Telemarketers - I just wish they would fucking die

[Hardrock69]

At the office where I work, we get at least 20 calls a day from these idiots.

So today the phone rings. I look at caller ID and I know it is someone trying to sell me something. So I decide to answer.

Me: Hello

TM: Hello is this The Very Biggest Corporation of America, Inc.?

Me: What is this regarding?

TM: Well, we are a payroll outsourcing company. Do you have any employees on...

Me: No, we don't have any employees. We only have slaves we buy from South America.

TM: Are they on the payroll?

Me: No, of course not! They work for free and if they try to run away, we beat them until they get back to work! It does wonders for our bottom line, and we have a great profit margin as a result!

TM: Mmmmmkay......*click*

Probably the best thing I have ever said to shut one of these people up.

Hey, I do not give a fuck if it is their job. They call me at their own risk!

[chefcraig]

Next time, try this. By comedian Tom Mabe, from an old episode of the Bob and Tom Show.

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[PETE'S BROTHER]

or the carpet cleaners.

cc: have a special to clean your carpet

me: we don't have carpet

cc:we can clean your furniture

me: we don't have furniture

cc:really? ok... click

[binnie]

Whenever I get one I resort to the Mr. T keyring Mrs binnie bought me as a joke for Christmas. It sits right by the phone and has recording's of T's best phrases.

The dialogue can be quite entertaining:

"Hello Sir, I represent....."

"Such up fool!"

"I'm sorry, Sir!"

"Don't make me mad"

"Sir, I represent a company..."

"Quit yo jibba-jabba...."

[Kristy]

My mom gets them all the time and I used to get them from my bank (Chase) telling me about about their wonderful interest rates (yeah, for the first 3 months of your loan until they raise it 15% afterwards). When I asked on why they called over and over and over again they told me by simply having an account there we were in a "business relationship" so that gave them the right to by-pass all laws against telemarketers (see, it's in the loopholes, people) and harass me any time they felt like it. It was soon after knowing that I pulled my money from their bank and now have an account elsewhere making sure beforehand there were no bullshit telemarketer "business relationships" they could pull on me.

[kwame k]

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[FORD]

Damn it, Kwame beat me to it! Love the Seinfeld approach.

I actually did a telemarketing gig for a while when I was in college, and also have done a few "cold calls" for political causes. I can sympathize with those who are on the other end of the phone, if they're just trying to make a living. But that doesn't mean it's still not an annoyance... whether the lame scripts most of these callers use, or the horrible timing of their calls.

Having unpublished numbers and the ability to screen calls always helps though. If a telemarketer manages to get my number once, it will only BE once.

[Nitro Express]

My mom gets them all the time and I used to get them from my bank (Chase) telling me about about their wonderful interest rates (yeah, for the first 3 months of your loan until they raise it 15% afterwards). When I asked on why they called over and over and over again they told me by simply having an account there we were in a "business relationship" so that gave them the right to by-pass all laws against telemarketers (see, it's in the loopholes, people) and harass me any time they felt like it. It was soon after knowing that I pulled my money from their bank and now have an account elsewhere making sure beforehand there were no bullshit telemarketer "business relationships" they could pull on me.

What would you expect from a Rockefeller owned bank? Wells Fargo is just as bad if not worse. I pulled all my business accounts from them and when with a local bank. I know the bank president personally and I never get calls. I also don't get account inactivity fees. Wells Fargo was charging me fees on a holding account. Why people give these sharks the time of day is beyond me.

[PETE'S BROTHER]

my wife uses m&i and really likes them. think i may switch from chase soon.

[ppg960]

I can't stand these Pricks. Many times I just say "Fuck Off" and hang up. They are brutal here in Winnipeg.
Sometimes though, I have fun with them too.
Really fuck with their minds.

[Susie Q]

I freakin' LOVE that bit from Seinfeld. I'm gonna use it next time!!

[Anonymous]

I actually did a telemarketing gig for a while when I was in college, and also have done a few "cold calls" for political causes. I can sympathize with those who are on the other end of the phone, if they're just trying to make a living.

You... bastard... you sick, evil, twisted person...

SYMPATHIZE????

NEVER!!!!!!!

If you or anyone else needs the fucking money, GET AN HONEST JOB!

For Gawd's sake, even mugging old ladies is more honest & morally & socially acceptable.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Anonymous]

Nothing excuses telemarketing. NOTHING.

Scum of the Earth. More worthless than philosophy teachers.

Should be banned from society.

If anyone in my family ever does telemarketing, I'll make sure that person is ostracised & never spoken to again, not even by the most distant relatives.

Cheers! :bottle: