Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 380: Teabag Takeover Edition [Archive]

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FORD

09-20-2010, 01:35 AM

<img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379.jpg" border="0"> The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 380 September 20, 2010 Teabag Takeover Edition Surprise! Yes, the Top 10 is back for a special limited run. I'll be checking in with weekly editions between now and the elections on November 2 -- so let's get started! This week The GOP (1) has created a storm in a teacup, which has only gotten stronger thanks to the shenanigans of Christine O'Donnell (2,3). Elsewhere, Sean Hannity (6) is up to his usual tricks, Newt Gingrich (7) is a racist, and Mitch McConnell (8) knows who the real victims of the recession are. Don't forget the <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/key.html" target="_blank">key</a>! <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/01.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> The GOP <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/batshit_crazy.gif" border="0" alt="batshit crazy" title="batshit crazy"> The Tea Party won big once again in last Tuesday's primaries, which means that establishment Republicans are slinking off with their tails between their legs while Democrats are breathing a sigh of relief. Yes, the political landscape still looks grim, but at least the Dems are going to be running against a bunch of insane asylum escapees this year. In 2010 the Republican Party will be represented by such luminaries as: Rand Paul <img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_headpaul.jpg" border="0"> He's a <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2010/06/14/2010-06-14_is_there_a_doctor_in_the_house_tea_party_favori te_rand_paul_is_not_a_boardcertif.html" target="_blank">fake opthamologist</a> who worships the <a href="http://voices.washingtonpost.com/plum-line/2010/08/rand_pauls_accuser_clarifies_k.html" target="_blank">Aqua Buddha</a>! Mike Lee <img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_headlee.jpg" border="0"> He wants <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/2010/06/22/mike-lee-bailout/" target="_blank">taxpayers to pay for oil spills so oil companies don't have to</a>! Christine O'Donnell <img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_headodonnell.jpg" border="0"> She's a <a href="http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/christine-odonnells-linkedin-bio-says-she-studied-at-oxford/19634846" target="_blank">fake Oxford University graduate</a> whose biggest fear is <a href="http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/09/odonnell-in-2007-scientists-have-created-mice-with-human-brains.php?ref=fpa" target="_blank">mice with human brains</a>! Joe Miller <img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_headmiller.jpg" border="0"> He wants to <a href="http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/joe-miller-makes-sharron-angle-look-liberal" target="_blank">phase out Social Security and Medicare and abolish unemployment insurance</a>! (Wait... that's all Republicans.) Sharron Angle <img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_headangle.jpg" border="0"> She's an <a href="http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/05/sharron-angle-attacked-for-alleged-scientology-ties.php" target="_blank">alleged Scientologist</a> who's been endorsed by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1juoeQqBo8" target="_blank">Joe the Plumber</a>! By the way, if you were looking for some more good news, word on the street is that the greatest chairman ever in the history of the RNC, Michael Steele, is <a href="http://www.cqpolitics.com/wmspage.cfm?docid=news-000003732623&topic=Feature" target="_blank">planning on running for a second term</a>. To which I say, go for it! What better Bozo to oversee the Republican Party's all-new clown show? <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/02.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Christine O'Donnell <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/pander.gif" border="0" alt="pandering" title="pandering"> Hats off to <a href="http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/09/odonnells-greatest-hits.php" target="_blank">anti-masturbation crusader</a> Christine O'Donnell who <a href="http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/senate/christine-odonnell-upsets-mike.html" target="_blank">knocked out</a> establishment Republican Mike Castle in Delaware's Republican Senate primary last week. O'Donnell may not be a fan of self-stimulation but she sure loves a good teabagging -- <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/13/new-poll-shows-odonnellca_n_714249.html" target="_blank">according to</a> the Huffington Post she received "at least $250,000 in Tea Party Express television advertising." And now she's got a real uphill battle to beat Democrat Chris Coons in the general election (who incidentally would have struggled against Mike Castle -- oh well!) Christine O'Donnell certainly didn't hold back in her attempts to appeal to conservative Republicans. <center><img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_odonnell.jpg" border="0"></center> Remind you of anyone? <center><img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_palin.jpg" border="0"></center> I guess if O'Donnell's success is truly indicative of the current state of affairs in the GOP, we can expect other Republicans to start jumping on the bandwagon any day now... <center><img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_cantor.jpg" border="0"></center> <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/03.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Christine O'Donnell <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/crook.gif" border="0" alt="crook" title="crook"> While Christine O'Donnell's car-wreck candidacy is certainly something to gawk at (She <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/News/christine-odonnell-dabbled-witchcraft/story?id=11671277" target="_blank">dabbled in witchcraft</a>? She said condoms are "<a href="http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0910/42288.html" target="_blank">anti-human</a>?") there are some far more serious issues plaguing her current run for office. Last week Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/09/18/odonnell.ethics/index.html" target="_blank">said</a> that they are going to "ask authorities in Delaware to investigate Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell's finances." <div class="excerpt">At issue are more than $20,000 of spending in 2009 and 2010 that Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington claims was illegal. "It turns out Miss O'Donnell has treated her campaign funds like they are her very own personal piggy bank. She's used that money to pay for things like her rent, for gas, meals and even a bowling outing. And that's just flat-out illegal," said Melanie Sloan, the group's executive director.</div> O'Donnell's response? Well, she <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/09/18/AR2010091801512.html" target="_blank">cancelled</a> her Sunday talk show appearances and will presumably be taking Sarah Palin's <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/2010/09/16/palin-odonnell-fox-news/" target="_blank">advice</a> to just "speak through Fox News" from now on. Because after all, if the media can't ask her any questions about it, it's like it never happened! By the way, media -- I know you're excited about Christine O'Donnell's candidacy, but <a href="http://wonkette.com/421952/abc-news-now-showing-christine-odonnells-masturbation-stance" target="_blank">this</a> really is taking things a bit far... <center><img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_stance.jpg" border="0"></center>

