good enough rhythmically.

He just needs to push himself away from the Peace Pipe and the Revolucion' indoctrination and maybe he'll get somewhere. Because right now, that shit don't float nobody's boat but the Mexicans who were taught by them Latino Studies socialogy courses in college to hate Whitey.

[VanHalenFan5150]

Tom Morello is a Berkley music major graduate. He has an IQ of around 164, I believe. And he's a pretty practical guy, with all of the pedals and effects he uses. You could appreciate his music for what it is. He helped shape the 90's metal sound. I'm pretty sure you've heard his two biggest hits, "Killing In The Name" and "Bulls On Parade". Those are two stereotypical classic metal songs. Without the introduction of them, metal would certainly not be the same thing. And, instead of bullshitting on his RATM stuff, have you ever cared to take a listen to his Pre-RATM band, Lock Up? Or, perhaps, his post-RATM band, Audioslave. If you actually took the time to appreciate all of a band or artist's music, you'd probably still be a troll, but alas a more respectable person. You once noted that you refused to listen to all of our favorite band's BIGGEST EVER hit, "Jump", because it was, in your words, "pussy music, too soft." That really starts to show the asshole side of you...

Leave Tom Morello alone.

[Nickdfresh]

Tom Morello is a Berkley music major graduate. He has an IQ of around 164, I believe. And he's a pretty practical guy, with all of the pedals and effects he uses. You could appreciate his music for what it is. He helped shape the 90's metal sound. I'm pretty sure you've heard his two biggest hits, "Killing In The Name" and "Bulls On Parade". Those are two stereotypical classic metal songs. Without the introduction of them, metal would certainly not be the same thing. And, instead of bullshitting on his RATM stuff, have you ever cared to take a listen to his Pre-RATM band, Lock Up? Or, perhaps, his post-RATM band, Audioslave. If you actually took the time to appreciate all of a band or artist's music, you'd probably still be a troll, but alas a more respectable person. You once noted that you refused to listen to all of our favorite band's BIGGEST EVER hit, "Jump", because it was, in your words, "pussy music, too soft." That really starts to show the asshole side of you...

Leave Tom Morello alone.

Don't argue with GAyR. You're always be at a disadvantage because he has no fucking idea of what he is talking about and just makes shit up or Googles it.

Morello is a great guitarist, he's innovative and refuses to use synthesizer and keeps to the classic, stripped-down vintage of guitar rock...

[Nickdfresh]

RATM - Rage Against The White Man.. Raw Angry Teenaged Mexicans or so you'd think was the name based on the vocalist's totally racist banter - guitarist Tom Morello...
So we'll critique Tom while also critiquing said sad idolazings simultannoyesssly

10. Township Rebellion - this Ship was sank by too much relinace on Harmonizer ballast.
9. Roll Right - this is a four-note Armoire chest of busted drawers.. bowed thru a cheap-sounding digital delay and, like the original guitar-bow guy Jimmy Page, accentuated with a wahwah. Oh but that's not all folks- hear now, and you'll also receive random dissonant notes fretted by the back-edge of the pick. Seriously.. four-note solos? Is this so ground-breaking an achievement they put him on the cover of Guitar World several times now? Fuck this.. you have to hear it to believe it.
8. Bullet In The Head - More rhythmical dissonant pick-fretting, followed by a repeated bent wah-phrase.
7. Mic Check - he should call this solo Glass Slide Chuck, because this time the randomness is a glass slide! YUP that's all he's doing.. proving marijuana is not only a gateway drug to harder stuff, it's also the gateway to STUPIDITY
6. Freedom - single-note/single bar phrase ended with an arpeggiated chord played clean-channel. It's not a solo, kiddies, when the bass is riffing faster than you.
5. Testify - more hiding behind the wacka-wacka disco wah pedal.
4. Guerrilla Radio - doubles the Sanford and Son harmonica /not a solo you FAG!
3. Know Your Enemy - fights with the Eventide for supremacy: winner-Eventide by KO in the first 12 seconds.
2. Bulls On Parade - he fucking rubs the wound E string with his fingernails, ended with more rhythmical wah-wah. I swear. That's all he does! Its not a fucking guitar solo... solo spot maybe, but don't tell me it's music when it's clearly groove, or rhythm.

...

1. Killing In The Name Of - OK when Marylin Manson rehearsed at the studio I got to fool with this thing their guitarist had in his pedalboard called a Digitech Whammy Pedal.. that's the noise, I thought, in that one MTV band's solo!
...

Oh, this is just hysterical! GAyR hates Rage, but yet has heard everyone of their songs apparently! Well, perhaps we could invite Morello to critique some of your work GAR? Oh wait! You don't have any! You're just a jealous, hater wannabe 40 something never-was with a bitter streak against anyone who's actually made money in the music industry...

[ZahZoo]

I'd give this one a 9.5 on the poser scale...

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OlMKFTEBx84&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OlMKFTEBx84&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[jhale667]

Wow, who could have seen him hating Rage?

Oh, this is just hysterical! GAyR hates Rage, but yet has heard everyone of their songs apparently! Well, perhaps we could invite Morello to critique some of your work GAR? Oh wait! You don't have any! You're just a jealous, hater wannabe 40 something never-was with a bitter streak against anyone who's actually made money in the music industry...

Yeah, and GAR's got a thing against minorities who can outplay him...

[kwame k]

Yeah, and GAR's got a thing against minorities who can outplay him...

...much like his mental/emotional level, he never progressed musically past say......1995. Except for RATM he's pretty much staying in the Hair-80's.

[jhale667]

I'd give this one a 9.5 on the poser scale...

Wow - Mayer = weak sauce!

[Igosplut]

Why do I get the feeling that there's going to be a "GARgles shitty post dump" thread in Non shortly??

[kwame k]

Why do I get the feeling that there's going to be a "GARgles shitty post dump" thread in Non shortly??

Law of averages, maybe

[FORD]

And the loser (other than GAyR) is.........


Samuel Roy Hagar, for "Cheese Walks In".

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2rvri_da8_E&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2rvri_da8_E&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Total poser wanking buffoonery