Latest BCE warning of "unspecified terra threat"

[Satan]

"Be on the lookout for colorful explosions in the air, especially at large gatherings of people on July 4. Intelligence streams indicate that many of the explosions are set to occur around 9PM or shortly after the sun goes down, whichever comes first. Hard evidence also indicates that the terrorist explosions may be centered at open-air events featuring the playing of patriotic music. Be especially suspicious of terrorists posing as white people carrying picnic baskets and lawn chairs..."

In honor of my newest tenant, let me just say..... "The horror...the horror"