FORD

09-20-2010, 01:37 AM

<img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/04.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Karl Rove <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/coveringass.gif" border="0" alt="covering your ass" title="covering your ass"> <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/circular_firing_squad.gif" border="0" alt="circular firing squad" title="circular firing squad"> Once upon a time, Karl Rove was one of the most powerful men in the Republican Party. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Last week Karl -- now employed as an analyst on Fox News -- said of Christine O'Donnell, "I've met her. I wasn't frankly impressed by her abilities as a candidate. One thing that O'Donnell is now going to have to answer in the general election that she didn't in the primary is her own checkered background. There were a lot of nutty things she has been saying that don't add up. Why did she mislead voters about her college education? How come it took nearly two decades to pay her college bills so she could get her college degree? How did she make a living?" Well that's pretty harsh -- but you can hardly blame the guy. After all, Rove's former colleague David Frum just <a href="http://www.frumforum.com/how-to-throw-away-a-senate-seat" target="_blank">called</a> O'Donnell a "quixotic, fraudulent, gold-digging liar with no job and no accomplishments." And in the dying days of the primary race, even O'Donnell's former campaign manager <a href="http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0910/42141.html" target="_blank">called her</a> a "complete fraud." But Karl must have forgotten the new Golden Rule of Republican Politics: Do unto others as Rush Limbaugh tells you to do. <a href="http://blogs.abcnews.com/thenote/2010/09/limbaugh-gop-insiders-petulant-im-in-charge.html" target="_blank">Here's</a> Rush the day after Karl's comments: <div class="excerpt">"This is about conservatives taking back the Republican Party," Limbaugh said Wednesday, following Christine O'Donnell's victory in the GOP senate primary in Delaware over Rep. Mike Castle despite the vociferous objections of party insiders. "Who the hell are they, anyway, to anoint or disanoint somebody as electable or not electable?" Rush Limbaugh asked Wednesday. "I'm in charge of that! ... That's always been my purview and nothing's changed."</div> Uh-oh Rush... them's fighting words! You don't think the mighty Turdblossom is going to take that lying down, do you? <div class="excerpt">O'Donnell, for her part, denounced Rove's "Republican cannibalism," predicting the "so-called political guru" would be forced to eat "humble pie." And that is more or less what happened Thursday, when Rove walked back his comments in another interview with Fox, claiming he endorsed O'Donnell from the beginning and believes the marketing consultant and former abstinence activist can win in Nov. 2 midterms if she opens up about her muddled financial history, including tax and mortgage default problems.</div> Mmm... how's that humble pie taste, Karl? <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/05.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> James Byrne <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/extreme.gif" border="0" alt="extreme" title="extreme"> Elsewhere, Republican feuds are becoming literally explosive -- <a href="http://www.istockanalyst.com/article/viewiStockNews/articleid/4507159" target="_blank">check out</a> what happened in Madison, Connecticut last week: <div class="excerpt">People who know James Byrne say he is a jovial family man and a successful lawyer -- the last guy they would ever suspect of calling in a bomb threat. But police allege Byrne is responsible for Sunday's bomb threat at a political fundraiser attended by Republican U.S. Senate candidate Linda McMahon, and the motive may be a series of political slights. (snip) Byrne ran against Banisch for the chairmanship and lost in 2008. He resigned from the RTC after he completed his term in 2009. "He told me he didn't want to return," said Tom Banisch. Byrne also left the PZC in January after he was made an alternate member, instead of a regular member. </div> But surely there must be some mistake! Following Byrne's arrest, his attorney said, "Jim is a highly reputed lawyer and citizen of Madison and he has been for many years. He is highly reputed by colleagues at the bar, judges at the bench and political friends. I'll be very interested in looking at the evidence that police and prosecutors present in the case." Indeed -- after all, it sounds like James Byrne is a real upstanding member of the community. So come on, cops -- let's see this so-called <a href="http://www.theday.com/article/20100916/NWS04/309169299/-1/NWS" target="_blank">evidence</a> you've got against him! <div class="excerpt">Police identified the source of the call as a pay phone in WalMart in Guilford. Surveillance cameras allegedly caught Byrne parking his car, walking into the store, approaching the pay phone, putting on gloves and picking up the receiver to make a call, sources said. After completing the call, Bryne allegedly wiped down the phone. The surveillance cameras followed him back to his car and captured his license plate number.</div> Oh, I see. <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/06.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Sean Hannity <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/lying.gif" border="0" alt="lying" title="lying"> Apparently slack-jawed fuckstick Sean Hannity still has a career in television, despite having a face only a mother could look at without regurgitating. Yes, it seems our Sean has maintained his high approval ratings with everyone from elderly nursing home residents to people who buy truck nuts, in large part thanks to his daily multi-hour truth-telling sessions about Black Nazi Muslim Socialist President Hitler. For example, during a recent speech President Obama said, "Under the tax plan passed by the last administration, taxes are scheduled to go up substantially next year, for everybody." Ouch -- that's certainly not something your average Fox News fan is going to want to hear while he's on his way to burn some teabags or whatever it is those lunatics are up to these days. But when the truth hurts, Sean Hannity is here to kiss your boo-boo and <a href="http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/09/kurtz-calls-hannity-deceptive-editing/" target="_blank">make it all better</a>. <div class="excerpt">Introducing the video, Hannity called Obama's words "a rare moment of honesty" that he hopes voters will watch. "... (Taxes) are scheduled to go up substantially next year, for everybody," the president said. Cut back to Hannity. "I know the anointed one will make sure that happens," he quipped disapprovingly.</div> Perhaps Fox News should just go ahead and change its slogan from, "We Report, You Decide" to, "HA HA HA YOU GULLIBLE FUCKERS!!!!"

