Resurrected!

[Jesus Christ]

John 20
On the first day of the week came Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher and saw the stone taken away from the sepulcher.


2 Then she ran and came to Simon Peter and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and said unto them, "They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulcher, and we know not where they have laid Him!"


3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulcher.


4 And they both ran together, and the other disciple outran Peter and came first to the sepulcher.


5 And stooping down and looking in, he saw the linen cloths lying, yet he went not in.


6 Then came Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulcher and saw the linen cloths as they lay


7 and the napkin that had been about His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but wrapped together in a place by itself.


8 Then the other disciple, who came first to the sepulcher, went in also; and he saw, and believed.


9 For as yet they knew not the Scripture, that He must rise again from the dead.


10 Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.


11 But Mary stood outside at the sepulcher weeping, and as she wept she stooped down and looked into the sepulcher,


12 and saw two angels in white, sitting one at the head and the other at the feet where the body of Jesus had lain.


13 And they said unto her, "Woman, why weepest thou?" She said unto them, "Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid Him."


14 And when she had thus said, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.


15 Jesus said unto her, "Woman, why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou?" She, supposing Him to be the gardener, said unto Him, "Sir, if thou have borne Him hence, tell me where thou hast laid Him, and I will take Him away."


16 Jesus said unto her, "Mary!" She turned herself and said unto Him, "Rabboni!" (which is to say, "Master").


17 Jesus said unto her, "Touch Me not, for I am not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say unto them, `I ascend unto My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.'"


18 Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the Lord, and that He had spoken these things unto her.


19 Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in their midst and said unto them, "Peace be unto you."


20 And when He had so said, He showed unto them His hands and His side. Then were the disciples glad when they saw the Lord.


21 Then said Jesus to them again, "Peace be unto you. As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you."


22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said unto them, "Receive ye the Holy Ghost.


23 Whosoever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whosoever sins ye retain, they are retained."


24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.


25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said unto them, "Unless I shall see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into His side, I will not believe."


26 And after eight days the disciples were again within, and Thomas was with them. Then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in their midst and said, "Peace be unto you."


27 Then said He to Thomas, "Reach hither thy finger and behold My hands, and reach hither thy hand and thrust it into My side: and be not faithless, but believing."


28 And Thomas answered and said unto Him, "My Lord and my God!"


29 Jesus said unto him, "Thomas, because thou hast seen Me, thou hast believed. Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed."


30 And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of His disciples, which are not written in this book.


31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing, ye might have life through His name.

[Jesus Christ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Rw5UYbf8c

[Unchainme]

Happy Easter Jesus,

Happy Easter everyone.

[Jesus Christ]

And a Blessed Easter to thee, My son. :)

[Jesus Christ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4enT8O-uvQo

[VAiN]

What's that joke....

Why is Jesus a terrible lover? It's been 2000 years and he's only come once... or something like that. So yeah - Happy Easter, Jesus!

[Jesus Christ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcAMV2vQhn4

[Jesus Christ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ42j9u-CO4

[SunisinuS]

Way to knock one out of the Park Jesus! Good un 'ya!

[Va Beach VH Fan]

Yawn....

[SunisinuS]

Yawn....

Hey...anyone that can resurrect themselves gets a Good Un 'ya from me. I couldn't do it. Now....when do we get the swimming pool in my backyard turned into Wine already?

[Nitro Express]

Hey...anyone that can resurrect themselves gets a Good Un 'ya from me. I couldn't do it. Now....when do we get the swimming pool in my backyard turned into Wine already?

If you only have the faith of a mustard seed my son. Get at it. Believe in the force and you will be swimming in wine soon enough. Maybe you just need to be more specific. Do you want cabernet? Chardonnay? Pinot noir?

[lesfunk]

What's the difference between Jesus and an oil painting.
You can put up an oil painting with only one nail

[SunisinuS]

Pinot noir

[hambon4lif]

My neighbor gave me a Virginia ham, my girlfriend came home with a huge HoneyBaked ham, and the kids that live across the street brought me a small basket of colored eggs, all of them green. (It took me minute to figure that one out. Thank You, Dr. Seuss!)

I live amongst comedians.


Happy Easter!

[sadaist]

I don't like Easter any more. Not a religious thing, but it's a very bad anniversary to me from an accident as a kid. So don't like it. (I still sit through the kids egg & candy hunts when I have to. No sense in my bad memories spoiling new memories for them to make) Although, I did use to try & talk my family into switching the traditional ham they'd cook every year for dinner to rabbit. Rabbit is supposed to be very tasty. Anyways, long story short none of them would go for it. Geez...no sense of humor at all with these people.

