It's Church Night on the Mike Malloy Show!

[FORD]

Watch live streaming video from mikemalloyshow at livestream.com

[Nitro Express]

I'm going to start a church. I like the tax free bit of it. If Mike was smart he would do the same.

[FORD]

Halleluiah, it's Church night again!

[Kristy]

Too bad she's such a hippie.

[Kristy]

Is the lesbian in the captain's hat his wife?

[FORD]

Yes... as contradictory as that question was.

[Kristy]

What...lesbians can't marry in your state?

[FORD]

They can, and do. But they don't marry men.

And the Malloys live in Georgia anyway.

[ELVIS]

South Ossetia ??

[Satan]

[FORD]

Naked and Unashamed
Posted on February 12, 2014 by MalloyProducer



Finally, a church we can all bet behind . . . so to speak. A clothing-optional place of worship where the congregation can gather, naked and unashamed, just like Adam and Eve before The Fall. Why wait for the rapture to lose your earthly garments when you can worship unencumbered by earthly garments today!?

Pastor Allen Parker told ABC 13 that many of Jesus’ most important moments happened while he was naked, the Huffington Post reports. “When he was born he was naked, when he was crucified he was naked and when he arose he left his clothes in the tomb and he was naked,” he said. “If God made us that way, how can that be wrong?”

“People are more open as far as hearing the word of God, and speaking the word of God,” said Robert. He explained that nudity is a great equalizer, as it becomes impossible to judge someone based on their expensive or shabby clothes if they simply aren’t wearing any.

Amen and Amen, Brother Parker! Some make a similar argument about school uniforms, from a slightly more modest perspective. Similarity being a great socioeconomic equalizer.

More traditionally-clothed christian religious leaders are making news with “skype” exorcisms and warnings about the evils of “Obamacare.” In North Carolina, televangelist Rick Joyner warns that Obamacare will lead to a second Civil War, as we are enslaved by this government program. Raw Story reports:

“Signs are strong that if we are not soon drawn back together as a nation, we will be torn apart,” wrote Rick Joyner, executive director of MorningStar Ministries. Citing Karl Marx, the dominionist preacher argued that a passionate minority could rule over an indifferent majority – just as during the American and Bolshevik revolutions and the American Civil War.

“The basic issue dividing us continues to be slavery,” Joyner argued. “This is not about a single people group being enslaved, but whether we will all become slaves of the state or remain a free people.” Joyner argued that Obamacare “is the single biggest power grab in American history, and if fully implemented, could result in the worst tyranny ever. Just as rat poison is 98 percent food and only 2 percent poison, ObamaCare is filled with elements intended to appeal to almost everyone, but a most deadly poison is sown throughout it.”

Oh come on . . . rat poison? First the grannies marched into gas chambers as the result of death panels, now this? The hysterical hyperbole never stops with these hyperventilating hypocrites.

Finally, there’s Bob Larson, head of the Spiritual Freedom Church of Scottsdale, Arizona. The Right Reverend Bob believes that Satanic possession is real, and can be eliminated via the Internet for the mere fee of $295.00. Thank God for Al Gore, right? Doing the Lord’s work by inventing the Internet and all. Scott Bixby, writing for The Daily Beast, describes Larson in action:

Bob Larson furrowed his brows at the screen. He’d been commanding my demon to tell him its name for about five minutes, and it hadn’t made a peep. “I torment you!” he said, for the fourth time, thrusting a silver cross at my head. He held it there, not breathing, waiting for the demon to say something. Nothing. He finally moved the cross out of the view of his webcam and grabbed a small, clear vial.

Larson is peddling his ancient wares with 21st-century technology: namely, Skype. Using the same camera-friendly combination of scripture, sympathy, and screaming as he has in churches around the globe, Larson can now treat those possessed by demons from the comfort of his North Scottsdale office. The cost of a one-hour exorcism session: a $295 “suggested donation.”

In 2012, Larson was on the verge of Jimmy Swaggart-level success as a televangelist-cum-exorcist with a Lifetime Channel show called The Real Exorcist–until an excruciating video leaked of his “exorcism” of a gay man. To most of the world, 30 seconds of this purported exorcism was enough evidence to dismiss Larson’s ministry, despite the ritual’s relatively mainstream presence in most Christian sects (ever been baptized? Congratulations–you’ve had an exorcism). The leak was a blessing in disguise for Larson’s ministry, however. The putatively possessed saw something in the groans and screams of Larson’s “filthy, stinking sex-demon,” coming out of the woodwork and pleading for Larson to free them from their afflictions. And they were willing to pay.

“I think I’m gonna use a little more oil.” I wonder if Singing John Ashcroft has shared any of his anointing oil with Larson? Now there’s a skype event I would pay top dollar to watch.

–KBM

We still have electricity, Truthseekers, despite the ice storm! It’s a Church Night Miracle!