FORD

09-20-2010, 01:37 AM

<img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/07.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Newt Gingrich <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/racism.gif" border="0" alt="racism" title="racism"> Last week former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich was in the middle of an interview when he accidentally swallowed his dog whistle. <a href="http://mediamatters.org/blog/201009120001" target="_blank">According to</a> Media Matters: <div class="excerpt">Since the beginning of the Obama presidency, right-wing media -- especially those who work at Fox News -- have been carrying out a campaign of not-so-subtle race-baiting. Today, Fox News contributor Newt Gingrich took this campaign to new levels, reportedly telling the National Review that Obama has pretended to be "normal" but that Obama actually seems to be engaged in "Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior."</div> While you're scratching your head trying to decipher Newt's theory, here's what Fox News viewers just heard: the scary black man is coming to get you! Yes, it seems that Newt Gingich has taken one too many teabags to the face. Still, I guess we now know who his 2012 running mate is going to be: <center><img src="http://upload.democraticunderground.com/top10/10/379_orly.jpg" border="0"></center> <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/08.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Mitch McConnell <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/fat_cat.gif" border="0" alt="fat cat" title="fat cat"> <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/screw.gif" border="0" alt="screwing the poor" title="screwing the poor"> There was more bad economic news last week as the Great Bush Recession continues to <a href="http://www.rutlandherald.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100918/OPINION/709189875/" target="_blank">drive people into poverty</a>. <div class="excerpt">Numbers released this week by the Census Bureau are grim: One out of seven Americans is living in poverty. One out of five children falls in that category. In 2009, 4 million Americans fell into poverty. Millions more would have been counted among their number were it not for unemployment benefits that kept them afloat. It is the highest rate of poverty since 1994 at the beginning of an interlude of relative prosperity. The median income has also fallen -- by 4.2 percent since 2007. Median family income in 2009 was 5 percent lower than in 1999. One economist told The New York Times: "This is the first time in memory that an entire decade has produced essentially no economic growth for the typical American household."</div> Just so we're clear, "poverty" is currently defined by the Department of Health and Human Services as a family of four living on less than $22,050 per year. Last year 4 million more Americans fell below that line, meaning that there were 43.6 million Americans officially living in poverty as of 2009. And it could have been even worse -- unemployment insurance benefits kept another 3.3 million out of poverty. Not that the Republicans care much about that, of course. Think Progress <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/2010/09/17/unemployment-americans-poverty/" target="_blank">reminds us</a> that: <div class="excerpt">...conservatives have done everything they can to delay extensions of unemployment benefits. Republicans in the Senate have repeatedly locked arms to block extending the benefits for unemployed Americans, putting the wellbeing of jobless people in peril. And as the Wonk Room's Pat Garofalo notes, a major chunk of 2009's unemployment benefits were funded by the stimulus bill, which "House Republicans unanimously opposed."