The flood of American liberals

[vanhalen1r2]

I lol when I read this :biggrin:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.


Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.


“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”


Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.


“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”


When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.


In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.


Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”


In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.

http://www.cafepress.com/chairmanobama

[bueno bob]

Lock and flush.

[vanhalen1r2]

Lock and flush.

Rut Row

[Nickdfresh]

These jerkoff threads ain't going to cut it here, dummy.

[vanhalen1r2]

These jerkoff threads ain't going to cut it here, dummy.

Well by all means create a circle jerk thread that you feel more comfortable posting in.

[FORD]

I lol when I read this :biggrin:

The flood of American conservatives sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among right-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to recycle, use public transit, and to agree with Mike Malloy and Thom Hartmann.


Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of gun nuts, gay-rights protestors and Southern Baptists crossing their fields at night.


“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a FAUX News producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a Bud Light and some Spam. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my camoflauge fatigues, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the conservatives scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Randi Rhodes across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The conservatives still got through and Randi annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”


Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet conservatives near the Canadian border, pack them into Hummers and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.


“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Budweiser. They did have a nice assault rifle, though.”


When conservatives are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from Liberals. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where conservatives will be forced to drink microbrew and watch "An Inconvenient Truth".


In recent days, conservatives have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young Republicans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Joe McCarthy and John Birch to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.


Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating a donut shortage and are bankrupting the entire Tim Horton's chain of donut shops. “I really feel sorry for American conservatives, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many Regent University theology majors does one country need?”


In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure conservatives. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Ted Nugent and Sammy Hagar concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.

http://www.cafepress.com/chairmanobama

Yeah, that was mildly amusing.....

[vanhalen1r2]

Yeah, that was mildly amusing.....

Why is the world would you want Draft Dodger Terrible Ted Mr 4 F in the mix ?? I know its pun but he is the biggest douche bag hypocrite known.

[BigBadBrian]

Lock and flush.

It looks like Boob got her feelings hurt. :lmao:

[vanhalen1r2]

It looks like Boob got her feelings hurt. :lmao:

:biggrin:

[GAR]

These jerkoff threads ain't going to cut it here, dummy.

I'm suggesting you fornicate yourself with a Somali grappling ladder, because this is one genious thread beyond your pitiful understanding OK

[Nickdfresh]

I'm suggesting you fornicate yourself with a Somali grappling ladder, because this is one genious thread beyond your pitiful understanding OK

Any more suggestions about inserting things in the anus, GAyR?

[GAR]

Infants understand two discharge points: mouth or anus, and we already get your verbal output source, so that left the obvious.

[bueno bob]

It looks like Boob got her feelings hurt. :lmao:

Nah, just got bored by stupid, shitty go-nowhere threads. Glad you're concerned about my feelings, though. Would you like to talk about my feelings a bit more? I could do that for a while. Or maybe you'd rather hit the books and try to elevate your IQ into the triple digit field?

Defeating that, you could always run down to your local adult bookstore and pick up a pump in the hopes that maybe with some concentrated effort and some all male-bear DVDs you might be able to blow it up to over 5" fully errect. I'm sure your sister would appreciate your efforts. The cunt swallows for me, maybe she'll do it for you too if you're lucky.

[vanhalen1r2]

Nah, just got bored by stupid, shitty go-nowhere threads.

That's why you can't get this thread stuff out of your keyboard and you keep typing, riiigghhhtt.......

[bueno bob]

That's why you can't get this thread stuff out of your keyboard and you keep typing, riiigghhhtt.......

You're a complete fucking amateur and SO out of your league here. Honestly, it's a sad state of affairs for the site that sharpening my talons on utter fuckwits with so little game - like YOU - has become the last vestige of my old joy here. Not only do you have a borderline retard comprehension of the English language but your oh-so-witty "rebuttals" barely have anything to do with the topic at hand or even the original insult offered. Under normal circumstances, I'd advise you to consider yourself lucky that I even bother to acknowledge your feeble online existance here, but with the current state of (non) affairs regarding all things Van Halen, I can't even give you that honor.

Seriously, I'd rather debate Gar endlessly. He's equally as worthless a prick as you are, but at least he can follow the conversation and respond in coherent terms (usually). You? You just dribble.

Seriously, who the fuck told you that you can compete here, clown? Either you have NO internet game at all or you're a drooling shitbag that's barely capable of tying his own shoes without googling a YouTube walkthrough video first, let alone anything else to get you through your day unscathed and alive.

Seriously, all bullshit and flame aside, you thought you'd just walk through the door and pWn the place?

Think about it.

[vanhalen1r2]

You're a complete fucking amateur and SO out of your league here. Honestly, it's a sad state of affairs for the site that sharpening my talons on utter fuckwits with so little game - like YOU - has become the last vestige of my old joy here. Not only do you have a borderline retard comprehension of the English language but your oh-so-witty "rebuttals" barely have anything to do with the topic at hand or even the original insult offered. Under normal circumstances, I'd advise you to consider yourself lucky that I even bother to acknowledge your feeble online existance here, but with the current state of (non) affairs regarding all things Van Halen, I can't even give you that honor.

Seriously, I'd rather debate Gar endlessly. He's equally as worthless a prick as you are, but at least he can follow the conversation and respond in coherent terms (usually). You? You just dribble.

Seriously, who the fuck told you that you can compete here, clown? Either you have NO internet game at all or you're a drooling shitbag that's barely capable of tying his own shoes without googling a YouTube walkthrough video first, let alone anything else to get you through your day unscathed and alive.

Seriously, all bullshit and flame aside, you thought you'd just walk through the door and pWn the place?

Think about it.

^ LOL classic asstard ^ Bravo !!!

[bueno bob]

^ LOL classic asstard ^ Bravo !!!

"Classic asstard", hunh?

Just that post alone proved every fucking word I just said about you, dipshit. Are you so FUCKING STUPID that you don't see it? Actually, you're beyond fucking stupid. You have nothing to offer this forum. You are a troll of the lowest order and of your so-called "companions" around here, even the cocksucker Brian has more to offer than you. You're a complete fucking waste of bandwidth and I truly regret that the Army doesn't have a litmus test of some sort in place to weed out the incomprehensibly stupid fucks like yourself before you're allowed to pollute the site with your idiotic, minimalistic bullshit.

The internet has given everybody a public forum to express their voice, and you're proof positive that not everybody actually needed one.

[vanhalen1r2]

"Classic asstard", hunh?

Just that post alone proved every fucking word I just said about you, dipshit. Are you so FUCKING STUPID that you don't see it? Actually, you're beyond fucking stupid. You have nothing to offer this forum. You are a troll of the lowest order and of your so-called "companions" around here, even the cocksucker Brian has more to offer than you. You're a complete fucking waste of bandwidth and I truly regret that the Army doesn't have a litmus test of some sort in place to weed out the incomprehensibly stupid fucks like yourself before you're allowed to pollute the site with your idiotic, minimalistic bullshit.

The internet has given everybody a public forum to express their voice, and you're proof positive that not everybody actually needed one.

SSSShhhhh....Bueno " Butt Hurt" Bob is posting.

[bueno bob]

Jesus fucking tapdancing Christ, I'm actually half-tempted to edit your posts and flame myself. Yours are actually THAT fucking pathetic.

[vanhalen1r2]

Jesus fucking tapdancing Christ, I'm actually half-tempted to edit your posts and flame myself. Yours are actually THAT fucking pathetic.

Yet you can't help but stalk me, THAT is fucking pathetic. "Butt Hurt" Bob