[ELVIS]

I'm going to start a church. I like the tax free bit of it.

I don't...

[ELVIS]

State-Owned Churches Are Killing America

Pastor Chuck Baldwin

America was birthed in the spirit of liberty and baptized in the blood of patriots and tyrants. Leading the charge in America’s fight for independence was a courageous group of patriot-preachers that came to be known as the “Black Regiment.” I have written several columns on this subject. Suffice it to say here that I invite readers to take a look at my Black Regiment web page to learn more about this early American phenomenon. There is little doubt that without these stalwart Christian pastors, this country would not have come into existence. (I extended this call for a modern-day Black Regiment 5 years before Glenn Beck ever mentioned it.)

So, what did these colonial preachers have that today’s preachers don’t? The better question might be: what did these colonial preachers NOT have that today’s preachers do? The answer? Two things: 1) an IRS 501(c)(3) tax-exempt corporation status, and 2) a 50-year misinterpretation of Romans chapter 13.

The now infamous 501(c)(3) section of the Internal Revenue Code (IRC) goes back to 1936 (the seeds of this Venus Fly Trap date back to 1872). But then-Senator Lyndon Johnson was the Dr. Frankenstein who, in 1954, unleashed this monster upon America. His motivation was: he did not like the way pastors and churches were opposing his liberal agenda, and he wanted to use the power of law to silence them. He, therefore, introduced verbiage to the IRC that churches were prohibited from influencing political legislation and supporting political campaigns, or risk losing their tax-exempt status.

Of course, colonial pastors didn’t have to worry about their churches being “incorporated” as State-created (and controlled) entities, or about IRS agents intimidating them regarding what they could or could not say. In early America, preachers were free men; they could say whatever they darned well pleased. Gasp! Beyond that, virtually everyone regarded preachers as being “God’s men,” not the “servants of men.”

Today, however, the average pastor has become the servant of the State and the church he pastors, more often than not, has become a creature of the State. It is an absolute fact that State-owned churches are killing America!

Dick Greb of the Save-A-Patriot Fellowship in Westminster, Maryland, wrote:

“Many Americans find it disturbing that some of our churches today are little more than milquetoast corporations that fear our federal government more than the great I AM. Moreover, it can even be said that some preachers have the appearance of cringing, ‘politically correct’ cowards, rather than committed Godly men of fortitude with backbone, such as those we read of in the Bible.” (Source: Greb, Dick. “The 501(c)(3) Hallucination: A Bane to Liberty.” Reasonable Action Issue #244 Winter 2003.)

Dear reader, you can take this to the bank: the vast majority of pastors and board members of these 501(c)(3) corporations, when push comes to shove (and it always does), will demonstrate unconditional loyalty to the State. Plus, they will compromise or sacrifice any and every Bible doctrine or principle in order to preserve their tax-exempt status and stay on the smiley side of the IRC. They will also throw anyone under the old proverbial bus who might risk them falling out of favor with the IRS. (I can give painful and personal testimony to that fact!) Greb is right! Many, or most, of today’s pastors and church officers fear the federal government far more than they fear God.

Not only did colonial preachers not have to contend with putting their churches under some State-controlled corporation, they would never have allowed it to happen! Can one imagine John Leland, Jonas Clark, or John Witherspoon being told by any State official what he could or could not say, or what his church could or could not do? What a joke! These men were willing to go to prison or even the grave in order to remain faithful to their spiritual calling and to their political and moral convictions!

The other thing that colonial preachers did not suffer from was a 50-year indoctrination of a misinterpretation of Romans 13.

This “Submit-to-the-government-no-matter-what” doctrine (using Romans 13 as the pretext) is a satanically inspired lie designed to turn free men and women into slaves of the state! Students of history know that Adolf Hitler encouraged German pastors and churches to promote this same fallacious philosophy among the German people. Gee! I wonder why? And according to Erwin Lutzer’s book, “Hitler’s Cross” (must reading, I might add), out of the more than 14,000 evangelical churches and pastors in Germany at the time, only about 800 remained faithful to Scripture and opposed Hitler’s brand of state worship. If my math is correct, that’s about 5%. And it would not surprise me if 5% is about the percentage of pastors and churches in America today that are opposing this modern-day worship of the state.

[FORD]

So if Lyndon Johnson supposedly changed the tax laws to silence the racist ass churches in the South, then why aren't they silent?

To the contrary, they completely control the agenda of one of the major parties, and have far too much influence in the other one, at least in certain states.

Pastor Chuck doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.


Not that ALL religious influence in government was bad though..... Martin Luther King was an ordained minister, as were many of his fellow civil rights leaders. And though it took them a while, and many of them were murdered in the process, they were ultimately successful.

[ELVIS]

Martin Luther King was a real follower of Christ, unlike an "ordained minister" like Alex Van Halen or Billy Gibbons...