Slang terms for masturbation

[sadaist]

I know jerkin the gerkin, date with rosy palm, choking the chicken, slappin the salami.....but I need some new funny terms for jacking off. Whatcha got? Let's hear 'em.


And it's my penis....I can wash it as fast as I want!


Any less than twice a day you are only cheating yourself.

[sadaist]

Women...you can play too! Hmm...what do women refer to female masturbation as? This should be good.

[Seshmeister]

A five finger exercise on the spunk trumpet

[Seshmeister]

Duel with the pink Darth Vadar

[sadaist]

Duel with the pink Darth Vadar

Fucking funny! THIS is what I'm talking about.

[DLR Bridge]

A guy I once worked with once said, "crack the carrot". I cringed. Bodily harm should not occur. I'll go with, "rub one out". No, it's not very funny, but it gets the job done.

[Nitro Express]

Puking the worm.
Tossing the yogurt.
Spewing the sperm.
dispensing the custard.
popping the pork.
discharging the lube gun.
blowing goo.
shooting the love gun.
making giblet gravy.
charming the snake.

[Dave's Bitch]

First female one

shuffling the deck

[chefcraig]

"Wank the crank". For the ladies, there is always "tickle the taco."

Incidentally, the first time I ever heard Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall", I was certain the deranged teacher at the end was saying...

If you don't beat your meat,
you can't have any pussy.
How can you have any pussy,
if you don't beat your meat?

[Matt White]

For the ladies???

"Flip the minnow"

"Roll the Bean"

[sadaist]

First female one

shuffling the deck

No wonder I see so many female blackjack dealers in Vegas. They've been training since they were 12.

[fourthcoming]

Female: Tickle the pink taco, dusting the roast beef curtains..............Male: polishing the diamond, stretching the armstrong

[SparkieD]

I prefer to call it "fucking someone I love."

[sadaist]

A girl I know said her mom gave her this one important piece of advice....


NEVER use spit and circles are better.

[DONNIEP]

Beating the fuck out of it