</div> Sickening huh? But it's okay -- Republicans have a really good reason for trying to cut off people's unemployment benefits and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell <a href="http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/09/mcconnell-small-business-owners-making-250k-hit-hardest-by-this-recession-video.php" target="_blank">explained it all</a> during a speech on the Senate floor last week. The Chinless Wonder was arguing that people who make more than $250,000 shouldn't have their Bush-era tax cuts taken away this year when he said this: <div class="excerpt">McCONNELL: We can't let the people who've been hit the hardest by this recession, and who need to create the jobs that will get us out of it, foot the bill for the Democrats' two-year adventure in expanded government.</div> Millionaires have been "hit the hardest?" Really? Maybe some of these folks should try feeding their family of four on $22,050 a year and see how they like that. And you can forget about the fact that extending Bush's tax cuts for the rich will <a href="http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2010/07/let_cuts_expire.html" target="_blank">increase the deficit by $830 billion</a> over the next ten years -- that's irrelevant. Why? Because according to Republicans, giving massive tax breaks to the wealthiest people in America is the only surefire way to stimulate the economy. Well duh. I mean, look around you -- haven't you noticed how well Bush's tax cut plan has worked out for everyone over the past ten years? <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/09.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Judd Gregg <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/dumb.gif" border="0" alt="dumb" title="dumb"> In one of the best decisions he's made since becoming president, Barack Obama last week appointed Elizabeth Warren as a special adviser to set up the new Consumer Financial Protection Agency. The appointment means that Warren will not have to be confirmed by the Senate - which of course did not go down well with Republicans. Take Sen. Judd Gregg for example, who was shocked -- shocked I tell ya -- to learn that Warren had been given the position. Why? Well, <a href="http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/119213-gregg-warren-promote-social-justice-at-new-consumer-agency" target="_blank">according to</a> The Hill: <div class="excerpt">GREGG: My concern is that she would use the agency for the purpose of promoting social justice.</div> So there you have it folks. According to Republicans, giving hundreds of billions of dollars in tax breaks to the richest people in America = great idea! Promoting social justice = shouldn't be allowed! <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/number/10.gif" border="0" alt="" title=""> Sarah Palin <img src="http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/icons/dumb.gif" border="0" alt="dumb" title="dumb"> And finally, the First Lady of Political Flimflam went all the way back to Alaska to pocket some fast cash by introducing Glenn Beck at an appearance in Anchorage last week, and surprisingly the universe did not throw up its hands and collapse into a supermassive black hole of dumbfuckery. It was a <a href="http://www.adn.com/2010/09/11/1449294/beck-palin-likely-to-draw-fans.html" target="_blank">close call</a> though. <div class="excerpt">Palin told of doing an interview last year with Beck under the Statue of Liberty in New York. She said she told Beck that her soldier son, Track, had gotten a tattoo of the statue on his forearm and she'd just been texting with him about what they knew about the monument. She said Beck sent Track a book with a chapter on the meaning of the Statue of Liberty. "This Statue of Liberty was gifted to us by foreign leaders, really as a warning to us, it was a warning to us to stay unique and to stay exceptional from other countries. Certainly not to go down the path of other countries that adopted socialist policies," Palin said to cheers from the crowd.</div> Really? Because <a href="http://www.nps.gov/stli/historyculture/" target="_blank">according to</a> the National Park Service, "The people of France gave the Statue to the people of the United States over one hundred years ago in recognition of a friendship established during the American Revolution." But to be fair to Palin, I think we all know how much the French <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_socialism" target="_blank">hate socialism</a>. See you next week! -- EarlG