[sadaist]

Hey...anyone that can resurrect themselves gets a Good Un 'ya from me. I couldn't do it.


Shit....most of us need a couple hours rest before we can "resurrect" ourselves for another go around with the wife or girlfriend. Oh to be 18 again.

[hambon4lif]

My nickname is Ham. Everyone knows me as Ham.

I was almost going to wear a shirt today that says "Eat Me".

[SunisinuS]

My nickname is Ham. Everyone knows me as Ham.

I was almost going to wear a shirt today that says "Eat Me".

I am a vegetarian. Only Red Snapper is on the table.

[VAiN]

Although, I did use to try & talk my family into switching the traditional ham they'd cook every year for dinner to rabbit. Rabbit is supposed to be very tasty. Anyways, long story short none of them would go for it. Geez...no sense of humor at all with these people.

Ha, a good friend of mine does rabbit every easter with her family! They hook it up too... all the fixins, and a double kegerator to boot! That's my kinda religious holiday!

[VAiN]

What's the difference between Jesus and an oil painting.
You can put up an oil painting with only one nail

Nice...

What's the last thing jesus said?

'Hey, I can see my house from here!'

[kwame k]

The whole thing I don't get is Jesus spent another 40 days on Earth after the resurrection. Why?

[VAiN]

The whole thing I don't get is Jesus spent another 40 days on Earth after the resurrection. Why?

Well, he was hammered.... ha! Get it? Nails.. hammered... Thank you, thank you. I'm here all night folks...

[kwame k]

:biggrin: Don't quit your day job!

[hambon4lif]

The whole thing I don't get is Jesus spent another 40 days on Earth after the resurrection. Why?Because the instructions on the box say that if a resurrection lasts longer than 40 days, you're supposed to consult a doctor.....or something like that.

[kwame k]

:lmao:

[VAiN]

Because the instructions on the box say that if a resurrection lasts longer than 40 days, you're supposed to consult a doctor.....or something like that.

Bravo! That's good shit right there... :appl:

[Jesus Christ]

Verily, even Dad laughed at that one :jesuslol:

[adena dodds]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ42j9u-CO4Love Elvis but too bad he let the demons get the best of him. But our Lord has mercy and gives graces and through Jesus Christ we are saved! Amen, his blood was shed for us so that we may be forgiven! What keeps me on the straight and narrow path is the quote..."Many are called but few are Chosen." But in the end he has all the say so and he sure as hell ain't gonna let the Devil win...that I guarantee! That bastard is doomed to hell and anyone who has no faith and is a non-believer might as well just jump into the pit now and get their eternal damnation over with. I take refuge in the Lord and he will hide my sins in his wounds from the Father and I will rejioce in the Kingdom forever and ever praising him in endless glory! I live for that day to come and I wait patiently for him. He will return like a thief in the night and I will not be asleep if and when he arrives during my life time. I have a funny feeling I will see him comming down on that cloud, if not, I still have hope in him and trust in him and I will never offend him any more than I allready have. He has pulled me out of the darkness of this world and I will shine his light all the days of my life! He is the Almighty, the great Victor! His arm is my strength and my salvation! This is what Easter means to me! And it's alot more than Happy!

[Nitro Express]

I don't like Easter any more. Not a religious thing, but it's a very bad anniversary to me from an accident as a kid. So don't like it. (I still sit through the kids egg & candy hunts when I have to. No sense in my bad memories spoiling new memories for them to make) Although, I did use to try & talk my family into switching the traditional ham they'd cook every year for dinner to rabbit. Rabbit is supposed to be very tasty. Anyways, long story short none of them would go for it. Geez...no sense of humor at all with these people.

We had ham for Easter dinner today. I didn't know ham was so popular. I liked Easter as a kid. We would have these wild Easter egg hunts on snowmobiles that would go on for miles.

[Jesus Christ]

I honestly do not know where the whole ham thing came from. We obviously did not have it at either the Last Supper, or the dinner after I rose from the dead. :jesuslol:

[ashstralia]

i don't eat pigs or shellfish. oy vey!

[Jesus Christ]

I must admit, I do eat the occasional cheeseburger though. (Nobody tell Moses! :jesuslol: )

[Nitro Express]

I had a neighbor who was Jewish and one morning I found him at Denny's eating ham and eggs. I gave him shit about eating the ham and his response was it came from a circumcised pig.

