Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

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  • Guitar Shark
    ROTH ARMY SUPREME
    • Jan 2004
    • 7579

    Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
    people that call in to her radio show. She has preached that, as an
    observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
    Leviticus 18:22
    and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast
    resident, which was posted on the Internet.

    Dear Dr. Laura,
    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
    learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
    knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
    homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
    that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws given to us in the bible and how to follow them:

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing
    odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the
    odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
    In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
    of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19- 24). The problem is, how can I
    tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided
    they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine says this
    applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you please clarify? Why can't
    I own a Canadian?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
    states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
    (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. However, I
    don't agree. Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    defect in my sight. I must admit that I wear reading glasses.
    Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
    their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
    should they be put to death?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He regularly violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
    different crops in the same field. Moreover, his wife is also a
    violator by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
    (cotton/polyester blend). Is it really necessary that we go to all the
    trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
    Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
    with people who sleep with their
    in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
    help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
    unchanging.

    Your devoted fan,
    Jim
    ROTH ARMY MILITIA


    Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
    Sharky sometimes needs things spelled out for him in explicit, specific detail. I used to think it was a lawyer thing, but over time it became more and more evident that he's merely someone's idiot twin.
  • LoungeMachine
    DIAMOND STATUS
    • Jul 2004
    • 32576

    #2
    <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rHaVUjjH3EI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rHaVUjjH3EI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>



    But you CAN own a Canadian......every time Baby's on Fire liquors up and posts here



    [beat you to the clip, VA]
    Originally posted by Kristy
    Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
    Originally posted by cadaverdog
    I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

    Comment

    • chefcraig
      DIAMOND STATUS
      • Apr 2004
      • 12172

      #3
      Dammit, I was still trying to find my bookmark of West Wing quotes. I never realized I had so much porn bookmarked.









      “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”
      ― Stephen Hawking

      Comment

      • LoungeMachine
        DIAMOND STATUS
        • Jul 2004
        • 32576

        #4
        Originally posted by Guitar Shark
        Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
        people that call in to her radio show. She has preached that, as an
        observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
        Leviticus 18:22
        and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

        The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast
        resident, which was posted on the Internet.

        Your devoted fan,
        Jim

        The fuck it was.

        It was written by Aaron Sorkin, and plagirized by this clown

        Originally posted by Kristy
        Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
        Originally posted by cadaverdog
        I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

        Comment

        • Guitar Shark
          ROTH ARMY SUPREME
          • Jan 2004
          • 7579

          #5
          LMAO

          My bad for not cross-checking the e-mail forward I received, I guess...
          ROTH ARMY MILITIA


          Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
          Sharky sometimes needs things spelled out for him in explicit, specific detail. I used to think it was a lawyer thing, but over time it became more and more evident that he's merely someone's idiot twin.

          Comment

          • LoungeMachine
            DIAMOND STATUS
            • Jul 2004
            • 32576

            #6
            Originally posted by Guitar Shark

            I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
            In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

            I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
            states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

            I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
            unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

            My uncle has a farm. He regularly violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
            different crops in the same field. Moreover, his wife is also a
            violator by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
            (cotton/polyester blend). Is it really necessary that we go to all the
            trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
            Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
            with people who sleep with their
            in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
            All of these taken right from the West Wing scene.



            almost verbatim
            Originally posted by Kristy
            Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
            Originally posted by cadaverdog
            I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

            Comment

            • LoungeMachine
              DIAMOND STATUS
              • Jul 2004
              • 32576

              #7
              Originally posted by Guitar Shark
              LMAO

              My bad for not cross-checking the e-mail forward I received, I guess...
              You've been a little pre-occupied staring at my pics today....

              Originally posted by Kristy
              Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
              Originally posted by cadaverdog
              I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

              Comment

              • chefcraig
                DIAMOND STATUS
                • Apr 2004
                • 12172

                #8
                By the way, did you know that guy from MSNBC, Lawrence O'Donnell, wrote 16 episodes of the West Wing and appeared on the show as Dr. Bartlett? He also appeared in 10 episodes of HBO's Big Love as an attorney. This was in the tv section of my local paper yesterday.









                “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”
                ― Stephen Hawking

                Comment

                • LoungeMachine
                  DIAMOND STATUS
                  • Jul 2004
                  • 32576

                  #9
                  Originally posted by chefcraig
                  By the way, did you know that guy from MSNBC, Lawrence O'Donnell, wrote 16 episodes of the West Wing and appeared on the show as Dr. Bartlett? He also appeared in 10 episodes of HBO's Big Love as an attorney. This was in the tv section of my local paper yesterday.
                  He appeared in the episode TWO CATHEDRALS as Jeb Bartlet's father in a flash back.

                  He was a producer of the show as well.

                  Originally posted by Kristy
                  Dude, what in the fuck is wrong with you? I'm full of hate and I do drugs.
                  Originally posted by cadaverdog
                  I posted under aliases and I jerk off with a sock. Anything else to add?

                  Comment

                  • kwame k
                    TOASTMASTER GENERAL
                    • Feb 2008
                    • 11302

                    #10
                    Tell ya what, GS......I'll sell ya DiamondJimi, cheap!
                    Originally posted by vandeleur
                    E- Jesus . Playing both sides because he didnt understand the argument in the first place

                    Comment

                    • Terry
                      TOASTMASTER GENERAL
                      • Jan 2004
                      • 11957

                      #11
                      Originally posted by chefcraig
                      By the way, did you know that guy from MSNBC, Lawrence O'Donnell, wrote 16 episodes of the West Wing and appeared on the show as Dr. Bartlett? He also appeared in 10 episodes of HBO's Big Love as an attorney. This was in the tv section of my local paper yesterday.
                      He was a semi-regular panelist on the McLaughlin Group until that blonde, dimwitted former secretary of Nixon, Monica Crowley, started blathering half-truths about Mormonism and why Mittens shouldn't have a problem capturing the GOP Nom because of his religion. O'Donnell got so steamed he looked like he was gonna start throttling Crowley...subsequently, he wasn't asked back to be a panelist.
                      Scramby eggs and bacon.

                      Comment

                      • FORD
                        ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

                        • Jan 2004
                        • 58783

                        #12
                        And as far as owning Canadians go......



                        I'll take her
                        Eat Us And Smile

                        Cenk For America 2024!!

                        Justice Democrats


                        "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

                        Comment

                        • kwame k
                          TOASTMASTER GENERAL
                          • Feb 2008
                          • 11302

                          #13
                          Oh, I wasn't selling any of my private stock
                          Originally posted by vandeleur
                          E- Jesus . Playing both sides because he didnt understand the argument in the first place

                          Comment

                          • Hardrock69
                            DIAMOND STATUS
                            • Feb 2005
                            • 21888

                            #14
                            I found that post interesting. Got it in my email years ago.

                            I want to own a slave. In fact, I know of a hot babe in Montreal right now that I would LOVE to own.

                            I will have to send her an email and ask her how much does she want to sell herself to me.

                            Comment

                            • Nickdfresh
                              SUPER MODERATOR

                              • Oct 2004
                              • 49203

                              #15
                              Dr. Laura going through her whore phase before becoming a pretentious, phony uppity bitch with no credentials for offering the "advice" she likes to beat people up with:

                              Comment

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