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  • vh rides again
    Commando
    • Dec 2006
    • 1058

    jokes

    On sunny January, 22nd, 2013 an old man approached the White House from
    across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He
    spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and
    meet with President Obama."

    The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer
    president and no longer resides here."

    The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

    The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
    same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

    The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no
    longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and,
    again, just walked away.

    The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the
    very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President
    Obama."

    The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
    said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
    speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the
    president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

    The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love
    hearing it."
    The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow,
    Sir.

    //////////////////////////////////////////////////

    Gonorrhea Lectim



    This critical information has just been made public and is certainly something of which you should be aware!

    The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

    The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect em."

    The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

    Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness actually is. It's sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out!

    You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

    Several states are already on top of this like Virginia and New Jersey , and apparently now Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall.



    ////////////////////////////////////////////

    A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an al Quada terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

    The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

    The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

    I yelled to him that Sadam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

    So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

    "And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
  • FORD
    ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

    • Jan 2004
    • 58754

    #2
    Geezus.... the right wingers attempts at writing contemporary humor have flunked so horribly (see FAUX Noize's attempt to clone the Daily Show) that they're now trying to rewrite Vietnam War jokes for the current times.

    And as it is with all right wing "humor", failing miserably.
    Eat Us And Smile

    Cenk For America 2024!!

    Justice Democrats


    "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

    Comment

    • hambon4lif
      Crazy Ass Mofo
      • Jun 2004
      • 2810

      #3
      With the politicians we have now, I don't think anybody has to write any fuckin' jokes.

      Comment

      • FORD
        ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

        • Jan 2004
        • 58754

        #4
        Christine O'Donnell alone should give Letterman, Leno, Jon Stewart months of material. And Bill Maher owns all her archives from the 90's. (from his show Politically Incorrect)
        Eat Us And Smile

        Cenk For America 2024!!

        Justice Democrats


        "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

        Comment

        • Dr. Love
          ROTH ARMY SUPREME
          • Jan 2004
          • 7825

          #5
          I thought the jokes weren't bad
          I've got the cure you're thinkin' of.

          http://i.imgur.com/jBw4fCu.gif

          Comment

          • hambon4lif
            Crazy Ass Mofo
            • Jun 2004
            • 2810

            #6
            Alright.......everybody out of the clown car!!


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            Comment

            • hambon4lif
              Crazy Ass Mofo
              • Jun 2004
              • 2810

              #7
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              Comment

              • hambon4lif
                Crazy Ass Mofo
                • Jun 2004
                • 2810

                #8
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                Comment

                • hambon4lif
                  Crazy Ass Mofo
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 2810

                  #9
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                  Comment

                  • hambon4lif
                    Crazy Ass Mofo
                    • Jun 2004
                    • 2810

                    #10
                    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country" - Marion Barry

                    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it" - Dan Quayle

                    "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls" - George Dubya

                    Comment

                    • hambon4lif
                      Crazy Ass Mofo
                      • Jun 2004
                      • 2810

                      #11
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                      Comment

                      • hambon4lif
                        Crazy Ass Mofo
                        • Jun 2004
                        • 2810

                        #12
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                        Comment

                        • hambon4lif
                          Crazy Ass Mofo
                          • Jun 2004
                          • 2810

                          #13
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                          Comment

                          • ELVIS
                            Banned
                            • Dec 2003
                            • 44120

                            #14
                            That's unwatchable...

                            Comment

                            • hambon4lif
                              Crazy Ass Mofo
                              • Jun 2004
                              • 2810

                              #15
                              Originally posted by ELVIS
                              That's unwatchable...
                              That's something I would expect Nick to say...
                              What do you mean by "unwatchable"?

                              Comment

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