[Nitro Express]

I don't eat anchovies or liver. If I started a religion those would be the taboo foods.

[ashstralia]

yeah.. not a fan of offal.

[Jesus Christ]

I had a neighbor who was Jewish and one morning I found him at Denny's eating ham and eggs. I gave him shit about eating the ham and his response was it came from a circumcised pig.

How did he know something like that? And what Rabbi taketh a job as a pig mohel? :jesuslol:

[Jesus Christ]

I don't eat anchovies or liver. If I started a religion those would be the taboo foods.

Judaism has the liver part covered. Along with any other organ meat. Though we obviously eat fish (given the occupation of many of My disciples, and the lunch that I multiplied for the crowd at My "Sermon on the Mount" gig.)

[ashstralia]

this company makes really yum vego food...http://www.sanitarium.com.au/products/vegetarian/vegie-delights-chilled/bacon-style-rashers

[Seshmeister]

This is more believable...

[GreenBayLA]

Happy (Belated) Resurrection Day
I heard that Dolly Parton song for he first time this Easter. She truly is a remarkable artist aside from her other, um assets.

Here is link to the JC radio show, Easter edition.
http://www.kfiam640.com/cc-common/podcast/single_page.html?podcast=JesusChrist&selected_podcast=Jesus042411_1303726793_664.mp3

[fifth element]

also wishing a a happy (if belated) Resurection Day....

Cool thread, JC

[FORD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUfXsBP_hqU

[Seshmeister]

Yada yada yada.

Even if as the only 'evidence' the book was vaguely accurate, where is the bit about Jesus saying don't have slaves?

What is worse than that? Fucking children? I'm not sure. Anyhoo where is the bit about not fucking children?

If I had to sum it up at this point I would say Christianity is childish and stupid.

Grow up.

[binnie]

Life's pretty silly when you think about it: a billion random reactions, events, and actions every second, often pulling in competing and contrasting ways and for no apparent rhyme or reason. All of which will ultimately leave no trace whatsoever when the universe implodes. All pretty pointless.

In the longrun it's all meanlingless anyway: the great mystery of mankind is not why we're here, but why we spend so much time worrying about it.

[FORD]

Yada yada yada.

Even if as the only 'evidence' the book was vaguely accurate, where is the bit about Jesus saying don't have slaves?

What is worse than that? Fucking children? I'm not sure. Anyhoo where is the bit about not fucking children?


Jesus did say that anyone who harms a child should have a millstone hung around his neck and drowned at sea. I think that covers it.

[Seshmeister]

Yada yada yada.

Even if as the only 'evidence' the book was vaguely accurate, where is the bit about Jesus saying don't have slaves?

What is worse than that? Fucking children? I'm not sure. Anyhoo where is the bit about not fucking children?

If I had to sum it up at this point I would say Christianity is childish and stupid.

Grow up.

How rude!

Sorry posted this when I got in from the pub. :)

[binnie]

Guess you find your 'meaning of life' at the bottom of a glass :D

[Seshmeister]

I think the same all the time it's just after a bunch of beers I sometimes express it a bit more forcefully.

[Diamondjimi]

:lol:

[binnie]

I think the same all the time it's just after a bunch of beers I sometimes express it a bit more forcefully.

In my drinking days I just used to ramble incoherently on any given topic.

[chefcraig]

In my drinking days I just used to ramble incoherently on any given topic.

So now you do it without the alcohol? Good for you, man. :baaa:

[binnie]

I walked into that one, didn't I?

[fifth element]

Yada yada yada.

Even if as the only 'evidence' the book was vaguely accurate, where is the bit about Jesus saying don't have slaves?

What is worse than that? Fucking children? I'm not sure. Anyhoo where is the bit about not fucking children?

If I had to sum it up at this point I would say Christianity is childish and stupid.

Grow up.

Treating others as you would be treated is an unintelligent way of thinking?

Taking the the trouble to give a damn about other human beings is childish?

I guess we all have different viewpoints.....

[Seshmeister]

Treating others as you would be treated is an unintelligent way of thinking?


It's not actually as good a rule as it first seems.

What if they don't want to be treated the way you like to be?

[fifth element]

It's not actually as good a rule as it first seems.

What if they don't want to be treated the way you like to be?

point taken....and i still think that, in theory, it is a good "rule of thumb" when dealing w/ others...

however...I have been known to be wrong.... :beers8: